The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

MORNING, ALL!

...Okay, I have been up since 6, and I am still at zero count.

Emily, if I can be serious for a moment here in Sillyville, if Will's brother has celiac disease and it is likely that Will himself has celiac disease, given that you also have celiac disease, please get Jack and Sophie tested. They may not be showing any symptoms, but their likelihood of having it just doubled IMHO.

Both kids have tested negative, and we all know what negatives mean....nothing. DS, 11, went gluten-free three months ago, wanting to see if his concentration and anger would come under control. The changes with him have been dramatic, and he now gets cramps, bloating and D when he's cross-contaminated. DD is 14, and quite happy with her negative diagnosis. So, not a lot I can do there...we eat gluten-free at home, and she'll eat gluten when out...

Hi Sillies, sorry to be so distant today. I was not feeling the best. Then tonight together John and I made this wonderful dinner and everything was safe too....and I was soo sick!

Sorry to hear all this, Amanda.

When you're going through hell, keep going....

Sir Winston Churchill (who else?....)

[jerseyangel]

Emily, if I can be serious for a moment here in Sillyville, if Will's brother has celiac disease and it is likely that Will himself has celiac disease, given that you also have celiac disease, please get Jack and Sophie tested. They may not be showing any symptoms, but their likelihood of having it just doubled IMHO.

As usual, Peter makes a good point.

Hi Sillies, sorry to be so distant today. I was not feeling the best. Then tonight together John and I made this wonderful dinner and everything was safe too....and I was soo sick! I am still not the best but better than before. I am thinking it is stress, worrying about work and how I detest it, worrying about the problems with the neighbors, a million things....

Sorry you're under the weather, Amanda.

Our Patti IS getting funnier, and so is Peter.

What were we before????? Old farts

MORNING, ALL!

...Okay, I have been up since 6, and I am still at zero count.

2

[nikki-uk]

MORNING, ALL!

...Okay, I have been up since 6, and I am still at zero count.

2

Lost count ages ago (it is 5.20pm!)

[DingoGirl]

Had a veeeeeeeeeeeery flatulent night.......many, many fat, loooooooooong, fluffy ones......up all night (pre-menstrual night sweats - always lovely)

OMG - forgot to tell you guys that when I was little, I, um, decided I knew what different types of farts look like.........and I used to draw them.

:lol:

Oh sillies - - - I am sorry taht I always talk too much. Same as in real-life.........babbling on.......made you listen to my LOOOOOOOOOOONG and inane stories. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

carry on.

[jerseyangel]

I like your stories, Susie--you really have a way with words

[Darn210]

I like your stories, Susie--you really have a way with words

Agreed . . .

OMG - forgot to tell you guys that when I was little, I, um, decided I knew what different types of farts look like.........and I used to draw them.

. . . and apparently you have a way with pictures, too.

[Mtndog]

Siouxsie- I SEE you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG, this broke me up. Jacquie came to see what was so funny, and she totally cracked up for over a minute. This is SO funny.

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! i cracked him up!

Hi Sillies, sorry to be so distant today. I was not feeling the best. Then tonight together John and I made this wonderful dinner and everything was safe too....and I was soo sick! I am still not the best but better than before. I am thinking it is stress, worrying about work and how I detest it, worrying about the problems with the neighbors, a million things....

I hope you feel better soon :wub: All this stress is no good for you and your silly mojo!

oh yeah,

YOU FART FOR ENGLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

would not want to send our Nik to prison, you know. Bad, bad, gluten-filled slop, her farting would increase to such a rate as to ......mygawd, what WOULD happen w/ all that farting in her cell??????????? [ummmmm....levitation, maybe? ]

OMG - just caught a glimpse of Brad Pitt and he seems to be sporting some.......curiously poofy bouffant hairdo - what in hell is that about?

oh my GAWD...this whole post was one big SNORT-SNORK!!!!!!!!

Levitation? Brad the Bouffy!!!!!!!!!!!

Am limiting emoticonage as I keep getting BUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What were we before????? Old farts

You may not be old but we're ALL farts!!!!!!!

OK- this is semi-serious I woke up this morning and had HUGE scratches on my arse in the pattern of a hand. And they hurt! So the question is:

1. Was I abducted by aliens and subject to ...uh, you know...EXAMS?

2. Did someone send the yeti to cuddle with me last night? If you answewr yes, please explain WHY you forgot to trim his claws? OUCH!

