Daily Life and Compromising

July update,
I am really pushing catering...I have to. Trouble at the market with a new baker is driving me mad, late onset gluten exposure + her new ideas....it had me suicidal at my purpose and reason for being alive being taken away. Frankly my Saturday sales....used to be $30-120 a saturday, she has come along and started offering "Gluten Free" and refined sugar free baked goods out of her gluten kitchen with, with warnings. And my saturday profits are in the hole with -$20 to a maximum of $26. Most my customers were Fad dieters. She is selling to them and is extremely charismatic, pushing her foods on people giving away samples of both gluten and gluten free foods....she is claiming 40 years experience and that her parents were pastry chefs.
She is over qualified, she also sells arts and crafts, does music and instrument lessons, does cake decorating classes, cooking classes, she just moved here and took over. I was talking with her about sending her celiac customers to me since I can meet the medical gluten free needs (my sole purpose for being alive) and she says....that she has gotten new equipment for doing gluten free dedicated......I mention flour stays airborne for hours...and she says she will cook the gluten free on a different day...well yeah but that flour is going to settle on your gluten free cooking stuff......she is insisting she can do it......crap....I had a melt down when I got home.

My issues.....My brain damage took away my dreams of doing computer programing, my nerve damage took away my love of games, and I can not work controls precise enough now to enjoy or compete on them. This works with cooking as I can cut myself and glue it shut, burn myself and keep going.....
I have autism not much choice but this makes social interactions and promoting a business damn hard, talking to engaging people requires me to constantly tell myself to "look them in eye" "engage them" "try to find common ground" and constantly fight the urges to say what I want. I have to be alone a good part of the day and process things, go over things, and run scenarios in my head. I can not deal with people constantly.
Cooking is all I have left, my dad told me that this disease is a guiding light to show me what to do with my life...I started baking to give myself purpose when I was previously running a bucket list. THIS IS MY LIFE. My only reason to be alive is to cook, bake, and help people on these forums. Other wise I am a burden to my family...they have to pay for my medical expenses and rent. HELL the only thing keeping me from stupid things is 1. I have a lizard that needs me to keep it. 2. My insurance on my life has a suicide clause in effect. 3. The forums where I am needed to help people.

I took all my savings...even for my planned surgery to remove the infected abscess in my upper jaw...and used it to invest in catering pans, fuel, utensils etc......frack if the infection kills me at least life insurance will still pay out, I need a reason to live. I am lining up catering contracts with a church and my highschool class reunion.....hoping to get a investor for that food truck....hell might try asking on reddit lol.

Life otherwise is quite uneventful and my mind is swamped with trying to fix these issues at hand....I can not think of anything else other then finding my purpose in life. I wrote up a letter explaining my situation for the other baker......I think I will email it to her...it was emotional and pointing out that despite her good intentions she is a very negative influence to my life and well being.....