The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[JoyfulM]

  Darn210 said:

and for your Birthday dinner, you can have leftover turkey and taters!

I promise I do know when my birthday is, and it's not Friday. It's Saturday.

This is what Psychology classes do to me.

My boyfriend's mom is making me a gluten free cake (I think it's Bob's Red Mill mix). I think it was supposed to be a surprise, but my mom ruined it.

[blueeyedmanda]

My sister is like that with surprises. She can't keep them and she wants to know when it involves her. I am not big on certain types of surprises but I like surprises

[JoyfulM]

  blueeyedmanda said:

My sister is like that with surprises. She can't keep them and she wants to know when it involves her. I am not big on certain types of surprises but I like surprises

Sadly, I don't even think it was that. We were grocery shopping and she picked up a bag of Xanthan Gum and asked me to take some to Beth for my cake. Uh, thanks mom.

[jerseyangel]

  Darn210 said:

So Finally!! I took some pictures of our young girl. This is our defective pound dog . . . but we love her anyway!

Those are the best kind She's sweet.

  nikki-uk said:

I wanted to ask her if she was doing anything for Thanksgiving - but all that kept coming to mind was ''does she know about pull my finger'' ........shocking!! I managed to keep my deranged wonderings (or was it wanderings???) to myself

Oh gawd

[blueeyedmanda]

Patti, are you having your first Thanksgiving in PA or are you traveling away?

[Darn210]

  Mtndog said:

I teach writing for a job, so here is one of my favorites....NOT MY STUDENTS

Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

(or, 'How to Write Good'...)

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one

of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.

Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that as actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Something from the archives (page 50) . . . I thought it was worthy enough to quote for all of us newbies in the thread. I'm sure Emily can use it in one of her classes.

[JoyfulM]

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35mph.

Literature and Physics? Ouch.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that as actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Riiiiiiight. Or someone decided that killing and cooking the entire fowl was to much hassle.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

I can't speak for everyone, but I'm pretty sure that's not common place. For me it was almost the opposite. Dad had the power tools, and I followed him cause I wanted to use them.

I'll be away from the internet until Sunday, so happy Thanksgiving!

[Jestgar]

  Darn210 said:

For those who dare to venture back . . . the yeti is first mentioned by Jess on page 186. It was dropped but then brought up again on page 200. From there . . . well, it just snow balled from there. And now he truly is a legend.

I was just wondering who started this whole yeti thing. I'm actually shocked to find out it was me.

[Darn210]

  Jestgar said:

yf??

y...

y...

yellow free?

...

yam free?

yeti free?

are you allergic to yeti meat?

  Jestgar said:

I was just wondering who started this whole yeti thing. I'm actually shocked to find out it was me.

Hmmm, you don't remember? Don't they have those hood-vent-things where you work so you don't breathe in too many fumes? Maybe you should have the maintainence dept. take a look at yours.

[happygirl]

joyful-we use the brm to make chocolate cakes and they are DELICIOUS! hopefully yours is as well!

happy thanksgiving to the tickle me elbows :)

[elye]

  Jestgar said:

I was just wondering who started this whole yeti thing. I'm actually shocked to find out it was me.

I don't even have to go back, as I remember vividly your initial reference to yeti, Jess. You were wondering if Tom's allergen that began with "Y" was yeti meat. I guffawed and guffawed at your spendid creativity, and vowed that I would bring the yeti up again when the proper moment came....However, I don't remember how I reintroduced him, and I'm always too lazy to go back. So I cannot claim responsibility for the ingenious introduction of our yeti, Peter. It's all Jess...

Those archive quotes are terrific! Nice scrounging, Janet! Think they may be beyond my diplomats, unfortunately. They don't have great senses of humour, anyway. I feel...just so wasted....

"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met." ....My absolute favourite. Now THAT is funny!!

[elye]

  happygirl said:

joyful-we use the brm to make chocolate cakes and they are DELICIOUS! hopefully yours is as well!

Gah!! What? Brm? You use the ...brm...uh...bathroom?...to make chocolate cakes? Whoa....and they taste excellent?

