Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Living With A Non Celiac

plushg

Recommended Posts

plushg Newbie
plushg
Posted

I have celiac and my boyfriend does not. We recently moved in together. Prior to the move I lived alone and had all new kitchen supplies pots and pans plates silverware etc that had never been exposed to gluten. After moving in together I brought all of my stuff to use in our kitchen and he did not have any of his own kitchen stuff except for a single pan and a single pot. I have been trying to deal with cross contamination on the fly as issues began to arise. He is easily frustrated by having restrictions on what he can use to cook gluten. And he isnt the type of person that would change his diet to make my life easier, he consumes gluten at every single meal unless I cook for the both of us. Most of the time we eat separate meals. I use the kitchen more to cook fresh meals while he eats more convenience food like frozen pizza, sandwiches and chinese food. Occasionally when he does want to cook he gets angry that he doesnt know what hes allowed to cook with. He also reacts the same when i remind him not to use a certain knife etc. 

As of now I have separate pots and pans, knives, sponges, spatulas for gluten and non.

I have personally bought whatever we needed for him to have his own wooden spoons knives and cutting board to use for gluten.

We share plates and utensils and I'm wondering If I should separate those as well. it was hard for me at first to let him use my gluten free plates and silverware since they were totally gluten free before and we dont have a dish washer. 

 

I don't have super obvious reactions when I accidentally eat gluten so I'm not sure how crazy I need to go in the way of having separate things.

 

I also wanted to put this out there in case someone who is living with someone with celiac and feels similar so I can have some insight as to how this is frustrating for them. Because to me it seems insensitive and I dont get how he wouldnt try his best to make our kitchen safe for me. He makes it seem like I am selfish for wanting this for myself. I couldnt disagree more with him and I dont know how to not make this a source of conflict.

My home is the one place I want to feel safe and not have to worry about gluten cross contamination. He has no idea how annoying that is for me to have to deal with on a constant basis. To me he is the one being selfish here. Especially since I was nice enough to either let him take a few of my things or bought him new things to cook with.

Any advice on how to maintain a cross contamination free environment at home would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


celiac sharon Apprentice
celiac sharon
Posted

Pay close attention here. He is your boyfriend, not your husband, and already he shows this much lack of concern for your health because it is inconvenient for him? My husband chooses to eat mostly gluten free for my sake. I didn't have to ask. He does eat some gluten but is mostly when he eats out or some pre packaged gluten items. He even eats my gluten free bread. All of this eases my burden. Being gluten free is difficult and I'm thankful I don't have to struggle with the one closest to me. And I would do the same for him. You call that LOVE. He is indeed selfish and self centered.

bartfull Rising Star
bartfull
Posted

Yes indeed. Here is a recent thread on the same topic. Please read and heed. https://www.celiac.com/forums/topic/112066-significant-other-who-doesnt-understand/

RMJ Mentor
RMJ
Posted

I don't have symptoms either. My husband recently decided to give up bread at home so I wouldn't have to worry about the crumbs. He still eats other things with gluten, but they are easier to contain. We have separate dishes and eating utensils because we have no dishwasher and he doesn't wash dishes very well!

squirmingitch Veteran
squirmingitch
Posted

I recently found out I am one of the 8% who can't eat even certified gluten free oats. My hubs is celiac too so we have a gluten free household but he loved these Lucy's gluten-free chocolate chip cookies. They contain certified gluten free oats. When I discovered I have reactions to oats he gave up the Lucy's cookies so there would be no chance of me getting cc'd. I didn't ask him to. It's only cookies & we can control that easily enough. He insisted on giving them up. He wanted me to feel totally comfortable and not have to go to extra work making sure cookie crumbs didn't get around.

That's love & consideration. That is being unselfish. 

  • 6 months later...
cap6 Enthusiast
cap6
Posted

Thank you celiac Sharon.  That was the first thing that jumped out at me too - he is a boyfriend, not a husband, and he acts like that???     

You wrote "Because to me it seems insensitive and I dont get how he wouldnt try his best to make our kitchen safe for me. He makes it seem like I am selfish for wanting this for myself. I couldnt disagree more with him and I dont know how to not make this a source of conflict.".    Sorry to be so blunt but..... if he's this bad now then he is not going to be any better in the future.  If he cares about you and your wellbeing he would be trying to make sure things are safe and g.f. for you.  This is your health we are talking about.

I would ditch him now.  Just saying!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      127,726
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Holly B
    Newest Member
    Holly B
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121k
    • Total Posts
      70.4k
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • cristiana
      My Adult daughter is blaming me for her "possible" Celiac disease.

