A Little Ranting
I've used the term "medically challenged" to describe myself for years. When I Google the term it seems to describe people with mental disabilities, but I think it describes my life perfectly. I've been sick since I can remember. When I was very young I would be so starving I would beg my mom to order me a lot of different foods and she would say, "Are you sure you want to eat all that?". Yes, yes I did want to eat all that even though I was so skinny people continuously commented on my size. But, I would take one bite of the food I wanted so badly and immediately feel nauseous. Extreme nausea is more like it. So, of course my mom would claim she would never buy me all that food again but the senario played out over and over again for years. What was she supposed to do? She knew I was too skinny and "ate like a bird" so if I said I was going to eat 5 side items and a dessert from Morrison's cafeteria she just hoped one time I would. I always ordered macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, cake, etc. All things that I would find out when I was 32 would cause me to end up with Type 1 diabetes. If only one of the doctors I started going to when I was 7 years old had thought to test me for Celiac Disease. They did x-rays, barium enemas, sigmoidoscopies, endoscopies, colonoscopies......for years and years. It sucked. And I was eventually convinced by the many, many specialists I visited that the severe pain, nausea and vomiting fits were, in fact, "all in my head." Now I can't believe that they ever talked me into that. But, they did. I remember laying on the floor in a ball when I was in my mid-20's crying and begging God to make it stop. To make me stop. How powerful of a brain did I have anyway? I should be a rocket scientist! As I remember the pain I think, how did I endure all that horror. I guess because I had no choice. I thought of suicide many times, but I had such a great family I didn't want to break their hearts. I thought of going to a mental institution, but I don't think I really believed deep down that I was crazy. Anyway, I made it and even with the challenges of several autoimmune disorders I'm glad I did. Hopefully, this blog will help me release some of the anger I've been feeling over the years and help someone else understand that they are not alone.
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