Omg...i Might Be On To Something

[DingoGirl]

I agree we need another name for Carla, Babs just doesn't convey the woman in mink with umpteen children shopping at the health food store.

what??? she wears a mink to the health food store? oh dear gaaaaaaaawd missed that part - - -

Okay, let's see then...I teach English...English spice? Or does that sound too much like an icky cologne?

Teacher Spice?

[AndreaB]

Donna,

Love your new picture.

I've been enjoying all the ones you've posted.

HI JUDY!!!!

[Judyin Philly]

Yeah....nobody wants to end up in Rachelville where people cant eat anything.

Little do they know how much fun we have.

Anyways...we're all really glad you did decide to join us Laura. We all love you and are very happy for you today.

Yup...this thread is near and dear to us....our home away from home...the one place where the light is always on and everyones always welcome.

True that!!

Rachel..funny the way you put that but it's so true.

we are a 'band of funny, funky ladies and gents' for sure

it's a safe place ...most of the time...

hugs all my friends.

back to pages of reading.

[Mtndog]

Okay, let's see then...I teach English...English spice? Or does that sound too much like an icky cologne?

I teach English too! You could be Simile Spice or pick your favorite author....I'd be Sylvia Spice after Sylvia Plath.

ok- fess up time. took a percocet (left over from gallbladder surgery last year) and it worked wonders.

Carla could be Minxie Spice :P

[jmengert]

AHHH! Sylvia Plath is my favorite author, too! What level English do you teach? I teach first-year composition and technical writing at VA Tech.

I LOVE Sylvia Plath; part of my graduate work focused on her (though my specialization is in composition/rhetoric).

I also love, love, love Harry Potter (not as high-brow, huh? )

How about Harry Spice? Potter Spice?

[miamia]

Just a quick pop in-

Laura-

I am so happy for you- you deserve this - a real diagnosis and real treatment and soon to be really better.

Thanks everyone for giving me such a nice name- I really love you guys.

I am glad peace has been restored in rachelville!! Everyone said some reallly amazing things. I am too out of it to comment on them all but I second all of it!!!

I had a crazy appt. today that I will have to write about tomorrow. It was physical therapy/ massage/ craziness.

Donna-

still happy about your green toes I painted mine pink parfait yesturday. they cheered me up.

Rachel-

Its already Friday night- Sunday is so soon!!!

Good night all- God we really are a family aren't we??

[Rachel--24]

It took me a long time to admit to myself that I was as sick as I was, and longer to admit it to others.

I know its not a competition.....but you know what I mean. And look where I ended up....96 lbs and 8 foods, with my parents taking care of me. I look back now and realize I was sicker than I could even comprehend.

I think I knew from almost the beginning that something was really wrong...for me it was not hard to convince myself....it was just difficult for others to comprehend what I was saying. I didnt have a hard time admitting to myself that I was sick....I had a hard time getting the people around me to admit it.

I do know exactly where you're coming from though. We were in similar places...just at different times. I was down to 94 lbs...and I dont think I had any safe foods at that time....I was alone in Manteca. Finally when I was feeling I wouldnt make it another day my mom really noticed it in my voice and drove to my house...found out what a mess I was and brought me back with her.

Everything has managed to work itself out. I'm back at work almost 2 years now. I've got great Dr.'s, I have answers, and I have things to look forward to. PLUS...I have all of you.

I dont think I've ever really allowed myself to throw pity parties for myself....I just dont go there and I've always realized that good things are going to come out of this. Even when I was at my very sickest I felt very strongly that this was meant to be...it happened for a reason and I would have to work really hard to figure it all out.

Its the weirdest thing but I guess because I've always felt that this was something that God wanted me to go through...and its made me a better person....I've never felt too sorry for myself....and I've never doubted that I would one day be well again.

Its so far from how I would have imagined myself handling something like this. I feel like a different person now.

Does anyone else feel that way??

The thing with the Dr.'s is really weird. I used to stare at the stuff on the computer about mercury, candida, leaky gut...and all these things and I would read and absorb it all and I would think "People know about this stuff...they are out there somewhere...but how do I ever FIND one of these people to help me??"

It was the scariest thing ever...to really feel like you know whats going on but then to never be able to find anyone to help you. I finally had to sort of let it go...for more than a year I wouldnt even look at anything mercury related...I didnt want to be reminded of how much it "fit" me and yet have noone to turn to. It was the same way when I tried to get tested for Lyme and got totally denied and ridiculed. I had to let it go or I was gonna drive myself crazy.

In the end I never FOUND these Dr.'s....its more like they found me. I feel like I've just been guided this whole time....yeah I do alot of "homework"....but mostly I know I'll be OK because there has been *someone* steering me in the right direction from the start.

I never had any "spiritual" type feelings at all my whole life...until I got sick and I knew I wasnt alone in this and it was happening for a reason.

