New Attitude Problem For Me

[BRUMI1968]

Hi all! I'm having this new attitude problem of sorts: I can't stand unhealthy people. I look at them and they drive me nuts. I mean people who have unhealthy lifestyles, not actually sick people, so let me rephrase that.

For example, I have a friend who whenever he opens his mouth to make a face or laugh or something, I am grossed out by his tongue. It is obviously coated with something since all he eats is sour cream and meat. He also complains about allergies all the time, but won't quit smoking even though smoke is one of the things he's highly allergic to. Or on and on about how tired he is, but he smokes dope all the time - "why can't I sleep?" he says. "Booze and pot" I reply, but he just continues to complain about it. ARG!

Does anyone else get frustrated with people who complain all the time but who won't do anything to change? If so, what do you do to handle it and not end up trying to distance yourself from your friends?

[lindalee]

  Bully4You said:

Hi all! I'm having this new attitude problem of sorts: I can't stand unhealthy people. I look at them and they drive me nuts. I mean people who have unhealthy lifestyles, not actually sick people, so let me rephrase that.

For example, I have a friend who whenever he opens his mouth to make a face or laugh or something, I am grossed out by his tongue. It is obviously coated with something since all he eats is sour cream and meat. He also complains about allergies all the time, but won't quit smoking even though smoke is one of the things he's highly allergic to. Or on and on about how tired he is, but he smokes dope all the time - "why can't I sleep?" he says. "Booze and pot" I reply, but he just continues to complain about it. ARG!

Does anyone else get frustrated with people who complain all the time but who won't do anything to change? If so, what do you do to handle it and not end up trying to distance yourself from your friends?

Maybe you could say ...you might want to look at your tongue... it is strange looking--(in a nice way) or I'm concerned about your not sleeping- you need your sleep because that is when your body makes growth hormones, repairs tissues, and you lose weight... I have a friend I work with and he dresses so horribly - he knows I care about him but I still tell him he needs to dress better. We can tell each other stuff like that. Sometimes when someone calls and complains I just listen and usually they resolve it. A friend was complaining alot about her job and she finally quit and got a better one. Now I am complaining cause I don't get to see her as much. Just Kidding. LL

[tarnalberry]

I am soooooo with you on this one. I just gotta bite my tongue eventually. Especially when it comes to not getting any exercise...

shutting up now...

[rinne]

I admit I am torn on this, on one hand the only people that I tend to feel frustrated with are family and close friends who do the complaining and because I love them I hope that they will get away with their unwholesome habits and never suffer and then....this is where it brings out the worst in me...... I would be glad to NEVER see their smirks at how ridiculous they think this whole Celiac thing is and I know they will only stop smirking if they suffer.

[DingoGirl]

Oh my gosh. Absolutely. Drives me nuts! My ex-boyfriend, bless his unhealthy heart, single father and eats like a bachelor most of the time. He is WAY too busy, owns hiw own business and it never stops, over-extended, taking care of everyone and everything, walks on water and he's created his life to have SO many people depending on him (hence girlfriend/fiance comes anywhere between 3rd to 8th on the list of prioritites - occasionally a 2 and that was great, but then you get bumped down). So.....in all that unhealthiness and lack of time, much of the time he LIVES on this steady diet of lunch meats, processed cheeses, and tortillas, and TONS of granola bars/trail mixes loaded wtih so much crap. And HUGE quantities of food, just ridiculous amounts for someone who's to watch his cholesterol. Once, for dinner, he piled his plate as high as it could go - - a pile of lunch meat on one side, and a huge mound of potato chips on the other. I sort of screamed out - THAT'S NOT EVEN FOOD! He works out, still looks pretty good, but feels physically awful.....and many times was on the verge of passing out.

In the healthy state I am in, I am so happy to have figured out that I wouldn't even date anyone that unhealthy now! Major epiphany.

