The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[DingoGirl]

It's the one "luxury" I allow myself, rolling my eyes as I'm telling him this. Don't smoke, drive a dinky little car, rarely eat out....but man, I'm gonna flush after EVERY visit!

He can be just SO gross........

:lol: flushing the toilet..............luxury............... my what SUB standards we have, Miss Em.

BEV!!!!!!!!!! So glad you're feeling better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You'll be on the slopes by......next ski season, my prediction!!!!!!!!! And speaking of skiing - - mygawd, it would NOT occur to me to not shower, shave, put on makeup (light back-country spackle for mountain sports ), straighten the hair, all of it.......there are TONS of mens up there, you know...

Seattle has periodic water shortages so I don't flush until necessary.

I think the CA people will back me up on this (especially since THEY are the reason we have periodic shortages can't believe we can't use the Columbia because california has leased water rights).

I am a HUGE water conserver. But Californians are evil, BTW. In Monterey, things were so dire that I truly WOULD leave.......three wees in the toilet before flushing. (sorry, Em)

*snort*

Three Wees in the Toilet..........

hit #4 by the Chicken Butt Cooties........

Ok, yes, I'm one of those militant reduce/reuse/recycle people. I have a compost pile, use uncoated paper plates so they can be composted, rinse out cat tins for recycling, etc.

I, too, am a militant recycler.........quite popular in California.

[Jestgar]

I'm sure this has been posted already, but I'm so not going back to look for it:

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[DingoGirl]

OMG!! the saddest velour report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the prices are SO cheap on that website because there's........nothing LEFT. Also, in the store, not a SINGLE STITCH of velour - they were all shipped off somewhere.

So Susie's spreading arse is still velour-less.

NIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what that show is but I"M COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU AND BEV and eat and let our arses expanded in front of the telly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

Ok, yes, I'm one of those militant reduce/reuse/recycle people. I have a compost pile, use uncoated paper plates so they can be composted, rinse out cat tins for recycling, etc.

Well, we should expect NO LESS from our governing Monarch....

[jerseyangel]

Now don't get me wrong about the flushing.....I'm a real recycler. Our last home was in a town with the best resource recovery center. We were there most weekends.

Now, where we are now, we're lucky to have a recycle bucket that the trash company picks up.

I'm just a clean freak, and could not stand not flushing--reminds me of my aunt and uncle's camp when I was a child. We were not allowed to flush for wee--they even had a sign over the toilet so no one would forget. I hated having to go the bathroom there--it was icky and smelled. And it was dark and small.....(shudder)

Nope--sorry, can't do it.

[DingoGirl]

I'm just a clean freak, and could not stand not flushing--reminds me of my aunt and uncle's camp when I was a child. We were not allowed to flush for wee--they even had a sign over the toilet so no one would forget. I hated having to go the bathroom there--it was icky and smelled. And it was dark and small.....(shudder)

EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! Um, in MOnterey, it never got icky nor did it smell, and since I lived alone, I didn't mind. And please note, when guests came, I FLUSHED EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG - I have just ordered the veloUr LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZURE suit in raisin. Thanks Julie, I'll send you the bill.

[happygirl]

Well, the good news is that it WILL be warm 'relatively' soon....and with that come ANOTHER version of Lady. Of. LEEEEEISURE. suits.

Among other places, Old Navy makes them in terry cloth, and the pants are no longer pants....they are loose capris! Perfect for the summer/beach/lounging!

[Mtndog]

...and a Celiac Siren.....

Aren't we ALL celiac sirens in our velour leeeeeisure suits

But where would that put Tom and Peter? A bunch of sirens, an oracle an some sax? What a bunch we is.

Watch out!!!!....Bev's getting her mojo back.....DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!

BEV!!!!!!!!!!!!........OMG.....LOVE LOVE this programME,....and the 'boat' episode was HILARIOUS

You MUST come & live with me & we can watch tv all day whilst our velour clad arses EXPAND

MG- i want to meet the Stig! And I have a crush on the funny little guy that looks like Davey Jones (Richard).

I'm sure this has been posted already, but I'm so not going back to look for it:

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

Do they makke diet water? maybe that's my problem...I've been drinking a lot but not the diet. Oh sheet! I can blame my junk in the trunk on full--calorie water!!!!!!

