Birthday Parties And Family Get Togethers.

[shai76]

My sister-in-law called the other morning and invited us to her daughters 3rd birthday party. I said we would go, and now I am freaked! I had a birthday party for my son yesterday, and we had safe cake and food, but other people ate store bought cake. My son is just 2 but he seemed to notice everyone else had different things to eat. My husband just explains to him that it was his special day, he was the only one to get presents, and he also got special food too that no one else gets. But I am freaked about this up coming party. There is going to be a lot of people there. Some don't know about his allergies and mine, some don't "believe in allergies." I know they will be all, "Here, have a piece of cake!" and I will feel terrible saying he can't in front of him and everyone else. People will probably try to feed him, and I will be pulling my hair out.

Not to mention my allergies are anaphelectic and I react to airborn food.Even if I am around cheesy things I stop breathing. My son reacts with hives to things that are even just processed on the same line as milk products.

Would it be rude for us to go before food time and leave when people eat?

[angel-jd1]

It sounds like you need to get one of those cute t-shirts that say "please don't feed me_________".

Open Original Shared Link has t-shirts patches and stickers that are super cool

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

You could always make your own shirt with iron-on transfers or some paint that says " don't feed me ask my mom first" or something.

Just a thought.

Oh and do you have any cake left over from his b-day party? Take a piece of that to this party for him. He doesn't HAVE to feel left out. Alot of how kids react to these situations has to do with how their parents react. If you are freaking out, he can sense that and he will freak out also. Sooooo try to calm down a little and take food for him to eat.

-Jessica

[shai76]

Thanks for the ideas. The party is next weekend, so maybe I will go to the health food store and get some more cake mix and make a brand new one for the party for him. You are right though, I need to stop freaking out. He's only two, so I am a new mom, and with him being allergic like me, and I have had lfe threatening reactions, I'm so scared of something bad happening. I need to get over being so paranoid. I think I am borerline neurotic about it all.

[CarlaB]

Just bring your own food and try to make whatever you bring for your son something he likes better than what's being served. I agree with the comment that he will react like you do, so try to enjoy yourself and don't assume he wants what they have if he mentions they're eating something different. He might just be curious. I'd talk to him like an adult about it because kids pick up a lot more than we think. Their understanding is better than their speaking. If you're treating him adult-like, he will appreciate it (no, I'm not crazy ... I have six kids ... okay, maybe I am crazy ) Be sure to tell him his food is different so he won't get sick, or get a belly ache, or whatever symptoms he has. It will be good for him to associate eating the wrong stuff with getting sick.

[shai76]

Just bring your own food and try to make whatever you bring for your son something he likes better than what's being served. I agree with the comment that he will react like you do, so try to enjoy yourself and don't assume he wants what they have if he mentions they're eating something different. He might just be curious. I'd talk to him like an adult about it because kids pick up a lot more than we think. Their understanding is better than their speaking. If you're treating him adult-like, he will appreciate it (no, I'm not crazy ... I have six kids ... okay, maybe I am crazy ) Be sure to tell him his food is different so he won't get sick, or get a belly ache, or whatever symptoms he has. It will be good for him to associate eating the wrong stuff with getting sick.

Thanks1 I will do that, talk to him like an adult. I never actually sat down and talked to him about his allergies. I figured he's two he might not get it, but you are right. I should really explain to him often why we don't eat the things other people do. Thanks. I appreciate the advice of experience moms.

[Mango04]

I'm not an experienced mom, or a mom at all, but the one thing I've noticed is that kids who are diagnosed with food allergies and/or celiac disease at a very young age seem to adapt very well to social situations. I struggle with social situations myself, but I always notice that the teenagers on this board who grew up with celiac will pop on here and say that social situations are no big deal to them. They don't seem mind so much that they have to deal with that stuff and eat differently than everyone else, while all the adults (myself included) are freaking out! I definitely don't think you should avoid the party. It might be a good opportunity to start teaching your son how to stay safe in those situations. He might have to learn that he always needs to ask you before he can ever eat anything, or something like that

[LivianLotasMama]

I am just starting a gluten-free diet with my 7mo old daughter. My social experience with food allergies has been with me and my 2yr old, we are both allergic to Asparatame (Nutrasweet.) It's in all kinds of processed foods and especially in kids drink mixes, lemonaid etc. At Summer BBQs, picnicks, & family gatherings I am always in the kitchen reading laybels on food containers before I let her eat. Ppl act like I am a overly protective mom, but they havn't been with her or me when the terrible gas pains hit us and the explosive diarhea starts.