      By cristiana · Posted

      Hi Marie Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry your daughter is pointing the finger at you like this.   I am afraid children of any age can be very cruel to their parents - I certainly look back at some of the things I said to my mother and father in the past, and wish I could unsay them.  Sometimes people just need a safe place to vent, and unfortunately having a go at one's parents is the all too easy option.  If she is anything like me, she will regret what she says one day.  (Oh... if only I had the chance rewind the clock!) I just wanted to add one more thing to Trent's and Scott's excellent posts and that is regarding diet:  I have to say, not one person  (my nutritionist, my gastroenterologist or GP) has EVER suggested that a poor diet was the cause of my coeliac disease.    In all the various clinics I have attended these past nearly 12 years no-one has ever asked if I was brought up on processed food, or questioned if I eat 5 fruit and veg a day.  Sure, unfortunately I am only too well aware that I could do a lot better with my diet and it's a constant challenge for me not to give into what I like (unfortunately I've always had a sweet tooth).   But I know some super healthy 10 fruit and veg a day types who still got coeliac disease, and equally, a lot of people who eat all the wrong stuff and they still have cast iron stomachs. Do encourage her to get checked though - it may be that she hasn't got coeliac disease at all. Come back to us if you need any more support through the process. Cristiana
    • trents
      My Adult daughter is blaming me for her "possible" Celiac disease.

      By trents · Posted

      Welcome to the forum, @Marie70! The first thing to know is that celiac disease has a genetic base. The two main genes that have been identified as providing the potential to develop celiac disease are HLA-DQ2 and HLA-DQ8. About 40% of  the general population carries one or both of these genes. However, only about 1% of the general population ever develops celiac disease. So, we know that in addition to possessing the genetic potential to develop celiac disease, there has to be some triggering environmental or medical "stress" factor (or factors) that switches the gene or genes on such that they are awakened from their latent condition and become active. What may be the triggering factor (or factors) is the subject of much debate. Here is an article that discusses this subject: Second, what will your daughter have to say if her testing for celiac disease is negative? She may have to add crow to her diet. Third, and this is what I really want to focus on because my wife and I are dealing with something similar in our relationship with our own adult daughter: the real problem is not whatever shortcomings you, as the family cook, may have had when providing meals, the real problem is with your daughter's heart/soul/attitude. If it turns out to be true that she has celiac disease, it is likely she would have developed the condition sooner or later even if her diet had been healthier while growing up. She is angry about the prospect of having to deal with the dietary and social limitations that having celiac disease would impose upon her. She doesn't want to face up to the fact that this may be a new reality that will dramatically changer her life and she is looking for someone or something to blame. And she has conveniently turned her wrath on you rather than saying to herself, "Okay, this is what it is. Now what can I do to make adjustments in order to with it the best way I can?"  When faced with a life-changing reality, people will either accept it for what it is, make adjustments and move on or they will become angry and look for something or someone to blame and get stuck. For now, at least, your daughter has chosen the latter option. Don't let her problem destroy both of you.
    • Scott Adams
      My Adult daughter is blaming me for her "possible" Celiac disease.

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt, but please know that you didn’t cause your daughter’s potential celiac disease or your son’s Crohn’s. These conditions have strong genetic components, and while diet can influence symptoms, it does not cause autoimmune diseases. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time, and no parent is perfect. Your daughter’s frustration is understandable, but it’s likely coming from a place of fear and uncertainty rather than true blame. Let her get tested, and if she does have celiac disease, you can support her moving forward. Instead of focusing on guilt, try shifting the conversation toward healing and learning together. You’re not alone, and you don’t deserve to carry this weight on your own. This article might be helpful. She needs to be screened for celiac disease before she can be sure that she has it. Another approach not discussed in the article is a genetic test for celiac disease, which she could do without eating gluten.      
    • Marie70
      My Adult daughter is blaming me for her "possible" Celiac disease.

      By Marie70 · Posted

      Hello, My mid twenties daughter is blaming my husband and I for her celiac disease.  She has not been diagnosed at all, but GOOGLE has informed her she has it.  She is going to go get tested now, but my question is, did we?  I was not the best cook while she was growing up and often made quick processed food for meals.  She is blaming us for what she ate growing up and is angry that we didn't feed her better.  I don't know how to react and all I could tell her was I was sorry.  Her older brother has Crohn's disease and he was diagnosed as a teenager.  She is also furious with us that we didn't change his diet either.  I don't know why I didn't and I am having so much guilt I don't even know how to handle this situation.  Both sides of our family have a history of IBS, Celiac and Crohn's disease.   I guess I just wanted to hear from anyone out there that can either point blame at me (I can accept it) or tell me that the food she ate growing up didn't have an affect on her.  I am thinking it most likely did. Thank you, Marie
    • RMJ
      High blood test numbers - with scales. Any advice?

      By RMJ · Posted

      I’d say celiac is likely.  Please continue to eat plenty of gluten until your endoscopy to be sure that any gluten-related damage can be seen.  Plus it gives you one last chance to enjoy your favorite gluten-containing foods. I hope the endoscopy/biopsies give you a definitive answer. 
×
×
  • Create New...