The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[TriticusToxicum]

It appears as though my idea has gotten out already. Open Original Shared Link is a crude battery powered version. Word travels fast around here!

The proud inventor. Notice the flocks of adoring ladies...and disturbing loin-cloth type garb

[DingoGirl]

I always seem to stumble in here during the most interesting discussions!

DONNA! Hi there! come on in any time, you never know what it'll be......

That's the beauty of the system. (again, I'm divulging too many trade secrets here...) Since the power plant, if you will, is located in the falsie the oscillation of the falsie is what powers the system. So the bigger the falsie, the more wattage = more twirlage. However, I wouldn't go TOO big, as you might need to apply for a pilots license

gahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *snort* and guffaw!!!!!!

this sentence, the wordage, made me spit out a few crumbs of my corn chips, I read it three times:

"Since the power plant, if you will, is located in the falsie the oscillation of the falsie is what powers the system. "

It appears as though my idea has gotten out already. Open Original Shared Link is a crude battery powered version. Word travels fast around here!

The proud inventor. Notice the flocks of adoring ladies...and disturbing loin-cloth type garb

oh my gaaaaaaaaaaawd - - - - please note, this is the most disturbing photo of all (for obvious reasons, the woman on the right)

[DingoGirl]

oooooooooops

look at THIS photo

http://screwdecaf.cx/images/pics/1024x768/fan_shirt-1.webp

[DingoGirl]

an email I just got

> NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

B O Y T O X

>

> Eyedrops that help you see whether the guy you're talking to is a man

> or a boy.

>

>

> D A M N I T O L

>

> Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

>

>

> E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

>

> Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you

> of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till

> they moved out.

>

>

> ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

>

> Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers

> unconscious for up to two days.

>

>

> P E P T O B I M B O

>

> Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before

> an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and

> prevents conception.

>

>

> D U M B E R O L

>

> When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in

> enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

>

>

> F L I P I T O R

>

> Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and

> the urge to flip off other drivers.

>

>

> M E N I C I L L I N

>

> Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such

> lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get

> naked now?.

>

>

> B U Y A G R A

>

> Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,

> duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

>

>

> J A C K A S S P I R I N

>

> Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

> anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

>

>

> A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T

>

> A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to

> share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

>

>

> N A G A M E N T

>

> When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same

> irritation level as nagging him.

>

>

I esp. like PEPTOBIMBOL and NAGAMENT

[nikki-uk]

I always seem to stumble in here during the most interesting discussions!

It's getting seriously silly today!!

That's the beauty of the system. (again, I'm divulging too many trade secrets here...) Since the power plant, if you will, is located in the falsie the oscillation of the falsie is what powers the system. So the bigger the falsie, the more wattage = more twirlage. However, I wouldn't go TOO big, as you might need to apply for a pilots license

If I may,Richard...a couple of points that are worrying me:

Let us not forget the invention is supposed to be worn whilst show/snowboarding.

Might the oscillation throw said wearers balance out through centrifugal force thus hampering safe landing???

The proud inventor. Notice the flocks of adoring ladies...and disturbing loin-cloth type garb

Not so much a loin cloth than a sporran?? (back on kilts again )

oooooooooops

look at THIS photo

http://screwdecaf.cx/images/pics/1024x768/fan_shirt-1.webp

Oh my!!!

Burn them bras!!!!

Meanwhile I woke up toOpen Original Shared Link....now where's that snowboard?....

[nikki-uk]

My personal favourites

> D A M N I T O L

>

> Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

You know, that sounds quite appealing some days

> ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

>

> Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers

> unconscious for up to two days.

Wow, could of done with that when they were younger!!

> A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T

>

> A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to

> share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

Hmmm, could be useful...they alway's seem to sit next to me on trains...

[Mtndog]

The battery operated ones are in the UK? Or ALL the tassel sites?

What do they do over there anyway?