I'm just mostly rambling now but back to what Rinne said about "without the illness...we wouldnt have this"...and yeah...how can I regret the sickness when its brought me so much and also changed me into a much more compassionate and understanding person. There is more purpose in my life now than there ever was when I was healthy.

let me just say that I am near giddy at this point.. i feel like such a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. i feel like i can be me again. i have a name, and have more proof to the lyme (which I am convinced now....no more "what if"). This is what I have, and I can get rid of it, and then I'll go on to do all sorts of fabulous things. And by fabulous things...I mean, not worry all the time, work a normal schedule, enjoy my time with friends and family (and one day, one of my own!), ....do normal things that have been taken away from me and changed who I was. not that it will be an easy road from today to "there"----but its a start, right?

It is a start....its a BIG start. You know what you're fighting and you know that you're going to win!! You know that you wont live like this forever...you wont go around feeling like noone will ever figure this out. Its a HUGE thing.

Even though you were already being treated you still didnt have that "proof" that this was IT. You were still living with the doubts, worries, and endless questions that drive us crazy when we dont know FOR SURE what we're up against...or if we're doing the right thing.

Its almost like a whole new beginning once you get the answers and are able to let go of all that doubt. Its like you are FREE.....totally free from the scary world of "not knowing".

Everything changes...you'll feel so much better emotionally now that you wont have to deal with that turmoil day in and day out. It can be really draining....I know how I felt before and my life has been much better the past 6-8 months.

Even though my results werent "crystal clear"....I guess at some point after getting all these diffeent tests to try to confirm this or that....I just accepted what was becoming more and more obvious.

So yeah....there was a time when I was "Dubious Spice".....about *everything*. I'm sure some of you just wanted to smack me right out of my denial.

But yeah...I snapped out of it...I dont question everything anymore...and thats pretty blissful in itself.

Laura...I dunno if you have my email anymore...I'll pm it to you.

[AndreaB]

ok- fess up time. took a percocet (left over from gallbladder surgery last year) and it worked wonders.

One thing I don't like about the painkillers is that you can't feel any pain. In my mind that is not a good thing. You could be doing way more than your body can handle with treatment and never know it.

Since I'm officially Mama/Mother spice I've got to keep up with my duties.

[DingoGirl]

I teach English too! You could be Simile Spice or pick your favorite author....I'd be Sylvia Spice after Sylvia Plath.

ok- fess up time. took a percocet (left over from gallbladder surgery last year) and it worked wonders.

Carla could be Minxie Spice :P

Yay percocet!

Minxie Spice susie likes

AHHH! Sylvia Plath is my favorite author, too! What level English do you teach? I teach first-year composition and technical writing at VA Tech.

Sylvia Plath - - I only read The Bell Jar - - one of the most excellent descriptions of depression I've ever read. Not such a cheery book, though - -

OMG we are going to get BUSTED again for Rachelville shenanigans!!!!

Promise to behave. Always feels like such a celebratory day here, when someone gets a diagnosis....

[miamia]

I teach English too! You could be Simile Spice or pick your favorite author....I'd be Sylvia Spice after Sylvia Plath.

ok- fess up time. took a percocet (left over from gallbladder surgery last year) and it worked wonders.

Carla could be Minxie Spice :P

Bev-

I once heard a recording of Sylvia Plath reading "Daddy" it changed my life (ok alittle dramatic) but it was very emotional

[AndreaB]

Good night all- God we really are a family aren't we??

Good night Mia. Yes, we are a family.

Can't wait to hear about your crazy appointment.

[rinne]

Okay, let's see then...I teach English...English spice? Or does that sound too much like an icky cologne?

I think English Spice sounds very charming but tell us more about yourself.

Beverly, don't know what to say about drugs for pain. I haven't taken any, I don't know if that was smart or not but what drugs were available to me just didn't touch the pain anyways. It would probably be good to ask what others are taking on a chronic pain board.

I think it is critical to find a space that allows you pain free awareness, for me that was horizontal, breathing deeply into the open spaces that were pain free allowed me to let the areas that were still painful to recede. Don't know if that makes sense.

I have a lot of experience with physical pain, I've done intensive seven day meditation periods where by the third day you were ready to scream with pain. It is different when you volunteer for it but it is real pain.

After doing quite a few of them I discovered that pain really is just a sensation and that if you are rooted in the present moment you are neither carrying pain not projecting it into the future. It makes for a lighter feeling.

The hardest thing for me has been dealing with the anxiety associated with pain, we know pain as a signal and there were times I thought I was insane for tolerating the signal.

For me the pain is round my torso, rather like I've been picked up by a large bird and carried off with the talons digging into me. I often felt like all my internal organs were swollen and hurting and then I would pull the skin away from my body and the pain would stop for a moment.

