1desperateladysaved's Blog

For this post, a "smiley" with tears gushing out both sides of the face is what I needed. One would think that getting better would be nothing but happy, but I found that grief engulfed me.

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For years I had lived in the fog and I knew nothing else. Then one glorious day, the fog cleared. Then the realization struck. I had lived in the fog for 25 years! Another fantastic day, I had more energy then I knew what to do with. I learned that I had lived with extreme fatigue for 25 years. During those years, I got married and had 5 children. I lived day after day with what seemed now to be 100 lb weight on my back. I had, as it were, walked off a cliff 25 years before, and now I knew it. Now, I discovered how much easier those years would have been, If only I had the nutrients I needed. But I hadn't. Day after day, I grappled with the sorrow of lost years. I had lived nearly half my life needlessly burdened.

I found a Bible verse in Joel 2 that helped me grapple with my loss. The Lord promises to restore the years the locusts had eaten. If He did it for His people then, I realized, He could do it for me now. I couldn't fill the loss, but He could and was willing. One song also helped me through this difficult time. I will quote just a part of it.

All things work for our good,

though sometimes we don't see how they could

Sorrows, that break our hearts in two,

sometimes blind us to the truth:

Our Father knows what's best for us.

His ways are not our own,

but when your pathway grows dim,

and you just can 't see Him,

remember your never alone.

Here is a link to the version I played over and over during that low time.

I can't say I am fully over the impact of my wasted years. I didn't even then have total recovery, it was just a taste of it. I later found out that I had celiac disease. I had many twists and bumps. I was brought through them. I expect to be carried through all the future valleys too.

What matters to me today is that I have hope. I have hope that I am safe no matter what. I have hope that my body is making good progress in recovery. Sometimes, I have energy and feel overwhelmingly good. Compared to the struggle of those 25 years, having to avoid gluten is a piece of cake!