I am shocked and saddened at how people don't want to take proper care of themselves and do the best they can for their health. My best friend just got the scare of her life, had to give up EVERY kind of sugar, even vegetables w/ sugar (no corn, peas, potatoes, hugely restricted diet) because of elevated C-proteins causing the sugar to convert to fat - something like that. Her doctor told her she could drop dead any day, or in 15 years, and she's only 41. Immediately she radically changed her diet. This was actually, selfishly, great for me as we were both in strict avoidance of a major dietary ingredient. Her words the other day were this: in order for people to make necessary and very difficult change(s), they must either be scared to death, as I was, or near death and willing to try anything, as you were. So true!

[Kaycee]

I am a newly reformed eater, all because of coeliac, and it amazes and horrifies me to see some of the people who queue up at mcdonalds and the like, they sure don't look like it is just an occassional treat for them, and I think, how can they do that to their body. I don't like mcd's and I for one do not like the hold they have on the younger children, but if parents make it one of their habits, I pity the children, cause what hope do they have.

Then I see people at cafes just eating junk, and nothing least looking good for them, and think how can they eat that? Don't they feel sick after. I realise they are just going to go back to wherever and sleep it off, as they sure as hell won't have the energy to work.

I do worry about the health of everybody else, but what can I do. I only wish I worried more about mine years ago. I can appreciate their battle, (the Mcd eaters etc) is harder than mine and I could include most of us here on the forum, because at least if we eat an offending thing, we get sick, and think never again will I eat that, whereas they probably just feel a bit yuck and tired, but not sick like we feel sick.

What can we do? There is too much freedom of choice and too many people eating precisely what they want. They need a wake up call, but for some that will be too late.

Cathy

[Ursa Major]

I used to eat so very healthy, and made my kids do it too, and still was so very sick, with no energy at all. So, people would say, "Well, look at yourself, you must be doing something wrong, you eat no junk, take all those vitamins and supplements, and you're more unhhealty than I am, I might as well enjoy myself, why should I listen to you?" It was awfully frustrating.

Right now my nephew is staying with me, and constantly buying himself candy and eating it (not sharing with my daughters, either, which is probably just as well). I tried to talk some sense into him, but he just laughs and tells me he eats candy all the time, and his parents don't care. That really bugs me, but what can I do? In three weeks he is going back to Germany, and I might not see him again until he is in his twenties. So, I bite my tongue.

I have a friend I have known for 28 years, who used to feed her kids nothing but junk, white bread, sugary cereal, white everything. Her kids were awfully unhealty. But her doctor (who is the worst quack in the whole area, all he does is prescribe antibiotics, no matter what you have, even a cold!) told her she did fine. Her dentist told her that he thought one of her sons was anemic, but the doctor said that the kid was fine, and she believed her doctor, didn't even check his iron. Her one kid would gag on all food, so she breastfed her exclusively until she was 18 months old, no supplements or anything. I stayed away from her at that time. Until Janet (who is now 20, but was a young teenager at the time) went over to play with one of the kids, and told me I needed to go over there and look at the baby, something was wrong with her, and the mother wasn't listening to her, because she was just a kid.

That toddler couldn't crawl, couldn't walk, just sat in the middle of the floor like a zombie. She had taken her to her stupid doctor several times, thinking maybe something wasn't right, but her doctor told her the baby was fine, just a little slower to develop.

I was shocked, and realized that kid was near death! And I told her mother so. I told her that a baby's iron stores run out at around a year, and that she wasn't getting any in her breast milk and either needed to eat meat, or take iron supplements. So, she took her to the doctor, who finally ran some tests, and of course, sure enough, the child was so severely anemic that she actually was near death. She finally got iron supplements, and shortly after starting the iron supplements started eating (I told the mother to NOT feed her white bread, sugar or anything she didn't need, if she wanted her to get well). She followed my advice for a little while, and the change was miraculous. She started being interested in her surroundings, crawled within a couple of weeks, and started walking the following month. At which point she started giving her chocolate and junk "because she likes it so much". And since 'she was now fine and healthy, treats should now be okay'. I got so upset that I didn't see her for a couple of years.