[cruelshoes]

The other thing was when everyone was talking about UK shows... my kids watch more UK tv than I do. Bob the Builder has always been a favorite, and Thomas the Tank Engine... When they were little, they watched Teletubbies. And they LOVE Brum and What's the Story in Balamory. They were quite PO'd when PBS quit showing those two. We got a couple Brum DVDs but never could find Balamory. Lucas still asks about Balamory and made me write an email to PBS about it.

Pretty much, the only one I watch is Doctor Who.

My kids loved Bob the Builder too. My Son was absolutely schizoid over Thomas the Tank Engine for about 4 years. Our baby now likes Piggly Winks, but I think that one's supposed to be set in Ireland. WIthout a doubt, the best UK show ever is Red Dwarf. My husband and I used to love to geek out and watch all the marthons on PBS. I also love Absolutely Fabulous.

she said constabulary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where in hell do you live?

and - OMG - you were dying of cancer??? what of this??????????

HA - we are in the 'burbs of Seattle. It sounds so much better to call them the constabulary than the fuzz or something. They are veeery busy all day handing out tickets for parking infractions and graffiti.

Yup - I had cancer when I was 16. 2 years of chemo and radiation. You could say that my whole high school experience sucked on ice. Cancer was actually the trigger for my celiac, but I didn't get diagnosed until I was 34.

Heyyyyy nice caption Colleen

Got any 11-dollar bills?

Glad you approve, Tom. I was listening to Mr. Dylan at work when I rolled over the 500 mark, so it seemed to be a perfect fit. Sometimes I feel like I am working on Maggie's farm here at work.......

"If it's yellow, let it mellow

if it's brown, flush it down"

We use that one too. We also have the plastic bag filled with water in the toilet tank so when the brown goes down, you don't use as much water. Although, we are rethinking it of late because sometimes when a big job gets handed to the ol' crapper you have to do the flusheroo more than once.

[Jestgar]

...because sometimes when a big job gets handed to the ol' crapper you have to do the flusheroo more than once.

love the high degree of elegance exhibited on this forum

[blueeyedmanda]

Hi Sillies!

Wow did my mom and I had fun. We took a roadtrip to Allentown to thrift shop. We had a ball. We had Sabrina with us too and everyone just marveled over her. Last night my mom and I met my sister at Red Robin and we had a great meal. Other than the bitter cold and the snow at my moms I had a great time. I miss seeing my mom. We get closer every day.

[jerseyangel]

love the high degree of elegance exhibited on this forum

Yeah--ya gotta admit we're a classy bunch

Hi Sillies!

Wow did my mom and I had fun. We took a roadtrip to Allentown to thrift shop. We had a ball. We had Sabrina with us too and everyone just marveled over her. Last night my mom and I met my sister at Red Robin and we had a great meal. Other than the bitter cold and the snow at my moms I had a great time. I miss seeing my mom. We get closer every day.

So glad you and your mom had a nice day!

[Ridgewalker]

I'm sure this has been posted already, but I'm so not going back to look for it:

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

:lol: :lol: OMG!!! I love these! I think 5, 6, and 14 are my favorites.

As for flushing.... NC has been in a drought for quite a while now, and I have witnessed a couple of my neighbors' wells dry up, SO.... we also let it mellow if it's yellow, and flush it down if it's brown.

[psawyer]

As for flushing.... NC has been in a drought for quite a while now, and I have witnessed a couple of my neighbors' wells dry up, SO.... we also let it mellow if it's yellow, and flush it down if it's brown.

I first heard this expression while visiting a friend's cottage which had well water and a septic tank.

Sarah, our pregnant employee, was talking to us today about how she was growing out of her clothes. Yesterday, she could not do her jeans up, and had to go to the mall to buy maternity slacks. I could not help thinking of...never mind. ROTFLOL

[Green12]

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat...use a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Love this!

My favorites are 12, 17, and 18!!!!

OMG - I have just ordered the veloUr LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZURE suit in raisin. Thanks Julie, I'll send you the bill.

Hey! Shouldn't I get a finders fee??

I'm excited you will be joining the rest of us ladies of leeeeisure

Hi Sillies!

Wow did my mom and I had fun. We took a roadtrip to Allentown to thrift shop. We had a ball. We had Sabrina with us too and everyone just marveled over her. Last night my mom and I met my sister at Red Robin and we had a great meal. Other than the bitter cold and the snow at my moms I had a great time. I miss seeing my mom. We get closer every day.

