Struggling with Food-related Depression

[JenniK]

Kristi,

I definitely relate to how you’re feeling in so many ways. I, too, feel the social and family burden of my disease, and it gets really discouraging sometimes. My husband and i have also been married 24 years, and he, like yours, tries to bring me things he thinks I can have. My kids have been sympathetic and supportive, but they all also just want to have and do some of the things we all used to, when we all thought MOm just had IBS. Occasionally, i also just ask my husband to take my son to certain restaurants without me. (In a way, i have begun to view this as a blessing for their relationship bc they both talk to me more than they do to eachother, so i can get out from being the MiddleMom in their relationship for that one hour.) The thing that has changed with me though is that when i send them out (it’s pretty rare now) without me, i make sure that they know that I am in a good place about it. I genuinely do not want to go, and I genuinely want them to have some of the restaurants experiences they’ve given up for me. I am perfectly happy home alone with a glass of wine and a Hallmark movie for that evening. If i were miserable and sulking, it wouldn’t be healthy for anyone.) 

Where i especially commiserate is with the feeling of being fat and getting fatter while I an barely eating anything! It is so frustrating and discouraging. I don’t understand the science of it. It seems impossible, and it does not feel ‘fair’. 
 

Also, it sounds like we are of a similar age and life stage. I know that i am struggling with what is my role as mom as my nest empties, and what is my role as wife as i see my youth and beauty slipping away behind me. We, as celiacs, already feel like the ‘un-fun’ one in our marriage and family because many social things are complicated for us, so also feeling unhappy with the way my body is reacting and the way it looks, when it seems like i am already doing everything right and getting no good results, is very discouraging. I don’t have a lot of great advice on this. I will say that it has helped me acknowledge that all these factors are at play in my mind and heart, and that they exacerbate the purely food related issues. I’m learning how to show myself more grace and forgiveness for not being perfect in all ways, and how to start adjusting my expectations of what my body should look like considering that i am staring at 50 up ahead.
Good luck

[JenniK]

P.s. on the topic of feeling unfairly fat, I forgot to add that i don’t even eat gluten-free substitute foods. I discovered most of them make me sick, and they are almost all empty calories with almost negative nutrition. I prepare almost everything i eat myself, and mostly it comes out basically low carb: meat, spinach, eggs. 
 

i think mine is still inflammation from my gluten challenge. (I went gluten-free to heal my ibs 2.5 years ago, got so much better that I recently thought i was healed, did a gluten challenge and found celiac 😕) 

It’s been 7 weeks now that i have been gluten-free again. I still feel like you could stick a pin in me and water and air would start spewing everywhere. (And the joint pain has kept me from exercising.) Aside from gluten i have been off corn for a year. Aa of last week, I have mostly given up dairy, even though i could tolerate it while i was gluten-free before. I am also giving up nuts, especially almonds, bc i think they make my joint pain worse in my hands. I don’t know what else to do to combat the swelling and inflammation. Help anyone?

 

[GFinDC]

On 5/22/2021 at 10:22 AM, JenniK said:

P.s. on the topic of feeling unfairly fat, I forgot to add that i don’t even eat gluten-free substitute foods. I discovered most of them make me sick, and they are almost all empty calories with almost negative nutrition. I prepare almost everything i eat myself, and mostly it comes out basically low carb: meat, spinach, eggs. 
 

i think mine is still inflammation from my gluten challenge. (I went gluten-free to heal my ibs 2.5 years ago, got so much better that I recently thought i was healed, did a gluten challenge and found celiac 😕) 

It’s been 7 weeks now that i have been gluten-free again. I still feel like you could stick a pin in me and water and air would start spewing everywhere. (And the joint pain has kept me from exercising.) Aside from gluten i have been off corn for a year. Aa of last week, I have mostly given up dairy, even though i could tolerate it while i was gluten-free before. I am also giving up nuts, especially almonds, bc i think they make my joint pain worse in my hands. I don’t know what else to do to combat the swelling and inflammation. Help anyone?

 

Hi,

Some people with joint pain do better if they avoid nightshades.  That might be something to try.

[AlwaysLearning]

Wow. The original post made me depressed too!

Reading reminded me of all of the things I have lost since going gluten free, including a couple close friends that couldn't handle the transition of me no longer being able to eat out, and being unwilling to switch to doing activities that didn't revolve around food or drink. Turns out they weren't really friends after all and were just using me as someone to join them in doing things they wanted to do but couldn't do the same for me. 

Add in some covid isolation and I can imagine that trying to go gluten free now, especially if you don't feel any change in your health, could be a massive downer. 

So, here is what I would do for baking.

1. If your old baking pans had non-stick coatings, those are now contaminated, so get yourself some new pans.

2. I would start out with some cheats of buying mixes. King Arthur has a very tasty muffin mix that you can make your own by adding different ingredients, blueberries, chocolate chips, whatever you fancy. This is a stop-gap measure in between not baking at all and getting back to baking from scratch again. It will help you get used to the taste and texture of gluten free baking.

3. Get yourself some gluten free yeast and some good gluten free flour. Again, King Arthur is my favorite so far, though I have seen others claim different brands as their favorite. When you delve back into trying to make bread, I would try making something that is very different than what you have made in the past so that you aren't disappointed by the flavor and texture being so different, or make something that has so much flavor or texture going on that you don't notice that it is gluten free, such as a banana bread with nuts. 

I avoided baking for about 7 years after I went gluten free, so even if you don't jump back into it right away, you likely will still be doing better than I did. Don't dwell on the negatives about what you can't have. Find a way to focus on the positives. And yes, you will have to lower your expectations greatly. I think at least 75% of the things I bake are just "weird" in some way, but even a weird cinnamon roll is better than no cinnamon roll at all.
 

I don't eat out at all. Since going gluten free, my reactions to even the tiniest amounts of gluten have gotten so much worse that I would now qualify as super sensitive so I am sorry, I can't offer you any advice there. I did try a few times when I first went gluten free. The first time, the guy I was dating at the time took me to a restaurant with gluten free items on the menu, but then I ended up "sleeping" in another room as my churning stomach kept me up half the night. Sooooo not sexy. lol

The ironic thing is that I have a gluten free bakery about a block from my house. But I got unlucky and got a really lousy baker. Her food sucks and she charges about twice as much as I would be willing to spend, so it just mocks me as I walk past. 

One idea for a fun way to "eat out" would be to make yourself a picnic. You can prepare foods in advance, add in some easy things like chips and dips to lessen your workload, then load it into the car and choose your location. A back yard BBQ might be another way to do things differently when family comes over. The idea is to trick your mind into enjoying the newness of doing something differently instead of focusing on what you're missing out on.

You will get through this. In a year, you're going to be "good at" being gluten free, you will be less frustrated by the things you can't do, and you will simply have a new normal. I believe you have the will power and strength to stay gluten free because it is what you need to do.



 

[Scott Adams]

This article by Jean Duane PhD might be helpful, and she describes celiac disease as a "social disease":

 

[GF-Cate]

5 hours ago, AlwaysLearning said:

I don't eat out at all. Since going gluten free, my reactions to even the tiniest amounts of gluten have gotten so much worse that I would now qualify as super sensitive 

This happened to me too. It really is a huge social loss to not be able to eat in a restaurant...I miss it so much!