That kid is definitely damaged, never really caught up, is the most hyperactive kid imaginable, but her mother claims she is just fine. Totally in denial. It is so maddening that I rarely see her. At least I know I probably saved the kid's life, which is something.

Anyway, what I meant to say before I started writing a book that yes, sometimes I can't stand being around people like that, and I am not capable of being somebody's friend who is like that.

[debmidge]

I am careful about what I eat, but I tend to stay overweight (someone once commented that it's called "cosmetically overweight" not obesity level). I eat healthy, even gluten-free with my husband (to a point) and I get to have my chocolate/goodies from time to time; however, I appear to be unhealthy in weight and a lot of people use that as the prime evidence that I eat unhealthily. My cholesterol is under 190, my bp is usually at 120/72 ish, my skin is clear, my glucose levels are great - I'll be 50 years old this year!; I can run without getting too winded and I have a stressful desk job where I do get off my butt often (I've lost 10 lbs. since I started this job in December, and have about 20 more to go....). Anyway, I dislike when people judge me to be unhealthy just by my appearance. The health problems I do have are non-weight related. Incidentially, I carry my excess weight mostly in hips, so according to health professionals, that's not an increased risk, it's when you are "chest" heavy that it's a problem.

I usually don't go to fast food places, it's rare; I avoid soda - regular and diet -too many chemicals although the new 7 UP natural sounds interesting. I don't smoke, occasionally have drink of wine/adult beverage; never did drugs This "heavy-weight = bad health" thing really bothers me.

[utdan]

A pet peeve of mine actually...people complaining to me and then don't want to know the way out or the way to less suffering. Maybe I should start a website called "bitingyourtoungue.com" and then have people submit tips and experiences on how best to do it and when...this world might be a better place

[eKatherine]

I used to work at my former night job with a guy in his 20s who either had terrible health problems, or the worst lifestye in the world, or both. He had a day job with really good medical benefits, and he had seen more specialists and kept finding more tests for them to do. The doctors were starting to feel that more tests were not going to find the source of his problem. In fact, the surgeon was reluctant to operate on him for his reflux, as he felt that this was only a symptom, not the cause of his problem. They tried to refer him to a nutritionist, but he refused to go. He had been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which was amazing to me, as he never appeared in the least bit tired, and always had enough energy to go out drinking into the wee hours of the morning.

He ate the worst diet possible. Almost everything he ate came out of a vending machine. I was convinced that he was gluten intolerant (as am I, though I didn't know much about celiac at the time), and was always trying to get him to eat real food. One day he brought in one of these deli containers of cooked food that's supposed to sub for home cooked food when you're in a hurry. He put about half of a small serving on a paper plate, put it in the microwave, and told me I must be so proud of him, as he had turned over a new leaf. I pointed out that he was eating way less than a meal's worth of food - he should eat the entire container - and would be hungry later. He pooh-poohed that, but ten minutes later was tearing into a packet of crackers and another of candy. I finally figured out that he was a guy who never ate meals under any circumstance, so he just had no idea what an appropriate serving size might be.

[Mongoose]

  utdan said:

A pet peeve of mine actually...people complaining to me and then don't want to know the way out or the way to less suffering. Maybe I should start a website called "bitingyourtoungue.com" and then have people submit tips and experiences on how best to do it and when...this world might be a better place

I hope you start your web site! That's one of my pet peeves, too. It irks me lots when people repeatedly complain about this list of symptoms they are being treated for, and every item in the list can be one of the symptoms of celiac disease, so I tell them they should get tested, or just try the diet for a week or two ...

I get responses like:

"Well some day I'll start eating organic"

"You mean you can get tested for that?? Well I only eat whole wheat anyway."

"Well the insurance pays for all the medications I take anyway."

"Oh, I can't do that to the kids."

Maybe those responses can be added to your web site!

[Mayflowers]

You can't change people. Don't even try to talk to them. Misery loves company. They have to decide to change themselves. Your reality is not their reality. To them you seem the weird one. You don't do drugs?EVERYONE does drugs! (or so they'd like to believe in their own little universe).

