JordanBattenSymons' Blog

Dear family and friends, if over I come,

Celiac.com Sponsor (A13):
For a holiday visit, at your welcome,

And we're seated 'round your lovely table,

Please understand why I'm not able,

To eat your many beautiful dishes,

Despite your insistent, most earnest wishes.

These dishes show your work and cheer,

Some only made once a year,

You must surely slave, hard and long,

Over the oven, whistling your song,

No doubt your recipes take many an hour,

The finest ingredients, the best of flour.

I really don't want, to pop your bubble,

After you've gone to so much trouble.

I hate to throw you monkey wrenches,

When you've worked so hard in the trenches,

But I must tell you, my face is blue,

I can't eat gluten. It's worse than glue.

Please hear me right, the sound is gluten,

Starts like glue, ends hollering and hootin,

Either way my meal, will probably be,

Also wisely spent, glutton free!

And that's because there's not a glut,

Of gluten-free foods to fill my gut.

Thanks to many a local store,

Gluten free is coming more and more,

But even so, it's not real cheap,

You'd better have big large pockets deep,

But I'm on a shoe-string budget you know,

And my strings are breaking high and low.

I'm very lucky, and don't want to complain,

Of all my aches, and all my pain,

After decades of trouble, can't you see ?

I found the problem, fi - nal - ly !

I'm gluten-free, or I'd be dead,

So I can't eat toast, and I can't eat bread.

No wheat or oats or barley or rye,

I'll eat again, or I just might die.

Avoiding these things is an absolute must.

No stuffings, no gravies, no pie crust,

The list of no's is so very long,

I'll likely just bring, my own food along.

Raw fruits and veggies, nuts and seeds,

These are now my special needs,

Almond butter, fish, kelp meal,

Rice bread and cheese, what a deal !

And replacing oats and wheatie flakes,

Are what I call, rice cardboard cakes.

You just don't find these things and more,

In every cupboard, behind any door.

Don't you worry, have no fear,

What I treasure most this year,

I'm alive and well, I'm in better health.

My time on earth is greater than wealth.

This could be my punishment mild,

For passing on veggies, when I was a child,

But if you happen to see, my sheepish face,

When gathered together, saying grace,

I hope I can hide my wicked little grin,

Against the grim reaper, who failed again!

Over 30 years I've been dying,

Every avenue I've been trying,

Doctors, books, research, notions,

Diets, pills, potions, lotions.

Just this Spring my heart gave out,

A reminder we must sometime go out.

I could've gone, but was lucky yet,

I hadn't my Creator met.

But to keep it that way, I have to say no,

To most on the table, and that's just so,

I can help keep the day, fun and free,

So you won't have to call, emergency!

I'm thinking it's probably not my time,

Which is why I'm writing this special rhyme.

I'd rather be here with family and friends,

Than have to this day in the hospital spend,

Of course it could be a whole lot worse,

You could be following, me in a hearse!

I'm glad, my friends, you're not digging my grave,

Think of all the work I save!

I'd like you to help me keep it that way,

So I won't have to ruin Thanksgiving Day!

I'm glad to be counted among the living,

Telling one and all - Happy Thanksgiving !