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Trials, Tribulations, and Revelations from a new celiac

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Sea Fare

Hola! Back from Mexico! 10 teachers + 1 ship + tequila - kids = GOOD TIMES! Twas a nice first 4 days of the 2 week spring break! Carnival had a MANAGER come to my table the first night and explain what I could eat for the first two dinners. She said they'd make me special desserts... but much to my disappointment they didn't the first night...miscommunication between the waiters and the kitchen??? who knows. YES it was PAINFUL watching all 9 of my shipmates relish their chocolate souffle
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Wanna Have Your Baby

A man shouted, "Andy, I wanna have your baby!" at the Indian Wells quarterfinal where I was watching (with my tongue hanging out, lustingly) Andy Roddick beat Ljubicic in two sets with two tiebreaks in 80 degree evening weather with a nice breeze. Loved. It. Afterwards, in the perfect finale to this starry evening, I retracted the top in the Benz (MB is the tournament sponsor that gave me the ticket discount) and smelled my FAVORITE scent ever on the way home-- ORANGE BLOSSOMS!! A precursor t
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Eggcellent! Egg Drop

Some of us have never gotten around to getting that book about gluten free restaurant eating, but I'm aware that Pad Thai is naturally Gluten-Free(people on this board rave about it). So, I finally tried it yesterday at this CHEAP restaurant (all lunch plates $4). It was spicy and delectable! The whole dining experience was nice--ordering without having to specify anything (except, I did make clear that I'm allergic to soy sauce). Funny, I noticed everyone oogling MY plate, for a change! The
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Go-dive-in-a *#(@&(*$@#

After being gone all weekend for work, a romantic interest of mine came over, showered me with affection, told me how much he missed me, sang love songs to me, and gave me a gift bag with a little shirt that recommends misbehavior, and two giant Godiva chocolate-covered strawberries, one dark and one milk chocolate since he forgot which kind I could have. Well, how do I tell him that if it's Godiva, I can't have it at all??!!! Eventually I alluded to that and told him to eat them, but he refuse
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Should've Trusted My Gut

Enjoyed a cool techno teacher conference in Palm Springs this weekend. Yes, I was hungry and annoyed after eating a bunless burger and NONE of the divinely greasy and thick onion rings my compadres ordered at lunch. (red meat still isn't a treat for me, it's merely tolerable.) At night I Dined on the lovely, warm patio in a Tex-Mex restaurant. Palm Springs has a large gay community, so it was noticeable that all of the waiters we had all weekend seemed very effeminate (sp?). Well, when I asked
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Celiac Pride

Hello, my name is B and I've been gluten-free, against the grain, doin' it "celiac style", and oh so "special" for just over a year. YEP. Went to my first celiac support group meeting the other night. WOW. I saw WHITE people! I'm usually one of the only white folks around here in So. Cal. (my students are mostly other races, each year I have one white out of twenty). It was really great to meet another celiac (lots, actually) for the first time! I didn't have to worry about the food there
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Cookies, Steak, And Ab Crunches

My favorite cookies are Sun Flour Baking Company's peanut butter or pumpkin. Warmed in microwave or dipped in marshmallow fluff is another way to really indulge with these yummy babies. Also Glutino Lemon wafer cookies. As Rachel Ray would say, Yum-O! I also chowed on some toffee Crunch N Munch this weekend. Can you tell what time it is for me...? I was feeling lethargic and I recalled that I hadn't had my vitamins today...also I haven't had meat or raisins in days. (Had some bacon with bre
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Passing It On

People always tell me I'm bubbly. My marriage counselor said that my perky demeanor probably really grated on my (now ex-)husband's depression. When people tell me they'd hate not eating bread, I usually say at least I can have chocolate! But, most...no, ALL of the Valentine candy that my students gave me yesterday had WHEAT or MALT. So, I regifted it to the secretaries and ate some Hershey's kisses and marshmallows a kid brought. The last two weeks we've had to work until 6:30 PM and so t
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You, Too?

