New Roommate

[quantumsugar]

Okay, I need help: After getting used to a roommate situation where both of my roommates stayed away from my food/dishes/pans, one moved out, and an old friend moved in instead. I thought this would be great, but she doesn't seem to get it. She keeps borrowing my food, and my pans, and my tupperware. I've already talked to her about it three times, and she just did it again. She always acts so understanding when I talk to her, but she continues to use my stuff. I'm so scared right now... I've always caught it in time, but right now living with her is like playing Russian Roulette--I never know when I'm going to come home, use one of my pans and get massively glutened.

I'm going to be talking to her again soon. Does anyone have tips on how to make her understand better? Basically, I need anything that y'all can think of that might make her get it before she makes me sick?

[paw]

You have been nice about it several times -- now it is time to get tough. You were here first, it is your stuff. Tell roomie that they will have to MOVE if they can't respect your food, dishes and things. Then stick to it. This might be the only way to pound it into roomie's head that this is serious business and they CAN'T take your things. If you can get your stuff together in one cupboard, and one fridge shelf that might help some.

Mark your food clearly with tape or stickers so they can't say -- "I did not know it was YOUR peanut butter" or similar things. Of course you don't want it with thier wheat bread crumbs in it -- free food for them.

Good luck -- you might have to give up this friend in order to take care of yourself. They are not a friend if they willingly make you sick time after time though.

Edit: Ask this roomie how she would like you to put syrup of ipecac in her food. Just hidden so she would get it as a surprise with no warning. Tell her that is the same effect wheat will have on you!

[eleep]

I have to agree here -- this is one case where, no matter how much you care for her -- it's too important for you to be healthy -- sometimes this means that talking won't do the trick. Be firm, but gentle and do what you need to take control of setting clear boundaries -- sometimes actions speak louder than words and she might actually "get it" better if you take action. Move your pans to their own cupboard, label stuff -- get organized and structured about it and she might be a bit put off initially, but it's a much clearer message than constantly nagging her -- and it will be better for your relationship in the long run. I've had to learn this the hard way with a number of people since my diagnosis, but it's actually been quite effective.

eleep

[CarlaB]

I think the ipecac threat will do it!! Hysterical idea!

Tell her that gluten is the equivalent of rat poison to you. A little rat poison wouldn't kill your roommate, but she sure would be sick. People think we make a big deal about a bread basket being passed over our dish at a restaurant, or crackers next to our appetizers, but it's a real problem. If it was rat poison, they would be much more careful about how close they got it to food. Gluten is poison for us. She needs to understand.

[lorka150]

i was in a similar situation and ended up moving out. it wasn't worth being so ill all the time.

[elonwy]

Labels and padlocks and don't stop telling her no every single time. Don't be afraid to ask her to leave if it doesn't get better. That is NOT cool. Don't yell, whatever you do, cause you instanlty loose ground, stay as calm as possible, but explain that she is endangering your health and that its making your residence unsafe to live in.

I was looking for gross celiac pictures to show her, but couldn't find anything good.

Maybe a really gross article with all the side effects, like what happens when we urgently need a bathroom.

She obviously doesn't get it and is showing a total lack of respect.

ARG. Now I'm mad.

Elonwy

[tarnalberry]

I haven't been in this situation, so I don't know if this will work, but I'd have the "I've talked to you about this a number of times, and you sound like you care, and then you go and do something dumb. What the heck? Explain yourself." conversation.

[taz sharratt]

Okay, I need help: After getting used to a roommate situation where both of my roommates stayed away from my food/dishes/pans, one moved out, and an old friend moved in instead. I thought this would be great, but she doesn't seem to get it. She keeps borrowing my food, and my pans, and my tupperware. I've already talked to her about it three times, and she just did it again. She always acts so understanding when I talk to her, but she continues to use my stuff. I'm so scared right now... I've always caught it in time, but right now living with her is like playing Russian Roulette--I never know when I'm going to come home, use one of my pans and get massively glutened.

I'm going to be talking to her again soon. Does anyone have tips on how to make her understand better? Basically, I need anything that y'all can think of that might make her get it before she makes me sick?

she isnt much of a mate if she is totally disregardeing what you have said and asked, she obviously knows that you will get sick from the CC as you have explained to her so the ball is in her court tell her its very seroius and your not mucking about or haveing a laf but if it happena again then she has to go

[debmidge]

somehow it doesn't make sense that you have been telling her the same things over and over and it's either not sinking in (does she have learning disability?) or does she want you to move out so she can bring someone else in your place? Is she crazy like a fox, is my question.....

[quantumsugar]

I already have my stuff separated... my own shelf in the fridge, my own cupboards. I have some of it labeled, but I think the idea of stickers is a good one, even if everything is kept away from the other stuff.

I don't think she's "crazy like a fox" (though I love that description, debmidge). I think it's likely she's just unobservant; however, as I've told her, she really doesn't have that option right now. This is so difficult for me, too... we've been good friends, and she was one of the few people that was really understanding and "good" when I was first starting out. So few people were, and I really appreciated it. I just figured she'd be completely safe when she moved in (especially since my other roommates thought I was crazy at first, but still stayed away from my stuff). I am willing to take the steps I need to to keep myself safe (which includes asking her to move out if this doesn't stop).

