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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

.. . . .Crap.....never mind that they smell like sperm. Old sperm, at that. Not that new sperm has any more pleasant an aroma. Actually, I begin to think of newly-cut grass, which to me does take on this same aroma. Why do these things all smell alike? The reek of fecundity? Something that gets the guys out cutting their lawns? :huh::lol:

Speaking of fecundity, I had fifteen women over here yesterday for my niece's baby shower. We played several games that I had organized, one of which was a trivia game. My favorite question is this, which only a couple of people guessed correctly:

What historical figure had the moniker "Unable to Fornicate"?

a ) An American president

b ) An American Indian Chief

c ) An Australian World Cup soccer player

d ) Vincent Van Gogh

e ) A Hollywood Adult movie star

Um, an American President?

GO TRY the thing Grump 1 posted, it's totally legit and friggin funny.

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

Suze, I can try to look up some stuff for you when I get to work tomorrow, but only if your friend quotes c.com as a great reference and source.

Geoss - YES PLEEZE!!!! I have already referred her to this site and extolled its virtues - and the wonderful peeps here. I just don't think she has time to sift through everything. Also, her newsletter is going to be mainly about GLUTEN - not as much celiac, though obviously she'll discuss it.....I"m trying to find articles which discuss wheat alterations, geographical intolerances, etc (I"m in a hurry to get off to work and no time to write!)

stinky sperm trees :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Pads! back pain there, also? Yes - computer DOES hurt - that pillow really helps, huh? Hmm............am intrigued - a pain-free morning? What would THAT be like :huh: (am generally falling apart all over, Sills)

so you weren't here and I wasn't here so we didn't even know each uvvah was gone :wacko: but I missed youse anyway!

I missed you too, Soozle--and nope, I didn't realize you were gone too :D

No back pain--all in the neck, shoulder, and head....for weeks now. Wanted to let you know that the pillow did help a great deal. I think I'm sleeping better too....I had an older "memory phoam" pillow that I got I think about 6 years ago. It was great, but probably slowly it lost it's oomph and didn't give any real support anymore.

As the day goes on, it gets uncomfortable still, but I think it's phinally beginning to get better. Can't be soon enough fer me :rolleyes: Hope your back gets to improving too--I know you have had problems wif it in the past :( Are we really phalling apart?? :P Some days I think so :huh:

I do ok wif the computer at a table/countertop, but can nae use it in bed. Throws me completely off.....

perhaps one's cervix goes all the way up to one's neck, and finishes there.... . . . hell, that would certainly make childbirth a breeze..... .. ..... ..<_<:rolleyes:

If it didn't choke ya phirst :lol:

More wdoka! or wine might be right for shoulders & cervical areas of both types.

I've been using wine--pretty darn effective in large enough doses B)

:lol: :lol: wodka :lol: :lol:

Geezers of Fury

<snort>

My least fave is the sperm trees. There's some kinda tree that got imported hundreds of years ago that smells like sperm when it blooms. Just WHY? WHY would you plant more?

Why indeed.... :unsure:

Got this new I Pad and cannot make it behave when posting here.

Ooh! Do you love it?? I have an ipod touch and it's pretty cool :D The keys are wee, though....

So, a non-fruit bearing fruit tree that reeks of semen has been cavalierly planted around the area where I live.

Jeepers.....these semen scented trees are plentiphul down here, as well as in the NE where I used to live. I'm gonna have to go and smell one :lol:

GO TRY the thing Grump 1 posted, it's totally legit and friggin funny.

Twas very phunny! :P I was not expecting anything like that!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Ooh! Do you love it?? I have an ipod touch and it's pretty cool :D The keys are wee, though....

I like it so far. Much easier to see then an iTouch.

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

The answer is e).. . . adult film star......... .. . .. . ..

How did he/she ever manage to become a porn star? :huh:

:rolleyes:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

The answer is e).. . . adult film star......... .. . .. . ..

I kinda figured...ironic when you think about it :huh:

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Was expecting some from Rah-shell & her wodka.

Yes! I've been wondering how Rah-shyellle's weekend is going. Beach and many bottles of Wodka -- this would be a VERY bad combination for me... .... especially if I had my little kids around me, as I would be ignoring them completely and, well, things like DROWNING can transpire. :blink:<_< Thank gawd I had no kids back when I was able to hang out in the blistering sun and drink non-stop -- university days, when I much younger and considerably more foolish.

