Omg...i Might Be On To Something

[Rachel--24]

I had this happen several years ago with some feelings that I had been unable to cope with the first time around ... I was too weak to deal with them at the time and boxed them up. When I was emotionally stronger, they came back for me to deal with more completely.

Carla that makes sense,

I couldnt deal with everything going on cuz I was too sick at the time. The relationship was falling apart but I had no strength to really deal with it or try to make things better. I figured it was for the best anyway because I was sick and noone knew why. I could never really deal with it or put it behind me or move on because ALL of my focus since then has been on my health and getting answers. I couldnt do the normal things that people do to move on when a relationship ends. I couldnt go out with my friends, have fun, meet new people...none of it. I was at home...by myself, unable to work and really scared. I wanted desperately to do the normal "healing" things but my body wasnt letting me.

Maybe everything is still "boxed up" and its coming out when my body is stressed.

[CarlaB]

Patti, mine also had to do with Mom issues and were issues that were over 20 years old!! For me it was getting emotionally strong enough as this happened before my health problems, but I think you're right that it does happen as part of the physical healing as well.

Rachel, I have a three month old check statement ... I do the same thing. I feel so lazy, but it takes tremendous effort to do the smallest task. It's not that balancing the checkbook is difficult, it's taking the time to do it. That's why my kids have compensated for that by filling in their own activity papers ... if they wait for me, they know it won't get done. This actually has been good for them in many ways. They are all very independent and capable. Truthfully, if I were to drop dead tomorrow, the only thing my family would miss besides my cooking is my company. They are all very capable people.

I'm not a worrier ... but I do tell my kids that my first job is teaching them to be good people, if we can be friends and get that done, it's a bonus, but it's not absolutely necessary. In the end, they respect me for that.

Your mom is just worried ... and since you're there, she can see all the little things. When I get upset I vacuum ... well, I did when I had more energy ... If I couldnt' control the situation, at least I could control my environment. Your mom probably thinks that if she can better control the circumstances, they will be resolved ... somehow if you pay your bills on time, you will get better.

[rinne]

Carla, I think that makes good sense too.

[CarlaB]

Carla that makes sense,

I couldnt deal with everything going on cuz I was too sick at the time. The relationship was falling apart but I had no strength to really deal with it or try to make things better. I figured it was for the best anyway because I was sick and noone knew why. I could never really deal with it or put it behind me or move on because ALL of my focus since then has been on my health and getting answers. I couldnt do the normal things that people do to move on when a relationship ends. I couldnt go out with my friends, have fun, meet new people...none of it. I was at home...by myself, unable to work and really scared. I wanted desperately to do the normal "healing" things but my body wasnt letting me.

Maybe everything is still "boxed up" and its coming out when my body is stressed.

And with TheDave there giving you much needed emotional support, you are emotionally ready to deal with things again! Just think how different things will be for you one year from now!!!!

Carla, I think that makes good sense too.

Thanks ... it's taken six kids for me to be able to overcome my controlling, OCD tendencies!!!

[jerseyangel]

... it's taken six kids for me to be able to overcome my controlling, OCD tendencies!!!

I guess I'm 4 kids short then--I still am controlling and OCD!!

[Rachel--24]

Sounds to me like a major herx effect, which they would not have predicted if they weren't looking at Lyme, did you talk to your doctor about this, was this when they said antibiotics were a problem for you?

Every time I took antibiotics I felt worse but I dont know if I was herxing or just reacting to something in the pills. Its hard to know because I've felt bad on various supplements and meds for different reasons. I reacted badly to my thyroid pill at one time because of the purple dye....so I dont know what was going on exactly with the antibiotics.

Metronidazole was the worst though....maybe it was more noticeable because I was on my restricted diet and back at work and functioning fairly well before I started taking it. The other times I had taken antibiotics or meds I was pretty much already non-functioning and in pretty bad shape (eating a normal diet) so its possible I couldnt really notice a HUGE difference....just that I felt a little crappier than normal.

I went on the Metronidazole because my stool test detected C-Diff toxins. I had to take it for 2 weeks....it was sometime near the beginning of the year. Here was my post about it.

