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  • Jefferson Adams
    Jefferson Adams

    Mom Called Selfish for Making Gluten-Free Cake for Daughter's Birthday

    Reviewed and edited by a celiac disease expert.

    What's the protocol for making birthday cakes if you're gluten-free, and your kids are not?

    Mom Called Selfish for Making Gluten-Free Cake for Daughter's Birthday - Birthday cake by James E. Petts is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
    Caption:

    Celiac.com 11/23/2023 - In a scenario that is stoking numerous opinions, a mother has faced criticism from her husband for opting to have their daughter's first birthday cake be gluten-free. 

    The mother suffers from gluten intolerance due to celiac disease, and ordered a gluten-free cake so she could enjoy it with her daughter, and be part of the celebration. 

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A12):
    In a post on Mumsnet, she expressed her frustration as her husband labeled this decision as "selfish," arguing that gluten-free cakes don't taste as good, and a regular cake she should have made a regular cake for her daughter.

    The mother emphasized that celebrating her daughter's first birthday was a significant event, and having a slice of the cake held sentimental value for her. Despite explaining her perspective, the husband couldn't provide a substantial reason for his objection, leaving the woman feeling perplexed and hurt.

    The response from people was divided. Some strongly supported the mother, labeling the husband's stance as unreasonable and even suggesting that gluten-free cakes, when made by a skilled baker, can be just as delightful. 

    Some proposed a compromise, suggesting the possibility of having two cakes–one gluten-free and another regular–to cater to both preferences. 

    Others defended the husband's perspective, suggesting that having two cakes could be a fair solution to satisfy everyone.

    The debate reflects the challenges individuals with food intolerances face, particularly during significant celebrations. It also underscores the importance of understanding and support within familial relationships, especially when it comes to accommodating dietary needs. 

    The incident highlights differing opinions on the taste of gluten-free alternatives and how such choices can become points of contention within families. Ultimately, it raises questions about the balance between individual preferences and shared experiences in family celebrations.

    What do you think? Is it okay for mom to make a gluten-free cake for her non-gluten-free daughter? Is she being selfish? Should she make two cakes instead? 

    Share your thought in the comment section below.

    Read more in the Mirror.uk.co.


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    GodsGal

    I have to admit that, as someone with celiac disease, I feel for the mom in this story. I know that there are some gluten free baked goods that are not very palatable. However, there are some that you would never know were gluten free unless someone told you. 

    1) The child is 1 year old. They most likely won't remember, or care, whether it's gluten free or not. And likely, if the parents don't make a big deal about it in the future, the child will never even think about it.

    2) I would be curious as to the nature of the father's aversion to the gluten free cake. Is there any medical reason at all? Or is it simply a preference? If it is simply a preference, then I would say that whether or not he chose to eat it would be his choice. And he could choose whether or not he wanted to participate in that way.

    3) The mom doesn't have a choice in the matter. With having celiac disease, if the cake contains gluten, she will not be able to participate. For that reason, I would tend to agree with the mom.

    But I also wonder if they would be open to a compromise. Would they consider cupcakes instead of one large cake? Half of the cupcakes could be gluten free, and the other half could be regular. That would be one way that he could have his preference, and she could be safe.

     

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    cristiana

    A UK perspective:

    I make gluten free cakes all the time with Dove Gluten Free Flour.  They tend to be what the French call "Quatre-Quarts" cakes - you weigh the eggs, then use the same weight of gluten free self-raising flour, fat and caster sugar.  Put all the ingredients in together, so easy, with of course the necessary flavourings.. I use the same measurements for the British teatime staple, the Victoria sandwich, but might cream the fat and sugar first before adding the eggs, then the flour, if I wish to conform to the traditional method.

    In either case, the recipes work every time, and frankly most people either say they wouldn't know the difference, or they actually prefer the cake because it is so light.  Granted, if you wait 2 or 3 days the cake can get a bit crumbly but without meaning to sound conceited, my cakes normally don't hang around that long with my children about!