I have emerged from Wodka Beach, and not unscathed. I couldn't drunk text because I'm pretty sure that would have involved being able to figure out how to turn the phone on! Then I found my head in the loo 3x. I did wait until my kids went to bed before getting shnockered ;) We did have a great time, mid 60's and no wind in April on the Oregon coast....Unheard of!

Met my dad's new girlfriend/wife (yeah, didn't make sense to me either), she's SUPER coo-coo :blink: There was so much ridiculous drama on Friday night that she didn't have the nerve to show her face for the rest of the weekend. How that for meet the family?? :o

So I started exercising a different way a few days ago, and now I understand why people *itch about lower back pain. WAY different from upper back pain! Which I've dealt with for years. Lower back pain is way more distracting. It's like you can ignore a banged up knee for a while but you CANNOT ignore a sore throat for even a microsecond. I think it's the same with upper and lower back pain.

Happened to me when I started doing P90X, went away when I stopped doing it and moved onto Insanity. It's OK since Shaun T is SOOOOOO much better looking looking than Tony Horton ;)

Ruh-shell - my friend and I have been using WEN and fake Wen from Sally's - she bought both, I bought the fake Sally's stuff - LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the name of this phake Wen? I must phind it and try it!! How much is it??

Alright, from here on out, a funny warning is required when saying something unexpectedly hilarious. It took me five minutes to clean up the tea I just spit everywhere.

I think it should just be a rule that you can't be eating or drinking anything when you enter this thread!! :)

The spring flowers in this area are REALLY blooming. There's a certain kind of tree that has blossoms with big white and pink petals shaped like a cup, and then the petals fall and carpet the grass below. My super-fave. My least fave is the sperm trees. There's some kinda tree that got imported hundreds of years ago that smells like sperm when it blooms. Just WHY? WHY would you plant more?

I HATE these tree's! Maybe that's why I'm not so fond of the other.... :huh::lol: :lol:

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I have emerged from Wodka Beach, and not unscathed. I couldn't drunk text because I'm pretty sure that would have involved being able to figure out how to turn the phone on! Then I found my head in the loo 3x. I did wait until my kids went to bed before getting shnockered ;) We did have a great time, mid 60's and no wind in April on the Oregon coast....Unheard of!

Met my dad's new girlfriend/wife (yeah, didn't make sense to me either), she's SUPER coo-coo :blink: There was so much ridiculous drama on Friday night that she didn't have the nerve to show her face for the rest of the weekend. How that for meet the family?? :o

The strange & magical juices must have worked! Your back!

Had one of those "new wife" creatures in our family for awhile. Everything had to be about her or she had a fit. At least your's has the sense to realize she should hide.

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Had one of those "new wife" creatures in our family for awhile. Everything had to be about her or she had a fit. At least your's has the sense to realize she should hide.

She was beyond wasted on Friday night, asks me if she can have a word with me outside, then spends 20 minutes ripping me a new one, lecturing me about my relationship with my dad and I need to forget the past, blah, blah, blah....I tell her as kindly as I can that it's none of her business and to butt out, then she starts to cry and says I hate her and all she wants is to be part of the family and she loves me sooooo much (this is the 2nd time I've ever met her....). THEN-she tells my dad on Saturday that she and I had a confrontation on Friday, that I was really mean and I don't like her....Well, she certainly solidified that one right there! She's CRAZY!!!

And a little history here on my 'dad'--He continually cheated on my mom through their entire relationship, he's also an alcoholic and drug abuser. The last straw was the summer when I was 12 and I was a nanny for some really good friends of my parents who's kids also happened to be my brother and sister's best friends. Turns out, every day that summer while I was watching their kids, she was screwing my dad. I was their accomplice and didn't know it :angry:

Fast forward to this current relationship, dad has been friends with Lisa and her husband for 2 years. Right before Thanksgiving this past year her husband drives up into the woods, text msg's my dad (no one knows what it said.....) and then shoots himself in the heart. 1 month later she's calling my grandmother "mom" and my dad "honey"---WTF????? :blink: :blink: :blink: The really sad thing is is that she had 2 daughters who are 17 and 18 who are really having a hard time with all of this (no sh!t...) and she doesn't seem to care.

TOO MUCH DRAMA!!! No wonder I'm in therapy :P

One of my girlfriends thinks my family should have our own reality show :rolleyes::lol: :lol:

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

wow

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Yeah Rah-shell...wow.