Glad you had such a good day Amanda

Sarah, our pregnant employee, was talking to us today about how she was growing out of her clothes. Yesterday, she could not do her jeans up, and had to go to the mall to buy maternity slacks. I could not help thinking of...never mind. ROTFLOL

Hmmm, so many parallels to be drawn

If we are keeping score, I also don't flush every pee. I try to conserve a little water in that department

[elye]

Ahhhhhh, the weekend.......

My kids loved Bob the Builder too. WIthout a doubt, the best UK show ever is Red Dwarf. My husband and I used to love to geek out and watch all the marthons on PBS. I also love Absolutely Fabulous.

It's currently Hannah Montana in this house, which even my DS seems to like. I, also, found Red Dwarf very entertaining. It hasn't been on over here for many years...

Yup - I had cancer when I was 16. 2 years of chemo and radiation. You could say that my whole high school experience sucked on ice. Cancer was actually the trigger for my celiac, but I didn't get diagnosed until I was 34.

Holy crap, Colleen...and you were so young. You are healthy now--fantastic.

Wow did my mom and I had fun. We took a roadtrip to Allentown to thrift shop. We had a ball. I miss seeing my mom. We get closer every day.

Hi, Amanda! Great visit...I also am getting closer to my mom as she gets (really) old, and I make a real effort to see my parents regularly, now that they are into their eighties. I'm lucky--they are both sharp as tacks and well watched over in their retirement home...and who knows who my dad will be each time I go? It's a true adventure....

[jerseyangel]

Gee, I'm beginning to feel guilty about flushing each pee.... Maybe I'll try not flushing every time. Can't guarantee anything, though

I'll keep everyone posted

(I know ya'll will be on the edge of your seats for that report)

[nikki-uk]

great show....I confess to loving Top Gear.....those guys crack me up! It's a car show for people who may not even care about cars. We have Hugh Grant as the Star is a Reasonably Priced Car waiting to be watched. last one I saw their challenge was to make a car into a "boat" and then they found out they had to sail across the English Channel.

NIKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what that show is but I"M COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU AND BEV and eat and let our arses expanded in front of the telly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...just to give you an idea about 'top gear' ...Open Original Shared Link...3 blokes, test drives cars to the extreme...turn them into boats ...LOL, what ever takes their fancy with MUCH jocularity and mad cap antics (Bev fancies the little fella )

Who's coming over for Sunday nights episode?? (bring your own LOL suit)

OMG - I have just ordered the veloUr LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZURE suit in raisin. Thanks Julie, I'll send you the bill.

HOORAY!!!!...embrace it!!!!......wait.....I'm JEALOUS, I want a RAISIN LOL suit

Well, the good news is that it WILL be warm 'relatively' soon....and with that come ANOTHER version of Lady. Of. LEEEEEISURE. suits.

Among other places, Old Navy makes them in terry cloth, and the pants are no longer pants....they are loose capris! Perfect for the summer/beach/lounging!

OH THANK GAWWWWWWWWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankyou, thanyoufor the tip Laura

Gee, I'm beginning to feel guilty about flushing each pee.... Maybe I'll try not flushing every time. Can't guarantee anything, though

I'll keep everyone posted

(I know ya'll will be on the edge of your seats for that report)

Water police ARE watching Patti

[blueeyedmanda]

Anyone have any exciting plans this weekend? John says he has a surprise planned tonight. I am dying to know what it is.

[jerseyangel]

Anyone have any exciting plans this weekend? John says he has a surprise planned tonight. I am dying to know what it is.

How exciting--a surprise!!!!! Can't wait to hear what it was--if you can tell us

We're not doing anything too exciting--will probably stop at Starbucks in our travels today. We're buying the paint for our bedroom/bath. Guess you know what we'll be doing the rest of the weekend

[Darn210]

Good Morning All!!! Terrible headache this morning . . . out drinking last night??? No!! We were at my son's pinewood derby where they raced approximately 100 cars. My son's car came in 6th overall and was he happy? . . . not really because last year he came in 2nd overall. He just doesn't get that most of the boys go home with nothing but a participation badge. He was crushed that his candy cane striped car with a frog sticker on it didn't win any design awards either. But that was yesterday . . . time to play video games today until it's time to go to the monster truck rally. Thank Gawd that's a father/son event.

