I ate gluten today

[Onegiantcrunchie]

I hope it's okay me posting this, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not advocating that anyone here go eat gluten. But here's what happened...

It's been over 3 years since I got my positive blood test and quit all gluten.

I've been having a very emotional few weeks dealing with unrelated medical stuff plus work, and earlier today I had to go to the hospital for a quick procedure. When I was there I started to have a panic attack and the nurses that looked after me were very sympathetic, told me to go home and relax. I got home so exhausted and very hungry. Had no food in the house, no one to get any in for me, and I just noped out of going back out food shopping. In hindsight it wouldn't have taken long but at that moment it felt like having to climb up a mountain or something.

So I thought ok I'll order food, no big deal. Normally I don't order often but when I do there's a couple (and I do mean just a couple, I live in a relatively small area) of food options that are gluten free that I like. Unfortunately today my normal option had run out of the gluten free ingredients and the only option was gluten. So I should have just closed the app, and I did, but then I went back, and closed it again, and basically back and forthed for 20 minutes on the situation.

The whole time I was telling myself 'just get up and go to the store and buy food and come home and cook a meal'. But... I wasn't going anywhere.

Eventually I got to that point in my head where I started saying 'well I ate gluten for years without realising there was a problem so...'

And also thought about a conversation I had with a friend recently about how I'm so sick and tired of having to check every single label every time I shop, and constantly be cleaning up bread crumbs from inconsiderate people I live with, and basically never am able to not worry about every bit of food I put in my mouth. 

So in the end I thought f it, and ordered the regular meal WITH gluten. I figured I'd be sick for a few days but at that point I barely even cared cos I feel so rubbish lately anyway. I didn't WANT the gluten. I just wanted to not have this be such a huge issue anymore.

As soon as I placed the order I freaked out and tried to cancel it, but too late to cancel. So when my meal came I was apprehensive and even thought about just throwing it straight in the bin but then I thought about the money I'd spent and felt so guilty. So I decided to just eat it and deal with it.

Well, I had a few bites of the bread and ended up throwing the gluten part aside and not eating it as I was having some kind of natural aversion to it. I didn't want the gluten in the first place, I just wanted an easy meal and I was so hungry and tired and emotional.

It's really hard being coeliac sometimes. I don't miss gluten or ever want it. What is hard is having to check every single thing and nothing being convenient. Most of the time I barely think about it but on days like these it's really a struggle. And not many people understand. Most people think about missing the gluten or whatever, but I don't know how many people can relate to the fact that every single thing I drink and eat has to be checked and about half of what I pick up in the supermarket is not acceptable and I can't buy. Meals and food all become so monotonous, options for eating outside and ordering are really limited. It just gets to me and on days like today it just feels so tiring.

I'm not trying to say what I did was a good idea, but I'm hoping someone can maybe tell me that they understand. I definitely am going to put together a plan for when I'm feeling like this again so I don't end up ordering something with gluten in. In the meantime I hope I don't feel too terrible from this, and hope I can put this behind me.

Thanks for reading and I hope it's okay that I posted this here. Mods I understand if you delete this.

[ravenwoodglass]

 Sounds like you're having a hard time right now. I hope you don't get too ill from that meal but if you do know it will pass.  Maybe there are some recipes in that section that would be good to make ahead and freeze.  Feel better soon and don't beat yourself up too much  (HUGS)

[Awol cast iron stomach]

I'm with ravenwoodglass. You are going through a very tough time emotionally right now. You are likely spiritually and physically drained as well. Recognizing and acknowledging it is good. You needed to let out your feelings and emotions. You slipped up. You acknowledged it. You stopped yourself early on into the first few bites. Now you must forgive yourself and move on. 

Sometimes dealing with your non related issue, but visiting a Dr or hospital again can bring up feelings/emotions even if they are subconscious. Let them come, acknowledge them, and let them go. Ride the wave. 

"..fact that every single thing I drink and eat has to be checked and about half of what I pick up in the supermarket is not acceptable and I can't buy. Meals and food all become so monotonous, options for eating outside and ordering are really limited. It just gets to me and on days like today it just feels so tiring." (Well done -Ride the wave of emotion)

Then accept the wave of emotion, and plan next steps. Bored with current meal rotation. Can you seek new recipes out? Treat yourself to something gluten-free and safe that you normally don't buy due to the expense, but allow for special occasions? How about a non food treat? What do you like-massage, manicure? If you can carve out the time/money-this may help center you. Meditation or walk could work too if watching funds. Music and meditation. Music, candles, bath etc. Relax, process, ride the wave.

