What Do You Say?

[knomad]

A friend has a granson that has a peanut allergy.

She has said things that insinuate that the peanut allergy is much worse than my Celiac.

The big one is "His allergy is life and death.  You would just get sick."

While she has a point, and she's right, it still hurts when she says it.

Have you ever been told that?  What did you say?

[bartfull]

I would have to agree with her.

 

My Dad died from his true allergies. He had asthma, and one time even the epi pen didn't work.

 

My Mom had celiac, and eventually it DID kill her, but it took years and lots of complications. When she got glutened, she got really sick - vomiting and D, and it took weeks before she felt better, but a glutening didn't kill her. It was a result of YEARS AND YEARS of undiagnosed celiac that brought on the complications that eventually killed her.

 

Now, all that being said, if your friend thinks your celiac isn't serious, she's wrong. But I DO understand where she's coming from. I would MUCH rather have the celiac I inherited from my Mom, than the asthma I inherited from my Dad. (Unfortunately I have both.) 

[WinterSong]

I've heard this debate quite often. 

 

I'll say "Yes, peanut allergies are immediately life threatening while Celiac isn't." But I will point out that undiagnosed or untreated Celiac can lead to a life filled with pain (heck, some people even get seizures when they're glutened!) and premature death. My great grandmother had stomach cancer when she died and she suffered from crippling stomach pains her entire life (she of course did not know that she had Celiac, but my family has traced it back to her). 

 

Both are very serious and should be taken as such. But don't let someone undermine your disease. You're disease is life or death, too - it just is more gradual. 

 

Also, remember that sometimes people just like to talk because they think they're smart 

[kareng]

This is what I would like to say

" We suffer for years and die a slow painful death if not treated. It is a very real disease."

[iloathegluten]

In general I really hate arguments like these. I feel it's counterproductive to make anyone feel like their suffering isn't real, and this is EXACTLY what comments like this achieve. If someone fractures their leg and another snaps theirs completely in half, it doesn't mean the person who fractured their leg experienced no pain. One may be more serious, but you shouldn't tell the other person their suffering isn't real.

 

I think it really depends on how people say comments as such. A little positivity is a good thing to have, but for many of us, it stings because this is a very real, sometimes debilitating condition we live with. Most of the time we don't complain about it, but it still grates on it. Most people probably don't want to hear about what the nitty gritty details of our poop anyway, LOL. So, we usually don't whine about it!

[cyclinglady]

She right.  Sounds like she wants to be "one up on you".  Sad.  You really find out who are true friends when you get sick.  Life's too short.  Find a nice caring friend.  In the meantime, we're here for you!

 

(And if you were living near me, you could stop by for a cocktail, gossip, and complain about people all in the safety of my  gluten free RV parked in the driveway where kids and husbands can not overhear you!)

[Adalaide]

I can't stand the whole one-up-man-ship thing with diseases and medical problems. "My problem is obviously so much worse than your problem because blah blah blah..."

 

I completely agree with the sentiment that it must be nice to have an issue where you go out in a blaze instead of a slow smoldering burn that takes years or decades while your health and life collapses around you.

[answerseeker]

Well I think a peanut allergy is way worse. But I downsize my celiac because I don't like attention from it. But if this Grandson is a child I would say its much worse than an adult with celiac. That's just me though

[psawyer]

To the OP, I must respectfully suggest that you are mistaken--mistaken if you think this person is a friend. A real friend would not belittle your health issues.

[answerseeker]

To the OP, I must respectfully suggest that you are mistaken--mistaken if you think this person is a friend. A real friend would not belittle your health issues.

^this^ my friends always ask how I'm feeling. I wouldn't even waste my time arguing with this "friend"

[answerseeker]

She right. Sounds like she wants to be "one up on you". Sad. You really find out who are true friends when you get sick. Life's too short. Find a nice caring friend. In the meantime, we're here for you!

(And if you were living near me, you could stop by for a cocktail, gossip, and complain about people all in the safety of my gluten free RV parked in the driveway where kids and husbands can not overhear you!)