OK . . . flushing? I flush every time. Kids . . . it's a crap shoot ( crap shoot, get it?) 50/50 chance that you'll walk in to something in the toilet - not necessarily wee. Husband? He's the worst. He'll blow his nose on toilet paper and flush it. We do have "low flow" toilets which did take some getting use to. I'm the recycler in the family and complain to my husband that he has turned me into a bag lady when I have to go through the garbage to dig out a soda can that he has thrown away. Here is my pet peeve: I am amazed at the amount of garbage that I see at the curb on pick up days. I don't know how people can go through so much. But here, we don't pay for garbage pick up (we do really, it's just tied into our home association fees and so you don't know how much you are even paying) but you have to pay for recycling. Well, if you want to collect it in your garage and then drive it to the center yourself, that's free, but you are billed for curb pick up . . . so most people don't do it and just throw everything into the trash. I think you should have free recycling and have to pay per bag/can or trash. Then maybe these people around here would think about some of the stuff they are throwing in the landfill.

[Green12]

I think you should have free recycling and have to pay per bag/can or trash. Then maybe these people around here would think about some of the stuff they are throwing in the landfill.

Good point Janet. I like this idea. Hope your headache goes away soon!

Oooh Amanda, a surprise!!! What kinds of things has he done for surprises in the past??

Hmm Nikki, Top Gear, can't say that I have heard of that one. Is it like Pimp My Ride??

I'll be there though with my LOL on

Can we try to hunt down Prince William, or Hugh Grant??

Emily, yes Hannah Montana is all the rage. My nieces are HUGE fans, and the Jonas Brothers, and High School Musical , Zac Efron!!!!! (insert high pitched pre teen screams here)

I'm trying to think what I was into at that age (8,5, and 3).....maybe the Hardy Boys, Shawn Cassidy and Lief Garret?

[tom]

We were at my son's pinewood derby

Ahhh the memories!!!! I loved pinewood derby!!

.. ... I think you should have free recycling and have to pay per bag/can or trash.

That sounds about right.

And I'm a flusher. (Sorry, tree-huggers )

Annnnnnnnd

Dingy's almost a California Raisin? Does the suit come w/ complementary (and complimentary) BIG sunglasses??

Does Susie already know all the words to "Heard it Through the Grapevine?"

Singing IS mandatory once the suit goes on.

[CarlaB]

I first heard this expression while visiting a friend's cottage which had well water and a septic tank.

We had well water and a septic tank at our old house ... we still flushed, LOL. Never had any problems ... in fact, the system worked great. I loved that water ... 300 deep well down into Indiana limestone. When city water came through they tried to get us to hook up ... and PAY for water? Of an inferior quality to what we already have? Yeah, right.

Gee, I'm beginning to feel guilty about flushing each pee.... Maybe I'll try not flushing every time. Can't guarantee anything, though

I don't feel guilty ... we're not out West, there's plenty of water here .... sorry, I'm not feeling guilty about water. Besides with these low flow toilets, sometimes just pee is a double flusher because the TP won't go down, can't imagine if there were two wads of TP to flush! But at least they NEVER overflow.

Now, I do use the reusable grocery bags ... I really look funny in the winter wearing my fur coat and carrying my reusable grocery bags into the store. I actually don't get why the environmentalist types don't promote wearing fur .... my fur coat looks like new and is on its 11th winter .... I still wear one of my grandmother's mink capes .... and I'd bet anything that fewer animals died making these than making anything made of plastic .... I don't get it.

Yeah, I don't quite fit into any group ... not quite the Rush Limbaugh type, but not quite the environmentalist either.

Anyone have any exciting plans this weekend? John says he has a surprise planned tonight. I am dying to know what it is.

So, what was it?

We went to a local Italian place walking distance from our house.

[tom]

. . . .... Lief Garret?

I was in a movie w/ Leif Garrett!

Terrible movie called 'Thunder Alley', not to be confused w/ Thunder Road or any other Thunder movie.

Filmed in Tucson, I was a mere extra, of course, but did get ~3sec onscreen w/ just 2 other ppl.

Leif did show at a plain ole house party one weekend tho. He was well past his prime and we didn't care.