All the tassel sites- never found the battery operated ones :P

[Mtndog]

That's the beauty of the system. (again, I'm divulging too many trade secrets here...) Since the power plant, if you will, is located in the falsie the oscillation of the falsie is what powers the system. So the bigger the falsie, the more wattage = more twirlage. However, I wouldn't go TOO big, as you might need to apply for a pilots license

:lol: :lol:

I can ALWAYS rely on this thread for a good laugh and a tassle twirl

[Mtndog]

OMG- I NEED PEPTOBIMBOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susie, Nikki and I could be the spokeswomen! :lol:

Oh and that most disturbing picture of the man in the fan shirt has got to be BURNING MAN which my hubby has gone to in the desert in Nevada and IS ALWAYS trying to convince me to go to. Susie- It's probably pretty close to you (near Tahoe). We lived in Sf for awhile and they have this critical mass event where people ride their bikes over the Bay Bridge (because it's not legal.

Well, Burning Man has Open Original Shared Link

[TriticusToxicum]

It's getting seriously silly today!!

If I may,Richard...a couple of points that are worrying me:

Let us not forget the invention is supposed to be worn whilst show/snowboarding.

Might the oscillation throw said wearers balance out through centrifugal force thus hampering safe landing???

...another reason not to got to large.

The user's balance shouldn't be negatively affected. The systems doesn't cause any oscillation, it merely harnesses the available kinetic energy and converts it to electrical energy. (like shaking the flashlight). Although the system has yet to be fully tested on the slopes, I'm confident balance shouldn't be an issue.

...with that said, I am working on an optional personal crash protection upgrade for the system. Think mini air bags.

Not so much a loin cloth than a sporran?? (back on kilts again )

Oh my!!!

you wiley celts!

Burn them bras!!!!

INDEED!

[TriticusToxicum]

Oh and that most disturbing picture of the man in the fan shirt has got to be BURNING MAN which my hubby has gone to in the desert in Nevada and IS ALWAYS trying to convince me to go to. Susie- It's probably pretty close to you (near Tahoe). We lived in Sf for awhile and they have this critical mass event where people ride their bikes over the Bay Bridge (because it's not legal.

Well, Burning Man has Open Original Shared Link

I was thinking Burning Man all the way when I saw the lunatics in the desert...

your hubby's not in any of the pic is he?

[TriticusToxicum]

...it seems the intrepid "inventor" (infinger is more like it) of the fan shirt also has several other bright ideas...

Open Original Shared Link

Check out the movie of the actual implant process - I couldn't watch the whole thing!

Is is me or does Mikey appear to have monkey mitts? (something is afoot in the desert )

How about his clever use of recycled paper and concrete - I mean who wouldn't want Open Original Shared Link laced with splintery scrap wood?

Methinks Mikey stood too long in the hot sun without the fans running!

This guy could probably solve the worlds problems if he just put down the "pipe" long enough!

look at all his Open Original Shared Link!

He actually made the big time - "Open Original Shared Link"

[DingoGirl]

Let us not forget the invention is supposed to be worn whilst show/snowboarding.

Might the oscillation throw said wearers balance out through centrifugal force thus hampering safe landing???

this concept is actually "worrying" her! somehow the wording of this sentence made me howl....plus, use of the word "whilst" - - Nikki probably doens't know that Americans never say WHILST but use the more pedestrian "while" - - whilst is the King's English - - makes me crack up every time (just a silly FYI)

The user's balance shouldn't be negatively affected. The systems doesn't cause any oscillation, it merely harnesses the available kinetic energy and converts it to electrical energy. (like shaking the flashlight). Although the system has yet to be fully tested on the slopes, I'm confident balance shouldn't be an issue.

...with that said, I am working on an optional personal crash protection upgrade for the system. Think mini air bags.

oh dear gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd

Um, okay, MONKEY MITTS indeed - - does that guy even have any opposable thumbs? Yes, love the concrete furniture......OMG, yes, if he DID put down the pipe for two seconds, perhaps something productive would come of it all.......

OMG Burning Man....possibly the scariest thing of all....and Bev's husband went to the pagan Bacchanal festival Bev, stay away, be afraid, be very afraid, your hubby can go to Burning Man, you can come here (a mere five hours away) in teh safe cozy Dingo Den...................we'll keep our tops on......................