Does anyone know if Metronidazole (genneric for Flagyl) is gluten free? I've been on it 3 days for a C-Diff infection and I'm getting alot of my old symptoms back. Dont know if its related to the infection or if there could be gluten in antibiotic. All I know is my stools are no longer formed, I've lost weight and I'm getting bruises and depression. I'm really scared and just want to make sure its not gluten

Does it sound like I was herxing?? Patti had called the company and there was no gluten in the pills. I had to call in sick that day. I didnt even have the strength to check on the pills myself. I remember waking up and the whole room was spinning. When I stood up I was nauseus and I had to hold the walls because I was dizzy and losing my balance. The whole two weeks I had loose stools and no energy.

I had read that Flagyl is nasty and the side effects are so bad that many people cant tolerate it at all. Is this not because of the drug itself but because of what they might be killing with it??

[CarlaB]

I guess I'm 4 kids short then--I still am controlling and OCD!!

LOL!!! With six, you just have to let go!!! You CAN'T do it all!!!! You can juggle it and direct it, but you can control it or do everything!!! Now, if Susan saw my house, she'd say I was a Stepford Wife ... so OCD is pretty subjective!!

[dlp252]

I don't really have a point ... it's just more scientificness that might not be related to anyone here!!! I think I'd really like working at Starbucks .... I don't know many people here yet, it'd be a great way to meet them!!

No point needed here, lol...I just like reading your posts (along with everyone else's)! Interesting conversation you had with that doc!

[CarlaB]

Rachel, I don't know as much about this as you and Rinne, but it sounds like herxing to me.

BTW, did you go back????

[dlp252]

you should be optimistic- whether or not you feel the effects today you felt some yesturday - so thats a great sign. You just have to hope that with each session the relief lasts for longer periods of time.

I think it sounds like good news donna

Yep, this is exactly why I choose to be optimistic.

I'm 43 ... I was just judging by the fact that your youngest is younger than my youngest ... of course, if it weren't for my health problems, that wouldn't be the case!!!

Ha, I'm 51, but never been a mother except to two little dogs, lol...wouldn't know how to be the mom here.

[rinne]

I had read that Flagyl is nasty and the side effects are so bad that many people cant tolerate it at all. Is this not because of the drug itself but because of what they might be killing with it??

Flagyl is used to treat Lyme Disease. Herxing, YES, big time.

[Rachel--24]

Your mom probably thinks that if she can better control the circumstances, they will be resolved ... somehow if you pay your bills on time, you will get better.

OMG...she actually does think like this. She thinks if everything is running smoothly I'll feel alot better and not be so sick....and I will heal.

She says she cant control whats going on with my health but she CAN control other things like making sure insurance paperwork is sent in, bills are getting paid, there is oil in my car, etc.

Everything is so OVERWHELMING for me though.

My mom and her hubby are taking a huge burden off of the medical bills and my Bioset treatments. My ex that I own my home with is taking a huge burden off the utilities and mortgage. I really shouldnt be as stressed because they say the finances will be taken care of no matter what but I still stress about it. I'm used to taking care of myself. My ex does not even live in the house but is paying the bills....it stresses me out.

Even though all of these worries are taken care of....I *still* cant seem to do my own part and just at least get things done on time. It sucks and I get frusterated with myself. I can spend alot of time online, researching and somehow understanding things and retaining info but yet my bills seems so complicated??

[jerseyangel]

Rachel,

I think the people in your life do understand how overwhelming this is for you, and are trying to help in the only concrete way that they can.

By taking some of the everyday, practical worries from you, they probably feel that you can concentrate on doing your research and other things you need to do to get well.

It's hard for the people who aren't us--just in a different way

I also find it hard to sit down and pay bills and balance the checkbook. What's up with that? I just leave it all to the last possible minute. I mean, all I have to do is write the checks--my husband is the one putting the money in there

[CarlaB]

I can spend alot of time online, researching and somehow understanding things and retaining info but yet my bills seems so complicated??

ROFLMAO!!! That is me!!

Wow, your ex is generous considering he's your ex! I mean, parents are usually willing to do what they can, but ex-es usually aren't. You'll get it all together. You ARE making progress. Where's Andrea? This mothering thing is her job!! Seriously, you are making progress and you will get better. It'll be a lifelong awareness, but you'll never be as bad as you are now ... you'll find out the signs you are weakening, and adjust and not come to this level again. I'm saying that for my own benefit, too. If we weren't so strong, we'd be dead.

[dlp252]

This is the stuff that worries my mom....because I dont take care of anything in timely fashion anymore. It seems like it would be easy....to just get out the bills and pay them. But its not easy anymore. I cant explain it but some things just arent so easy anymore.

