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  • Kelly Carter
    Kelly Carter

    My Daughter's Birthday and the Celiac Dilemma

    Reviewed and edited by a celiac disease expert.

    This issue only comes up with my children. My husband can go to all of the gluten filled restaurants he wants to when he is at work. When we go out as a family, I restrict where we can go.

    My Daughter's Birthday and the Celiac Dilemma - Image: CC BY 2.0-- combust
    Caption: Image: CC BY 2.0-- combust

    Celiac.com 07/03/2020 - My daughter's birthday is today and she is awesome!

    Normally, we go out to dinner to the restaurant of her choice. However, her favorite restaurant is one that has ZERO gluten free options. It is an Italian restaurant and we all know that I avoid Italian restaurants and pizza joints like the plague. This causes me a great deal of concern because she is young and without any food restrictions. Is it fair of me to deny her favorite restaurant because I cannot eat there? Should I make her think of others when she is trying to have her family birthday party? Is it ever okay to be selfish? These are all the big questions that I think about when dealing with this disease and my family.

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A12):
    This issue only comes up with my children. My husband can go to all of the gluten filled restaurants he wants to when he is at work. When we go out as a family, I restrict where we can go so that I can ensure that I can enjoy a meal out safely while still enjoying everyone's company. It shows empathy and caring for the family unit.

    Now there are times when I'm not home or have other commitments and their father takes over parenting duties. These are the times they go to the places I cannot. There are 4-5 restaurants around us that I just refuse to go into because I cannot eat there and it makes me sad. So, I avoid it. They enjoy those nights and I try to make sure they can have them at least once a month.

    However, birthdays are special. They only come once a year. They should be enjoyed and treasured as a special time. These are family times, for now. I know one day they will be up and grown, but for now they are medium-sized. They are both tweens. I want my kids to have what they want on their day because they don't always get to eat out at their special places.

    This year for my younger child, we've done it differently. This year, I cooked her other favorite food - Mexican food. We had steak fajitas; shrimp tacos; a black bean, corn, and avocado salsa with chips; and refried beans. I made it all and she loved it. I did relent and give her a gluten cake - made in a throw away pan. I bought myself one of the Whole Foods gluten free Salted Caramel Mousse cakes that cost about 10x the gluten box mix and frosting for her cake, but who cares? My Salted Caramel Mousse cake was AMAZINGLY good - if you can, you should buy one!

    She was very happy with the option of cooking at home and having extended family over for her "family" birthday. The kids played outside. The adults played board games and drank margaritas. It was a great day.

    Today is her actual day of birth. I will be making her favorite meal - fettucini alfredo with peas and chicken. She will love it! Yes, it will have gluten. No, I don't live in a gluten-free house. Yes, I know how to manage the situation to avoid getting sick. The dishwasher and stainless steel pots, pans, and colanders solve a lot of problems. While I still wonder if the family tradition of taking a person out for their birthday should be their choice or if I should make them go someplace everyone can eat - this year, I've gotten around it. I've made her happy and kept myself safe. I think I've come to a good compromise here.

    PS - I'll make her dad and brother take her to her favorite place this week sometime.

    NOTE - This article was written before the COVID-19 Lockdown. While we may not have to make these decisions right now, we will have to make them again in the future. This issue doesn't go away and I fight it each time a child of mine has a birthday!



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    Awol cast iron stomach

    My husband takes my daughter out for her b day to the restaurant she picks. My son and I do not eat out at restaurants.

    You making her favorite meal at home and her eating out with Dad and brother sounds like a great way to celebrate her special day .

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    Guest CGP

    Those of us with food limitations should not expect everyone around us to put our needs first every time. That’s the selfish part. Navigating the world takes flexibility, resilience and a generally pleasant temperament..celiac or not. Your daughter deserves her favorite restaurant. Go along with glee and enjoy a soda while everyone else dines!!! 

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    Guest SCook

    Posted

    I say eat first, go to the restaurant and have a nice drink, and when the waiter asks for your order tell him there's nothing you can eat.  Celiac disease/Gluten intolerance is widespread enough that restaurants should at least be able to manage a salad or something.  I think when your daughter gets older she'll do these celebrations with her peers, and she'll be more understanding of your needs, but for now take her to her favourite place.  

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    Guest celiacMom

    Posted

    i was diagnosed celiac at the age of 18 months. I am now 51. There have been MANY times that I have felt like crying (some where I actually cried) and many where I got angry because I could eat nothing on the menu at a restaurant or other gathering. Maybe it is age, or exhaustion, but for the most part it doesn’t bother me if I know that it is making others happy— especially my kids. 

    I bake non-gluten-free for my family all the time, and I have had my share of salads while they eat delicious gluten-filled meals. Yah, it sucks. But it is a LOT bettee than it was when I was a kid in the 70s and my parents would take the family to an italian restaurant and my mom would bring me a bowl of gluten-free pasta in a litte repurposed margarine container! (truth)

    if she loves the Italian place that much and it is sometbing that eill make you unhappy on her birthday, then maybe order take out from a couple of different places and eat at home!

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    Guest Cri

    Hallo! Same problem here!🖐️

    I think you can go with her where she prefers and maybe eat something before - as previously suggested - which can be a good idea even to underline your problem to the restaurant's management.

    But as I am Italian, may I suggest a couple of dishes that are my passe-partout? Risotto or Carpaccio, both typical and naturally gluten free! Have a nice dinner!

