Gluten Free Breeze (formerly Brendygirl) Blog

People are amazed at my ability to enjoy bad dates. I enjoy the entertainment and ignore the date, or I laugh AT the date, or I creatively and cynically provoke the date to amuse myself. However blunt I am, I am always polite and always offer to go dutch.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A13):
Some good ones:

The guy with the 18" tattoo of Beavis on his back. And to think I thought he was interesting because he'd ridden in the Tour de France!

The guy who bragged about never having had a single cavity...with teeth the size of mini chicklets.

The guy who emailed me a picture of his bicep...sprawling under massive armpit hair...or fur.

The one who wore a fannie pack.

The one who wore Tiva sandals with socks to PF Chang's.

THe one who took me to his homecoming where he swam in the alumni swim meet where I gawked in amazement at the 1X2 foot patch of fur on his back the entire time. And yes, I couldn't believe my eyes, so when I hugged him I reached under the back of his shirt collar, and it. was. true.

The one who referred to himself as "the fonz" all. night. long.

The one who showed me a 30 minute powerpoint of all the family photos in his laptop from the last 4 years. Including him and his exwife when she was giving birth to their son, and in happier days as a family at disneyland. And he narrated, this is my uncle, my exwife, my mom, my uncle again....

The one who was amazed at my inability to refuse Mimi's Cafe's bread basket, then when clued in, told me what a blessing it was that I have celiac since I'll probably never get fat since I can't eat bread.

The one who told me how he still fantasizes about his first grade teacher and how he saw up her skirt before and she wore white. cotton. panties. And he repeated white. cotton. panties 3 or 4 times while staring me in the eyes with a perverted look on his face.

The one who showed up to our blind date all dirty with hair in need of a trim and in an old yucky warmup jacket and dirty baseball cap- so bad that I was greeting another guy -HOT and smiling and chatting me up-(i was thinking he was my date) when this guy-the actual date- walked up and said my name and I almost choked. And then I tried to figure out how to slip the other one my business card discreetly. but didn't.

The one whose pupils were permanently dilated. and he said he didn't know why. people at church swore he was a good guy.

the one who was late- his car broke down he said- and then he bragged about paying $750 for his car.

bragged.

The one whom I saw kissing a girl across the massive bar and I took a cab home with my pal and he never did figure out why. He thought I just snubbed him. He was kind of a neighbor so I'd walk by and smile at him now mysteriously and then stick my nose up and walk on when he tried to chat.

The one who called me on my cell right after the date to ask if I was alright with the fact that we hadn't had a kiss. ugh gross

the one who took me to meet his parents on the 2nd date. unbeknowingst to me until that day.

THe one whom I poked in the ribs and he flinched. Revealing that he'd been in a bar fight in Mexico the prevous weekend with no recollection of what'd happened.

the one who told me halitosis runs in his family.

I gotta go.

More another time.

Yes, there ARE more.