Omg...i Might Be On To Something

[mftnchn]

Things I never really knew about. I don't go anymore, but I should. She thinks I was, you know, the M word when I was a child. I still see little clips of my past as a little girl but something really blocks out a lot. I feel like if I can get through this all this stuff in me will just leave.

I'm sorry too. Its very hard work to deal with this and takes a lot of energy and time. Sometimes we have developed a whole repetoire of things to keep us from "going there." I hope that you can soon continue this process and that it will have a huge impact on your heatlh.

Sherry

[Rachel--24]

My experience as well on the emotional blockage. Dr. M. said that I was dealing with emotional trauma and blockage. So I went to a psychiatrist or couselor and we uncovered a whole bunch of stuff under the roughage.

Lisa, I think it would be good for you to continue working on that stuff (bringing the emotional stuff to the surface) if you can. It definately isnt good to keep it locked up inside.

Dr. M. is one of the doctors who tested me too.... but the emotional stuff wasnt blocking me at all. It was pretty much a non-issue according to him.

I was thinking about this alot today and talking to my friend about it as well.

People are constantly telling me that I'm "too honest" and that there are some things that you dont have to tell your partner or whatever. I tend to always "tell on myself" even for the most innocent things. I'm not a good liar and I cant keep "bad things" inside because I *feel* much better talking about stuff and letting go of things.

But part of the reason I've always done this (let things out) is that I dont feel right bottling things up. Its like I FEEL toxic....and then it nags me so that I end up "spilling" everything and then all of the tension is relieved. I feel less healthy when I'm not totally open and honest....or when I try to hold my feelings inside.

It makes me wonder if this is because I've always been a poor detoxifier and any type of additional "baggage" from emotional stuff is totally unwelcome.....so instinctively I have HAD to let go of it in order to preserve my health??

The only emotional stuff that I think *might* be an issue for me now is the stuff from my break-up. This all happened AFTER I was sick....so it cant be a direct cause....however, I dont think it could be helping me as far as the healing process goes.

In my mind its still an unresolved conflict..even though things have gotten alot better the past couple years.

The thing that brings me back to this is the fact that whenever I have bad reactions or any type of "set-back" I have the same bad dreams that bring me right back to the time that I was dealing with this break-up.

For the first 2 years (when I was really sick) I was having these dreams on a regular basis....almost every night. As soon as I reduced my toxicity with diet changes (and cleaning up my environment) the dreams stopped completely.

So its been 3 years since then....and 5 years since the break-up.....and its definately not a huge issue in my mind anymore. I think I've moved on from that.

And yet.....once in a blue moon I eat something which triggers some bad reaction....and BOOM...I'm back to square one and having the SAME FREAKING DREAMS!!

What the heck is up with that??

It happened last night. I tried white rice.

Its been over a year since I've had any rice and I've always had bad reactions but brown rice is usually alot worse for me. Its not the typical head swelling type reaction that I usually get...its more like a blood sugar thing.

I think it might spike my blood sugar or something.....it causes heart palps, flushing, anxiety and the bad dreams. I wake up all night with the symptoms....like little panic attacks.

I read that rice increases blood sugar levels twice as much as sugar does.

So yeah....I think because of my metabolic issues my adrenals just cant handle that right now. Its way too much stress.

But WHY the dreams.....going back 5 years in time?? I'm soooo over that!

Since the emotional issues didnt seem to block me at all....I'm wondering if its just kind of "stuck" because my body hasnt healed enough to be able to "process" it??

If I cant excrete toxins....I wonder if this would also include the emotional ones? So until my pathway is open....and things start moving out....maybe I'm just stuck with this issue because it happened to me after I became burdened with all of this toxicity??

Does that sound possible??

OMG....everyone around me KNOWS that I've discussed my feelings about this break-up EXCESSIVELY and for a LONG time after I should have been over it and moved on (under normal circumstances). So yeah....I see no reason for this "junk" to still come back because I ate some freakin rice before bed.

BTW...my heart palps and anxiety were so bad that I didnt even go to work today!

Instead I stayed home falling in and out of sleep and in and out of bad dreams. It was such a FUN morning.

So as far as the emotional stuff goes....I think this is all I'm dealing with but it doesnt come up as in issue in testing. It might be that its not a "priority" and not a "cause" of toxicity.....but just lingering around because I cant get rid of it.