Educating your son and your family about his allergies is a must. I have just this Summer started to talk to Olivia about Asparatame (she will be 3yrs next month) She knows that Mama or Daddy have to read the laybels before she can have icecream treats from the truck, and she can't have yogurt at other ppls houses. I will be teaching her more as she is going to Pre-K and will need to know what she can't eat. Nows the time to just tell them how it is and they will grow up knowing it's a fact of their life.

Good Luck!!

-Loreli

[kenyonsmommy]

We just had a party today at my house for my father. So......today I made glutne free cupcakes and regular cupcakes. I made my own frosting, just the butter cream kind. I kept two of the gluten-free cupcakes for my son and froze the rest. I also froze some of the frosting, I made sure I frosted his first, then I put some on a ziplock bag before I frosted the others. We have some parties to go to, so I will find out what color the frosting in on those cakes and take out a little frosting at a time to frost his cupcake just like the others. We had a friend whos sone was turning two, she took two of my sons gluten-free sugar cookies home with her and she frosted it just like the cake so that it looked like the others. I am hoping this will work for the oncoming birthday bonanza.

and...the way I have explained the food issue to my two yearold, who has been on the diet about 5 weeks now, I just tell him that certain foods will make his tummy hurt. He understands this, probably because he went so long with a stomach ache and he does not want anymore. He hasn't fought me on anything yet, but I'm sure that he will soon.

[jadobson]

I totally agree with talking to him now and the shirt would be a neat thing for him. My son is 12 and I didn't think he'd think it was cool so we never got him one, he recently saw them in a magazine and now wants one. They have hats too. I want to say it was www.celiac.com that has a cute one with a skateboard.

Since it is your sister in law you could call and ask what is on the menu and bring something similar. You might need to take the time to educate and point out that you don't want to bring any attention to your son as it is "so and so's" special day. We personally like to bring a cupcake as it's easier and no questions are usually asked. We usually bring an extra one for the birthday child in case he would like to try some, kinda like a bonus gift, but don't be insulted if the child doesn't like it or doesn't want to eat it. We personally love Pamela's chocolate cake mix and I took some to work and others couldn't tell the difference. I don't remember if that was diary free or not.

Something to also think about is getting him a bracelet/necklace that says he has severe allergies and to what so that in case you have a reaction and can not be there for him others around you including medics will have a clue to be concerned for him too. I'm assuming you have one, if not I'd suggest you get one for you too.

It can be frightening. I still worry about letting him go to parties as he's a teenager now and pizza is always a temptation, but so far he's been good and actually likes to educate others about it so that makes it easier for me and makes me proud all at the same time. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 7 so think of how lucky you are as your son won't really know the difference between the two, which makes it easier in my opinion.

Leave early if you need to, but most of all enjoy the day with your family.

[Smunkeemom]

I make my girls cupcakes and freeze them seperately, then when it's time for a party we thaw some out and decorate them with sprinkles and pretty frosting and sometimes I even buy those little rings that you can put on the cake, their cupcakes turn out looking 'more fun' than everyone else's "real cake"

As far as other people not feeding them, my girls are pretty good at not even touching food unless they are told by me or hubby that it's okay, but I have a friend who made a t-shirt for her child that says on both sides DO NOT FEED THIS BEAR and a hat that says the same. It keeps people reminded not to feed him. They are both really bright colors.

I think she got the Iron on transfer's for her computer printer at the office supply store.