...Gee...guess maybe I should try that....does one clean it first?

[jerseyangel]

  blueeyedmanda said:

Patti, are you having your first Thanksgiving in PA or are you traveling away?

We're going back to New Jersey and having dinner at our son's home--about 6 minutes away from our old house. It was originally going to be at his girlfriend's parent's house, but that just changed.....

What are you and John doing tomorrow? How's he feeling, by the way?

[Jestgar]

  Darn210 said:

Hmmm, you don't remember? Don't they have those hood-vent-things where you work so you don't breathe in too many fumes? Maybe you should have the maintainence dept. take a look at yours.

umm, you mean I'm not supposed to test the chemicals by sniffing them? :ph34r:

Man I miss the days of using ether as an anasthetic

[Darn210]

I'm pulling a Susie . . . I'm suppose to be studying Spanish but instead . . . Oh, wait. That IS Susie. I'm suppose to be packing. We're hitting the road in about 2 hours. I have nothing in my suitcase, yet. Think anybody will notice if I wear the same thing for four days?

[DingoGirl]

  nikki-uk said:

No, me neither but that was amusing - but I say!! doesn't he talk frightfully posh?!!

He DOES talk frightfully posh......but he always just looks so.......greasy and puny.

Nik - - yes, offer your finger to the American teacher next time

  Mtndog said:

Drive by post (have to catch up) but this is Open Original Shared Link

love this sentence (I always like it when people fit SUNDRY in there somehow):

He volunteered to run sundry failing football clubs; to visit the Chief Constable of Manchester with his newly formed-group The Ordinary Folk Against The Rising Tide of Filth in Our Society Situation (TOFATRFLOSS);

  JoyfulM said:

Sadly, I don't even think it was that. We were grocery shopping and she picked up a bag of Xanthan Gum and asked me to take some to Beth for my cake. Uh, thanks mom.

she's a subtle one, isn't she? Well HAPPY BIRTHDAY on Sunday!!!!!!!!

  Jestgar said:

I was just wondering who started this whole yeti thing. I'm actually shocked to find out it was me.

I'm not

  happygirl said:

joyful-we use the brm to make chocolate cakes and they are DELICIOUS! hopefully yours is as well!

happy thanksgiving to the tickle me elbows

Happy Thanksgiving Laura!!!! Always nice to see you. It's like a brief spot of.....normalcy popping in.

Er, what's BRM?

  elye said:

Those archive quotes are terrific! Nice scrounging, Janet! Think they may be beyond my diplomats, unfortunately. They don't have great senses of humour, anyway.

Been meaning to ask. Any really HOT, single diplomats up there? I'm sure we can TEACH them to be funny, in proper environs.

Janet - - JoBobbett or whatever-her-name is is SOOOOOOO cute! Annie wants to be her friend. Stinker, as always, is lost in her happy reverie.

well, best get a move on. I haven't wanted to tell you guys this, but we're having yeti meat. NO, it's not OUR yeti, it's an organic free-range gluten-free mid-sized beast imported from Emily's mom's area, and comes complete with magical scat, which we'll smoke after dinner. anywho, gotta get the spit fired up.

[jerseyangel]

brm=Bob's Red Mill

[blueeyedmanda]

  Darn210 said:

I'm pulling a Susie . . . I'm suppose to be studying Spanish but instead . . . Oh, wait. That IS Susie. I'm suppose to be packing. We're hitting the road in about 2 hours. I have nothing in my suitcase, yet. Think anybody will notice if I wear the same thing for four days?

They may catch on when you start smelling.....

I am leaving in 4hrs and I have yet to pack, and I am at work right now Fun Fun, can't wait for the drive in the traffic!

[elye]

  DingoGirl said:

Er, what's BRM?

I was guessing bathroom....wondering if the cake tastes best if the room is cleaned first or not...

Been meaning to ask. Any really HOT, single diplomats up there? I'm sure we can TEACH them to be funny, in proper environs.