3. Is there something I need to know abbout my dog?

4. Am I posessed? I feel OK otherwise but I could have given birth to anything last night as it looks like something was trying to claw its way in or out. Has anyone seen an alien?

[jerseyangel]

OK- this is semi-serious I woke up this morning and had HUGE scratches on my arse in the pattern of a hand. And they hurt! So the question is:

1. Was I abducted by aliens and subject to ...uh, you know...EXAMS?

2. Did someone send the yeti to cuddle with me last night? If you answewr yes, please explain WHY you forgot to trim his claws? OUCH!

3. Is there something I need to know abbout my dog?

4. Am I posessed? I feel OK otherwise but I could have given birth to anything last night as it looks like something was trying to claw its way in or out. Has anyone seen an alien?

Bev--really??

[DingoGirl]

Agreed . . .

. . . and apparently you have a way with pictures, too.

Just wish I could show you all............

OK- this is semi-serious I woke up this morning and had HUGE scratches on my arse in the pattern of a hand. And they hurt! So the question is:

1. Was I abducted by aliens and subject to ...uh, you know...EXAMS?

2. Did someone send the yeti to cuddle with me last night? If you answewr yes, please explain WHY you forgot to trim his claws? OUCH!

3. Is there something I need to know abbout my dog?

4. Am I posessed? I feel OK otherwise but I could have given birth to anything last night as it looks like something was trying to claw its way in or out. Has anyone seen an alien?

What in hell??????????????? Wait - you didn't mention Kurt - - did he have a HAND in this??????????

IN the pattern of a hand. Please describe. But oh my gosh, most peculiar. Did you fall whilst sleepwalking? I'm goign w/ alien abduction.......

Amanda - - - your job is TOO stressful, honey..........oh.......you will find the way out. Start keeping an eye out for something, is my unasked-for advice.....

[elye]

OMG - forgot to tell you guys that when I was little, I, um, decided I knew what different types of farts look like.........and I used to draw them.

OMG....

...And here I used to draw horsies and Snoopy and Betty and Veronica...

What did they look like, Susie?

Oh sillies - - - I am sorry taht I always talk too much. Same as in real-life.........babbling on.......made you listen to my LOOOOOOOOOOONG and inane stories. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding? The best stories evah....and always beautifully put....

OK- this is semi-serious I woke up this morning and had HUGE scratches on my arse in the pattern of a hand. And they hurt!

Whoa!! It sounds creepily like a sign of some sort....Look closely at the pattern of scratches. Can you remotely see an outline of a face? Elvis? Jesus Christ? Bev, you could become a powerful 21st century Icon, and there will psalms written and pilgimmages made to you, for the multitudes to cast their eyes on this vision...on your arse....

BTW.....I'm at 2...(Hey! And it's after one o'clock!)

[DingoGirl]

OMG sillies - guess what else.

I was awake quite a bit last ngiht - so around 3 or 4, turned the telly on, and watched an intense one-hour interview w/ a political candidate.

All I can say is that I'm shocked, astonished, and utterly flummoxed to report that in one hour, I RADICALLY CHANGED my voting decision and the party which I STAUNCHLY knew I'd vote against (I'm independent BTW) entirely. This was the most articulate, educated, powerful, knowledgeable, competent, informed, capable-seeming human who knocked me over w/ his/her obvious FIERCE leadership qualities.

Cannot tell you for whom I"ll be casting my vote as we are not to discuss politics.....you must all sit hanging on the edge of your toilet seats......but I had NO intention of voting this way at all.............

OMG - did aliens abduct ME during the night?????????????

Will I change my mind again?

[DingoGirl]

OMG....

...And here I used to draw horsies and Snoopy and Betty and Veronica...

What did they look like, Susie?

:lol:

Well, most farts are elliptical, and shaped like very elongated skinny footballs. This allows ease of exit. But many, as we know, emerge as fluffy clouds.

Still makes me laugh to wonder how I came up w/ this.

Um, BTW, I drew normal things too.

*snort*

THERE"S JANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been?

And where's Sarah? OMG - did we scare her off entirely? Emily - - did YOU do something?

[jerseyangel]

Well, most farts are elliptical, and shaped like very elongated skinny footballs. This allows ease of exit.

Gawd

In other news...

I had a thought about Bev's arse scratches....Bev, maybe you scratched yourself while you were asleep. Seriously, I do that when my eye allergies act up--I have no idea I'm doing it, but in the morning it's obvious.

Maybe one of your meds is making you itch?