[am thinking that our subject matter of late could get us chastised - - but do you think that Powers that Be just ignore this thread, satisfied that the naughty stepchildren are safely away from the masses? ]

[TriticusToxicum]

[am thinking that our subject matter of late could get us chastised - - but do you think that Powers that Be just ignore this thread, satisfied that the naughty stepchildren are safely away from the masses? ]

three words for you...

YOU STARTED IT!

(it works for my kids)

I think you should stop posting those indecent pictures at once (just forward them direct to my email ) - for the innocents' sake. Do you suppose celiac disease has brought us to this level? Could we ALL have reached these depths without gluten toxicity? (My alibi is a work in progress)

[Mtndog]

OMG Burning Man....possibly the scariest thing of all....and Bev's husband went to the pagan Bacchanal festival Bev, stay away, be afraid, be very afraid, your hubby can go to Burning Man, you can come here (a mere five hours away) in teh safe cozy Dingo Den...................we'll keep our tops on......................

[am thinking that our subject matter of late could get us chastised - - but do you think that Powers that Be just ignore this thread, satisfied that the naughty stepchildren are safely away from the masses? ]

That is a deal! I really don't have much desire to fry or freeze my butt off in the desert listening to techno music while burning things with people who don't sleep. I'd MUCH rather hang out with the dingos and you!

Yes- we Celts are naughty but it's alll good!

I was thinking about our subject matter of late as well. Perhaps we can NOT post the questionable links so as to not get chastised. I am a moderator after all and have my reputation to protect

It's kind of like when I was a teacher in middle school and people would say, "dear GAWD, YOU are shaping the future minds of America?" WARPING was more likely! And now I'm warping college freshmen MOO HOO AHH ha ha ha

Let's see, to get away from kilts and other questionable matters (mostly my fault due to the current state of the gramming of my mammies ) what could we POSSIBLY discuss that would make us SNORT, GUFFAW and potentially bring on the need for Depends.

OK....how about dumbest pick up lines you've heard or used? Hmm... that could go awry as well.

How about people falling? Why is it that some people watch someone wipe out so BAD and they come over laughing their butts over, trying not to snort while asking them if they're OK? I had a friend who was SO SWEET but she could only burst into tears laughing when someone wiped out?

[Jestgar]

OK....how about dumbest pick up lines you've heard or used?

When I was travelling in egypt the most annoying one was: "Hey, do you know that you walk like an egyptian?"

Actually the first time I heard it was the day after I had spent several hours on a camel, so I was walking like something, but I'm guessing it was more along the lines of a primate, not an Egyptian.

[CarlaB]

Maybe the powers that be are relying on the moderator participating in this thread to moderate!!!

I've been married since I graduated from college, so I don't have any bad pick up lines. There was a guy hitting on me once in a bar leaning against Adam's stool while Adam went to the men's room. Adam couldn't sit down because the guy was there, so I said to him that my husband was standing right behind him. He walked away and NEVER looked back to see Adam! I always thought that was funny ... Adam would have introduced himself and said he didn't realize I was married if he had made the same mistake. This happened when I was 21.

[TriticusToxicum]

ok Open Original Shared Link some G rated humor...

or...Open Original Shared Link

[nikki-uk]

this concept is actually "worrying" her! somehow the wording of this sentence made me howl....plus, use of the word "whilst" - - Nikki probably doens't know that Americans never say WHILST but use the more pedestrian "while" - - whilst is the King's English - - makes me crack up every time (just a silly FYI)

oh dear gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd

Oh how you mock me so!!!

I shall endevour to throw in as many angloisms as possible!!

Do you suppose celiac disease has brought us to this level? Could we ALL have reached these depths without gluten toxicity? (My alibi is a work in progress)

Well I certainately did!!! ....non coeliac here (honoury member!)

*I* have no excuse!!!

I've been married since I graduated from college, so I don't have any bad pick up lines.

Me too! Good lord I've been married since I was 19 yrs old...can't even remember a time BM (no..not bowel movement people!! ...BEFORE MARRIAGE!! )

[jerseyangel]

Good lord I've been married since I was 19 yrs old...can't even remember a time BM (no..not bowel movement people!! ...BEFORE MARRIAGE!! )

Me too, Nikki! I think we've both been married forever

[CarlaB]

Me too! Good lord I've been married since I was 19 yrs old...can't even remember a time BM (no..not bowel movement people!! ...BEFORE MARRIAGE!! )

I was married at 21, you beat me!! I think that means I was never single since I was married my entire adult life.