Wish I didn't understand this statement so well.

[Rachel--24]

And with TheDave there giving you much needed emotional support, you are emotionally ready to deal with things again! Just think how different things will be for you one year from now!!!!

I dont know if I'm emotionally ready for dealing with stuff yet...I think I'm just so focused on my health that I dont think about much else. Its actually gotten worse since I got diagnosed. I hope everyone is right about things being so different for me a year from now. I hope when the holidays roll around next year I can eat what everyone else is eating and feel the same joy I used to feel during the holidays....before I got sick. That would be more than awesome.

I guess I'm 4 kids short then--I still am controlling and OCD!!

BTW, did you go back????

Are you kidding?? I would still be lost in the pages.

Nope...this was before the OMG thread. I posted a topic desperately asking for help...I wanted to know if the Metronidazole was gluten-free....Patti came to my rescue.

Flagyl is used to treat Lyme Disease. Herxing, YES, big time.

Well...all I know for sure is that since then I'm terrified of antibiotics. I figured if this is how the Dr.'s planned on treating the Lyme my life would suck from here on out. I felt the hugest relief when the Dr. said NO antibiotics for this Lyme girl.

I just think its a bad idea for people with a chrocic Lyme infection...its gonna cause some serious side effects and my Dr. knew it would make me really sick. The entire time I was on Metronidazole I felt like I needed to be back on disability. If I was being treated with antibiotics I think I would not be able to work. Going to work is good for me....I feel like its better for me on so many levels..to be a part of everyday normal life. Disability was a horrible experience. I used to look out the window and watch people going to and from work....doing everyday activities and I would cry because I wasnt doing those things. Now I am and I'm happy.

[CarlaB]

I dont know if I'm emotionally ready for dealing with stuff yet...

You might not think you are, but if it's happening, your body thinks differently. You are a lot stronger than you think you are ... it's apparent here.

I hope everyone is right about things being so different for me a year from now. I hope when the holidays roll around next year I can eat what everyone else is eating and feel the same joy I used to feel during the holidays....before I got sick. That would be more than awesome.

Don't be disappointed if you still have food intolerances, they most likely will be a lot less severe and a lot less numerous ... the really important thing will be that you will FEEL GOOD!!! You'll be able to partake in some CHAMPAGNE!!!

[dlp252]

Okay finally caught up....wasn't easy either...lost my computer connection twice, lol. Anyway, now I gotta go, lol. Need to learn a choir song before tomorrow...haven't listened to it until about 20 minutes ago. The small group I'm in is singing tomorrow too, but fortunately I KNOW that song. I do have Mission Impossible 3 to watch...my mom loaned it to me, so that's my afternoon/evening...watching MI3 and learning a completely foreign choir song, lol.

[jerseyangel]

Okay finally caught up....wasn't easy either...lost my computer connection twice, lol. Anyway, now I gotta go, lol. Need to learn a choir song before tomorrow...haven't listened to it until about 20 minutes ago. The small group I'm in is singing tomorrow too, but fortunately I KNOW that song. I do have Mission Impossible 3 to watch...my mom loaned it to me, so that's my afternoon/evening...watching MI3 and learning a completely foreign choir song, lol.

Wow Donna--Good luck with all that! I'm sure the song will turn out beautiful when you all are singing it.

[Rachel--24]

I also find it hard to sit down and pay bills and balance the checkbook. What's up with that? I just leave it all to the last possible minute. I mean, all I have to do is write the checks--my husband is the one putting the money in there

Patti....I'm the same except I wait till the creditors are calling me and I'm so annoyed that I HAVE to do something about it.

I just dont get it because the money is there.....I'm just not writing out the checks. I end up having to pay all these late fees.....probably have spent thousands in late fees the past 4 years....and its totally unnecssary. Now I will have to build up my credit again....I used to be so proud of my credit report.....now its ruined because of brainfog and laziness.

Wow, your ex is generous considering he's your ex! I mean, parents are usually willing to do what they can, but ex-es usually aren't.

My ex and I have a "rare" friendship...its more like we are best friends rather than exes. Its one of those friendships that will last a lifetime....we will always be each others biggest supporter...no matter what. We broke up more than 6 years ago but we talk everyday....there is NO romance or anything like that. We are best friends. I know its kind of "out of the ordinary" but its just natural for us.

