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I Need To Vent.

lexibrowning

Entry posted by lexibrowning

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I think it's really sad, and I'm sure a lot of you would agree, that I am so elated to go back to college because I know people understand my needs there. This summer has been such a struggle being at home because my family just doesn't get it. I'm not sure they ever will. After being relatively gluten-free for over a year now I realize how much I was taking for granted when it comes to food.

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This sounds a little silly, but food is amazing you guys. I mean, it gives us energy AND tastes amazing? God knew what He was doing when He made our food. I'm a hardcore food lover and being gluten-free has made life a little bit miserable for me. When I'm away at school though, I can make the right choices for myself because they are available to me. At home, everything I want but can't have is staring me in the face. And then when I do have things I can eat, my family members eat it all. :angry: Example: We buy Chex cereal for me to eat for breakfast and we buy random other brands for my mom, dad, and brother to eat. I have 2 boxes to last me two weeks until we make another grocery run. This isn't an issue for me because while I love food, I eat it in moderation because I'm terrified of being fat haha. However, my family chows down on MY cereal first and then when they are finished devouring it, they move on to their own cereal....leaving poor Lexi with nothing. And they just don't care.

 

Some of you may also have picked up on that I don't have a great relationship with my mother. Sadly, this is the case and I don't see it changing any time soon. She and I used to be really close when I was younger and she used to be more like my sister than an actual mother (she's only 18 years older than me). Then she got remarried and had my brother when I was 12 and our relationship died. This whole experience with Celiac has pulled us apart even more. Some days I feel like she is trying, and then some days she back to her old selfish self. I will refrain from saying any more. :)

 

I just feel like my family is so much more judgmental than the rest of the world and that shouldn't be how it is. I'm supposed to be comfortable in my own home right? I'm supposed to be able to be myself with my parents! Instead, I'm fearful of getting sick and self conscious about every detail that makes up who I am. Especially Celiac.

 

And then there are the other people out there who just don't get it or don't want to accept it at least. I tell someone I can't eat gluten and they act like it's just a phase I'm going through. One of my family members actually had the nerve to tell me that I cried wolf so many times growing up that people just don't believe me anymore. Don't they see that everything that was wrong with me leads back to my disease?? I wasn't crying wolf! I was a sick child who just wanted to feel better.

 

I just feel like people who know me could be a little more accepting and comforting. Celiac took things I love from me. It took the food I love, made my brain foggy, made me malnourished, and I was so sick my senior year that I missed my opportunity to play college volleyball (with the help of torn ligaments in my knee and a broken ankle). Now as an almost 20 year old college student I am trying to pick up the pieces and find my passion for life again, but it is pretty dang hard when everyone that should be supporting me seems to be against me.

 

Sorry for the rant guys. I just needed to get that of my chest.

 

P.S. I found this link and it explains my life perfectly and I suspect many of you feel similarly.

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4 Comments

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0range

0range 4

Posted

*hugs hugs hugs* I know how you feel. While I don't have celiac, I know what it is like having a chronic illness in your 20s. I was diagnosed with "Hashimoto's thyroiditis" an autoimmune thyroid disease. I am 23 and attending university (I had to take a few years off to recover from being sick all the time). Very few people take you seriously. I have often been told that my symptoms are 'all in my head' - from people in my family! Who I thought were people you could count on. It's not easy because you don't look sick or hurt - not in a physical way at least, like being in crutches for a broken arm. Know that you have a community here and elsewhere that DO know what you are going through, and for me they are a lot like family just because of that. Does your family understand the seriousness of your disease? Sometimes they brush it off because they don't "get it". For e.g. my mom didn't know thyroid issues could cause heart palpitations and panic attacks - she thought I was just being a worry wart. It helps when a medical doctor sits them down and explains it to them... they tend to see them as professionals who know what they are talking about.

It will get better in college. I believe in this. It's all about surrounding yourself with people who will support you, and who genuinely care for you (in this case, you can choose your friends even if you can't choose family!). Best of luck to you and hoping for the best for you.

1desperateladysaved

1desperateladysaved 105

Posted

I hope you will find, or have found the support you need. Also that your loved ones will see it better in the future.

God has made so many food. I really like the ones that He made for me to eat. Every time one food becomes taboo, another one or two take their place.

D

Rucko

Rucko 3

Posted

Your entry made me think of the chapter in Robb Wolf's book "Paleo Solution" where he tries to get his parents to try going gluten free. They were both suffering from major health problems that could have improved by a better diet, but they refused to even consider it. Some people are just like that and there is nothing you can really do about it, except keep pumping out the info.

Can you keep a stash of food in your room? Maybe transfer the cereal to a plastic container so it's out of sight? Or start eating soup for breakfast? My brothers used to do things like your family does to you, just to bug me. I learned it was better just to outwit them.

wheatisbad

wheatisbad 1

Posted

I know exactly how you feel, one thanksgiving when I still lived with my dad he took me half way across the country to see his family and promised me he would supervise the cooking and make sure I had a plate of food to eat so I didn't just stand there and watch every one else eat on thanks giving.

Low and behold, he hands me a plate of turkey, and I asked him how it was cooked, and he told me it was fine, they cooked it just for me.

Later I found out that they stuffed the turkey, and smothered it in regular gravy.

My mom gets it, and really has tried to help me through this whole thing, but my dad is impossible, he will make me feel bad if I don't eat something I am allergic to. just because he made it.

Everyone shares your pain in that aspect. I have just learned not to care anymore, I don't care if I have to be rude about it, I will not eat something that will make me violently ill for hours on end. I don't care if Channing Tatum made it for me.

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