Being a burden to family/friends

[DayaInTheSun]

Anyone else feel this way? Not only do I have celiac disease but a few food intolerances too. I can’t do dairy, soy, nuts (nuts is an actual allergy lip swelling need an EpiPen) , or eggs. I get stomach pain when I eat seeds, dairy gives me crippling pain, I only recently put together the hives when I eat  soy.  Family wants to go out and eat tells me the restaurant is gluten free but the gluten free bread has eggs or soy or they use the same prepping area as food with gluten in it. I’ve been slowly eliminating food trying to figure what my triggers were. It’s been 6 months since I’ve last had hives and joint pain after cutting out all the foods I listed above. But I can’t help but feel like a burden to everyone. They always heavily sigh when I refuse to eat from restaurants.  They encourage me to eat out but I’m only now starting to physically feel better. I want to give in so I won’t be such a burden. And ruin other people’s fun.  Going out on dates is a nightmare trying to explain to them what I can and cannot have they pretend to understand but I feel like it’s a turn off. 

[cristiana]

Hi @DayaInTheSun

Welcome to the forum!

I've been a Mod on this forum for some years now and your feelings are shared by many of us.   

I am not sure how long you have been diagnosed, but in my own case I do find that time has helped.  It was pretty exhausting at first trying to explain to friends but they now have a pretty good grasp of coeliac disease and what it entails, either because they've hung around me long enough or have got to know other coeliacs who have educated them.  Also, two of my close friends are coeliacs and another has become allergic to yeast and with that has developed a shed load of other intolerances, so we either cook for each other or tend to socialise over coffee or just a visit to the pub, or meet for a picnic.

I now have found a few trusted restaurants and pubs where I can relax and enjoy a meal.  But I would never risk this without a bit of research first, looking at online reviews and preferably asking friends for their personal recommendations. If I am not sure, I don't take any chances and eat before I go out, just saying to the staff, "I'm not eating, but I'll order a drink" without any explanation.  I actually find that much easier than saying, "I'm a coeliac" because they then try to persuade you to try their gluten free menu which can be a bit hit and miss. 

I hope others will chime in but I just wanted to reply to say you are certainly not alone in this.  I do hope that over Christmas you will find a few treats you can eat at home.

Cristiana

 

 

[trents]

Let me "ditto" Cristiana's welcome to the forum, @DayaInTheSun! Many in this online family can identify with your struggle.

With all of your food sensitivity/intolerance issues you probably should research MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome) and consider a low histamine diet.

[Scott Adams]

Ultimately you have to be responsible for your own health, regardless of how it might affect others, and this is especially true if you have both celiac disease and a severe nut allergy. Eating out is the most common source of gluten contamination, even in restaurants that have gluten-free menus. 

Celiac.com has published a book on our site by Jean Duane PhD called Gluten-Centric Culture, which covers many of the social aspects of having celiac disease:

This chapter in particular covers issues around eating with family and others - Gluten-Centric Culture: Chapter 5 - Grabbing A Bite Together:

 

 

[RMJ]

I’ve been to restaurants for lunch with people from work and not eaten anything.  One time I just had a bowl of white rice.  The restaurant didn’t care and nobody made any nasty comments.  It took some bravery on my part to do that but it turned out fine. I just tell people I’m there for their company, which is more important to me than the food.