I've learned that I can't offer help. If someone asks me for help then, I'll try to help. But I try to find out if they really want to change first.

I read that if you want to be a certain way, to suround yourself with people who are that way. It's hard but you are evolving and the others are not. You have to make the decision to move up and have friends who don't do drugs and feed like a garbage can.

[DingoGirl]

Mayflowers, extremely well said.....you are so right.

I told my wonderful GI that if he gets any new or bewildered Celiac patients, they can call me, because it's so confusing at first. Well, the first one finally did, and I was so excited. We talked for about 45 minutes, and she was really shocked that gluten is in everything ("oh, the doctor didn't TELL me that!") and living on rice cakes, sometimes putting something on them, getting sicker and sicker, losign weight, and not generally recovering in the two months since diagnosis. I shared with her as much as I could, referred her to this board (she doesnt' really use the internet and said it was too hard to access her email or something)....told her this board could save her life, as WE are the people who live with it, not the doctors...she said she'd log on and email me, I told her I'd email her some very helpful information. I gave her the name of a good book, hope she buys it....

Well, I have yet to hear from her and it's been five days. I could just tell, over the phone, that it sounded too difficult for her...

Or, maybe I scared her in my zealotry.....

[eleep]

I think that people's movement towards radically different healthier habits probably takes a great deal of emotional and cognitive processing -- something along the lines of addiction recovery, for many.

I've been thinking about this quite a bit because my ex -- although he was the one who inspired me to amp up my workouts from yoga and walking to yoga/walking/jogging/weight training (and my body is substantially different now because of it!), I was the one who was ready to have a stronger body and deal with my mysterious fatigue and anxiety symptoms (now I know where those came from) -- this was _before_ him and not because of him.

Had I not been in that place already, I don't think that those habits would have shifted so radically -- no matter how much I loved him or thought he had a point.

[Rikki Tikki]

She may call you again Susan. I think your thoughts will probably stay with her and when she is ready to listen she will hear them. Anyway, I have enjoyed your posts!

I remember how overwhelming all of this was when I first learned of it. I thought whey was wheat, then I thought gluten was just wheat and I remember thinking that gluten was in everything so why even bother to eat!

If it wouldn't of been for the people on this board I may still be lost on my own little island of sadville.

I met a woman a week ago through my job that weighed about 600 pounds. She just sat there crying, and I could feel how overwhelmed she was, and I got to thinking how our society puts so much pressure on people to look a certain way, like when I was so thin people often thought I had an eating disorder or used drugs. I just wish people could be more accepting of each other. Maybe that will never happen, I don't know am I making any sense?

My pet peeve is more along the lines of people assuming that celiac is "just an allergy.", or the latest new age disease.

By the way where is Rachelville?

[DingoGirl]

Sally - we need you in Rachelville, clearly....just meander on over to the OMG I think I can eat dairy thread....but be warned, it's a looney bin now over there....

[Mango04]

I can relate to this too. I have a friend who would constantly complain to me about her weight problems, but she had no desire to ever exercise or really learn to eat healthy food. She also ate out everyday because she was unable to cook very basic things. Rather than try to help herself, she decided to become my leech. It was just too draining. I couldn't help her and she didn't want to help herself, so I had to distance myself a bit from her and all that negative energy.

Since my whole lifestyle revolves around trying to remain healthy, it's hard to have relationships with people who live unhealthy lifestyles. I'm not talking about overweight people neccesarily. I think I have a lot in common with people who eat healthy and work out and take care of themselves, regardless of how much they weigh. For some reason though, it's just hard to be friends with a person who is completely unable to take care of him/herself. As much as I'll try to change the friendship so it has nothing to do with health, it's just too hard to completely avoid the subject, since so much of my lifestyle revolves around it, and there's no way to make it so that doesn't affect the other person, and so the other person's unhealthy lifestyle doesn't affect me.