Emily said "horsies"

[Darn210]

THERE"S JANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have you been?

Oh I've been here . . . off and on . . . not a whole lot of funny in my head but I've been enjoying reading along. Son has given me his cold. I need a nap but the kids will be getting off of the bus in about 45 minutes and a really don't want need to clean the bathrooms.

The exciting news of the day (as reported on another thread) is that I found another main stream cereal for the kiddos to eat. It's called Kaboom and has those little dehydrated marshmallows like Lucky Charms has. I had never heard of it but Amanda has. There will be great rejoicing in the house tonight.

Here is a question for Peter . . . Why do they fortify the mainstream cereals with vit/minerals but not the ones bought at health food stores? Is it because if you are shopping at a health food store, you supposedly know how to get your kids to eat fruits & veggies?

OK, somebody write something funny to entertain me whilst I avoid toilet cleaning.

[DingoGirl]

Here is a question for Peter . . . Why do they fortify the mainstream cereals with vit/minerals but not the ones bought at health food stores? Is it because if you are shopping at a health food store, you supposedly know how to get your kids to eat fruits & veggies?

oh, poopy cow on your cold!!

Okay - - I have a little information about the above......

White flour is, as we know, wheat processed and stripped of ALL nutrients. So, vitamins/minerals are added, esp. for the purposes of children's cereals and white breads. Alas, from my nutritional studies in the distant past (more than 20 years ago), I remember that most of the "nutrients" added are of such inferior quality - iron salts, for example, that cannot be digested by the human body. It's actually all somewhat of an evil ruse, parents THINK they are feeding something worthwhile to their kids when......they may as well be eating a paper napkin. Seriously.

the wheat kernel has dozens or more of naturally-occurring vitamins and minerals.......it is quite nutritious in itself and had it not been engineered to have 50 percent more gluten (for sticking/adhering qualities), it would be quite an ideal food source.

so......I would say, limit their intake of the faux cereals.....perhpas mix something like Mesa Sunrise Flakes into the Kaboom - - they will think it always tasted this way. Sprinkle on some ground flax or almond meal......anything to add nutritional value and fibRE.

[blueeyedmanda]

Since a fellow silly has agreed to mention how they used to draw farts, I have got to admit to something my friends and I did in 6th grade.

I am not sure if any of you have ever seen the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin, well if you did do you remember that annoying song about "D" the kids since in the car home from the baseball game... So my friends and I were bored one day at school and we made up some "D" rhymes of our own, so over time we published our own little book...with 100 little notes to that song....

Here is an example of one....

You know its going to Hurt

When it comes out like Hershey Squirts.....

"D" "D"

ugh! So now I let you in on one of my more embarressing hobbies of childhood....

[Darn210]

White flour is, as we know, wheat processed and stripped of ALL nutrients. So, vitamins/minerals are added, esp. for the purposes of children's cereals and white breads. Alas, from my nutritional studies in the distant past (more than 20 years ago), I remember that most of the "nutrients" added are of such inferior quality - iron salts, for example, that cannot be digested by the human body. It's actually all somewhat of an evil ruse, parents THINK they are feeding something worthwhile to their kids when......they may as well be eating a paper napkin. Seriously.

OK, I'll buy that . . .

.....perhpas mix something like Mesa Sunrise Flakes into the Kaboom - - they will think it always tasted this way. Sprinkle on some ground flax or almond meal......anything to add nutritional value and fibRE.

but to this . . . I laugh

They can spot healthy additives a mile away . . . "What is this brown natural looking stuff amidst all of my brightly coloUred dehydrated marshmallows!!!!! You're trying to get us to eat something healthy again, aren't you???? Didn't you learn your lesson when you tried to serve us the beatloaf??" . . . you have to be sneakier than that for kids, or just a down right eeeeevillll parent . . ."no computer games until you've eaten your asparagus".

[DingoGirl]

but to this . . . I laugh

They can spot healthy additives a mile away . . . "What is this brown natural looking stuff amidst all of my brightly coloUred dehydrated marshmallows!!!!! You're trying to get us to eat something healthy again, aren't you???? Didn't you learn your lesson when you tried to serve us the beatloaf??" . . . you have to be sneakier than that for kids, or just a down right eeeeevillll parent . . ."no computer games until you've eaten your asparagus".

:lol:

Okay.....but, haven't they not HAD the Kaboom (bad name - - there is a shower cleaning spray by same name ) dehydrated-brightly-coloUred product yet? couldn't you just LIE and say, "oh no, this is marhsmallow faerie pixie dust, and it COMES that way........"