I dunno what it means exactly.

[tabasco32]

I had a sprite the other day. I couldn't Take IT Anymore! With 100 degree weather I wanted a soda. I don't know if I reacted to it or not. Are we not suppose to drink soda from cans?

[AndreaB]

I had a sprite the other day. I couldn't Take IT Anymore! With 100 degree weather I wanted a soda. I don't know if I reacted to it or not. Are we not suppose to drink soda from cans?

Aluminum isn't good, but don't know how much of a problem it is if the cans aren't out in the sun like they were during D Storm. It's believed that that played a part in many people's health demise as well as too many immunizations at once.

[AndreaB]

Rachel,

I don't have a clue about your situation. It is weird you have the same dreams when you eat the wrong foods and overflow your bucket.

I didn't know rice was that bad as far as "sugar".

[tabasco32]

BTW...my heart palps and anxiety were so bad that I didnt even go to work today!

Instead I stayed home falling in and out of sleep and in and out of bad dreams. It was such a FUN morning.

I had really bad heart palpatations last night too. They even woke me up. I think it was something I ate like oatmeal cookies or popcorn or 1000 grande bars or...

And everytime I stay the night at my moms house when Ryan isn't thier, I get really bad nightmares. I have noticed that as well.

My mom is getting heart palpatations too now and a gnawing stomach. She feels air coming up from her stomach into her chest and throat but it's not gas. She says it feels fluttery.

[CarlaB]

Sorry about the bad experiences Lisa. And about the dreams, Rachel.

[Rachel--24]

Rachel,

I'm thinking T's problems, to some extent anyway, are related to metals, possible thyroid and foods. How do I determine the best diet for her to try and pinpoint these. I haven't a clue as to which foods are high in amines or salicylates. I think M might benefit from something like this as well. Both of them love grains.

The diets which eliminate food chemicals are Feingold (which primarily focuses on salicylates as well as preservatives, dyes and additives) and Failsafe (which eliminates salicylates, amines, high glutamates as well as the synthetic chemicals).

There are alot of sites that list the foods high in salicylates, amines and glutamates. Its not a grain free diet.....its totally different from SCD. It just focuses on removing the chemicals that trigger reactions for people who cant process them out efficiently. The diet is used for kids with ASD's, ADD, behavioral problems, learning disabilities, etc.

It can work for anyone who may have sluggish enzymes and impaired pathway function.

Here are the main synthetic chemicals to avoid (which you probably already do)

Open Original Shared Link

This is a good introduction for the diet..

Open Original Shared Link

these sites are also good...

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

I'm feeling much, much better today .... not back to where I was yet, but I'm on the upswing. But my rash on my forehead and chin is bad. One of the "blisters" is really bugging me.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

I'd agree with Carla. It could be that he didn't have a long enough abx treatment and as he is aging his immune system can no longer keep it at bay.

I agree with this....Lyme can come back anytime that the immune system is no longer able to keep it in check.

[Rachel--24]

I didn't know rice was that bad as far as "sugar".

Its because it gets converted to sugar very rapidly....unlike the complex carbs which are digested slower.

Brown rice is suppossed to be better....but I have the same problems with it that I have with the white rice.

[aprilh]

But WHY the dreams.....going back 5 years in time?? I'm soooo over that!

Since the emotional issues didnt seem to block me at all....I'm wondering if its just kind of "stuck" because my body hasnt healed enough to be able to "process" it??

If I cant excrete toxins....I wonder if this would also include the emotional ones? So until my pathway is open....and things start moving out....maybe I'm just stuck with this issue because it happened to me after I became burdened with all of this toxicity??

Does that sound possible??

Rachel -

Sounds scary! I have had things like that happen before, but maybe not to that extent. The heart palps always scare me!

Maybe because its an Unresolved conflict, it is still in there blocked somehow.

I am a lot like you in that I don't like to hold stuff in. I am pretty open with myself and my feelings on things. Not really all that private.

But unresolved conflicts REALLY get to me. They will absolutely drive me crazy until I find some kind of resolution with the person.

My hubby being unsupportive at times really gets me all worked up! and I know that this does not help me at all!

