In a rut, need advice

[Tony9k]

Hey, so first time I have posted looking for support, but could do with some fellow celiac advice.

I have been celiac for about 4 years now and for the most part kept to a strict gluten-free diet, but I fell off the wagon during lockdown and recently had a lot of gluten and can't seem to quit it. 

After diagnosis my social and romantic life kinda just ended. Thing is, eating gluten is intoxicating and feel like I have reclaimed part if my old life, even if it is killing me. The food itself I can be strict and do without, but the lack of a social life is the clincher.I keep saying to myself, ok this week I'll try and be good, and it never happens....

Has anyone else been here? Would honestly appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Tony

[Scott Adams]

I know that others have had similar issues, so you're definitely not alone here. We've published many articles about the social stigma of being gluten-free, including a couple that are below.

I'm sure that you know there are serious health risks associated with someone with celiac disease who continues to eat gluten, so I must ask, is your health worth the risk? I must also assume that you must not have serious symptoms when you eat gluten, because this alone could be enough to create some issues when trying to date or socialize.

Ultimately what you do is your choice, but most of us here will likely advise you to eat gluten-free, and try to find friends who will accept it.

 

 

[trents]

Marry a celiac. That would solve part of the problem.

[GFinDC]

There are restaurants that serve gluten-free food.  You can also bring your own food to some restaurants and just get a drink or something simple form them.  Ask first of course.

[Tony9k]

20 hours ago, Scott Adams said:

I know that others have had similar issues, so you're definitely not alone here. We've published many articles about the social stigma of being gluten-free, including a couple that are below.

I'm sure that you know there are serious health risks associated with someone with celiac disease who continues to eat gluten, so I must ask, is your health worth the risk? I must also assume that you must not have serious symptoms when you eat gluten, because this alone could be enough to create some issues when trying to date or socialize.

Ultimately what you do is your choice, but most of us here will likely advise you to eat gluten-free, and try to find friends who will accept it.

 

 

Thank you for the response and the articles. I found the second one empowering, like putting into words a lot of things that have frustrated me since diagnosis. Some of it not really conscious too, like felling embarrassed for having. celiac. Good article, thank you.

My symptoms aren't the worst, I've read of people who have much worse. Mainly pain and bloating, and if I keep it up the old leaky gut.

I was just hoping someone had been here and could share wisdom on what made them get into line again. Ive tried bargaining with myself, tried scaring myself. I find it hard to care about providing for a future where the quality of life is poor.

16 hours ago, trents said:

Marry a celiac. That would solve part of the problem.

Ha, that would be nice. In 4 years this post has been the first time I spoken to other celiacs!

[Tony9k]

8 hours ago, GFinDC said:

There are restaurants that serve gluten-free food.  You can also bring your own food to some restaurants and just get a drink or something simple form them.  Ask first of course.

I know some people hate eating out after diagnosis but I am happy to try gluten-free restaurants. The problem I have is feeling guilty for enforcing where we can/can't eat. I still haven't mastered the not feeling like a burden to people.

[trents]

3 hours ago, Tony9k said:

Thank you for the response and the articles. I found the second one empowering, like putting into words a lot of things that have frustrated me since diagnosis. Some of it not really conscious too, like felling embarrassed for having. celiac. Good article, thank you.

My symptoms aren't the worst, I've read of people who have much worse. Mainly pain and bloating, and if I keep it up the old leaky gut.

I was just hoping someone had been here and could share wisdom on what made them get into line again. Ive tried bargaining with myself, tried scaring myself. I find it hard to care about providing for a future where the quality of life is poor.

Ha, that would be nice. In 4 years this post has been the first time I spoken to other celiacs!

Have you checked to see if there are any celiac disease support forums in your area? If so, that might be one option for safe socialization. Also, I believe I read on this forum that some of the online matchmaking services have a filter for people with celiac disease.

[Tony9k]

21 hours ago, trents said:

Have you checked to see if there are any celiac disease support forums in your area? If so, that might be one option for safe socialization. Also, I believe I read on this forum that some of the online matchmaking services have a filter for people with celiac disease

I'm from the UK and joined celiac UK  which does a lot of this stuff here , but strangely they don't have a forum. Anyways, there unfortunately isn't anything near me.