I realized that the pain was in the tissue, not the organs but still I would have to remind myself over and over again of that.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain, I hope you can get some relief.

[DingoGirl]

Good night all- God we really are a family aren't we??

OMG - is Mia the cutest, sweetest thing ever, or WHAT? such a darling post from a darling girl.

Rachel - so beautifully written. I think you perfectly illustrate that sometimes you really do have to be FLAT ON YOUR BACK TO LOOK UP. And look where you are now!

I truly believe that you will take your MOUNDS of knowledge out into the world with you and make a living at it somehow.....or at least work with seriously sick people (yes, beyond Rachelville, even!).

[AndreaB]

OMG we are going to get BUSTED again for Rachelville shenanigans!!!!

Promise to behave. Always feels like such a celebratory day here, when someone gets a diagnosis....

You won't get busted. Mama Hen spice is on duty along with the dingo's and everything is smooth sailing.

[Rachel--24]

Rachel-

Its already Friday night- Sunday is so soon!!!

OMG....I know!!! I had to stop all my meds and supplements today...you cant take anything 2 days prior to ART. Usually I'm happy to stop taking stuff but this time I really didnt want to stop any of my detox stuff...or my Nystatin!!

I gotta get prepared....write down all my questions, everything new that I'm taking, etc. I'll be busy tomorrow.

Cant wait to hear about your crazy massage thing....dont know if this is a good thing or a bad thing that took place??

Good night all- God we really are a family aren't we??

Yup....we truelly are...its amazing aint it.

[Rachel--24]

OK....have a question for you all that I am a bit scared to ask but I'm gonna throw it out there. Narcotic painkillers with Lyme? Anyone? I know my SIL"S sister took viocodin and it helped her function tremendously. Not a big fan, but some days really are unbearable (today was one of them ).

I'm still traumatized from all the prescriptions I got when seeing the idiot Dr.'s.

My bathroom literally looked like a pharmacy....I had NO room left for all these pills!!!

I was someone who had never even taken Tylenol...or any OTC stuff. My medicine cabinet never ever contained any medicines....and then all of a sudden it was a freakin pharmacy!!

So yeah...I'm still traumatized by all that...I was on Hydrocodone (I think that was the name?) for one year (everyday)...and then the day I changed my diet was also the day that I stopped needing pain pills.

I still had pain sometimes...but I just dont think I could ever take another pain pill again.

I hate Dr.'s for giving me all that stuff. I think alot of it probably worsened my condition.

I remember the Dr. saying there was no way my body could handle stopping the Hydrocodone...he said FOR SURE I had to be addicted and that I would go through withdrawls...have to be weaned off...etc.

Yeah....thanks for talking to me about addiction after you've already been prescribing the stuff like it was candy for one full year!

Anyways...he was wrong...I stopped taking it and that was that. My body doesnt want or need it.

Thats my story....but Bev...I think you're in alot more pain than what I'm dealing with...my body doesnt hurt much...its only my head. I think its a personal decision of what will work for you or not.

Personally, I'm just scared of medicines....I always was...even before I ever got sick.

I love Scientific Spice for Rachel and I agree we need another name for Carla, Babs just doesn't convey the woman in mink with umpteen children shopping at the health food store.

ROFL....

That made me burst out laughing!! Thanks Rinne.

Okay, let's see then...I teach English...English spice? Or does that sound too much like an icky cologne?

NOOOOOOO.....I feel freaked out....must RUN from anything called English Spice!!

Just kidding Julie.

You can be English Spice.....just so long as you dont smell like it.

Rachel - so beautifully written. I think you perfectly illustrate that sometimes you really do have to be FLAT ON YOUR BACK TO LOOK UP. And look where you are now!

I truly believe that you will take your MOUNDS of knowledge out into the world with you and make a living at it somehow.....or at least work with seriously sick people (yes, beyond Rachelville, even!).

Yup...I had to have everything taken away from me to realize all that I'd taken for granted in life. I dont regret it either.

I dont know what will happen when I get well enough to actually participate in some of the things I'd like to do. Will have to wait and see if this is something I'm "meant" to do. Heck...I've been guided this far....I figure I might be guided to something that will help others at some point....we'll see what happens.

[Rachel--24]

Tom....hope your B-ball game went well.

I dont know about the Mars/Venus thing .....but its all water under the bridge.

I dont hold grudges....just dont ever say I "cheated" on my diet again.

I was diligent...the beasties just didnt wanna leave....they really really like my toxic body.

[tom]

And what, pray tell is Tom/Murph? MANLY SPICE!!!!!!!! Macho spice? Mucho spice?

LOL thx but I'll be fine w/out a Spice Girls-style name. Hehehhehe

[rinne]

....

Holy guacamole how can you remember all that.

....

.....

Good night all- God we really are a family aren't we??

Yes Sweet Spice we are.