[wonkabar]

Don't freak out just yet!! If you start to freak out, so will your son and everybody else around you!! Why not call your sister in-law and ask what she's serving? Worse case scenario, you've got to bring food for your son. I always have stuff for my 3 year-old son even when I know there will be gluten-free food. My family and friends have been very supportive. I truly believe their support is the direct result of how much we've educated them about gluten, Celiac Disease and the effects it has on Zachary. To be perfectly honest, I usually have a captive audience when I explain what gluten does and how he reacts to it. People can't believe that something as ordinary as bread can do this to their system and inevitably ask lots of questions. I don't always have to call people at this point; they often call me to see if something is safe and what they can make--or at least tell me what they're serving if it's a big party (ie, christening).

At this point, social situations with family and friends aren't all that stressful b/c people generally know what Zachary can and cannot have and intervene as needed if we're not near him. My son not only has problems with gluten, but is also allergic to tomatos, egg whites and peanuts. No one gives him anything they aren't sure about without asking us. Our neices and nephews (ages 5 thru 10) also keep an eye on Zachary and won't let him have something without asking us...it's very cute! When they're all playing together, we just remind them that Zachary can get bad boo-boos from certain things and that they can't give him something without asking. My sister in-law was telling her friends what my son could and couldn't have when we were at their house for a BBQ, and they all helped keep him safe as well.

Desserts are probably the trickiest. I always volunteer to bring a dessert which, btw, people don't even realize is gluten-free. When they find out they are usually amazed b/c it's just as yummy. If I don't bring an entire dessert, I always have something for Zachary to eat. He may be a little irritated at first that he can't have the "real" cake, but he gets over it and eats his stuff. Usually, the other kids want what he's eating b/c it's different than what everyone else is so it's "special". That's why I wind up bringing a tray of cupcakes or cookies for all of the kids!

You definately shouldn't avoid going to this party. This will be a great opportunity for you, your son and extended family to become familiar with and deal with his issues with gluten. Food is a part of life and a big part of the social arena. Rather than be fearful of the situation, I'd take this bull by the horns and educate people about your son's problems with gluten. You shouldn't feel bad for a moment about telling your son that he can't have certain things. We just tell Zachary that he'll get boo-boo's if he eats it. If people try to feed your son food that isn't safe,you need to politely but firmly tell them he can't have it. People are going to take your lead. If you're wishy-washy about this, they'll also be that way. But, if they see that you are educated about your son's dietary needs and that you are going to calmly do what needs to be done for him, they'll see that this isn't anything to freak out over BUT it is something you take very seriously. Good Luck, and I hope you have a good time!

[hez]

I am a Mom but I am the one with celiac! Just a few thoughts.

When the party is at your house make everything gluten-free and free of allergens for him. That way he can eat everything! I have done this for several birthday's and it has worked out great. Plus it is only one meal. If people don't like it they can leave and eat something else

I will usually call ahead to see what the menu is and if I can eat something. If not I bring the same thing (only gluten-free) or something similar. Most people don't even notice.

Last piece of advice is to breathe! Yes it is scary having severe allergies. Yes it is your job to be protective of your son. It is also your job to teach your children how to live in this world. You will be a great example of how your son can lead a full and rewarding life

Hez

[Tony'sMom]

What we've always done is make cupcakes ahead of time and freeze them. That way when a party comes along we are ready

Bring him some safe snacks/drinks and he should be fine. Tell the other guests that you have food for him and not to give him anything without your approval.

We've always been very matter of fact about Celiac disease. Our son knows what he can and can't eat and has from an early age. If he asked for gluten filled foods we told him no and why. " It makes you sick", "it gives you a tummy ache", etc.

I wouldn't try to avoid food situations all the time, kids start to pick up on that and wonder why they can't go to parties and stuff.

[mart]

Welcome to my life. You know, a close friend of mine ridiculed my son's problem when we were eating at a birthday party last year. She made us seem like aliens. Imagine my surprise when a year later, her daughter was not only diagnosed with celiac disease but with diabetes. Imagine how she has to prepare for the birthday parties her daughter attends? I did not rejoice in this. I've only been supportive with her. But the moral of the story is...what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, karma - call it whatever you want. So let people talk all they want - they'll get theirs eventually. Maybe not with celiac, but with something else in life.