I didn't know that about matchmaking sites though. I did try looking into that a while back but ended up frustrated and feeling a bit unwanted. I will relook into it.

Many thanks for your advice by the way.

[Beverage]

If I ever get the tiniest thought of cheating, I remember my mother (who I got it from), went undiagnosed until the very end, who was one of the smartest, funniest, feisty, and full of life person I've ever met, and then I remember how she ended up with severe dementia and completely incapacitated, my brother having to change her diaper, and she didn't know anybody around her, including me. That's not the way I want the end of my life.

Also, it's not about being "good", it's totally about survival. But in the end, it's your choice. I hope you make the smart choice, which is why you even asked your question, you want to, but you are the one in control of doing it.

[Scott Adams]

That is a sad story indeed, but I just want to point out that dementia or Alzheimer's can affect even those who are gluten-free. In your mother's case, given that she apparently had untreated gluten sensitivity it certainly could have been a factor in her decline and poor quality of life.

[maseymn]

Everything in our society that's social seems to revolve around food. Graduations? Food; Family reunions? Food; Dating? Food. Throw in the mental stress of a pandemic, the difficulty in getting gluten free groceries, and having to cook 100% everything from scratch when home all the time? Not surprising this has been difficult for you.

On how to get back on track: When I first gave up gluten, I went on a "goodbye tour" of my favorite foods. For me it was a 100% mental decision that I had to work towards, and I needed the indulgence of having all my favorite things for one last time before I gave them up forever. Not gonna lie, I felt sad about a couple of foods. I do best with an all or nothing mental attitude -- once that door was closed, it has to forever stay closed for me. It's the only way I can stay gluten free. The big things I did that have helped me once I closed that door -- I try to do things that don't necessarily revolve around food for social activities and for fun. Some ideas that might work for you: sports, game nights, swimming, book clubs, learning woodworking, pottery or some other hobby, horseback riding, scuba diving, sitting around a campfire, hiking (you get the idea). That would work for dates too -- instead of going out for meals, meet for drinks, coffee, or do one of the above activities, something where being gluten free isn't as much of an issue. Once someone is a bigger part of your life, they'll work with you on the celiac thing; it becomes much easier. One of my big things I needed to stick to my gluten free diet, was to figure out gluten free substitutes for my favorite meals and snacks, so I didn't feel so deprived. That just leads to feeling sorry for myself, which makes it easier to open that door I need to keep closed.  If you need help, googling "gluten free (insert food here)" helps, or ask on this forum and someone can probably help with a recipe substitute. I for one can make almost anything gluten free now. (Take some cooking classes if cooking is a challenge for you, or cook along with some youtube channels, it will help). Good luck!

[AlwaysLearning]

I think that many of us change our priorities throughout our lives. If hanging out with friends and socializing is a main priority for you right now, I can understand how it might be difficult to stay gluten free, especially if you don't have any noticable symptoms. 

But knowing that being gluten free is something that you SHOULD do, I would recommend that you take a look at your life and evaluate if it is the life you want. And if it is not, how can you speed up the process toward getting that ideal life?

For instance, if your long-term goal includes getting married and having kids (a life where being gluten free might be more-manageable) are you doing anything to work toward that goal?  

Are you participating in activities that are good for you in ways other than just being gluten free? For instance, I got to a point where I left behind the friendships with people who only went to bars to drink, and instead starting spending my free time going hiking with friends (where it is really easy to stay gluten free because you bring your own picnic lunch).

Anyway, I would say don't beat yourself up too badly for breaking the rules. That won't do any good. But as long as you're not gluten free, I would pay extra attention to your health. Do things like get vitamin deficiency testing on a regular basis because you are going to be suffering from malnourishment to some degree. Pay attention to how you feel and if you can directly trace any problems back to something you ate. And don't let things get too bad. It might take 5 years, 10, or 20, but eventually health problems will catch up with you, and you don't want it to be too late to undo any damage.

Even if you don't go 100% gluten free, you could at least try to go gluten light. You can learn to identify safer options as you go through your life. Even reducing the volume of gluten in your diet can have a pretty massive effect.