[jerseyangel]

Rachel--I've heard you say that about your ex before--that is so nice for you both. It sounds like you are soulmates.

I can't let the bills go the point that you do cuz my husband would absolutely flip out! I hate to ask him to do it, he works hard enough already. It's the least I can do--and I do mean the very least I just don't understand this *inertia*. It's strange that several of us have it.

[Rachel--24]

the really important thing will be that you will FEEL GOOD!!! You'll be able to partake in some CHAMPAGNE!!!

WOOHOO!!

Just to feel semi-normal would be the hugest gift of all....PARTAKING would be a bonus!!

Okay finally caught up....wasn't easy either...lost my computer connection twice, lol. Anyway, now I gotta go, lol. Need to learn a choir song before tomorrow...haven't listened to it until about 20 minutes ago. The small group I'm in is singing tomorrow too, but fortunately I KNOW that song. I do have Mission Impossible 3 to watch...my mom loaned it to me, so that's my afternoon/evening...watching MI3 and learning a completely foreign choir song, lol.

Donna....it actually sounds fun and relaxing. I LOVE singing....although I dont exactly have a "made for choir" voice.

Is it church choir? When I was a kid I loved singing the church songs. I went to St. Martins...its that Catholic School right next to Camino Medical. My favorite part about going to church was singing....and I was LOUD. We used to actually get a grade for singing and I always got a "C" or worse.

I didnt think that was very fair cuz obviously I showed great enthusiasm for it.

[jerseyangel]

I love to sing, too--but truth be told, I can't carry a tune in a bucket

I sing a lot in the car....

[AndreaB]

I also began using SLS-free products (shampoo and soap)

Since these changes, the eczema has stayed gone--and I wasn't really looking to get rid of it per se--I was trying to figure out my food intolerance/intestinal issues. This was pretty much a nice side effect of that

Hmmmm, I wonder about that. Although I was using sls free stuff (I think) last year. Seems my flareup is always in the fall.

Where's Andrea? This mothering thing is her job!!

I'm here. Rachel gets a call tomorrow, I'll mother then.

I have been busy booking flight/hotel/car for going down to see dad Thanksgiving weekend. We will all be going down....leaving the evening of the 23rd and coming back in the wee hours of the 28th. Talked to dad for a few minutes this morning and he agrees with us coming down over that weekend and Mitch will only have to take one extra day off w/o pay.

[Rachel--24]

Rachel--I've heard you say that about your ex before--that is so nice for you both. It sounds like you are soulmates.

Yes....we are soulmates....destined to be the very best of friends. This is how its been since I was 20 years old. We look out for each other.

I can't let the bills go the point that you do cuz my husband would absolutely flip out! I hate to ask him to do it, he works hard enough already. It's the least I can do--and I do mean the very least I just don't understand this *inertia*. It's strange that several of us have it.

Yeah...my mom flips out. Here they are trying to help me and I'm sitting back accumulating late charges. I NEED to force myself to not allow this to happen anymore.

I noticed that alot of "symptom lists" mention an inibility or lack of desire to perform simple tasks. They always metion bills and balancing checkbooks as an example of this. Even my Dr. had asked me about it once.

I obviously have the ability to perform tasks and to think when I *want* to or when I *need* to. What I notice is that when I think of paying my bills I get immediately drained...literally exhausted. I think having to focus on anything finacial has become a huge reminder of what this disease has done to me. Its a reminder thatn nothing is the same. Finances are now something to worry about and there is no money for FUN stuff. It doesnt matter how much money is in the bank...I'm always worried now that it might run out....or that it will never be enough to cover all the costs of getting better.

I think I just dont want to have to think about it at all. I just equate bills with stress and I try to tune it out.

Doing research and working toward getting better brings hope rather than worry so I think I have more energy for doing things that bring out positive feelings.

I have been busy booking flight/hotel/car for going down to see dad Thanksgiving weekend. We will all be going down....leaving the evening of the 23rd and coming back in the wee hours of the 28th. Talked to dad for a few minutes this morning and he agrees with us coming down over that weekend and Mitch will only have to take one extra day off w/o pay.

Andrea....YAY!

I'm so glad you are all gonna do this together. I know its stressful making all the arrangements but its important and you'll be happy you did it. Your dad sems like hes happy you're coming for Thanksgiving too.

I'm here. Rachel gets a call tomorrow, I'll mother then.

I'll look forward to it.

Actually...I will call...my weekend calls are free.