Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Both of my grandpas have been gone for a long time, so it's been many years since I've had any humour from their very funny generation. But my son has a favoUrite joke:

What's green and smells like bananas?

Monkey puke.

:D

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Ridgewalker Contributor
Ridgewalker
Posted

:lol: :lol: :lol: @ the fart jokes!!!

Interesting things my kids have said recently...

Ezra still has trouble pronouncing the word "gluten." He generally says "bluten" or "gyooten." He has also been hearing lately that "Mommy has the flu."

Soooo.... This morning, when we walked into his preschool class, he announced to his teachers, "Mommy has the fluten!" They gave me rawther funny look, like I might have something really diabolical. :ph34r:

Lucas has been studying fire safety at school, and tonight had to recite and write his address for homework. We live on Joseph's Lane; his father asked him what street we live on, and being a true fan of Superman, he piped up confidently, "We live on Lois Lane!" :blink:

One example of how I know smartassedness (I made up a word) is hereditary--

Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

I don't think I have EVER laughed so hard in my life. If you're wondering where the hereditary part comes in... He gets that from his father.

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted
"Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

Well said, Lucas! :lol::lol::lol:

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Mornin', Silliests!

Yes, well done, Lucas! That's much funnier than monkey puke. :rolleyes:

Okay, I need a FUNNY day, today.

Eight and a half pages to go.... ;):)

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Alex- I like your grandfather too!!!!!!!

Sarah has the fluten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How CUTE is that? :wub::lol: I LOVE YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." ohmy.gif

This are funny:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

:lol: Sounds like my house...the guys are older, but still.... :D

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
Ezra has the disconcerting habit of sticking his hand down the back of his pants and scratching his butt. One day we got home from school, and he was feeling grouchy. As is not uncommon, he had his hand down his pants scratching his butt, and he followed me into the kitchen, and demanded at the top of his lungs, "I NEED SOME JUICE!" To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there." :o :o

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

Wow . . . sloooowwww day. Looks like Bev gets to hold onto that sceptor for another weekend!!

No change to report on Bob.

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

Kind of fits the theme we've got started . . .

HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER

It was entertainment night at the senior center, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, " Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch.

It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces..........................

"Sh*t!" said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted

Hey, did you guys know that if you actually spell sh*t (correctly), the word poop gets subbed in? Just not the same in that last joke. What do the sub in for the others?

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Hey, did you guys know that if you actually spell sh*t (correctly), the word poop gets subbed in? Just not the same in that last joke. What do the sub in for the others?

Ooo I dunno? :unsure: ....shall we try something really bad :o

All good humoUr today folks :D

Apologies if this has been posted before :blink:

EMERGENCY IN THE VET'S OFFICE

****************************

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
It took three days to clean up the senior center.

:lol:

The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

:lol:

The move has begun--I needed these today :)

I'll be escaping here on and off.....

cat scan :D

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
To which his 6-yr-old brother replied in a mutter, "Well I know one thing... you're not going to find it back there."

I don't think I have EVER laughed so hard in my life. If you're wondering where the hereditary part comes in... He gets that from his father.

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaaawd.....that is a good one! :lol:

Wow . . . sloooowwww day. Looks like Bev gets to hold onto that sceptor for another weekend!!

yes, very slow.....and I must be away from the computer quite a lot today....dreaded house cleaning and wretched things to be done..... :angry:

"Sh*t!" said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

OMG....it took me a full - - 30 seconds? - - and a third re-reading to GET that...... :ph34r:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell us how the house painting went. And yes, what style, abstract, realism, Pollack, Modigliani, Giotto, Andy Warhol? :P

OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I turned it on, saw Meredith's death flashbacks, and thought it was a RERUN. :huh: So switched around. At 9:30 I turned it back, and there is Alex waking up with Eva......the old intern in surgery.....and.....O'Malley's wife and the wretched Asian doctor (can't think of her name) are cackling in surgery about their woes....

WTH??? :blink:

Why was Eva there and now she's gone? And....did Meredith break up w/ Shepherd? She is such an eejit......

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

I missed Greys last night--our satellite went out, and I just said the h*ll with it. :angry:

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
I missed Greys last night--our satellite went out, and I just said the h*ll with it. :angry:

Well, I called my mom and got the scoop. I"ll post if you want. ;) It's pretty stupid, anyway...:huh:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please tell us how the house painting went. And yes, what style, abstract, realism, Pollack, Modigliani, Giotto, Andy Warhol? :P

Halllooooooooo back atcha!

I was painting in the old Dutch style of well, the Dutch boy. It was a fairly large canvas (the south side of my parents house) perched atop quite an easle (40' wooden ladder :o ). It went alright. I didn't fall. I was charged with scraping and painting the eaves and everything more than 15' off the ground. I was about 75% successful. Must go back Sunday and finish. BOOOOORRRRRIIINNG

OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I turned it on, saw Meredith's death flashbacks, and thought it was a RERUN. :huh: So switched around. At 9:30 I turned it back, and there is Alex waking up with Eva......the old intern in surgery.....and.....O'Malley's wife and the wretched Asian doctor (can't think of her name) are cackling in surgery about their woes....

WTH??? :blink:

Why was Eva there and now she's gone? And....did Meredith break up w/ Shepherd? She is such an eejit......

Perhaps someone else can fill in further details...I inadvertantly tuned in just in time to see an ambulance pull in with an organ donor for some old guy. It turns out it's his daughter. He doesn't wan the heart until the hobbit talks him into it. Meanwhile some pumpkin carver is in the ER (carves pumkins w/ Chainsaw? :o ) and has cut off his finger. Brought saw and severed finger lodged in saw with him. Guy behind curtain # 2 wants his foot removed for no good reason makes off with saw and saws off his foot. I can't keep up with the couplings so I paid them little attention <_< I'm sure someone else can better synopsilate (My new word :rolleyes: ) for you.