We have been seeing a marriage counselor to work out some of these issues and the last few times I have been leaving there even more ANGRY than when I went in. I feel like nothing is really being resolved so I can move on from it. After last week's visit, I was so pissed off that I couldn't sleep for 2 nights. I finally had to jot down a few things just to get them out of my brain so they would quit recirculating.

So, for me, I do think the emotional aspect is hendering me. But, other than what I am doing currently, i am not sure what else to do about it.

On another note....i noticed after I went gluten free and did yeast cleanses 1-2 years ago, I noticed that my emotions were much more stable and I didn't let as much get to me. I was able to "let go" of more issues than in the past. I was calmer and more laid back. i don't even worry about the house being straight all the time and things like that. It was really quite strange how that changed in such a short period after changing my diet so significantly.

[Rachel--24]

I had really bad heart palpatations last night too. They even woke me up. I think it was something I ate like oatmeal cookies or popcorn or 1000 grande bars or...

I think the 1000 Grande bars alone would do me in.

I think I'd be bouncing off the walls......I get kind of "high"....and then come crashing down. Or sometimes (in the case of pizza druggings) I just come crashing right down.

[CarlaB]

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Thanks. I got to feeling better, then was hit with my regular monthly herx which is right on schedule. They're only a day or two now, so hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

[mftnchn]

Rachel, what you describe is really fascinating. I would agree that there is probably something unresolved. What is interesting is that sometimes the unresolved thing is not what you think it is, for example the bad break-up. It could be something from early childhood that you hardly remember or even see as problematic, but there is an emotional similarity to the emotion in this breakup--that comes up in the dream. If you focus on further processing the break up--it wouldn't really help if it was that.

You might try the EFT we talked about before, see what happens. Also there are some types of therapy that might work, such as EMDR, but you'd have to go to a therapist who does that. It could be very quick though, just a few sessions perhaps. The NAET or these other approaches could help but I don't know too much about them.

If you are interested, you can PM or email me, I can share a personal experience about this recently. I don't want to post on the public forum, but don't mind sharing.

[CarlaB]

Rachel, what you describe is really fascinating. I would agree that there is probably something unresolved. What is interesting is that sometimes the unresolved thing is not what you think it is, for example the bad break-up. It could be something from early childhood that you hardly remember or even see as problematic, but there is an emotional similarity to the emotion in this breakup--that comes up in the dream. If you focus on further processing the break up--it wouldn't really help if it was that.

Your parents are divorced, right, Rachel, could your breakup be bringing out similarities to your parents?

[Rachel--24]

But unresolved conflicts REALLY get to me. They will absolutely drive me crazy until I find some kind of resolution with the person.

My hubby being unsupportive at times really gets me all worked up! and I know that this does not help me at all!

Yup...that is EXACTLY how I am.

I know (from past experiences) that I need to be with someone who is a really good communicator. I cant deal with people who are non-communicators in a relationship. Its the most frusterating thing EVER.

We have been seeing a marriage counselor to work out some of these issues and the last few times I have been leaving there even more ANGRY than when I went in. I feel like nothing is really being resolved so I can move on from it. After last week's visit, I was so pissed off that I couldn't sleep for 2 nights. I finally had to jot down a few things just to get them out of my brain so they would quit recirculating.

I have had to do this too. If I cant get things out (because the person is not willing to listen) then I'll write it out and usually it helps ME.....even if I dont ever share what I've written.

I've also went to counselors by myself a couple times just to "vent". That also helped me to move on from stuff that I wasnt able to communicate directly to the person.

Stuff will continue to circulate in my mind (just like you said) if I dont do anything to "release" it.

On another note....i noticed after I went gluten free and did yeast cleanses 1-2 years ago, I noticed that my emotions were much more stable and I didn't let as much get to me. I was able to "let go" of more issues than in the past. I was calmer and more laid back. i don't even worry about the house being straight all the time and things like that. It was really quite strange how that changed in such a short period after changing my diet so significantly.

Yup....I had the same experience. Cleaning up my diet made the BIGGEST difference so far.

With this particular break-up my ex kind of got really "closed-up". There's all these walls up now....so even though there was good communication during the relationship it all kind of ended.

I really dont understand how people can manage to bottle everything inside and change from a sensitive and open person to a closed up, unsensitive person.....but thats what happened.