[BRUMI1968]

I am not at all grossed out or irritated with people who are unhealthy in some way and are trying to make themselves better. What gets me hot under the collar is someone who will list their litany of problems, either tell you why or actually believe you in why, but then ignore what you say, live the same way, and CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. Sometimes you can throw on top of that, saying to you something to the effect that you want to live forever, that's why you eat so healthily. No, I don't want to live forever. I want to be walking around when I'm 80 years old, not in a wheelchair or in a hospital bed fighting cancer of some kind. I want to be experiencing life right now without a gut the size of a basketball pressing against all my pain nerves. I want to be able to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning without a stomach ache. All of these things allow me to live life to the fullest, not live forever. I especially don't want to live forever if I have to listen to you complain. ARG.

On the note about health and weight, I had a sort of epiphany the other day. My sister is medically obese - I think she is about 5'10 and weighs about 300 pounds. She diets sometimes, went to weight watchers for a while, etc. etc., but nothing seems to stick for any length of time. But two things struck me when she visited me the other day.

1) she does not believe she has enough money to eat well...and she may be right. The highest caloric foods are the cheapest in the grocery store - the highest nutrient foods tend to be the cheapest too - but have very little calories. In other words, she can't go buy a bag of carrots and feel full. But she could drive through Burger King and get a full stomach for hours on about five or six bucks. This is a HUGE problem with our society - the capitalization of food, which should be a human right and not a commodity.

2) she does not have a healthy philosophical view about her body and her body's role in her life experience. Her body is not part of her "tool" of life. You know how you hae a hierarchy of things you pay for - probably rent or mortgage first, then utilities, then food, then assundries. You can go without deoderant until your next paycheck better than you can go without a shower at all. Your body should be at the level of mortgage/rent. How can you possibly do anything in your life without a highly functioning body. So I tell her that if she has celiac and doesn't get tested/treated, she won't lose weight, get off depression meds, avoid diabetes, etc. etc. She is so negative...but how do you turn a philosophy around. Here I think someone has to experience a great physical change. I morbidly hope she tests positively for Celiac so that she might decide she HAS to change (she might not change regardless).

Anyway, I've blathered again.

[lindalee]

  Bully4You said:

I am not at all grossed out or irritated with people who are unhealthy in some way and are trying to make themselves better. What gets me hot under the collar is someone who will list their litany of problems, either tell you why or actually believe you in why, but then ignore what you say, live the same way, and CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. Sometimes you can throw on top of that, saying to you something to the effect that you want to live forever, that's why you eat so healthily. No, I don't want to live forever. I want to be walking around when I'm 80 years old, not in a wheelchair or in a hospital bed fighting cancer of some kind. I want to be experiencing life right now without a gut the size of a basketball pressing against all my pain nerves. I want to be able to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning without a stomach ache. All of these things allow me to live life to the fullest, not live forever. I especially don't want to live forever if I have to listen to you complain. ARG.

On the note about health and weight, I had a sort of epiphany the other day. My sister is medically obese - I think she is about 5'10 and weighs about 300 pounds. She diets sometimes, went to weight watchers for a while, etc. etc., but nothing seems to stick for any length of time. But two things struck me when she visited me the other day.

1) she does not believe she has enough money to eat well...and she may be right. The highest caloric foods are the cheapest in the grocery store - the highest nutrient foods tend to be the cheapest too - but have very little calories. In other words, she can't go buy a bag of carrots and feel full. But she could drive through Burger King and get a full stomach for hours on about five or six bucks. This is a HUGE problem with our society - the capitalization of food, which should be a human right and not a commodity.

2) she does not have a healthy philosophical view about her body and her body's role in her life experience. Her body is not part of her "tool" of life. You know how you hae a hierarchy of things you pay for - probably rent or mortgage first, then utilities, then food, then assundries. You can go without deoderant until your next paycheck better than you can go without a shower at all. Your body should be at the level of mortgage/rent. How can you possibly do anything in your life without a highly functioning body. So I tell her that if she has celiac and doesn't get tested/treated, she won't lose weight, get off depression meds, avoid diabetes, etc. etc. She is so negative...but how do you turn a philosophy around. Here I think someone has to experience a great physical change. I morbidly hope she tests positively for Celiac so that she might decide she HAS to change (she might not change regardless).