[Darn210]

Okay.....but, haven't they not HAD the Kaboom (bad name - - there is a shower cleaning spray by same name ) dehydrated-brightly-coloUred product yet? couldn't you just LIE and say, "oh no, this is marhsmallow faerie pixie dust, and it COMES that way........"

They have not had Kaboom before but they've had enough of the other stuff to know that it does NOT contain faerie pixie dust. Also, part of the kid code that is passed from one to another (probably on the school bus) that anything of a natural shade of brown and green is considered "healthy" and must be resisted. It gets harder for them to have defined rules about other coloUrs and hence, we parents can sometimes get our kids to eat a few fruits.

[elye]

Well, most farts are elliptical, and shaped like very elongated skinny footballs. This allows ease of exit. But many, as we know, emerge as fluffy clouds.

...And what about the ones that require some work for exit? Surely they are not elongated ellipticals. I am picturing trapezoids.

And where's Sarah? OMG - did we scare her off entirely? Emily - - did YOU do something?

OMG..... I do hope not. Maybe the effigy on Bev's arse was a sign from Sarah, a willed visual message of some sort....What could she be wanting to tell us? And why in such a curious fashion??.....

It's called Kaboom and has those little dehydrated marshmallows like Lucky Charms has.

Gad, with a name like that, it must have fibrous, laxative properties....

They can spot healthy additives a mile away . . . "What is this brown natural looking stuff amidst all of my brightly coloUred dehydrated marshmallows!!!!! You're trying to get us to eat something healthy again, aren't you???? Didn't you learn your lesson when you tried to serve us the beatloaf??" . . . you have to be sneakier than that for kids, or just a down right eeeeevillll parent . . ."no computer games until you've eaten your asparagus".

Boy, I hear you on this one, Janet....my kids are the worst. They are suspicious of anything that isn't beige, as beige means empty, heavy, desirable carbohydrate. Orange specks could well be carrot or yam, red means BIG trouble as it signifies red pepper or tomato, and green--well, forget it.

[Green12]

White flour is, as we know, wheat processed and stripped of ALL nutrients. So, vitamins/minerals are added, esp. for the purposes of children's cereals and white breads. Alas, from my nutritional studies in the distant past (more than 20 years ago), I remember that most of the "nutrients" added are of such inferior quality - iron salts, for example, that cannot be digested by the human body. It's actually all somewhat of an evil ruse, parents THINK they are feeding something worthwhile to their kids when......they may as well be eating a paper napkin. Seriously.

Such scientificness for the silly thread, for a minute there I thought I clicked on the wrong thread

Janet, the cereals in the health food stores don't need to be fortified because they have all those nutrients and vitamins naturally in them, in the whole grains, that have not been stripped.

What Susie said

Bev, I am thinking along the same lines as Patti, maybe you got an itch in the night that you just had to scratch

But seriously, I have heard of a rash that looks like striations, I guess is what you would call it. Does it hurt? itch? Is it inflamed or raised?

Has it gone away with time?

Susie Q, you have me on the edge of my seat, I am sooooo curious to know what show you watched and what candidate was discussed

Speaking of late night tv, it gets me into all kinds of trouble......I think I might have to rethink having a tv in my bedroom. I turn it on and find all kinds of stuff to watch and then I find myself staying up WAYYYYY too late watching it.

A guilty pleasure I have recently found is on Bravo, some billionaire dating service, OMG the episode I watched was hilarious!

[DingoGirl]

...And what about the ones that require some work for exit? Surely they are not elongated ellipticals. I am picturing trapezoids.

:lol:

No, silly, they are NEVER trapezoidal....often they are zig-zagged, with either soft or rounded edges, and sometimes, they are sort of.......I don't know how to describe but......kind of zipper shaped. Oh, you KNOW when they are shaped like that - that's the extended rat-a-tat emission sound you hear. :lol:

<I actually made myself guffaw over this>

OMG..... I do hope not. Maybe the effigy on Bev's arse was a sign from Sarah, a willed visual message of some sort....What could she be wanting to tell us? And why in such a curious fashion??.....

you are getting madder by the day. Sprinkling pummeled marshmallow faerie dust into your cereal?

Kaboom - reminds me of the famous commercial on Saturday Night Live for Colon Blow cereal.......bah ha ha haha!!!!!!! (w/ the fabulous and deeply-missed late comedian whose wife killed him - forgot his name.)