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Rah-chyelle... . . ....you are such a together person, for having been through so much!

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Oh woe, I am terribly behind. Things have been crazy. More on that later.

Suz, I think this sums up alot of what happened in the last 25 pages:

Wodka, wine, more wodka

Drunken posts - very funny

Flat Stanley visits Nik - more wodka

Rah shell has mommy daughter day & they get cute matchy haircuts (no wodka)

Much talk of mathmatics & wodka

Had a new guy on here named Dada - scared him off

More wodka

Can't scare Peter off

Spring came

more wodka & wine

some chocolate thrown in randomly

I got bored & sang dum songs (& will do it again if no one is posting)

Giant inflatable penis

Penis & boobie cookie cutters

More wodka

Did I forget anything important?

Karen- You are a GODDESS!!!!!!!!!! :D

Does anyone else visualize a one-legged man swimming in circles?

Lessargh- :lol: I love that you and Brian have such a good sense of humor and haven't changed what you do- still dancing, biking, and soon scuba diving. You guys truly ROCK and inspire me :wub: :wub:

Oohhhh...Karen got an iPad. My hubby would be jealous. Does anyone else find this to be a most unfortuante name though- the iPad? :lol: Much like cervix for neck and back.

Pt Deux momentarily

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Pt Deux

...apparently the tree in question is a Bradford Pear,So, a non-fruit bearing fruit tree that reeks of semen has been cavalierly planted around the area where I live.

I cannot believe this- just got an email that our town has uhm, chosen to celebrate these semen-smelling trees. I almost peed my pants We are having the first annual Sperm Blossom Festival:

PearBlossomLogo_small.webp

complete with pear themed dinners all over town. Blech! :lol: :lol: Problem is the sperm pear trees are already in bloom early and may not last until then (hmmm...the parallels are striking!)

My favorite question is this, which only a couple of people guessed correctly:

What historical figure had the moniker "Unable to Fornicate"?

a ) An American president

b ) An American Indian Chief

c ) An Australian World Cup soccer player

d ) Vincent Van Gogh

e ) A Hollywood Adult movie star

I voted soccer player but now want to know who this "star" was and how he/she became famous :unsure:

Raychelle- Holy sh%$t. Just one of those events would be traumatic but all of them. Wow is right. You are incredibly good-humored, well-adjusted and good-natured, that's for sure. HUGS!

Makes my stuff look lame. Last week was the anniversary of my mom (7 years but feels so recent)so tough week. Then yesterday I woke up to find my big Simon kitty very sick and not moving on the kitchen floor. Brought him in and he's in for 2 nights. Blocked urethra.

I called yesterday and they had ""unblocked" him (don't even ask!) but his kidney blood work was really high. It will take awhile to get his levels back to normal. Hopefully, he'll come home tomorrow. poor thing- he's 20 pounds (huge kitteh) but a big baby with an apparently very small, uhm, urethra.

I'm going to call in a bit and see how he's doing. Thanks for all the good wishes on da Book.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Does anyone else find this to be a most unfortuante name though- the iPad?

Sounds like it should have wings and be oh-so absorbent :P

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

She was beyond wasted on Friday night, asks me if she can have a word with me outside, then spends 20 minutes ripping me a new one, lecturing me about my relationship with my dad and I need to forget the past, blah, blah, blah....I tell her as kindly as I can that it's none of her business and to butt out, then she starts to cry and says I hate her and all she wants is to be part of the family and she loves me sooooo much (this is the 2nd time I've ever met her....). THEN-she tells my dad on Saturday that she and I had a confrontation on Friday, that I was really mean and I don't like her....Well, she certainly solidified that one right there! She's CRAZY!!!

And a little history here on my 'dad'--He continually cheated on my mom through their entire relationship, he's also an alcoholic and drug abuser. The last straw was the summer when I was 12 and I was a nanny for some really good friends of my parents who's kids also happened to be my brother and sister's best friends. Turns out, every day that summer while I was watching their kids, she was screwing my dad. I was their accomplice and didn't know it :angry:

Fast forward to this current relationship, dad has been friends with Lisa and her husband for 2 years. Right before Thanksgiving this past year her husband drives up into the woods, text msg's my dad (no one knows what it said.....) and then shoots himself in the heart. 1 month later she's calling my grandmother "mom" and my dad "honey"---WTF????? :blink: :blink: :blink: The really sad thing is is that she had 2 daughters who are 17 and 18 who are really having a hard time with all of this (no sh!t...) and she doesn't seem to care.