Best of luck to you in finding the options that work for you!

 

[Beverage]

10 hours ago, AlwaysLearning said:

Even if you don't go 100% gluten free, you could at least try to go gluten light. You can learn to identify safer options as you go through your life. Even reducing the volume of gluten in your diet can have a pretty massive effect.

Whoa whoa whoa. This is massively bad and very dangerous advice. Celiac's is an auto immune disease and the only treatment available is to be completely gluten free.

 

[Scott Adams]

Yes, "gluten light" isn't a good option for those with celiac disease. It will only lead to serious health issues.

[Tony9k]

On 7/31/2021 at 6:56 PM, maseymn said:

Everything in our society that's social seems to revolve around food. Graduations? Food; Family reunions? Food; Dating? Food. Throw in the mental stress of a pandemic, the difficulty in getting gluten free groceries, and having to cook 100% everything from scratch when home all the time? Not surprising this has been difficult for you.

On how to get back on track: When I first gave up gluten, I went on a "goodbye tour" of my favorite foods. For me it was a 100% mental decision that I had to work towards, and I needed the indulgence of having all my favorite things for one last time before I gave them up forever. Not gonna lie, I felt sad about a couple of foods. I do best with an all or nothing mental attitude -- once that door was closed, it has to forever stay closed for me. It's the only way I can stay gluten free. The big things I did that have helped me once I closed that door -- I try to do things that don't necessarily revolve around food for social activities and for fun. Some ideas that might work for you: sports, game nights, swimming, book clubs, learning woodworking, pottery or some other hobby, horseback riding, scuba diving, sitting around a campfire, hiking (you get the idea). That would work for dates too -- instead of going out for meals, meet for drinks, coffee, or do one of the above activities, something where being gluten free isn't as much of an issue. Once someone is a bigger part of your life, they'll work with you on the celiac thing; it becomes much easier. One of my big things I needed to stick to my gluten free diet, was to figure out gluten free substitutes for my favorite meals and snacks, so I didn't feel so deprived. That just leads to feeling sorry for myself, which makes it easier to open that door I need to keep closed.  If you need help, googling "gluten free (insert food here)" helps, or ask on this forum and someone can probably help with a recipe substitute. I for one can make almost anything gluten free now. (Take some cooking classes if cooking is a challenge for you, or cook along with some youtube channels, it will help). Good luck!

Thanks for the reply. Funny, I did the same thing re the goodbye tour, and I stayed gluten-free for a good 3+ years before caving in. The all or nothing approach is also what I went by, more because I have never particularly had very much willpower around food. I was a massive foodie before the diagnosis and getting celiac sucked on that front, but after 8 months or so I got over it. The social side of things was the opposite; there was lots of support in the beginning but this dried up overtime. From a relationship point of view my partner was extremely supportive and helped look into gluten-free recipes and stuff, but after time she became tired of it all and it was clear I was becoming a bit of a burden on the relationship. From a social side I just stopped getting invited to stuff and was left out of events at work. The whole everything social revolved around food is true, something I had never thought about until I wasn’t able to participate.
I tried a few things, including game night; it was a bit of a mixed experience. I didn’t mind people eating food that I couldn’t but I struggled with the experience of feeling like a bit of an outsider, either not being able to join in or eating a pack lunch whilst everyone else ate a takeaway.
I have come to the conclusion from talking to other celiacs on here and looking at other posts that I think that maybe the celiac disease isn’t the problem and the problem is with me, or at least the negative experiences I've had since diagnosis. Plenty of people here are flourishing after adjusting to being gluten-free. I therefore took steps at the weekend to get some medication and sought therapy to see if this would help. I think I will see how I go with this then when I am in a better place look into some of the things you suggested and try and build a healthier social circle.
Many thanks for taking the time to reply and help me on this. Good luck to you too.
 

[Tony9k]

13 hours ago, AlwaysLearning said:

I think that many of us change our priorities throughout our lives. If hanging out with friends and socializing is a main priority for you right now, I can understand how it might be difficult to stay gluten free, especially if you don't have any noticable symptoms. 