Whenever people inquire about why I don't eat bread or why I'm eating what I'm eating, I give a generic response that I'm allergic to flour and it's hidden in everything---Just so people don't think I'm another FRUITY or NUTTY California Tree hugger and/or hypochondriac. But some people ask more about it and then I explain that it's not an anaphylactic allergy and that it's a genetic disease that is highly undiagnosed due to the wide range of symptoms and the ignorance of doctors who misdiag
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Whatta Day

Unfortunately for me I was ahead on a project at work and what does one of my teammates do? He tells the boss we'll be done a week early!-Meaning I had to work nonstop and late to finish it in time for Monday and so did the secretary. whatta jerk. THEN, I'm driving home and there's an ambulance, so I pull over. I'm looking in the rearview at the PT Cruiser behind me and she pulls over, too BUT THEN she hits my car! I think I'm ok, and there didn't appear to be damage, but I wrote the info.do
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Tofu Yum-e

I got FAT over Xmas! Two weeks in IL with Gramma and MOM cooking "special" for me and mom& her bf taking me out to eat (they'd go twice a day, not me- once a day was my eat-out limit!) But, I felt like I had to eat the desserts my gram made--a little each day, since nobody else ate any "special" food. 9 lbs later, my clothes are tight! But now I've lost 4 of the pounds already. Just being back to my normal routine and workouts. But having a big fat bust is kinda fun! Every time I look d
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I Shot The Sheriff!

A former date, pursuer, wooer, love interest, whatever you may call him. the deputy sheriff. Aside:::I have lots of dating rules. Here's one: I don't date doctors, lawyers, self-employed, unemployed, salesmen, pilots, or law enforcement. But, I never say never, either. Upon my new 2005 freedom, I pledged to date one of everything. And. I. Did. So. Back 2 sheriff story. We were set up by his EX wife. Yeah, how d'ya like them apples? I agreed last fall, partially because I knew it'd be a g
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More Celiac Antics From The Trip

Made my first gallavant to the GIANT liquor Mart in the small town my mom lives in. I joyfully discovered the New Grist in the back and paid for it while the 'rents shopped for cheapo wine for the New Year. As I stood waiting, a woman with a MULLET approaches me and gabs on and on about the coupon she just got to get a rebate on the giant bottle of the hard liquor the she just bought. And I just stared. At the mullet. And wondered how I could stealthily take a photo of it with my cell phone.
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Best Presents Received And Given

Best Material Presents I've Received: Antibacterial gel Handmade greeting card sets Jewelry cup with the names of my students cross-stitched inside the plastic sleeve A stamp with my name in Chinese Plane tickets Overpriced video of me swimming with dolphins that I'd never have bought myself Calendars Matching rings: my mom, my aunt and I got from my grandmother watch cards handwritten from my students candy bouquet flowers Best Presents I've Given that the recipients still tell
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Hilariously Horrible Holiday Gifts I've Received

I'm sure I'm not the perfect gift giver,and I don't want to seem ungracious, because these gifts give me great stories to tell and I've often regifted them to people who hopefully appreciated them or could use them. I'm sure everyone meant well upon giving them...almost everyone. I really do crack myself up when I recount them. Here they are in the order they occur to me: 1. A size 14 (in Girls-child- size) fake velvet dress-from a student who probably and misguidedly expected me to wear it.
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Eating Out Once A Day

Since I was out of town with family for two weeks, I ate out once a day, on average. I was kinda excited to visit Steak N Shake and Famous Dave's, Carnivale, and Lou Malnati's Pizza, none of which are available in California where I am. Steak N Shake. Good bunless burger. Not allowed to eat the fries, fryers not designated. GREAT new Strawberry Banana Real Fruit Frozen Yogurt Shakes! MMMMmmmm We had a coupon and YUM-O. I felt so NORMAL and back with the real people when I got to eat gluten
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Celiac Challenges Chicago

I chomped pizza, guzzled beer, savored chocolate fondue, crunched Emeril's popcorn candy bundt cake, sipped Tom & Jerry's, and slurped yogurt shakes. Yeah, Ba-Bay! I think I gained a few pounds! My clothes aren't loose! There's actually a GOOD side to my stepdad having OCD...I got my own miniature butter for my stay and they only use squeezable jelly and there are never crumbs in or on anything!!!!!Plus my mom has a pan in which they only cook eggs, so she used that to cook my food in.
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Spontaneous Spells...