My advice: go to that party and let him have fun! Who cares what everyone says? If your son is 2 and has noticed that his food is different than that of others, I would go along with the suggestion of some of the other posters to call your sister in law and find out exactly all she is serving. Try to replicate it for this party so that he can enjoy it. But from this day forward, talk to him very calmly about his food allergies and that he needs to eat specially prepared food. This way, he can begin to adapt to the idea that he has food intolerances. Over time and as he matures, it really won't bother him too much that he can't have what everyone else is eating. The better adapted celiacs are those diagnosed as young children.

[shai76]

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I agree that it is important to include him, but at the same time protect him. I'm just trying to figure out a way we can do both safely and have fun. I usually bring his own food with us so he can eat something safe, of course. I never thought about calling ahead of time and asking what they are having. That's a good idea.

With my sons birthday I did cook our own safe food, but everyone hated it. They thought it tasted awful, and they weren't afraid to say so. The party was at my moms house, and they pushed me into buying a regular cake, which I did. I paid forit even though my son and I did not eat it. Then they sat around and basically criticized me for not giving him any of it, even though it could make him sick. They think I am just being fussy. They also handed the cake to me to carry to the table for him to look out, so here I am trying not too touch it, trying to let him blow out the candle on this allergenic cake without letting him touch it, and he was reaching for it. It was a circus in my head by the time the whole thing was over. I felt like exploding.

[Smunkeemom]

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I agree that it is important to include him, but at the same time protect him. I'm just trying to figure out a way we can do both safely and have fun. I usually bring his own food with us so he can eat something safe, of course. I never thought about calling ahead of time and asking what they are having. That's a good idea.

With my sons birthday I did cook our own safe food, but everyone hated it. They thought it tasted awful, and they weren't afraid to say so. The party was at my moms house, and they pushed me into buying a regular cake, which I did. I paid forit even though my son and I did not eat it. Then they sat around and basically criticized me for not giving him any of it, even though it could make him sick. They think I am just being fussy. They also handed the cake to me to carry to the table for him to look out, so here I am trying not too touch it, trying to let him blow out the candle on this allergenic cake without letting him touch it, and he was reaching for it. It was a circus in my head by the time the whole thing was over. I felt like exploding.

your family sounds like mine they used to criticize the smell and texture of my girls' gluten free foods, and then try to say things to them like "mommy is so mean not letting you have some cookies" and "I couldn't eat that yucky food you do, it would make me want to die"

I sat them down and told them straight out, that they need to shut up or stay away, and well, they didn't so we don't see them any more.

It annoys me to no end how rude people can be to my kids (and me too now) about our medical condition, they wouldn't do that to anyone else. You don't see people walking up to a disabled person saying "wow, I don't like your wheelchair, it's so bulky, I couldn't do that, your life sucks" yet, they do the same type of stuff to us.

I doubt that I handled it in the best way possible, but I was forever living in fear of them sneeking my kids food. It's easier (and healthier) for us not to be around them.

You should probably have a talk with them though, it's possible they don't understand how serious that celiac is. (my family does, and still did it though, even though half of them are diagnosed, they don't follow the diet and resent us because we do)

[penguin]

your family sounds like mine they used to criticize the smell and texture of my girls' gluten free foods, and then try to say things to them like "mommy is so mean not letting you have some cookies" and "I couldn't eat that yucky food you do, it would make me want to die"

I sat them down and told them straight out, that they need to shut up or stay away, and well, they didn't so we don't see them any more.

It annoys me to no end how rude people can be to my kids (and me too now) about our medical condition, they wouldn't do that to anyone else. You don't see people walking up to a disabled person saying "wow, I don't like your wheelchair, it's so bulky, I couldn't do that, your life sucks" yet, they do the same type of stuff to us.

I doubt that I handled it in the best way possible, but I was forever living in fear of them sneeking my kids food. It's easier (and healthier) for us not to be around them.