But knowing that being gluten free is something that you SHOULD do, I would recommend that you take a look at your life and evaluate if it is the life you want. And if it is not, how can you speed up the process toward getting that ideal life?

For instance, if your long-term goal includes getting married and having kids (a life where being gluten free might be more-manageable) are you doing anything to work toward that goal?  

Are you participating in activities that are good for you in ways other than just being gluten free? For instance, I got to a point where I left behind the friendships with people who only went to bars to drink, and instead starting spending my free time going hiking with friends (where it is really easy to stay gluten free because you bring your own picnic lunch).

Anyway, I would say don't beat yourself up too badly for breaking the rules. That won't do any good. But as long as you're not gluten free, I would pay extra attention to your health. Do things like get vitamin deficiency testing on a regular basis because you are going to be suffering from malnourishment to some degree. Pay attention to how you feel and if you can directly trace any problems back to something you ate. And don't let things get too bad. It might take 5 years, 10, or 20, but eventually health problems will catch up with you, and you don't want it to be too late to undo any damage.

Even if you don't go 100% gluten free, you could at least try to go gluten light. You can learn to identify safer options as you go through your life. Even reducing the volume of gluten in your diet can have a pretty massive effect.

Best of luck to you in finding the options that work for you!

 

I think it was less a case of my priority being to socialise and hang out with friends, rather that I was becoming completely socially isolated and was absolutely miserable due to it. Guessing the pandemic didn't help here.
In retrospect, no I probably haven't been looking at the future that I wanted to build and working towards it, but more just carrying on with the life I had before in a diminished capacity and feeling like certain things were just no longer available for me. I have to admit that now that it is said, it seems like common sense, but before you stated it my brain just didn't think that way.
After diagnosis and things falling apart I think I lost my away a bit with a goal in life. I think I need to give this some serious thought. Again I dont think it became apparent to me to examined this at all.
I noticed maseymn mentioned hiking also, so I may give it a try. I did try joining a walking group, but often I found they would have plans to get a bit to eat at a pub at the end of a route.
Thank you for the advice. I much appreciate everyones advice here.
 

2 hours ago, Beverage said:

Whoa whoa whoa. This is massively bad and very dangerous advice. Celiac's is an auto immune disease and the only treatment available is to be completely gluten free.

 

I assume that what they are trying to say is that it is a lessor evil to eating gluten constantly?

[Ivana]

Hello Tony9K,

when I was diagnosed a year ago I felt very sad about my future life too. I felt "nothing would ever be the same", and I "won't be able to travel and socialise" and what not. In retrospect, I find these emotions rather exaggerated. I am socialising just fine with people over coffees or wine mostly (where I come from we have a very strong coffee culture where people basically meet in a cafe and sit with one espresso for 2 or more hours). I also travelled last week (5 days abroad) for the first time since the diagnosis. I took some gluten free snacks with me, but I didn't even need them. I ate boiled eggs, cheese, plain vegetables and fruit at a hotel buffet for breakfast, and afterwards I just snacked on nuts, fruit, yoghurt and corn on the cob for dinner. It is very hot, so I was not hungry at all. I met a friend where I was travelling and even joined her in a restaurant while she ate her meals. I felt only slightly awkward, but mostly I was drinking my drink and enjoyed our conversation. The first day I felt a bit crabby during her meal, and felt a lititle sorry for myself. But after the meal was finished, I ran across a food stall with corn on the cob, bought it, found a place to sit with a really nice view and felt like I was on top of the world :). I was just greatful that I was on this trip, seeing nice places, reuniting with my friend and enjoying pure taste of fruit and vegetables. Now, when I think of this trip, I don't remember anything about how I wasn't able to eat in a restaurant. I only have fond memories of it and I am looking forward to future trips! When I was diagnosed and feeling sad, another friend told me "Well, before you could do 100 things, and now you can do 99", and he was right. Still plenty out there to enjoy life and we should focus on those things instead. And I don't think anyone will mind our lunch box or a pack of nuts while they enjoy our company!