    I expect certain cake recipes don't lend themselves to gluten-free baking, for example, they might not keep as well, but last year I made a gluten-free Christmas Cake (fruit) a month in advance and it was superb, although I did keep "feeding it" with brandy, so that probably helped!

    Interestingly, I know a couple of Hampshire-based bakers who only use gluten-free flour but don't tell the customers, only if they are asked.  Both enterprises do a roaring trade. 

    Another tea room owner told me that they only sold gluten-free carrot cake, but didn't tell the customers as it only put them off.  Only when pressed do they reveal the ingredients, no-one would ever know. 

     

     

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    DebJ14

    Our household has been 100% Gluten free since the day I was diagnosed.  At the time my husband and son did not yet know that they also needed to be gluten-free, but they were willing to have a gluten-free household to support me.  They watched me struggle with my health and knew how important going gluten-free was for me.  Their results came back a few days later than mine and it turned out they too ended up needing a gluten free diet.

    Whenever we have anyone visiting us, I serve my normal gluten free fare.  I am unwilling to bend on this one and do not allow anyone to bring food containing gluten into my house.  I don't tell guests that the food they have consumed was gluten-free.  But, I am often asked for recipes.  Only then do they find out it was gluten free and they are often shocked because they assumed it would be terrible if it was gluten-free.  Over the past 16 years I have managed to convert every family recipe to gluten-free and no one is any the wiser.

    Frankly, I think the husband is acting like a first class jerk.  Why would he not want his wife to be able to celebrate the baby's birthday?  I asked my husband what he thought and his comment is not one I can share because he had some choice language for that guy!

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    Mary Mele

    my opinion--their daughter has a whole lot more to be concerned about than they type of cake.  this is a marriage that needs some help!  

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    Beverage

    Ridiculous to expect someone with Celiac to make a cake containing gluten for any reason!  The exposure to gluten flour in the air is totally unacceptable.  Gluten flour shouldn't even be in the kitchen she uses for her food prep.  Period.

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    cristiana

    I've just done some detective work and discovered the thread on Mumsnet where this discussion originally appeared.  I am really surprised to read the negative comments about gluten-free cakes.  The gluten-free cakes I buy or make are to my mind at least just as good, I really can't taste the difference.  

    I also googled the photograph - hoping there might be a gluten-free recipe there to go with the picture, it looks really good.  Sadly, no recipe, but these words: "Apple cake, made by my grandmother, iced by my mother and decorated by my father."  How lovely!

     

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    OldNavyWife54

    My suggestion would be if the father felt there should be a regular cake, why didn’t he bake or buy one himself? Did he REALLY expect his wife to bake TWO cakes? A one year old wouldn’t know the difference, so arguing it was for the child is absurd. I would have told him to put on an apron & get to work if it was so important to him.

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    WWeppler

    I buy the Betty Crocker brand of gluten-free cake mix and put the mix in cupcake papers so I can freeze and take out whenever I have the need/urge. My wife (not Celiac) has tried them. Said they are very tasty and no different than regular cake gluten cake mis. The husband is being very unfair in this case. The one year old will not know the difference and possibly if the wife had not informed him of the decision to buy a gluten-free cake he likely would not have known the difference. Possibly other marital issues in the house?

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    Jefferson Adams is Celiac.com's senior writer and Digital Content Director. He earned his B.A. and M.F.A. at Arizona State University. His articles, essays, poems, stories and book reviews have appeared in numerous magazines, journals, and websites, including North American Project, Antioch Review, Caliban, Mississippi Review, Slate, and more. He is the author of more than 2,500 articles on celiac disease. His university coursework includes studies in science, scientific methodology, biology, anatomy, physiology, medicine, logic, and advanced research. He previously devised health and medical content for Colgate, Dove, Pfizer, Sharecare, Walgreens, and more. Jefferson has spoken about celiac disease to the media, including an appearance on the KQED radio show Forum, and is the editor of numerous books, including "Cereal Killers" by Scott Adams and Ron Hoggan, Ed.D.

    >VIEW ALL ARTICLES BY JEFFERSON ADAMS

     


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