I am glad whatever you are currently tackling is not too serious (based on your post). However, not serious does not mean without stress. A moment of self care/re-grounding may help center you and allow you to pick up the gluten-free torch you carry. 

Diagnosis isn't always as cut and dry as we think. It doesn't occur on our time schedule. It doesn't mean it will never rear it's ugly head again. It can. That is ok you tackled the large hurdle at the start. Self care, process the challenge/emotion, and re-center and soldier on. You are not alone even if you feel that way.

My basil is dying as the weather changes no pesto tonight-time to pivot that meal rotation-roast those red peppers 😜

Best wishes

 

 

 

[Scott Adams]

I think you know that it's a bad idea, but you're not the first person on the forum who has cheated on their gluten-free diet. I hope you can bounce back from this bad day and continue on your gluten-free journey. It's not easy, but it's a lot easier now than it was 10 or 20 years ago, that is for sure. I suspect you could have had a gluten-free meal delivered to your door in the same time as the one you ordered with gluten.

[Lorraine Dowdall]

I have been diagnosed over 40 years ago. It took seven years of x-raying my large bowel and changing doctors. I have had many cross contaminated meals but I keep trying and trying and trying. I have a few restaurants that I can go to and they are careful and do try to get it right. I know almost immediately when I’ve been Glutened. I get really sick raging diarrhea and sick for a week feeling terrible. Some of the things that have helped me, I always have food with me food that I can eat. I will make sandwiches and freeze them and even if I’m not hungry I will take one with me,bags of chips not the healthiest but something to chew on, packages of cashews, raisins gluten free crackers,cheese, fruit always have something with you that you can Eat. Don’t beat yourself up, remember you come first.When you go to the grocery storeI shop for yourself first. I like the canyon bread best. It holds up well and toast well. Make gluten-free pancakes and keep them in the freezer. It’s all about taking care of yourself. Good luck and keep trying.

[SammieH]

On 11/3/2021 at 12:34 PM, Onegiantcrunchie said:

I hope it's okay me posting this, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not advocating that anyone here go eat gluten. But here's what happened...

It's been over 3 years since I got my positive blood test and quit all gluten.

I've been having a very emotional few weeks dealing with unrelated medical stuff plus work, and earlier today I had to go to the hospital for a quick procedure. When I was there I started to have a panic attack and the nurses that looked after me were very sympathetic, told me to go home and relax. I got home so exhausted and very hungry. Had no food in the house, no one to get any in for me, and I just noped out of going back out food shopping. In hindsight it wouldn't have taken long but at that moment it felt like having to climb up a mountain or something.

So I thought ok I'll order food, no big deal. Normally I don't order often but when I do there's a couple (and I do mean just a couple, I live in a relatively small area) of food options that are gluten free that I like. Unfortunately today my normal option had run out of the gluten free ingredients and the only option was gluten. So I should have just closed the app, and I did, but then I went back, and closed it again, and basically back and forthed for 20 minutes on the situation.

The whole time I was telling myself 'just get up and go to the store and buy food and come home and cook a meal'. But... I wasn't going anywhere.

Eventually I got to that point in my head where I started saying 'well I ate gluten for years without realising there was a problem so...'

And also thought about a conversation I had with a friend recently about how I'm so sick and tired of having to check every single label every time I shop, and constantly be cleaning up bread crumbs from inconsiderate people I live with, and basically never am able to not worry about every bit of food I put in my mouth. 

So in the end I thought f it, and ordered the regular meal WITH gluten. I figured I'd be sick for a few days but at that point I barely even cared cos I feel so rubbish lately anyway. I didn't WANT the gluten. I just wanted to not have this be such a huge issue anymore.

As soon as I placed the order I freaked out and tried to cancel it, but too late to cancel. So when my meal came I was apprehensive and even thought about just throwing it straight in the bin but then I thought about the money I'd spent and felt so guilty. So I decided to just eat it and deal with it.

Well, I had a few bites of the bread and ended up throwing the gluten part aside and not eating it as I was having some kind of natural aversion to it. I didn't want the gluten in the first place, I just wanted an easy meal and I was so hungry and tired and emotional.