[trents]

57 minutes ago, Tony9k said:

I have come to the conclusion from talking to other celiacs on here and looking at other posts that I think that maybe the celiac disease isn’t the problem and the problem is with me, or at least the negative experiences I've had since diagnosis. Plenty of people here are flourishing after adjusting to being gluten-free. I therefore took steps at the weekend to get some medication and sought therapy to see if this would help. I think I will see how I go with this then when I am in a better place look into some of the things you suggested and try and build a healthier social circle.
Many thanks for taking the time to reply and help me on this. Good luck to you too.
 

A lot of it is perception. Is the glass half empty or half full? Yes, many food things are now off the celiac's plate but many things remain. I think for a lot of people, the social toll they perceive is more of their own framing than that of their family and friends. They imagine themselves as the fifth wheel at social gatherings and their presence as introducing awkwardness into the event. It's a self-consciousness effect and becomes a self-fulling prophecy. It actually causes them to withdraw and then others withdraw from them. You do have to put extra effort and forethought in remaining engaged with family and friends after going gluten free, and part of that is preparing and bringing your own food. That's the hard part for me. It's so much trouble and I get lazy about it. Yes, I am oversimplifying this phenomenon because there is another side to it. But you can only control your own reaction so that is what I am now emphasizing. One thing that might help is making up a bunch of self-contained meals and putting them in the freezer so that when social events come along you don't have to do a bunch of cooking each time.

[Beverage]

1 hour ago, Tony9k said:

I assume that what they are trying to say is that it is a lessor evil to eating gluten constantly?

Unfortunately, with an auto immune disease like Celiac's, anything causes an attack, anything except a microscopic amount.

[Onegiantcrunchie]

On 7/20/2021 at 12:26 AM, Tony9k said:

Hey, so first time I have posted looking for support, but could do with some fellow celiac advice.

I have been celiac for about 4 years now and for the most part kept to a strict gluten-free diet, but I fell off the wagon during lockdown and recently had a lot of gluten and can't seem to quit it. 

After diagnosis my social and romantic life kinda just ended. Thing is, eating gluten is intoxicating and feel like I have reclaimed part if my old life, even if it is killing me. The food itself I can be strict and do without, but the lack of a social life is the clincher.I keep saying to myself, ok this week I'll try and be good, and it never happens....

Has anyone else been here? Would honestly appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Tony

It's very hard! I find that even places that have gluten free options have often clearly contaminated products so those places are no-gos, and friends even with the best intentions can sometimes not know how to react.

My advice would be to carry on going to your old places but eat beforehand and just order a drink when you get there. It's not quite the same when everyone else is eating and you're just having a drink, but it might be better than not going at all.

In the meantime try and work out which places you can eat at and have them in mind for when you definitely want to eat when you go out.

[fllstuart77]

On 7/19/2021 at 7:26 PM, Tony9k said:

Would honestly appreciate any advice.

 

 

most normal people don't take it seriously...   its just a food allergy to them...    

probably much easier if you're a female though...  then you can go on gluten free picnics and all that

[trents]

One piece of advice for increasing the odds for eating out safely that someone else on the forum gave recently is to call ahead to the restaurant, talk to the kitchen staff and plan menu items that are naturally gluten free. Then take along a bottle of GliadinX to cover the likelihood of getting a small amount of gluten from cross contamination.

[maseymn]

On 8/2/2021 at 2:01 PM, Tony9k said:

I struggled with the experience of feeling like a bit of an outsider, either not being able to join in or eating a pack lunch whilst everyone else ate a takeaway.
I have come to the conclusion from talking to other celiacs on here and looking at other posts that I think that maybe the celiac disease isn’t the problem and the problem is with me, or at least the negative experiences I've had since diagnosis. 
 

Just wanted to check in, and hoping you are doing a little better. I have some social anxieties, and am quiet and not very outgoing, so I won't lie -- being celiac and living gluten free really compounded those issues for me. I decided to try to learn from situations where I feel uncomfortable, and try to find ways I can cope better with feeling isolated sometimes even in a group of people. Part of that has been to accept my diagnosis, and that it's okay for me to take care of myself in whatever way I need to when I'm out. If that means everyone goes to MY choice of restaurant, so be it. As you say, sometimes the celiac disease shines a light on areas in your life other than food, like (in my case) some social anxieties and mild depression, which can be worked through with patience and outside help; but being able to drag out a sandwich at a sporting event takes some adjustments to your psyche. I'm glad you're getting some help -- sometimes finding a way to change the way you think about yourself and your situation, and giving yourself a pat on the back for the things you are doing well, can improve the quality of your life and open up new possibilities. The problem is NOT with you; you are just struggling right now. Things can and will get better. Again, hope things are looking up for you.