During the first couple years I tried to get this stuff out....so it could be resolved....since we just broke up without really talking about it. My ex didnt want to think about it or talk about it....and said that everything was pushed down deep inside....and trying to bring it out just caused big fights.

We're still friends but all that stuff is still bottled up I guess. There is some kind of indestructible walls up now.....and thats just the way it is....and its frusterating for someone like me who NEEDS communication and resolution.

[Rachel--24]

Rachel, what you describe is really fascinating. I would agree that there is probably something unresolved. What is interesting is that sometimes the unresolved thing is not what you think it is, for example the bad break-up. It could be something from early childhood that you hardly remember or even see as problematic, but there is an emotional similarity to the emotion in this breakup--that comes up in the dream. If you focus on further processing the break up--it wouldn't really help if it was that.

If there was something I was blocking out from early childhood I was thinking it would show up during testing??

Me and Lisa were tested by the same doctor.....and he found it to be an issue for her....but not for me.

I'm definately not aware of anything from my childhood as being traumatic or unresolved...and I didnt have any recurring nightmares or anything else like that until this break-up (which was pretty traumatic to me because I was really sick at the time).

Also when this break up happened it was the first time in my whole life that I was ALONE...I was living alone and dealing with this major illness all by myself. I think that made it so much harder to deal with...and also it was really hard for me to think that someone who had suppossedly loved me so much could leave me right when I needed someone the most. So that was really hard.

My ex didnt really realize how sick I was.....because it was all pretty new back then (we thought it was just thyroid related). Obviously, now its more *real* and now I cant eat anything....and its been over 5 years and I'm STILL sick.

My ex still cant talk to me about this illness. I talk about it and share everything thats going on but I can tell that its uncomfortable and my ex will get very quiet (barely saying a word) when the subject comes up....and just cant really believe that its REAL. Its still hard to believe that this happened to me.

None of the other people I talk to act like this...so its frusterating to me.

Some people think there's some guilt (for leaving) and just not wanting to accept that I got sick like this. I dont really know....because like I said there's no communication from that end. Its like talking to a wall....there is no response.

We can talk about all other things just fine....just not the break-up and not my illness.

I would have felt alot better about everything if those things could have been discussed (and not just from my end).

Your parents are divorced, right, Rachel, could your breakup be bringing out similarities to your parents?

No....there are no similarities between the two that I can think of.

I was too young to remember my parents divorce but I know that I never felt sad about them not being together. I had a stepdad since I was 2.....and I saw my dad every other weekend when I was growing up.

My mom left my dad because he was too into partying and hanging with his friends (they were really young).... and she was wanting a stable environment for 2 small kids.

As long as I can remember I felt glad that she made that descision......and I had a very stable upbringing because home life was pretty structured and I went to catholic schools and wasnt really lacking anything. I was just a typical kid with no worries. If anything I was probably too spoiled....and so I got to be a bratty teenager who didnt want to listen to anyone with authority.

[AndreaB]

On another note....i noticed after I went gluten free and did yeast cleanses 1-2 years ago, I noticed that my emotions were much more stable and I didn't let as much get to me. I was able to "let go" of more issues than in the past. I was calmer and more laid back. i don't even worry about the house being straight all the time and things like that. It was really quite strange how that changed in such a short period after changing my diet so significantly.

That is good anyway. I'm sorry about the relational issues though.

How is the SCD going for you?

[CarlaB]

Sometimes divorce is hard on kids, so I thought maybe there were similarities.

The thing you said that stood out is that the break-up was the first time you were alone. Perhaps there's another time you felt alone? Not in general, but maybe a specific incident? Just throwing things out there.

I am SO NAUSEOUS that I couldn't lie down to go to sleep. I think it's subsiding a little. No idea what caused this. I don't typically have a problem with it. Diflucan maybe?

[AndreaB]

I am SO NAUSEOUS that I couldn't lie down to go to sleep. I think it's subsiding a little. No idea what caused this. I don't typically have a problem with it. Diflucan maybe?

I don't know about diflucan. Did you just start taking it today? I hope this passes soon so you can get some sleep. What about sleeping propped up or in a recliner?

[CarlaB]

I don't know about diflucan. Did you just start taking it today? I hope this passes soon so you can get some sleep. What about sleeping propped up or in a recliner?

That's what Adam suggested just now (he's on the road). I think it's subsiding a little. I started it yesterday.