Just an "aha!" first---I CAN DRINK WOODCHUCK CIDER at the bar! YIPPEE!!! Plus, Chi-town has LOTS of gluten-free BEERS I plan on trying out for the first time...I'll let ya know how it all goes! These are important for meeting my goal of not talking or explaining about my diet much on the trip so I can try to take a bit of a mental vacation from my disease! Spontaneous Spells...Trouble? So, when I'm planning a trip, I try to empty the fridge and not cook the day of my flight...and since I'm go
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Big Ez Post Katrina

Best Food: Hushpuppies! Good enuff to make me howl for more! Pralines- gluten-free! Saddest: Couldn't try the famous beignets! Worst Restaurants: HerbSaint--they didn't have the food listed on the online menu! ugh! And it was COLD in there. Dick & Jenny's: expensive food and they use JIFFY mix for their cornbread. (not gluten-free) I got by eating seafood salads sans croutons in restaurants for lunches and instant grits, candy, chips, and hot chocolate I brought for eating in my hotel r
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Grandma Got Run Over By The...

Fun Grandma story----my grandma LOVES garage sales and when she moved to a new town she discovered a resale shop type of place called DIG and SAVE which is her new hobby. You dig in 3 foot tall bins full of USED clothes and pay for them by the POUND.So grandma loves to shop for ALL of us there and always has a pile of stuff for me when I visit. I usually make my mother give it away to Goodwill immediately (I grew up shopping at Goodwill by necessity and am delighted to be able to wear unused c
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The Big Easy

Yearning for some FRIED fish on my impending trip to New Orleans where it's common to only use corn meal to fry it mmmmm! Emeril is from there and has a restaurant, so that could be cool, too. My cowboy (who is stationed out here in the Marines, but orig. from N'Awlins) informed me that I MUST eat crawdaddy's and SUCK the head. He pantomimed a demonstration, so I'll let you know how it goes. Gal Pals want to try HerbSaint. They are originally from N.O., but lived out in Cali w/me for the las
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Good Eats Out

Chic-Fil-A. MMMMMMMmmmmm Per usual, I didn't have the gluten-free Menu w me, but I decided on a gr. chic. sandwich no bun or pickles or sauce and fries and it was really tasty! It was my first time there and the server was gluten clueless.. didn't have a list or menu of gluten-free options, but she DID tell the cooks no pickles-- so it wasn't her fault there were pickles on my sandwich and i had to send it back. It was still pretty great. The soda was terrible, tho. i also had a great meal at
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Fashion Crime Fighter

Ok. So I'm dancing. Again. and as i gesticulate, my hand flails to the right of me and I encounter something soft and spongy. and I look to investigate, as this is not a common sensation on the dance floor. and it's a large woman (I'd guess 300 lbs.) with a SHORT skirt on with miles of cellulite that I TOUCHED. Inadvertently, of course. Now, really. I'm glad people of all sizes feel comfortable and sexy on the dance floor in fun dance attire, but PLEASE. Restrain the cellulite. Wear pantyhose.
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Not So Tempting Turkey Day

Gobble Gobble wibble wobble. Thanksgiving for me is mouth watering memories of biscuits, pie, stuffing, etc. all homemade by Grandma. It's just not the same Gluten Free. Last year I ate with my boyfriend's Irish family. Not only does it SUCK watching everyone else eat the goodies, it REALLY is ANNOYING that there's ALWAYS some celiac ignorant person (in this case, his cousin a cook in a restaurant) trying to push food on me that I can't eat and refusing to take a simple no for an answer, wanti
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Dating Don'ts

People are amazed at my ability to enjoy bad dates. I enjoy the entertainment and ignore the date, or I laugh AT the date, or I creatively and cynically provoke the date to amuse myself. However blunt I am, I am always polite and always offer to go dutch. Some good ones: The guy with the 18" tattoo of Beavis on his back. And to think I thought he was interesting because he'd ridden in the Tour de France! The guy who bragged about never having had a single cavity...with teeth the size of min
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