Does anyone have links to information that might be helpful in the I'm-not-crazy-this-will-really-hurt-me speech we're about to have? Especially something about how long it takes to heal after getting glutened, or what happens internally, long-term effects... basically anything that shows that this is serious, not just a small stomach thing that happens when I eat wheat. Oh, and where do you padlocks for cabinets?

Thank you all so much... I was starting to feel like I was Miss Crazy-pants for being so adamant about this.

[kbtoyssni]

Maybe you should give her a copy of Dangerous Grains to read. It's an easy read and it gets the point across.

I'm sure you could get padlocks and the metal bits to attach them to at a hardware store.

Good luck! I live alone so luckily I haven't had to deal with the roommate-with-gluten situation.

[queenofhearts]

I already have my stuff separated... my own shelf in the fridge, my own cupboards. I have some of it labeled, but I think the idea of stickers is a good one, even if everything is kept away from the other stuff.

I don't think she's "crazy like a fox" (though I love that description, debmidge). I think it's likely she's just unobservant; however, as I've told her, she really doesn't have that option right now. This is so difficult for me, too... we've been good friends, and she was one of the few people that was really understanding and "good" when I was first starting out. So few people were, and I really appreciated it. I just figured she'd be completely safe when she moved in (especially since my other roommates thought I was crazy at first, but still stayed away from my stuff). I am willing to take the steps I need to to keep myself safe (which includes asking her to move out if this doesn't stop).

Does anyone have links to information that might be helpful in the I'm-not-crazy-this-will-really-hurt-me speech we're about to have? Especially something about how long it takes to heal after getting glutened, or what happens internally, long-term effects... basically anything that shows that this is serious, not just a small stomach thing that happens when I eat wheat. Oh, and where do you padlocks for cabinets?

Thank you all so much... I was starting to feel like I was Miss Crazy-pants for being so adamant about this.

Maybe it would help to show her this site from the National Institute of Health. It clearly states that small amounts are toxic, & describes long-term complications, & it's from a very established government health organization, so hard to dismiss as a flaky diet guru or whatever...

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I have the same trouble with my family, even though they mean well, they are just a bit sloppy & careless, & it has taken me months to get them on board with cc issues.

Leah

[Rachel--24]

I think labels and stickers might do the trick. Who knows...maybe she is gluten intolerant herself and is suffering from brainfog....in one ear out the other. Maybe the stickers will *remind* her not to touch your stuff. If she still doesnt get it...she obviously doesnt care and should be asked to leave.

[moonunit]

Maybe you could get those child-proofing things that only let you open a cabinet about an inch before you have to use the catch. Less blatantly insulting than a padlock, and if she asks you could just say "I know you forget sometimes that the pans have to stay separate, and I thought the catch would remind you before you accidentally used something."

Food, I don't know what to do. Maybe set something up with her that if she uses an item of yours then it becomes hers and she needs to pay for a replacement?

It sounds like she is not taking this seriously, and that's so frustrating! My family is aware of the "consequences" so they are pretty good about it. This might end up being a situation where you can't live together, unfortunately.

[Guest Educator]

Maybe you could get those child-proofing things that only let you open a cabinet about an inch before you have to use the catch. Less blatantly insulting than a padlock, and if she asks you could just say "I know you forget sometimes that the pans have to stay separate, and I thought the catch would remind you before you accidentally used something."

Food, I don't know what to do. Maybe set something up with her that if she uses an item of yours then it becomes hers and she needs to pay for a replacement?

It sounds like she is not taking this seriously, and that's so frustrating! My family is aware of the "consequences" so they are pretty good about it. This might end up being a situation where you can't live together, unfortunately.

I have a question. If the pans are washed throughly or even put in the dishwasher, how can you get cross contamination? I understand using the same pan someone has made a grilled cheese sandwich and rinsing it out and using it to make gluten-free foods, but I would think a through washing would solve the problem. Any andwers out there?

[kbtoyssni]

I have a question. If the pans are washed throughly or even put in the dishwasher, how can you get cross contamination? I understand using the same pan someone has made a grilled cheese sandwich and rinsing it out and using it to make gluten-free foods, but I would think a through washing would solve the problem. Any andwers out there?

Most of the time a good washing is fine, but if the pan is scratched at all, gluten can get stuck in the scratches. I do, however, remember how dishwashing worked when I had roommates in college, and there is no way I would trust anything in the kitchen to be gluten-free. Nothing ever got washed throughly!

[CarlaB]

If they're cast iron or teflon with scratches, washing wouldn't be sufficient.

[lorka150]

I have a question. If the pans are washed throughly or even put in the dishwasher, how can you get cross contamination? I understand using the same pan someone has made a grilled cheese sandwich and rinsing it out and using it to make gluten-free foods, but I would think a through washing would solve the problem. Any andwers out there?

If it's something that teflon that can scratch, the gluten can remain in there... If it's stainless steel, you're safer. Personally I have a gluten-free house, and bought all new things just to be safe at the beginning because there really is no reason to risk it.

It's your personal choice, and I don't see how if you are really diligent, you won't be fine (unless there are scratches).

[queenofhearts]

Any pan that you "season" (cast iron, woks, &c.) can be completely cleaned in the Self Clean cycle of your oven. You have to reapply the oil afterwards as you would with a new pan. I was so glad when I figured this out since I have lots of pans like this!