Such scientificness for the silly thread, for a minute there I thought I clicked on the wrong thread

I know. I don't know what got into me.

Susie Q, you have me on the edge of my seat, I am sooooo curious to know what show you watched and what candidate was discussed

I am so shocked at this turnaround myslef that I am afraid to say it. But I will tell you, he is male, and he is not Mormon.

Julie - you can keep the TV in your room if you cancel the expanded cable. See, late night, there's mostly infomercials, which are F-A-S-C-I-N-A-T-I-N-G and mesmerizing beyond all humanity. I can watch the same ones repeatedly, do not ask me why. Alas, they put you to sleep, unlike this billionaire dating show - WTH is that????????????????? another reason I"m glad I don't have expanded cable - - I, too, would be up all night w/ these transfixing, ridiculous shows.

[Mtndog]

Dear Dr. Patti, Dr. SusieQ, Dr. Julie, et al (I LOVE using that!),

Thank you all for your speculative diagnoses. I believe that Dr. Emily is correct- it is a SIGN. A sign from, upon closer inspection, our great founder Richard. He HAS been kidnapped and trapped in a job that forces him to work like a gerbil stuck in a Habitrail

What in hell??????????????? Wait - you didn't mention Kurt - - did he have a HAND in this??????????

IN the pattern of a hand. Please describe. But oh my gosh, most peculiar. Did you fall whilst sleepwalking? I'm goign w/ alien abduction.......

:lol: OK- after looking at my arse at least 15 times today (right cheek) it is red, hurts,is raised and straited (nice word Dr Julie!). After studying the crime scene in detail, it could have only been done by my left hand. Since my left arm has the PICC line in it, I could only have accomplished this while standing. Hmmm...let me think some more.

Kurt? He does often get stuck up my craw but does not usually attempt to crawl in said arse.

Whoa!! It sounds creepily like a sign of some sort....Look closely at the pattern of scratches. Can you remotely see an outline of a face? Elvis? Jesus Christ? Bev, you could become a powerful 21st century Icon, and there will psalms written and pilgimmages made to you, for the multitudes to cast their eyes on this vision...on your arse....

I'll have asonnet in iambic pentameter to go please. It does remotely look like the face of Billy Idol. Does this count?

So my friends and I were bored one day at school and we made up some "D" rhymes of our own, so over time we published our own little book...with 100 little notes to that song....

Here is an example of one....

You know its going to Hurt

When it comes out like Hershey Squirts.....

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, ch ch....

"What is this brown natural looking stuff amidst all of my brightly coloUred dehydrated marshmallows!!!!! You're trying to get us to eat something healthy again, aren't you???? Didn't you learn your lesson when you tried to serve us the beatloaf??" . . . you have to be sneakier than that for kids, or just a down right eeeeevillll parent . . ."no computer games until you've eaten your asparagus".

:lol: (keeping emoticon usage down these days!)

Bev, I am thinking along the same lines as Patti, maybe you got an itch in the night that you just had to scratch

Susie Q, you have me on the edge of my seat, I am sooooo curious to know what show you watched and what candidate was discussed

I want to know too...since this IS the Silly Thread I don't think anyone will attack you. But more importantly......I want to see your fart pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nikki-uk]

Dear Dr. Patti, Dr. SusieQ, Dr. Julie, et al (I LOVE using that!),

Thank you all for your speculative diagnoses. I believe that Dr. Emily is correct- it is a SIGN. A sign from, upon closer inspection, our great founder Richard. He HAS been kidnapped and trapped in a job that forces him to work like a gerbil stuck in a Habitrail

What the HELL do you put in that picc line???????? .....and I WANT SOME.....Billy Idol

I want to know too...since this IS the Silly Thread I don't think anyone will attack you. But more importantly......I want to see your fart pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!......and what coloUr???

Badly glutened = yellow or maybe mustard or GREEN!!!!!!!!! (EEEeeevil!!!!!! )...emulating warmth + moistness (GAH!)

Normal fart = Brown, dry

COME ON SUSIE!!!!!!!!! I NEED to know the coloUr code!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[~alex~]

All of this fart talk is making me giggle! My brother and I used to try and categorize every fart when we were little. Like farting while sneezing or laughing would be a pressure fart and farting while exercising/heavy lifting would be an exertion fart.

Ryan and I booked the church/pastor for our wedding today! May 10!!! It makes my heart feel like it is wiggling . . . but in a good way.