Nausea can be a side effect of Diflucan .... but typically my gut is made of iron, LOL. I see that Cholestyramine has a side effect of nausea and I got nauseous after taking it, must be that. I have taken it before, so this seems strange.

Well, good night. At least my Lunesta is kicking in. I hope to start weaning off those now that I'm sleeping better.

[mftnchn]

Carla, that sounds awful. I hope you can figure out something to help.

Rachel, I'm not sure it would show up. As we know, the testing does things in layers. And it could be an experience that seems really normal and minor, but has just stored up some emotions because of your being little when it happened. Feeling alone and unable to talk about it could be the thing... Could surprise you. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

April, this sounds really hard. Do you think that you are making progress at all with the counseling? Sometimes it can go for awhile and not feel you are getting anywhere but suddenly there is a break through. Hang in there.

Sherry

[Rachel--24]

I am SO NAUSEOUS that I couldn't lie down to go to sleep. I think it's subsiding a little. No idea what caused this. I don't typically have a problem with it. Diflucan maybe?

It could be the diflucin....especially if its killing off any yeast (which would also release other toxins). Glad its subsiding and you can get some rest now.

The thing you said that stood out is that the break-up was the first time you were alone. Perhaps there's another time you felt alone? Not in general, but maybe a specific incident? Just throwing things out there.

Not that I can think of. I dont even think up until then...I had ever spent a night in a house (or anywhere) all by myself.

I was just never alone....and I never felt lonely or "lost" until this happened. It was mostly because I was sick, in alot of pain and totally brainfogged. I was scared because I didnt know what was happening with my body (or how to fix it)...I was on disability (which was also scary) and then all of a sudden my relationship was over.

My house is away from work, friends and family...so since I wasnt working I was pretty isolated in a big house that was far away from everyone. It was all kind of traumatic I guess.

I'm ok with how things are now.....but it still bothers me alot that my ex is the one person who NEVER asks about my health, doctor appts, treatments, etc. Even STRANGERS are more interested!

There is just absolutely ZERO acknowledgement that any of this is going on....and then if I bring it up there's just blank stares off into the distance.

I know that if the situation were reversed I would be so concerned and worried. I think this is the part that just kills me....and if anything is still eating at me its this.....because I dont understand it and it hurts me alot.

I can only get a response if what I'm saying is extremely positive...like there is an end in sight and I'll be back to normal and eating whatever I want again.....otherwise its just blank stares. There is not really any support because there is no acknowledgement.

I think if the doctors figure it out and I really start recovering, detoxing, eating more foods and becoming less sensitive......then my ex will be more willing to talk about all of this and acknowledging that I went through all of it. I just dont know how I'll feel though...I feel like it will always be an issue like "You werent THERE for me.....everyone else cared more than YOU did."

I dont know if I'll get past that.....ever.

I dont think my ex can handle me being sick...and I dont think I can handle that the whole issue is ignored for all this time.....and this sickness is the most MAJOR event I've gone through in my life so far.

Usually I dont think much about this anymore.....but I guess its still "there"....even if I'm over the break-up itself.

[AndreaB]

Rachel,

It does sound like this would need to be dealt with. Maybe it's just that other things are more pressing right now as far as stressors.

[Rachel--24]

I dont think there is an emotional connection in all cases of chronic illness/toxicity.....even though I do believe its a major factor for alot of people.

For example with the autistic population emotional issues arent typically a major component.....even though detoxification is significantly impaired and the toxic burden is high.

Its the genetic weaknesses and the exposure to toxic insults that play the biggest role. I think that many adults are susceptible to the same things....and if those toxic exposures occur.....then the same type of damage occurs as well. So whether or not a person has any emotional "baggage".....if they are susceptible to damage from heavy metals (or other toxins) there can still be plenty of damage done if there is enough exposure.

I honestly think that in my case I would never test for emotional stuff because I just dont think its an issue that I had prior to becoming ill.

I think the illness itself has caused some things that I'll have to deal with later on though.

[Rachel--24]

Rachel,

It does sound like this would need to be dealt with. Maybe it's just that other things are more pressing right now as far as stressors.

Yeah....I think I'll have to work it out at some point. It just doesnt seem like it'll happen until I start regaining my health though. *sigh*