[Tony9k]

Hello All, 

Many thanks for all your replies on this. I read all the replies as they came through and kept forgetting to reply on an evening - probably the brain fog from eating Gluten!

In any case I have tried to respond to everyone.

On 8/2/2021 at 9:19 PM, Ivana said:

Now, when I think of this trip, I don't remember anything about how I wasn't able to eat in a restaurant. I only have fond memories of it and I am looking forward to future trips! When I was diagnosed and feeling sad, another friend told me "Well, before you could do 100 things, and now you can do 99", and he was right. Still plenty out there to enjoy life and we should focus on those things instead. 

Honestly, I am really glad this has been the case for you, I really am. My experiences haven't been the same. Still I can be glad that fellow sufferer is doing well though 🙂

On 8/19/2021 at 10:01 PM, Onegiantcrunchie said:

It's very hard! I find that even places that have gluten free options have often clearly contaminated products so those places are no-gos, and friends even with the best intentions can sometimes not know how to react.

My advice would be to carry on going to your old places but eat beforehand and just order a drink when you get there. It's not quite the same when everyone else is eating and you're just having a drink, but it might be better than not going at all.

In the meantime try and work out which places you can eat at and have them in mind for when you definitely want to eat when you go out.

I have had those opportunities arise re just going for a drink. In my head I kind of thought that it would extremely awkward if everyone is eating but you. Is that not the case for you? A few years back I used to go to friends for games/drinks evenings, but everyone would grab a takeaway and I would just wait for them to eat. I found this really difficult, and started to feel like an outsider and stopped going. In hindsight I should of done what Trents suggested and bring my own meals to it.

 

12 hours ago, fllstuart77 said:

 

most normal people don't take it seriously...   its just a food allergy to them...    

probably much easier if you're a female though...  then you can go on gluten free picnics and all that

You are correct. Possibly, I have read that celiac is more common in women so it would make sense there are more options for female celiacs.

 

On 8/2/2021 at 9:21 PM, trents said:

A lot of it is perception. Is the glass half empty or half full? Yes, many food things are now off the celiac's plate but many things remain. I think for a lot of people, the social toll they perceive is more of their own framing than that of their family and friends. They imagine themselves as the fifth wheel at social gatherings and their presence as introducing awkwardness into the event. It's a self-consciousness effect and becomes a self-fulling prophecy. It actually causes them to withdraw and then others withdraw from them. You do have to put extra effort and forethought in remaining engaged with family and friends after going gluten free, and part of that is preparing and bringing your own food. That's the hard part for me. It's so much trouble and I get lazy about it. Yes, I am oversimplifying this phenomenon because there is another side to it. But you can only control your own reaction so that is what I am now emphasizing. One thing that might help is making up a bunch of self-contained meals and putting them in the freezer so that when social events come along you don't have to do a bunch of cooking each time.

You are possibly correct re perception and that leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy or at least that is part of it. I have had some quite negative experiences since going gluten-free which has reinforced that mindset though, and been outright told how much of a hassle having me at X event was.  I think if I can get myself to a good place with being gluten-free again then I will try the meals thing, maybe force myself into it so I don't end up isolated again. Yeah I tend to get lazy also and tend to get a general fatigue to it all where I really cant be bothered to cater to my illness. I assume we all probably experience that from time to time.