Anyway, I've blathered again.

Bully, Sadly, you can't save anybody but yourself. I know , I've tried. LL

[tarnalberry]

I find it frustrating when people say "I know I really need to but I don't have time to exercise" and then turn around and talk about their 10 favorite TV shows or the three hours they spent on the internet or the four other seated hobbies they have! ARGH!

I have some sympathy for it taking time to change things. Some things take time. I complain about my job plenty, but there's only little I can do to change it (outside of changing my attitude) right now (I'd have to pay back the relocation bonus, I'd have to give up significant benefits, and I have to figure out what to move on to), but there's baby steps and there's being stalled and not even trying to fix the car!

[Kaycee]

  debmidge said:

I am careful about what I eat, but I tend to stay overweight (someone once commented that it's called "cosmetically overweight" not obesity level). I eat healthy, even gluten-free with my husband (to a point) and I get to have my chocolate/goodies from time to time; however, I appear to be unhealthy in weight and a lot of people use that as the prime evidence that I eat unhealthily. My cholesterol is under 190, my bp is usually at 120/72 ish, my skin is clear, my glucose levels are great - I'll be 50 years old this year!; I can run without getting too winded and I have a stressful desk job where I do get off my butt often (I've lost 10 lbs. since I started this job in December, and have about 20 more to go....). Anyway, I dislike when people judge me to be unhealthy just by my appearance. The health problems I do have are non-weight related. Incidentially, I carry my excess weight mostly in hips, so according to health professionals, that's not an increased risk, it's when you are "chest" heavy that it's a problem.

I usually don't go to fast food places, it's rare; I avoid soda - regular and diet -too many chemicals although the new 7 UP natural sounds interesting. I don't smoke, occasionally have drink of wine/adult beverage; never did drugs This "heavy-weight = bad health" thing really bothers me.

Your comments struck a note with me. I was obese a couple of years ago, according to bmi, but now I am overweight, and have been the same weight for nearly two years. This is not ideal, but I am happy with it and I know, (how do I know?), I just know that I will never be obese again, this new eating lifestyle sees to that, and after being gluten free for six months, I have not put on a lb. It has given me the confidence to feel I am doing okay, and that I now eat more to survive, and not because I can eat and will. My whole attitude to food has changed. The diet suits me in that I can't indulge in too many bad things. Do I miss them, never, maybe occasionally, but not enough to cause me stress.

But everytime I mention I won't have that thank you, their first thought is that my cholestrol must be up, is it diabetes, or blood pressure, and of course are you watching your weight. Maybe with being close to 50 people think I do not worry about my weight anymore and their first thought is that I have high cholestrol/blood pressure because of my weight/age.

My doctor is not concerned over my cholestrol and blood pressure, and so far no drugs, but he forever tells me I am not doing enough physically. But I feel I am. I walk most days, the dog or a friend on a brisk walk. I work 5 days, and I can still run, when I have to, without loosing my breath. The problem is the day is only 24 hours long, and I cannot fit in everything I should, but I am happy where I am at the moment. If loose weight I will be happy, but staying the same is no problem for me. I am happy with where I am.

Cathy

[Sarah8793]

  rinne said:

I admit I am torn on this, on one hand the only people that I tend to feel frustrated with are family and close friends who do the complaining and because I love them I hope that they will get away with their unwholesome habits and never suffer and then....this is where it brings out the worst in me...... I would be glad to NEVER see their smirks at how ridiculous they think this whole Celiac thing is and I know they will only stop smirking if they suffer.

Rinne,

I could have wrote this myself This is EXACTLY what goes through my mind. It is a feeling of being torn definately. I also feel like I am between two places. The first being that I want to give advice and the second knowing that I can't because they won't change until they are ready.