It's really hard being coeliac sometimes. I don't miss gluten or ever want it. What is hard is having to check every single thing and nothing being convenient. Most of the time I barely think about it but on days like these it's really a struggle. And not many people understand. Most people think about missing the gluten or whatever, but I don't know how many people can relate to the fact that every single thing I drink and eat has to be checked and about half of what I pick up in the supermarket is not acceptable and I can't buy. Meals and food all become so monotonous, options for eating outside and ordering are really limited. It just gets to me and on days like today it just feels so tiring.

I'm not trying to say what I did was a good idea, but I'm hoping someone can maybe tell me that they understand. I definitely am going to put together a plan for when I'm feeling like this again so I don't end up ordering something with gluten in. In the meantime I hope I don't feel too terrible from this, and hope I can put this behind me.

Thanks for reading and I hope it's okay that I posted this here. Mods I understand if you delete this.

I understand how you feel.  My daughter was recently diagnosed with celiac and it can be overwhelming.  She is a freshman. In college and I know she is overwhelmed with reading labels and worried about what she can and can’t eat!  However, after she started eating gluten free she was amazed how good she felt.  Unfortunately she accidentally consumed gluten yesterday in her dining hall.  She went for breakfast, and the gluten free station was closed, so she thought it would be safe to eat eggs, bacon and fried potatoes prepared in stations that prepare food with gluten.  I believe the food she ate was cross contaminated with gluten food.  She felt terrible yesterday and I hope this will pass quickly and she can get back on track.  Don’t beat yourself up, it happens.  Take time to heal your gut and take care of yourself.  Also if anyone has great food ideas my daughter can keep in her dorm it would be greatly appreciated!  

[Onegiantcrunchie]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support and encouragement.

Just to say I initially thought I'd got away with it as I felt no symptoms - but then 5 days later suddenly got really sick and that lasted about 5 days too. Not sure if a coincidence or a really delayed reaction but either way I haven't been tempted to shortcut my diet since.

[AlwaysLearning]

I really enjoyed reading this. Not the subject matter, because that is heartbreaking (and familiar). But the writing drew me and was extremely relatable. I felt every bit of frustration and angst. Great story telling!

Yeah, I feel this way a lot, but mostly it is about how much time and effort I have to put into cooking food from scratch. I haven't ordered out since going gluten free, but I can totally imagine cracking during a low point.

I would NOT beat yourself up about this slip up. But now that you know there is a risk of slipping, make a plan for how to deal with it should it happen again. I don't know, maybe, make a secret stash of comfort food for yourself that you don't touch except in case of emergency? A little bit of sweet, a little bit of protein, and make sure to include something with crunch. Maybe a KIND bar or two stashed away?

Anyway, big hugs to you and I hope the other health issues are now over.

[celiacsupport]

On 11/11/2021 at 6:02 AM, SammieH said:

I understand how you feel.  My daughter was recently diagnosed with celiac and it can be overwhelming.  She is a freshman. In college and I know she is overwhelmed with reading labels and worried about what she can and can’t eat!  However, after she started eating gluten free she was amazed how good she felt.  Unfortunately she accidentally consumed gluten yesterday in her dining hall.  She went for breakfast, and the gluten free station was closed, so she thought it would be safe to eat eggs, bacon and fried potatoes prepared in stations that prepare food with gluten.  I believe the food she ate was cross contaminated with gluten food.  She felt terrible yesterday and I hope this will pass quickly and she can get back on track.  Don’t beat yourself up, it happens.  Take time to heal your gut and take care of yourself.  Also if anyone has great food ideas my daughter can keep in her dorm it would be greatly appreciated!  

My son was diagnosed, symptom-less but anemic and nutrient deficient, about 2  years ago. Food is such a struggle. We love food and while at home both of us enjoy cooking  meals and making them gluten-free and delicious is no problem but having to disect every restaurant menu and still not be sure takes all the fun out of dining out. I am so appreciative of the few dedicated restaurants that I have found in the seattle area.

He will be heading to college in the fall and we are really struggling with figuring out the best possible living situation for him. even the suite style dorms with kitchens require meal plans and eating in the dining hall is such an unknown.

I'm feeling all the feels for everyone on this site. having celiac is no easy thing to deal with and so many people have no idea what it means or how serious the "gluten free" actually needs to be.

So grateful to have found this site.

[Onegiantcrunchie]

Thank you guys for your replies and support