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so i started writing a childrens book

DJFL77I
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DJFL77I Experienced
DJFL77I
Posted

or trying to...... its kind of a harry potter rip off i suppose...  paragraphs and grammar are probably off but that's what editors are for ?????

anyway, tell me if its crap and if I should just stop..........

 

Delbert and the Magic door
--------------------------

When Delbert woke that morning he was feeling fresh and ready to take on the world!
The rising morning Sun greeted him and warmed his face as he looked out his bedroom window into his back yard.

Little did Delbert know, he would soon be off on exciting Adventures through Magical worlds and meet interesting and even deadly creatures!

"Breakfast is ready!", he heard is mother shout.

He slipped on the last of his clothes and ran downstairs to see what delightful meal was waiting for him.
Unfortunately for Delbert it was more hot Porridge! He detested hot Porridge!

"Mom!", he proclaimed, why must I always have hot Porridge?!
"It's good for you, just eat it or you'll be late for classes!, she scolded.

Dilbert did enjoy his classes though. You see, Dilbert was a special Boy. A Boy born into a magical family!
Every Saturday and Sunday Dilbert headed off to the local Butcher Shop to learn Magic! Yes that might sound strange
but behind Mrs Briary's Butcher Shop was a secret door, a magical door, that only people with Delbert's know-how could enter.

After finishing breakfast Delbert slipped on his favorite pair of walking shoes, gave his Mother a peck on the cheek and
headed out the door! 

The Morning air was crisp and cool. Delbert began his trek while singing a tune his Father had taught him when he was just a few years old.
He was in good spirits this morning and excited about what new lessons were waiting to be learned today. He had an insatiable appetite
for learning the Magic ways. Much like his Father when he was a young Boy.

Upon arriving at Briary's Butcher Shop, he noticed something a bit strange - the beautiful multi-colored glass above the door had a few 
cracks in it and the door had been sealed shut from the inside. This alarmed Delbert so he rushed around the back to see what might be 
the problem. He began inspecting the curious scene more closely peeking in from one of the back windows. Peering inside he could see
that everything seemed to be in order. Mrs Briary's belongings were well hung on their clothes hooks and this mornings offerings of freshly
chopped meats were already laid out for purchase. Delbert was a bit confused but by this time he was already late for classes so he decided to
to head off and investigate further after wards.

Upon arriving to class he found that most students were already well into their lessons and barely noticed him.
Delbert managed to sneak in while the teachers back was turned. He found an empty seat and plopped himself down hoping that his late
arrival would continue to go unnoticed.

"Students!, take out your Tablets and begin recording my words!" Mrs H Squawked,

Mrs H was generally kind but today she seemed rather bothered by something Delbert noticed so he leaned over and asked the student next to him
if there was something strange going on.

"Heya Max!, Delbert inquired.
"Did you know that the window to the Butchers Shop is busted?".
"Nah, what happened?", Max wondered.
"Not sure, I'm going to investigate more after classes, wanna come"?
"Alright, but make sure nobody sees us sneaking about, I don't want to get into any trouble!" Max proclaimed.
"Relax Max!, you know I'm always great at keeping my behind out of trouble!"
They both shared a laugh and returned to their books.

 

 

 

 

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DJFL77I Experienced
DJFL77I
Posted
  • Author

80 people hate my book yay

ravenwoodglass Mentor
ravenwoodglass
Posted
11 hours ago, DJFL77I said:

80 people hate my book yay

If you feel you have a book or a short story that needs to come out and get on paper then write. Just because no one has given you and 'atta boy' doesn't mean it isn't worth writing. You have a decent outline going so just keep it up and flesh it out. Write for yourself first and your readers second and if a pubilsher wants it great but if not that's okay too. Creative writing isn't easy but nothing worth doing is.

  • 2 weeks later...
Prilanna Newbie
Prilanna
Posted

You should not pay attention to what others are saying
If you want to write, then write. After all, the more you write, the more you will improve and your writing will become better and more professional. Good luck. The main thing is not to give up.😃😄

  • 2 months later...
TysonRitchie Newbie
TysonRitchie
Posted

very cool, respect!

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