Ann1231's Blog

What a month! Son is now in two major theater productions and rehearsals nearly every night. We got stranded for several days out of town because of snow and ice. I had a terrible time staying gluten free and one day said to heck with it. Of course now I've been constipated since Wednesday, feel bloated and stuffy, moody too.

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The family got into a conversation last night about expressing emotions. Hubby said none of the guys he ran around with growing up expressed emotions. Son and I have both had completely different experiences. H kept saying that "in our era" guys didn't talk about how they feel but I know that's not right, plenty of my high school friends did talk about it. I ran around in a big group of males and females and we all talked, it was no big deal. Son is having same type of experience. I'm wondering if hubby's experience is that his group really didn't talk or if they just didn't talk to HIM. He is definitely not the type of guy that you can share your dreams, hopes, hurts or anything else like that with. He either makes fun of them, insults them, tries to change them, or ridicules them later. It helped me to know that others never talked to him either. It's sad but it makes me understand that it's not just his and my relationship that's like that. I've been feeling so lonely lately because I don't have a close intimate relationship with someone that I can talk to about things and at least now I know that it's not just me that's the problem. I have missed that element of a relationship so much. I had a couple of boyfriends before I was married and I could talk to them so easily. Why did I not see at the beginning of this relationship that there was a sturdily built wall? It probably wouldn't have changed the outcome but at least I could have been more prepared emotionally for not having a relationship that included sharing or even mentioning feelings other than anger. I really feel so deep down lonely and I know that's why. I just don't know what to do about it.