I want to go in the gluten free rv :-p

[StephanieL]

Is something she said incorrect?  Are you on a gluten-free diet?  If so, it is't going to kill you so what she said is FACTUALLY correct.  Is it in good taste? No.  Should she try and one up you?  No. I would perhaps tell her that you understand the differences but that it hurts your feelings.  THAT is the key here, that your feelings were hurt not "what's worse". 

 

Also, Kareng, you aren't funny.  There is nothing funny about a person dying a fast death and your comment was in very very very poor taste especially since a majority of people who die of an anaphylactic reaction are children. Kids who don't know, get or understand things about allergies.

[kareng]

Is something she said incorrect?  Are you on a gluten-free diet?  If so, it is't going to kill you so what she said is FACTUALLY correct.  Is it in good taste? No.  Should she try and one up you?  No. I would perhaps tell her that you understand the differences but that it hurts your feelings.  THAT is the key here, that your feelings were hurt not "what's worse". 

 

Also, Kareng, you aren't funny.  There is nothing funny about a person dying a fast death and your comment was in very very very poor taste especially since a majority of people who die of an anaphylactic reaction are children. Kids who don't know, get or understand things about allergies.

I'm sorry. You're right. I have edited it.

[shadowicewolf]

They are both equally bad, however, they are both in different catagories. It isn't right to judge one against the other.

[StephanieL]

Thank you!

[Adalaide]

Is something she said incorrect?  Are you on a gluten-free diet?  If so, it is't going to kill you so what she said is FACTUALLY correct.  Is it in good taste? No.  Should she try and one up you?  No. I would perhaps tell her that you understand the differences but that it hurts your feelings.  THAT is the key here, that your feelings were hurt not "what's worse". 

 

Also, Kareng, you aren't funny.  There is nothing funny about a person dying a fast death and your comment was in very very very poor taste especially since a majority of people who die of an anaphylactic reaction are children. Kids who don't know, get or understand things about allergies.

 

I suffer from one very serious allergy as well as celiac. Frankly, after watching my grandmother fight what was most likely a celiac related cancer for 7 years before dying at 54 pounds with translucent skin I would much sooner die of an allergic reaction than to die of complications of celiac. You're right, it isn't funny. There is nothing funny about people dying and death is especially tragic when it is a child. That doesn't lessen that tragedy and impact that complications of celiac have on our lives and it says little for the person saying such things. That they would belittle us in such a way to say that our health issues aren't serious says volumes about their character imo.

[StephanieL]

As I said, it should not have been said. My child also has deadly allergies to several things (dairy, egg, peanut and tree nut) as well as Celiac. I treat them equally. His school plan deals with both. They both qualify for ADA accommodations. No one is lucky when they have to deal with watching every single thing that comes into his/her body. The OP's feelings were understandably hurt and I believe THAT is the point of this. 

[knomad]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses!

 

WinterSong - you made me realize something that I hadn't before.  My grandmother died of stomach cancer about 5 years before I was born.   I've wondered where the Celiac's came from, as I seem to be the only one in the family that has it.  I just didn't think about that connection.

 

kareng - yes, I think she doesn't accept that it's a real disease.  She doesn't understands it, so it just doesn't exsist. 

 

iloathegluten - I think that's what got to me - the attitude.  The superior "my grandson's nut allergy is worse than anything you deal with" and the complete lack of caring or concern.  (I have Celiac's, have to eat little or no sodium because of kidney damage, and have been a diabetic fro 23 years.  I almost died after heart surgery 8 years ago and have had many complications since).  You're right, we don't complain because it would be so gross, and, besides, I was brought up to just say "fine" in a cheerful voice when someone asked how I was feeling.   

 

Cyclinglady - I would love to visit the gluten free RV!!!

 

Psawyer - you're so right, she's not a friend.  A friend wouldn't belittle my disease.  So why I am letting someone who's not a friend, or kind, make me feel bad?  I'll keep reminding myself of that!

 

Again, thank you for your replies.  You've really encouraged me!