Yes! Some great-looking French guys. But just too serious...

well, best get a move on. I haven't wanted to tell you guys this, but we're having yeti meat. NO, it's not OUR yeti, it's an organic free-range gluten-free mid-sized beast imported from Emily's mom's area, and comes complete with magical scat, which we'll smoke after dinner. anywho, gotta get the spit fired up.

Whoa!!....I was certain that it's illegal to consume yeti meat! I'm sure it is here in Canada. Something to do with the yeti coming under the "cannibalism" status. After all, we don't know what the heck he is....maybe his DNA matches ours so closely, that hey, it would be like eating your hairy brother.

Anyways, Susie, if you can legally indulge, remember not to invite Tom, as he's allergic.

[DingoGirl]

  Darn210 said:

I'm pulling a Susie . . . I'm suppose to be studying Spanish but instead . . . Oh, wait. That IS Susie. I'm suppose to be packing. We're hitting the road in about 2 hours. I have nothing in my suitcase, yet. Think anybody will notice if I wear the same thing for four days?

:lol: It's con-taay-jus, ain't it? I have to struggle to bring my grade, which was the highest A in the class, back to an A now.......slipped due to my truancy.

Am spending a great deal of time lately pondering drive, ambition, impetus - - from whence those things come. Did I get through my whole life, and achieve everything I ever did, due to mania? Shoot, if that's the case, I'm back on gluten, toute suite.

  blueeyedmanda said:

They may catch on when you start smelling.....

I am leaving in 4hrs and I have yet to pack, and I am at work right now Fun Fun, can't wait for the drive in the traffic!

Yay! how fun, a new husband and a car ride! Have a great time. don't smoke too much yeti scat.

[DingoGirl]

  elye said:

Whoa!!....I was certain that it's illegal to consume yeti meat! I'm sure it is here in Canada. Something to do with the yeti coming under the "cannibalism" status. After all, we don't know what the heck he is....maybe his DNA matches ours so closely, that hey, it would be like eating your hairy brother.

Anyways, Susie, if you can legally indulge, remember not to invite Tom, as he's allergic.

Well, in this country, government agencies decided that the only similiarity we share with Yeti is that they're bipedal. It's in the constitution, says, if you can find one, it's okay to eat.

OMG get me a hot French diplomat. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO, that's PERFECT!! Unless they're stinky.....Em, try to find out if they stink. I dated two stinky French athletes in college. Tennis players and soccer players in college, French and eye-talians. Working on teh language skills, ya know.

[elye]

  DingoGirl said:

Well, in this

OMG get me a hot French diplomat. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO, that's PERFECT!! Unless they're stinky.....Em, try to find out if they stink. I dated two stinky French athletes in college. Tennis players and soccer players in college, French and eye-talians. Working on teh language skills, ya know.

Some of these diplomats (read: the attractive ones) need help that can only be given if I am hovering over them, or seated closely beside them, guiding them through the grammatical exercises. So, I've been close enough to say for sure that none of the students (this term, at least) stink. There certainly have been some rank students from this Embassy, however. What an awful cultural stereotype to be lugging around! French guys stink. Well, a number of them do, in my experience.

The diplomats that smell the best are the German guys. They tend to have great senses of humour, as well. I'll see what I can do to shore up a single German envoy for you, Susie....

[happygirl]

I should have known that nothing is sacred in yeti-land.

Yes, BRM also refers to Bob's Red Mill. Silly me, I should have seen the bathroom one comin' though

Susie, I do admit, I am highly amused that you refer to me as normal. Happy T-G to the sweet dingos.

[Darn210]

  DingoGirl said:

:Yay! how fun, a new husband and a car ride! Have a great time. don't smoke too much yeti scat.

Oh, it's the Holidays!!! Everyone is allowed a little overindulgence on Holidays! You go ahead, Amanda. You smoke as much yeti scat as you want!

[Darn210]

  happygirl said:

Susie, I do admit, I am highly amused that you refer to me as normal. Happy T-G to the sweet dingos.

It's all relative, isn't it?