....

Since I'm officially Mama/Mother spice I've got to keep up with my duties.

You do very well, we are glad to have you mothering us.

.....

ROFL....

That made me burst out laughing!! Thanks Rinne.

You are welcome, I laugh to think of it myself, thanks Carla.

LOL thx but I'll be fine w/out a Spice Girls-style name. Hehehhehe

I think I might have to call you Hehehe Spice.

[happygirl]

we are home and i am off to snuggle....but I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all of your infinitely kind and thoughtful words. other than my family, you guys are the ones who truly 'get it.'

thank you, thank you, thank you.

and i like the spice names .

love,

happy spice, and yes, judy, i did my happy dance

[AndreaB]

Totally off topic.....

Just before dinner my husband told me to go look outside. I didn't see anything and then a black cat ran by with something huge in its mouth......a rat! Had to have been a rat, since it wasn't a bunny and it was way to big for a mouse.

Mice and deer and rats oh my!

Forgot to mention we've seen 3 deer within a block of us in the last week or two.

[tom]

So while my deft maneuver (D'oh!) illuminated the depth of solidarity in Rachelville,

I'm left wondering whether my basic premise is universally false.

I'm asking for all of your opinions (no need to provide reasons or substantiation) on the following scenario. I've read enough of most of the regulars' posts to trust your opinions.

One thing I do ask is that u disregard your personal health history.

Is it possible or impossible for a random unknown celiac (Celiac X perhaps?) to go gluten-free, discover that he/she has candida overgrowth, take the usual anti-candida measures, and in time become healthy again?

Oh and Laura - Congrats again! I think I haven't been here long enough to appreciate the significance at first.

[tom]

Hey akJenny!

Hope the deprivation diet's going ok.

I read today that the King salmon are running Ship Creek right thru town!

Hope your husband can get one, even tho it'll probably be combat fishing. I was never a fan of that.

Still, some of those are 40-50 lbs. At my local Whole Foods that'd be >$400 of filets easy - even if only 25lbs of filets.

Not that the 20lb Kings aren't droolworthy. Yum I love alaska salmon.

[Rachel--24]

I haven't told you guys because I don't think many of you can have scented candles? but when you CAN have them You have to go to Bath and Body works and get Henri Bendel Vanilla Bean - - OMG - - - normally 26.99, they are now on sale for $10, and I bought a ton, for gifts and for me.

OMG....vanilla bean candles!!!

I want some!! I miss candles!!! I need sweet smelling candles while I bathe in epsom salts!!

Susan....do you think they'll still be on sale when the mercury, candida, lyme and co-infections are all gone??

Right now I cant even handle walking past that store.....let alone venturing inside. So yeah...the sale must continue until I'm past all this chemical heinosity.

Someday my house will be filled with candles again.

[DingoGirl]

Susan....do you think they'll still be on sale when the mercury, candida, lyme and co-infections are all gone??

Rach - the sale is twice a year, for about three days.....next one's after christmas....and we will keep our fingers crossed that you can get your candles!!

Andrea - a cat and a rat and deer, oh my! One thing that makes me sad for all of the Lymies is the terrible reluctance to be immersed in nature, even just to sit in a park, etc.......we all cannot let this condition deprive us of sunshine, nature, God's beauty, wilderness..... I know, I know.....easy for me to say..........

forgot the rest of it - I am a mess - -

SCATOLOGICAL DISCUSSION WARNING -

I forgot everything. I have had the WORST glutening - - - just had among the most noxious diarrhea ever - - - delayed reaction, I think.

And that means......well, I think it's the bread. I bought some gluten-free bread at a wonderful (normal) bakery on Tuesday - - spoke to the mgr for about half and hour......it is made in sterile conditions, thoroughly cleaned surfaces....each loaf wrapped in foil during baking.......I DO eat things on shared equipment - certain things - and have not had problems at all. This yummy bread was only $5.95, much better than Whole Foods usurious $9.26 for a loaf of something you could tile your roof with.....

anywho - - they have made this bread non-dairy, so it contains Smart Balance spread - -

anywho I've eaten it every day since tuesday - four days - - - constipated all week - - very unusual for me since removing gluten -

and now, at nearly 2 am, got up to have a bowel movement?????????????????

Virtually unheard of......

wide awake, with that gluten-buzzing......

and yesterday, despite my silliness and playfulness on here - - horribly hopeless and depressed thoughts, and I actually LOOKED toxic by week's end.

all the signs of a glutening.

and I am SO sad......because the bread was SO SO SO TASTY, and I was excited beyond belief.

only other new thing this week was Terra Chips yesterday - - those appear to be totally safe.

Thanks for listening to my scatalogical rant and whine.

Hehehe Spice -Tom - can't answer your candida riddle.

Sigh. back to bed.

signed,

Wilted Spice