You should probably have a talk with them though, it's possible they don't understand how serious that celiac is. (my family does, and still did it though, even though half of them are diagnosed, they don't follow the diet and resent us because we do)

Well said on the wheelchair bit! I hate it when people say, "well if you've been so sick for so long, why weren't you in bed all the time? why don't you look sick." Even if they've witnessed you go to the emergency room or be writhing in pain in bed. So far I've lost one friend to that line of thinking, the rest have been really supportive.

It's true that you can't pick your family, and no matter what, they'll always be your family. However there is a reason that saying exists. You can't pick your family, but you can choose your interactions with them. Negative people are a poision in your life, regardless of kinship. It sounds mean and heartless, but you know what, making yourself available as a punching bag does nothing for anyone, except make the family member in question feel more important. I applaud you for protecting yourself and your child.

[shai76]

your family sounds like mine they used to criticize the smell and texture of my girls' gluten free foods, and then try to say things to them like "mommy is so mean not letting you have some cookies" and "I couldn't eat that yucky food you do, it would make me want to die"

I sat them down and told them straight out, that they need to shut up or stay away, and well, they didn't so we don't see them any more.

It annoys me to no end how rude people can be to my kids (and me too now) about our medical condition, they wouldn't do that to anyone else. You don't see people walking up to a disabled person saying "wow, I don't like your wheelchair, it's so bulky, I couldn't do that, your life sucks" yet, they do the same type of stuff to us.

I doubt that I handled it in the best way possible, but I was forever living in fear of them sneeking my kids food. It's easier (and healthier) for us not to be around them.

You should probably have a talk with them though, it's possible they don't understand how serious that celiac is. (my family does, and still did it though, even though half of them are diagnosed, they don't follow the diet and resent us because we do)

For us not seeing my family is not an option. I know if it came down to it they would just stop. They are just ignorant and do not know better. They have even made fun of my husband in the past, a disabled veteran, because he shakes really bad all the time from post-traumatic stress disorder. He also has to walk with a cane and a special brace that goes from the arch of his foot to his hip, and sometimes they make jokes about it, but that's jsut the way they are. They make fun of each other for the meanest things all the time and think it's all well and good. They don't understand that they are hurting feelings in the process.

For me it's always been easier to just avoid the food thing. Go before they eat, then leave after. Last fall at my nieces birthday party I jsut took my son upstairs and read stories to him while they ate downstairs. They ordered pizza, and being in the same room with pizza can kill me. I don't know what it would do to my son who is also milk allergic. I ask my niece, who likes to play with him, to wash up after eating really well. My sister tells her to and then snickers at me like I am being anal.

It's hard. I think people just don't get it. My mom would never give my son food I did not approve of. My sister gave him a cookie once in the past and he got severe reflux from it and eczema. She felt bad and now she goes to her health food store and buys him special cookies that he can eat (Good Life). So, at least I can say they are trying, but they still say stuff now and then that really gets to me.

[Smunkeemom]

For us not seeing my family is not an option. I know if it came down to it they would just stop. They are just ignorant and do not know better. They have even made fun of my husband in the past, a disabled veteran, because he shakes really bad all the time from post-traumatic stress disorder. He also has to walk with a cane and a special brace that goes from the arch of his foot to his hip, and sometimes they make jokes about it, but that's jsut the way they are. They make fun of each other for the meanest things all the time and think it's all well and good. They don't understand that they are hurting feelings in the process.

For me it's always been easier to just avoid the food thing. Go before they eat, then leave after. Last fall at my nieces birthday party I jsut took my son upstairs and read stories to him while they ate downstairs. They ordered pizza, and being in the same room with pizza can kill me. I don't know what it would do to my son who is also milk allergic. I ask my niece, who likes to play with him, to wash up after eating really well. My sister tells her to and then snickers at me like I am being anal.

It's hard. I think people just don't get it. My mom would never give my son food I did not approve of. My sister gave him a cookie once in the past and he got severe reflux from it and eczema. She felt bad and now she goes to her health food store and buys him special cookies that he can eat (Good Life). So, at least I can say they are trying, but they still say stuff now and then that really gets to me.

not to be too into your business, but why isn't it an option not to see them? My family is very very close knit, a guy I was dating said once that if one of us stubbed their toe the whole family would scream.

