cyoshimit's Blog

Going to complain again. My whole life has been a blur. I don't remeber much in intermediate I started to lose friends and got really weird. Suicidle and self mutilation started then. Hih school I had little friends symptoms of celiac but I didn't know at the time a crappy school a gluten-free/friend that kept messing with my head. It has alwYs just been a mess and a blur constanly in and out of depression always flaking on friends cuz of anxiety or stomachs issues. They just stop calling after a while and I just gave up too I went into isolation mode and I am there now. Whenni first started college it wasn't too bad. I was coping well. Broke up with that jerk that kept messing with my head since intermediate started to date some one soo perfect and good for me but it was a long distance relationship we met up once and it was great then I got depressed and i pushed her away and she wanted to stay then I got a litttle better and talked with her again but it didn't work out. She was my best friend and then after the stupid depression I had no one. I was broken. Iv alwyas been broken. And it struggle to be normal and cope with things with out it getting out of proportion and stopping my life but I can't help it. Now im friendless and scared to let anyone in because of the depression will get the best of me and the celiac and hving no one to talk with gets really hard. I really wish I had my best friend again that things where different and that she was here for me again but it's not. Things happen for a reason and I don't know why things are happening the way they are right now. I should be greatful for so manythings. Clothes. Food. Not dying. Not hving cancer. A bed. Family. Cable. Electricity. Blankets. So manythings cuz I could hv it a lot worse DEPRESSION messes you up. It messes you up. It really messes you up. Nonkne want to be friends with a nut job. Someone who is down all the time. How's am I supposed to meet people when I'm down all the time? Or get close to someone when I know I get down. Idk