[Mtndog]

Maybe the powers that be are relying on the moderator participating in this thread to moderate!!!

Oh dear gawd...do not rely on me to be the mature one! I'm probably already fired!

Here's a clean funny:

Little davie

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She

started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand

up!"

After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you

think you're stupid, Little Davie?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

**************

Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on

her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing

the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"

***************

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students

might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas

season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood

that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!

He's in our bathroom!"

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.

Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this.

Little Davie said, "Well ... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on

the Bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?"

****************

The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in

class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

***************

Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local

police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the

10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture

and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture

him."

Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his

picture?"

***************

Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as

his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the

horse's legs, rump, and chest After a few minutes, Davie asked, "Dad,

why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make

sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy

Mom."

[Mtndog]

When I was travelling in egypt the most annoying one was: "Hey, do you know that you walk like an egyptian?"

Actually the first time I heard it was the day after I had spent several hours on a camel, so I was walking like something, but I'm guessing it was more along the lines of a primate, not an Egyptian.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I took a 7 hour horseback ride in Costa rica on my honeymoon and let me tell you, when that was over I was NOT walking like an Egyptian. I feel your pain!

Here's my favorite song from a very irreverent movie. It's a rip on Pearl Harbor and Ben Affleck (never saw the movie) but done as a Open Original Shared Link

[2Boys4Me]

How about people falling? Why is it that some people watch someone wipe out so BAD and they come over laughing their butts over, trying not to snort while asking them if they're OK? I had a friend who was SO SWEET but she could only burst into tears laughing when someone wiped out?

Don't think I am a horrible Mom after you read this!

A couple of years ago when Walker was learning to ride his bike, we'd taken him down to the park and he rode his bike into a bush. He laughed about, he was a good sport.

Later that day, we were out in front of our house on our sidewalk and he had me holding the seat of his bike so it wouldn't fall over, but that was all I was to do. He would start pedaling, I'd let go, and he'd travel down a few houses on his own.

Well, I was holding the seat, and his handlebars weren't pointing straight down the sidewalk, but more crooked, so he'd have to straighten them up pretty quickly to stay on the sidewalk. I tried telling him and got the old, "I can do it!", so I kept my mouth shut. He started pedaling, didn't straighten up his handlebars and rode his bike sooooooo sloooooowwwwwly into a tree. The bike stood there for a second and then he and the bike fell over. OMG! I thought I would die laughing! I went over there and said, "Hey, where did that tree come from?" and then laughed some more. He laughed too, and then got mad and said it was all my fault.

[DingoGirl]

three words for you...

YOU STARTED IT!

DID NOT!! Hey, all I said was that I went SHOWboarding on the roof, another culprit started with teh tassels and such......ha ha ha!

I think you should stop posting those indecent pictures at once (just forward them direct to my email ) - for the innocents' sake. Do you suppose celiac disease has brought us to this level? Could we ALL have reached these depths without gluten toxicity? (My alibi is a work in progress)

ahem, BTW, I don't think I have posted ONE single indecent photo. okay well, wait a minute, I did highlight an indecent photo, you know the girl with teh sagging, um.....anywho I got that from one of YOURS, silly

When I was travelling in egypt the most annoying one was: "Hey, do you know that you walk like an egyptian?"

Wonder if that line would work if I used it on someone around here?

I was married at 21, you beat me!! I think that means I was never single since I was married my entire adult life.

cannot even conceive of this!

Oh dear gawd...do not rely on me to be the mature one! I'm probably already fired!

Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as

his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the

horse's legs, rump, and chest After a few minutes, Davie asked, "Dad,

why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make

sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy

Mom."

Little Davie and what can Brown do for YOU?

Linda - poor Walker.

okay....I have to eat some din-din and then watch my shows....Thursday....big night.....Gray's and Men in Trees.....holy cow, I need to get a life, don't I?