Sarah

  eleep said:

I think that people's movement towards radically different healthier habits probably takes a great deal of emotional and cognitive processing -- something along the lines of addiction recovery, for many.

Very good point! I totally agree. I think changing your lifestyle is much more complicated then choosing healthy foods.

Sarah

[debmidge]

I try to let people be who they are....yes some complain about things they can fix but it's human nature I suppose. Let's just say "but for the grace of God go I." Similar to how a ex-smoker feels about smokers -- they know just what triggers the bad behavior and how hard it is to get away from it.

Yes, isn't it interesting that junk foods will run cheaper than good food, but that's the lure of the junk food. If everyone started eat healthy the major junk foods would fall: Hostess, Taystecake, McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, how many people would be out of work?

My SIL has undiagnosed celiac disease and refuses to get tested because "then she'll know" and she'll have to change her diet and be responsible for herself and she doesn't want to do that. She says that's not how she wants to live (like her brother) but yet it's constant complaint after complaint about issues that I feel are due to celiac. She's constantly burping and has stomach pain and complains about her phantom ulcer (that she's been complaining about since the 1970's and never went to a GI about, ever). She has the same symptoms as her brother, but not as severe as his have been. She has hoodwinked doctors to give her ulcer prescriptions without even doing testing, like even a GI series. These dopes prescribe it to her too...she goes to her mother's doctor who doesn't ask any questions (nor can diagnose celiac for that matter).

My ob/gyn tells me I am crazy for feeling that my weight is too high. I've had other GP's who have told me otherwise. My ob/gyn has operated on me twice and feels I am OK for my build and height (she should know she's had my gut open twice). So since I feel well and my blood tests are always "best in show" I don't worry about what I weigh so much. It would be nice to have the time to excercise more, but due to logistical and money issues I won't go there. Suffice it to say that there's more than just having an extra 2-3 hours handy to exercise...

[Mango04]

I feel like I should clairfy my post becasue I didn't explain it very well. If an unhealthy person is perfectly happy, I have absolutely no "attitude problem" toward that person. But....if the person is extremely negative and unhappy and attempts to bring me down with them, that's when I have a problem. I don't know if that makes sense....

[eleep]

  Mango04 said:

I feel like I should clairfy my post becasue I didn't explain it very well. If an unhealthy person is perfectly happy, I have absolutely no "attitude problem" toward that person. But....if the person is extremely negative and unhappy and attempts to bring me down with them, that's when I have a problem. I don't know if that makes sense....

That makes sense to me. I'm thinking of my ex-boyfriend's partying habits -- which became a huge bone of contention between us last year. I love partying -- in moderation -- I hated that I was the becoming the "heavy" in the relationship who kept insisting that the 4-5 night a week bar and party schedule wasn't a good thing -- it made me come across as much more of a puritan than I really am.

The real issue was that I was increasingly feeling like his partying was more and more of a way to avoid spending time with me and working on the healthier aspects of our relationship (we were in counseling to work on the relationship and figure out whether we could go the distance and leave town together engaged once his degree was done -- I'm not ordinarily one of those women who insists upon "working on" a relationship all the time -- although we were in counseling long enough that I certainly seemed like it! LOL). I was also starting to work pretty intensively on my health (my anxiety issues were something he'd requested that I work on for him to feel more comfortable making a long-term commitment -- I think, if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have started to be able to really see those issues for what they were and get the diagnosis), and I felt like I was at cross-purposes if the only way I could spend quality time with him was to go out drinking and staying up late.

One of the unfortunate things with the timing of all of this is that, when I first started to go gluten-free I had all this new and growing energy which came out in anger and frustration (still healing, still dealing with residual anxiety) -- I'd been repressing a lot of that over time as I dealt with my stuff. I started to be really direct in my communication to him about the partying just at the time when he most needed me to lay off (before his dissertation defense). I was trying to tell him that I was feeling pulled down by his habits -- and that was my main issue.