I know it's hard to break free from abusive people (I have decided that my family is emotionally abusive) because they will guilt trip you and everything, but isn't your happiness worth screening your calls (yeah, we can't answer the phone any more because of a few psycho relatives who call with the 'family is more important than health and if you really loved us you would be sick for our convienience' thing)

sorry, had a hard day with my "family" today. probably need to NOT talk about it. LOL

[shai76]

By the way, when my husband was in a wheel chair for a year people did make rude comments to him like, "that would suck to not be able to walk!" and "I would hate to be like that." He got pushed out of elevators, one woman called him a "gimp." People are rude to everyone I guess, not just us with special dietary requirements. I think they just see life as revolving around food so much, it means a lot to them to be able to eat the things they like.

[jerseyangel]

Well said, Chelse! I also use that wheelchair analogy often--people would never tell a disabled person to just get over it. With us, you can't see it and it's not widely understood, so therefore, not believeable to some. What makes me the most angry about it is when it's friends or relatives--they should have enough respect for us that it shouldn't matter if they *understand* it or not, they should want what's best for us regardless, and support our decisions on how we choose to manage our health.

[shai76]

not to be too into your business, but why isn't it an option not to see them? My family is very very close knit, a guy I was dating said once that if one of us stubbed their toe the whole family would scream.

I know it's hard to break free from abusive people (I have decided that my family is emotionally abusive) because they will guilt trip you and everything, but isn't your happiness worth screening your calls (yeah, we can't answer the phone any more because of a few psycho relatives who call with the 'family is more important than health and if you really loved us you would be sick for our convienience' thing)

sorry, had a hard day with my "family" today. probably need to NOT talk about it. LOL

That's ok. I had a hard day too. My mom called the clinic where I was getting my allergy shots to "make sure I was ok." When I wasn't there she drove out to that part of town looking for me. I had an anaphelectic reaction last week form the shots, so she is all worried. I'm 30 years old though. She's embarassing me.

And it's funny that she will either over-react to stuff like that, or make fun of me for it. I wish she would find a happy medium.

[Smunkeemom]

That's ok. I had a hard day too. My mom called the clinic where I was getting my allergy shots to "make sure I was ok." When I wasn't there she drove out to that part of town looking for me. I had an anaphelectic reaction last week form the shots, so she is all worried. I'm 30 years old though. She's embarassing me.

And it's funny that she will either over-react to stuff like that, or make fun of me for it. I wish she would find a happy medium.

my family does that too, they call all the ER's if I don't answer my phone (like I am not allowed to go to the grocery store)

and then they would call me things like 'fat reject' and make comments about how my hubby only married me because I "tricked" him, because who would want me.......... I can't believe I put up with it so long.

life is much better now, being around my real family (hubby and the girls) people who love me.

[shai76]

my family does that too, they call all the ER's if I don't answer my phone (like I am not allowed to go to the grocery store)

and then they would call me things like 'fat reject' and make comments about how my hubby only married me because I "tricked" him, because who would want me.......... I can't believe I put up with it so long.

life is much better now, being around my real family (hubby and the girls) people who love me.

That is terrible! I can't believe they would say such things. You are better than that. I'm sorry you have to go through such a hard time with your family.

[mouse]

I am so sorry that you guys have to or had to put up with that kind of abuse. I guess I am lucky, we only have one of my husband's brothers' living near us and they (husband and wife) are totally supportive of my diet. I do know that two of them (that live far away) would not be supportive nor would their spouses. My husband has seen me almost dead and so he is totally emphatic to people about my diet when we go out to dinner or over to their homes to eat. I agree with Smunkeemom that you do not need to take that abuse from anyone - relative or not. Your health and the health of your child is more important then that. If your husband wants to see his family, then send him alone. I have a relative with a daughter-in-law that was really mean to her and enough was enough. She now sees her son and grandchildren away from their home and it is working out great. No more stress over the abuse. I wish you both well in your given situations.