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    Guest Roberta Williams

    Posted

    Unless your husband and children have all tested, don't just assume they don't have the Celiac propensity genes; HLA-DQA1-2 and/or HLA-DQ8. My husband carries the DQA1-2, which is the Dermtisis Hepetiformis, which he was not diagnosed until he was in his 60's and about the time we took the 23&Me tests. His kidneys were failing him and his doctors could not figure out why. Once he went gluten-free, he rapidly improved. That's when we realized our daughter and granddaughters rashes and skin ailments very likely were the same thing... they didn't improve as fast on the gluten-free diet, they had many gastric issues still. A few years, later 23&Me added the HLA-DQ8 information and sure enough I carry that, but I wasn't experiencing much other than occasional bowel problems and unable to lose weight, not the bloating and such that the girls have. My daughters liver was heavily damaged by Celiac, but now that she realizes, she can't even fudge a little, she is doing better. For some reason our 17 yo granddaughter had a colonoscopy and her intestinal villa are still damaged after 10 years virtually gluten-free. We are wondering if the Celiac was very pronounced in her from birth with no diagnose until she was 7, that the villa never had a chance to grow properly.

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    Guest PaBrown

    Posted

    I really enjoyed this article.  There are so many restaurants that make me hateful because salad is the only option. We do have one restaurant called. Burtons (they are an east coast chain and one of the whets is celiac). They will serve almost anything gluten-free. The only place that I get fried Cali are. Yum.  I love to cook so being celiac is not a problem but I love my lunches at Burtons.  Must say I am not one of those people that makes a fuss when eating out(obnoxious demanding and ranting and raving). When I ever realize that a place is not doing gluten-free properly I just don’t go there. There are servers out there that don’t even know what a dedicated fryer is!

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    sc'Que?

    I've worked in Asian restaurants for 20 yrs. And I'm only just now discovering that the Asian markets carry rice noodles and alt-starch noodles in several different "styles".  And they were hiding on the BOTTOM SHELF the entire time!  (Not because they don't want you to purchase them, but because they're in slippery plastic packaging that can easily fall off the shelf... so why not make it so they don't fall so far when they inevitably do?) 

    Normally, I'm super-duper-conscientious about what brand I buy.  Celiac taught me to be this way. (And don't get me started that the store only seems to get the Well Luck brand of fish-balls about once or twice a year!  Brands are less important to the Asian markets in my area, partially because of the distribution chain.) 

    But these noodles... PHENOMENAL. I mean, they're better than the gluten-free noodles being market in regular grocery stores. If you actually follow the instructions and soak the rice spaghetti in warmer-than-body-temp water for an hour or two prior to cooking, they puff up and have a texture that either RIVALS or is BETTER than any of the gluten-free noodles I've tried from the standard grocery outlets.  Ingredient lists on these babies are super-sleek as well: Rice, water.  And then they're dehydrated for you to re-hydrate at your leisure.  JUST BE SURE TO FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS!  

    The rice spaghetti I've purchased most recently has a definite "chew" to it when it's still fresh... and not only maintains it after re-heating, but also doesn't crumble the way the "grocery-store" brands do.  (Do you remember the last time you had "al-dente" noodles that weren't still crispy (because gluten-free)??? 

    And the mung-bean and sweet-potato starch noodles are EVEN MORE EPIC in that they increase their length by 25% (compared to dried) and also don't get crumbly when reheated. The trick with these, however, is that you need to watch them like a hawk or they'll just disintegrate and leave you with a super-thick, chunky stew.  So, again, FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS and even, maybe, blanche those bean and sweet potato noodles before serving.  

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    sc'Que?
    17 hours ago, Guest Cri said:

    Hallo! Same problem here!🖐️

    I think you can go with her where she prefers and maybe eat something before - as previously suggested - which can be a good idea even to underline your problem to the restaurant's management.

    But as I am Italian, may I suggest a couple of dishes that are my passe-partout? Risotto or Carpaccio, both typical and naturally gluten free! Have a nice dinner!

    @Cri, I'm pretty sure she meant "Italian" and not ITALIAN.  Where I live, there is not a single "Italian" restaurant that serves risotto or carpaccio. These places are probably too cheap to even know what olive oil is. 

    And, yes, you SHOULD be horrified.

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    Guest Terry Marin

    Posted

    Goodness!! I have Celiac!! Super simple solution to your “dilemma” Just eat before and go enjoy!! It’s not about you!

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    Guest Denver Italian Restaurant

    Posted

    Hi There.   Happy Birthday to your daughter!   Your Salted Caramel cake sounds divine.

    Just wanted to mention to you and or anyone in your audience, if you are ever in the Denver area, we just did a Spotlight video on Abrusci's Fire and Vine who caters to celiacs in their fine Italian Restaurant.   I've been there.   I live in Idaho but was visiting my brother.   Anyway if anyone is interested in watching the 4-5 minute video blog, go here:  Open Original Shared Link    Not selling anything but getting the word out to any travelers or Denver residents.  

    I see you're in Atlanta area.   Scary stuff.   Hoping for yours and your families continued safety.   

    Mary

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    Guest Sally

    Posted

    Reminds me of the dilemma when there are church meals and family-style meals that only have a few choices. I just pack what I can eat and enjoy the company and whatever program they have that evening. Sometimes the meal is $20 and all I can have is a nice cup of tea. My mother apologized to me for passing on the celiac disease. I told her apology accepted, but not to worry. I just watch what I eat to control it! Blessings to you!

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  • About Me

    Kelly Carter

    I was diagnosed with Celiac in 2012 and have been gluten free ever since.  I live in Atlanta with my husband and two medium sized children.  I run a blog at FatCeliac.net that covers real life issues with celiac disease, upcoming drug trials, and try to be a reliable source of information for the celiac community.


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