 

5 hours ago, maseymn said:

Just wanted to check in, and hoping you are doing a little better. I have some social anxieties, and am quiet and not very outgoing, so I won't lie -- being celiac and living gluten free really compounded those issues for me. I decided to try to learn from situations where I feel uncomfortable, and try to find ways I can cope better with feeling isolated sometimes even in a group of people. Part of that has been to accept my diagnosis, and that it's okay for me to take care of myself in whatever way I need to when I'm out. If that means everyone goes to MY choice of restaurant, so be it. As you say, sometimes the celiac disease shines a light on areas in your life other than food, like (in my case) some social anxieties and mild depression, which can be worked through with patience and outside help; but being able to drag out a sandwich at a sporting event takes some adjustments to your psyche. I'm glad you're getting some help -- sometimes finding a way to change the way you think about yourself and your situation, and giving yourself a pat on the back for the things you are doing well, can improve the quality of your life and open up new possibilities. The problem is NOT with you; you are just struggling right now. Things can and will get better. Again, hope things are looking up for you.

I can relate to you with the whole quiet, not very outgoing and social anxiety so I am both happy for you and kind of amazed? Unsure if that's the right word. I just mean that couldn't of been easy to demand that as I know I struggled on that front. I have to admit I struggled with it and after a while (maybe a year) just decided that eating out was no longer a thing I could realistically do. I think the help is probably necessary, everyone else is fairly upbeat with it all whereas I feel like it has been life ending. Thank you for your kind words.

[Ivana]

21 hours ago, Tony9k said:

Hello All, 

Many thanks for all your replies on this. I read all the replies as they came through and kept forgetting to reply on an evening - probably the brain fog from eating Gluten!

In any case I have tried to respond to everyone.

Honestly, I am really glad this has been the case for you, I really am. My experiences haven't been the same. Still I can be glad that fellow sufferer is doing well though 🙂

I have had those opportunities arise re just going for a drink. In my head I kind of thought that it would extremely awkward if everyone is eating but you. Is that not the case for you? A few years back I used to go to friends for games/drinks evenings, but everyone would grab a takeaway and I would just wait for them to eat. I found this really difficult, and started to feel like an outsider and stopped going. In hindsight I should of done what Trents suggested and bring my own meals to it.

 

You are correct. Possibly, I have read that celiac is more common in women so it would make sense there are more options for female celiacs.

 

You are possibly correct re perception and that leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy or at least that is part of it. I have had some quite negative experiences since going gluten-free which has reinforced that mindset though, and been outright told how much of a hassle having me at X event was.  I think if I can get myself to a good place with being gluten-free again then I will try the meals thing, maybe force myself into it so I don't end up isolated again. Yeah I tend to get lazy also and tend to get a general fatigue to it all where I really cant be bothered to cater to my illness. I assume we all probably experience that from time to time.

 

I can relate to you with the whole quiet, not very outgoing and social anxiety so I am both happy for you and kind of amazed? Unsure if that's the right word. I just mean that couldn't of been easy to demand that as I know I struggled on that front. I have to admit I struggled with it and after a while (maybe a year) just decided that eating out was no longer a thing I could realistically do. I think the help is probably necessary, everyone else is fairly upbeat with it all whereas I feel like it has been life ending. Thank you for your kind words.

 Hello again,

I am sorry to hear this is a continous struggle for you.  I do hope it will get better. What helps me is also to remember that there are people worse off than me. Of course, that is not always so helpful, because there are obviously also people who are better off, and not celiacs. But when I found myself walking past bakeries in the city where I live, and started feeling sad about the fact that I can't just walk in anymore, grab something and eat it on the go as everyone else, and when I started feeling how it is even bizzare that all of a sudden and just like that I don't have this "ability" anymore (after almost 40 years of having it), I would think of people who were maybe in an accident and can't use their arms or legs anymore and how much more "bizarre" and unbelievable and frustrating and sad and painful this sudden inability was... and compared to that, not being able to grab a croissant, or eat the same food as my friends in a restaurant is... just not a big deal. Joining game nights is easy, there are plenty of gluten free snacks that you can bring and munch away as everyone else. Joining to a restaurant is not that easy, but I usually eat a nice meal at home so I am not hungry there, and bring a bag of nuts or a small snack just to have something to be busy with while everyone is eating. But I prefer just meeting peopel for a drink or coffee anyway. My long term plan would be to become a good cook and be the person who hosts everyone else. But this might take some time  Best wishes, you got this!