TOO MUCH DRAMA!!! No wonder I'm in therapy :P

One of my girlfriends thinks my family should have our own reality show :rolleyes::lol: :lol:

Your family & mine can be on Jerry Springer. I have a member that moved in his ex-dil a few weeks after his wife died. The one that died acted like your's on Friday night - at my wedding of all things (had to be about her). Some question on why she died. At least this all happened when his kids were mostly adults. We can't pick our relatives but we can choose to limit our contact with them.

Karen- You are a GODDESS!!!!!!!!!! :D

Oohhhh...Karen got an iPad. My hubby would be jealous. Does anyone else find this to be a most unfortuante name though- the iPad? :lol: Much like cervix for neck and back.

Pt Deux momentarily

I like that! Goddess! Will probably go to my head!

Like the iPad but hate the name. I thought at my age I was mostly done with pads, tampons, etc.

Pt Deux

I cannot believe this- just got an email that our town has uhm, chosen to celebrate these semen-smelling trees. I almost peed my pants We are having the first annual Sperm Blossom Festival:

PearBlossomLogo_small.webp

complete with pear themed dinners all over town. Blech! :lol: :lol: Problem is the sperm pear trees are already in bloom early and may not last until then (hmmm...the parallels are striking!)

Makes my stuff look lame. Last week was the anniversary of my mom (7 years but feels so recent)so tough week. Then yesterday I woke up to find my big Simon kitty very sick and not moving on the kitchen floor. Brought him in and he's in for 2 nights. Blocked urethra.

I called yesterday and they had ""unblocked" him (don't even ask!) but his kidney blood work was really high. It will take awhile to get his levels back to normal. Hopefully, he'll come home tomorrow. poor thing- he's 20 pounds (huge kitteh) but a big baby with an apparently very small, uhm, urethra.

I'm going to call in a bit and see how he's doing. Thanks for all the good wishes on da Book.

Why the pears? They don't make pears. They make weird little berry type things.

Happy that Simon kitteh is unblocked. Hope he feels better soon.

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Although my dh knows all about my phabulous childhood, he still doesn't understand why I'm so protective of my kids. That's also why I won't give up on my marriage--I ain't losin' my kids to no crazy woman!!! (I'm crazy enough for everyone :rolleyes:)

Bev's,

So sorry about your week!!! If I even think of having to deal with the loss of my mama I have a breakdown. I'm glad little kitten britches is starting to pheel better, well, pee at least ;)

And your sperm festival--GAG!!!! ;):lol::lol:

Sounds like it should have wings and be oh-so absorbent :P

:lol: :lol:

And make things like horseback riding, hiking, biking, rock climbing so much easier :rolleyes::P

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

We can't pick our relatives but we can choose to limit our contact with them.

Or use them to entertain our friends.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

We can't pick our relatives but we can choose to limit our contact with them.

You said a mouthphul there, Kharreign ;)

Or use them to entertain our friends.

and this :lol:

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

BEVEL'S TOWN IS HOSTING A SPERM FESTIVAL! :lol:

Mygawd... .. . .. ....Bev, are you the Grand Marshall?

Are there rides? A spermy midway??

.. . . I can only imagine what the stage performances involve.. .. ....:lol:

Glad to hear that Simon is gonna be okay, Bevvie. :)

Simon's Blocked Urethra. Sounds like a Broadway show! :rolleyes:

And make things like horseback riding, hiking, biking, rock climbing so much easier :rolleyes::P

Actually, NO - -the iPad still makes those things awkward. The iPon is what saves the day in these situations... . . . .....:rolleyes:

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Emily said iPon :lol: :lol:

celiac-mommy Collaborator
celiac-mommy
Posted

Actually, NO - -the iPad still makes those things awkward. The iPon is what saves the day in these situations... . . . .....:rolleyes:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

Emily said iPon :lol: :lol:

Wouldn't that be Ty-Pon?

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Emily said iPon :lol: :lol:

I just got it :ph34r::lol:

mushroom Proficient
mushroom
Posted

I just got it :ph34r::lol:

Werry slow here.... still don't get it :angry::rolleyes:

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