Big HARUMPF today. Work is SLOW whilst I'm here...they apparently come out of the woodwork when I'm away. have far too many phone calls to return and emails to process. Work is indeed a 4 letter word...

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
OMG - someone needs to tell me what happened in the first 30 minutes of Gray's last night. I

OH sh!! I totally forgot that yesterday was Thursday! Everybody shut up about it

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Thanks guys! I read a recap on TWOP.

That Izzy is about as popular over there as baked beans on a bus trip :lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

Synopsilate :lol:

That Izzy is about as popular over there as baked beans on a bus trip :lol:

ARGHHHHHH!!! :lol:

Operatus modus flatus ;)

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Nikki!!!!

Will's new picture with his little hand on his dish--precious :D

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Nikki!!!!

Will's new picture with his little hand on his dish--precious :D

He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:

Darn210 Enthusiast
Darn210
Posted
He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:

Wouldn't want to be late . . . :lol::lol:

Ahhhh . . . only 50 more posts until I, too, can captionalate my avatars!!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
He sits in his food dish between meals :blink::lol:

Just precious :)

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
Ooo I dunno? :unsure: ....shall we try something really bad :o

All good humoUr today folks :D

Apologies if this has been posted before :blink:

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

Hee Hee!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Richard- You little Dutch Boy you :o

The queen Might have the pneumonia :( so risking a warning and being stripped of my crown and moderator status I will type SOME of George Carlin's Words you can't say on TV just to see what they look like :ph34r:

poop

Everything fun (including the F word) comes out as POOP!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
The queen Might have the pneumonia

Oh no :(

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      129,166
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    DennyD
    Newest Member
    DennyD
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.2k
    • Total Posts
      71.5k
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • cococo
      Receommendations for kids multivitamins

      By cococo · Posted

      My kids take Whole Earth & Sea Kid’s Multivitamin as per our naturopath’s recommendation. They’re chewable but can be crushed and added to juice or food. No gums or citric acid. GMO free and gluten free too.
    • Murilo P
      DR1-DQ5 neurological symptoms

      By Murilo P · Posted

      It has been a while and I would like to post an update. The hallucinations are completely gone. Thanks to one bottle of B1 as benfotiamine and one of B3 as niacin, both taken together. I will buy more. The other symptoms are still being treated. Now I can already affirm that the symptoms are part of Borderline Personality Disorder. Yet I do have hopes that we will achieve the remission of BPD symptoms over the next couple of years. I think her issues come from this chain of events: Nutritional deficiencies at birth, due to being twin and having low birth weight. Low levels of Omega-3 during pregnancy and first years resulting in weak HPA axis development (predisposition for BPD). Consumption of gluten before age of 2 leading to predisposition for gluten sensitivity as adult Excessive consumption of gluten and sugar as an adult, leading to dysregulation of microbiome. Two severe gut infections due to lack of healthy bacteria, followed by hospitalization and use of antibiotics Poor diet after using antibiotics, worsening even more the gut health and leading to anorexia nervosa. Worsening of gluten sensitivity, then resulting in bouts of anxiety and depression, especially if added with sugar. Different forms of therapy haven't shown effectiveness yet, but I think it's because the issues must be treated with nutrients first, so we are taking that more seriously now and focusing on nutrients that are especially easy to digest and absorb. She still has intense gluten sensitivity, but I have hopes that this can go away after the body is completely re-nourished with the missing nutrients and then gets a few years to recover. Notes: The hallucinations begun after we tried Ayahuasca low dosage. I guess it was the result of a bad combination: "DR1 genes + B1 deficiency + Ayahuasca". I'd guess that would not have happened if it wasn't for the vitamin deficiencies. She has been fully in non-gluten diet, except for accidents that happen sometimes due to her food compulsion. I have been giving more importance to Omega-3, which is very effective in emotional regulation for BPD. Recently bought special products from Omnilife which use special "micelles" to promote quick absorption close to 100% rate. - "Micelles are tiny, spherical particles formed when amphiphilic molecules, like those in soap, aggregate in a liquid, typically water." Currently buying special whey protein which is hydrolyzed (easy to digest). I think we have underestimated the importance of proteins, which is not usually refereed as part of mental health treatment. She is pregnant again, but doing well. 🙂 Thanks for all of the help!
    • Jsingh
      Receommendations for kids multivitamins

      By Jsingh · Posted

      Hi, My six year old has been complaining of tingling in the legs off late. This used to be pretty common thing with her pre-diagnosis and a couple of weeks after the diagnosis as well. And now it is back again. I am not sure if it's a glutening symptom, or she could be deficient in something. I got her Pure Encapsulations' multivitamin capsule, which she is ok taking, but she began reacting to cellulose in the capsule. I don't know if I can just break the capsule and she could drink it in a smoothie. I haven't tried that yet, so do not know whether it'll be palatable to her.  If any of you know of a CGF multivitamin that do not contain any gums and are preferably free of citric acid, I'd greatly appreciate. Thank you.   
    • Dora77
      Energy drink can has stains - potential gluten?

      By Dora77 · Posted

      It wasnt really eye catching, but they were small stains which looked like dried out liquid. I dont know if it was normal or shouldve been just completely clean. But if someone didnt pay attention, it wouldnt be noticeable.
    • RMJ
      Energy drink can has stains - potential gluten?

      By RMJ · Posted

      If there were stains or particles on a drink can in an area that would either contact the drink or my lips, I would wash that can whether or not I had celiac disease.
×
×
  • Create New...