Mom Called Selfish for Making Gluten-Free Cake for Daughter's Birthday

I have to admit that, as someone with celiac disease, I feel for the mom in this story. I know that there are some gluten free baked goods that are not very palatable. However, there are some that you would never know were gluten free unless someone told you. 

1) The child is 1 year old. They most likely won't remember, or care, whether it's gluten free or not. And likely, if the parents don't make a big deal about it in the future, the child will never even think about it.

2) I would be curious as to the nature of the father's aversion to the gluten free cake. Is there any medical reason at all? Or is it simply a preference? If it is simply a preference, then I would say that whether or not he chose to eat it would be his choice. And he could choose whether or not he wanted to participate in that way.

3) The mom doesn't have a choice in the matter. With having celiac disease, if the cake contains gluten, she will not be able to participate. For that reason, I would tend to agree with the mom.

But I also wonder if they would be open to a compromise. Would they consider cupcakes instead of one large cake? Half of the cupcakes could be gluten free, and the other half could be regular. That would be one way that he could have his preference, and she could be safe.

A UK perspective:

I make gluten free cakes all the time with Dove Gluten Free Flour.  They tend to be what the French call "Quatre-Quarts" cakes - you weigh the eggs, then use the same weight of gluten free self-raising flour, fat and caster sugar.  Put all the ingredients in together, so easy, with of course the necessary flavourings.. I use the same measurements for the British teatime staple, the Victoria sandwich, but might cream the fat and sugar first before adding the eggs, then the flour, if I wish to conform to the traditional method.

In either case, the recipes work every time, and frankly most people either say they wouldn't know the difference, or they actually prefer the cake because it is so light.  Granted, if you wait 2 or 3 days the cake can get a bit crumbly but without meaning to sound conceited, my cakes normally don't hang around that long with my children about!

I expect certain cake recipes don't lend themselves to gluten-free baking, for example, they might not keep as well, but last year I made a gluten-free Christmas Cake (fruit) a month in advance and it was superb, although I did keep "feeding it" with brandy, so that probably helped!

Interestingly, I know a couple of Hampshire-based bakers who only use gluten-free flour but don't tell the customers, only if they are asked.  Both enterprises do a roaring trade. 

Another tea room owner told me that they only sold gluten-free carrot cake, but didn't tell the customers as it only put them off.  Only when pressed do they reveal the ingredients, no-one would ever know. 

Our household has been 100% Gluten free since the day I was diagnosed.  At the time my husband and son did not yet know that they also needed to be gluten-free, but they were willing to have a gluten-free household to support me.  They watched me struggle with my health and knew how important going gluten-free was for me.  Their results came back a few days later than mine and it turned out they too ended up needing a gluten free diet.

Whenever we have anyone visiting us, I serve my normal gluten free fare.  I am unwilling to bend on this one and do not allow anyone to bring food containing gluten into my house.  I don't tell guests that the food they have consumed was gluten-free.  But, I am often asked for recipes.  Only then do they find out it was gluten free and they are often shocked because they assumed it would be terrible if it was gluten-free.  Over the past 16 years I have managed to convert every family recipe to gluten-free and no one is any the wiser.

Frankly, I think the husband is acting like a first class jerk.  Why would he not want his wife to be able to celebrate the baby's birthday?  I asked my husband what he thought and his comment is not one I can share because he had some choice language for that guy!

my opinion--their daughter has a whole lot more to be concerned about than they type of cake.  this is a marriage that needs some help!  

Ridiculous to expect someone with Celiac to make a cake containing gluten for any reason!  The exposure to gluten flour in the air is totally unacceptable.  Gluten flour shouldn't even be in the kitchen she uses for her food prep.  Period.

I've just done some detective work and discovered the thread on Mumsnet where this discussion originally appeared.  I am really surprised to read the negative comments about gluten-free cakes.  The gluten-free cakes I buy or make are to my mind at least just as good, I really can't taste the difference.  

I also googled the photograph - hoping there might be a gluten-free recipe there to go with the picture, it looks really good.  Sadly, no recipe, but these words: "Apple cake, made by my grandmother, iced by my mother and decorated by my father."  How lovely!

My suggestion would be if the father felt there should be a regular cake, why didn’t he bake or buy one himself? Did he REALLY expect his wife to bake TWO cakes? A one year old wouldn’t know the difference, so arguing it was for the child is absurd. I would have told him to put on an apron & get to work if it was so important to him.

I buy the Betty Crocker brand of gluten-free cake mix and put the mix in cupcake papers so I can freeze and take out whenever I have the need/urge. My wife (not Celiac) has tried them. Said they are very tasty and no different than regular cake gluten cake mis. The husband is being very unfair in this case. The one year old will not know the difference and possibly if the wife had not informed him of the decision to buy a gluten-free cake he likely would not have known the difference. Possibly other marital issues in the house?