The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[nikki-uk]

BAHHHHH!!!!!!! Six more weeks . . . at least for the Open Original Shared Link. We have a local groundhog (not nearly as famous as Phil) but I'm hopin' he's got a different prediction for our local weather.

Yes, we have one, too....Wiarton Willie. Haven't yet heard what his results were. Peter, did he see his shadow?

How odd.....so let me get this straight...you rely on some ancient tradition where a beaveresque type animal forecasts the next 6 weeks weather??

Well, today is my birthday, so as the resident groundhog I am here to say that there will be no more winter! Snow and cold are right out.

I am 37. I am thrilled that I get to finally relive that scene from Monty Python in my personal life.

Old woman!

Man.

What?

Man.

Sorry. Who is the lord that lives in that castle?

I'm 37.

What?

I'm 37. I'm not old.

Happy birthday Colleen!!!!!!.....definitely NOT old as you are a year (or two ) younger than I

Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along.

These traits in my son translate as

Stubborn, pig headed, and a complete refusal to accept any rules

For example, in the American Hall of Fame there are more Aquarians than any other sign, yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too.

I can only think being a genius is rather taxing on the brain

[cruelshoes]

Happy Birthday, Colleen!

You are an Aquarius....

Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along. They are 'mind oriented' individuals, whose thoughts never stop tick-tocking. Because of their high focus on intellectual exploration, many inventors, eccentrics and highly original trailblazers are born under this sign. Their intense ability to live on many mental levels holds both pain and pleasure for Aquarians. For example, in the American Hall of Fame there are more Aquarians than any other sign, yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too.

...Wow...Does that about sum it up?

Fits me to a T. Although we had to let the drummer go because we were too broke to pay him anymore. And all that rum-pa-pum-pum stuff gets on the nerves after a while.

My husband decided to give me the birthday gift of tearing up our kitchen. Couldn't the kitchen remodel have waited one day, I ask you???

[tom]

Thanks for greasin' the wheels . . . the Parkay/Parquet went right by me.

Well, trying to work it in floored me.

You really creamed me on that last bit with that whole spectrum of woodly items. You did really gouda.

Gah!! Dairy-related already??!! I only have half a cup of coffee in me so far .. .. .nowhere NEAR ready to play!

<tom curses earth's rotation & resultant time-zones!!>

Well, speaking of Oracle Peter, DS came up to me this morning and asked me something quite thought-provoking, and I immediately looked blank and said, "Okay. This is one for the Oracle": How come in very old photographs, no one is ever smiling?

Not to step on the Oracle's well-insulated toes, but since he may have hours of conducting commerce ahead, I'll say it's due to the extreme suckage of early film.

It was even mentioned in the film "Cold Mountain", by Nicole Kidman's char.

"Ah caint hold a smah-yull that long"

Maybe it was 5 min, maybe it was 2 (uh-oh!! we DO need Peter!!), but any change in expression could ruin the shot.

I bet old-time photographers were pretty cranky.

Happy Birthday Colleen!!! (Our own little Sillyville groundhog yahooooooOOOOO!!!!!)

Doesn't some TV station play the movie Groundhog Day over & over today?

(Love that!!)

[Darn210]

Well, today is my birthday, so as the resident groundhog I am here to say that there will be no more winter! Snow and cold are right out.

I am 37. I am thrilled that I get to finally relive that scene from Monty Python in my personal life.

Old woman!

Man.

What?

Man.

Sorry. Who is the lord that lives in that castle?

I'm 37.

What?

I'm 37. I'm not old.

Happy Birthday Colleen . . . Here's your Open Original Shared Link!

And here's another one that cracks me up . . . apparently those

have a lot of spare time.

[cruelshoes]

Happy Birthday Colleen!!! (Our own little Sillyville groundhog yahooooooOOOOO!!!!!)

Well, you already have a Yeti and a wookie, so I figured someone else with a furry arse and buck teeth could fit in just fine. That wookie is looking good. Rowr.....

[tom]

Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along.

Improv!!

. . . .. yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too.

...Wow...Does that about sum it up?

Uh-oh! I'm Aquarius too

That wookie is looking good. Rowr.....

[elye]

My husband decided to give me the birthday gift of tearing up our kitchen. Couldn't the kitchen remodel have waited one day, I ask you???

GAD! On your birthday? This is much heinosity......

Well, trying to work it in floored me.

Ya should've had some East Indian stew, as it can help you concentrate...particularly if it has laminate.

Not to step on the Oracle's well-insulated toes, but since he may have hours of conducting commerce ahead, I'll say it's due to the extreme suckage of early film.

This sounds most logical. Early film suckage....

And here's another one that cracks me up . . . apparently those

have a lot of spare time.

Mygawd....Lego interpretations of such classic comedic material?! Bah! 'Tis sacrelige!!

Improv!!

Uh-oh! I'm Aquarius too !

Should've known......

[tom]

Ya should've had some East Indian stew, as it can help you concentrate...particularly if it has laminate.

:lol:

:lol:

:lol:

[tom]

Every few minutes, I think laminate & chuckle.

I'm long out of woodisms, but that one really sticks w/ me today.

[Darn210]

My husband decided to give me the birthday gift of tearing up our kitchen. Couldn't the kitchen remodel have waited one day, I ask you???

But doesn't this guarantee that you are NOT cooking supper tonight??

Emily!!!!!????? Laminate!!!!! You've been holding back! Shame on you!!

[elye]

Tom! This arrangement of emotimaterial is quite striking....an intentional stab at representational art? Hmmm...Electric guitar? Slegehammer? Wait, wait....Toppled-over yield sign? I like this game much more than dastardly-uncle-pungames!!!

[DingoGirl]

Don't forget that the cock was crowin'!!!

It was plane to see that he needed to leaf before she kicked his ash . . . but oh how he pined.

*snort*

Then he Saw her, and felt a Bit the sap for being such a chiseler on the rings.

*snoort* :lol:

This is too funny...

I've just posted some fairly serious stuff on newbie threads. Can you imagine what they immediately think when my response, with this avatar, flashes on the screen? "Whoooooooaaaa....I ain't encouraging communication with this hermaphrodite-type freak....."

**Not that there's anything wrong with that...at all. My apologies to any hermaphroditic celiacs reading...

now THIS.......had I the strength to laugh.....would have burned 400 calories.

Yeah.....this can quite easily slip my mind at times. I believe he came home from the studio for a quick dinner dressed as Gaylord once. Full makeup, flowing platinum wig, enormous false teeth, huge, bug-eyed glasses...we were such a jaded family by this time that it was not even mentioned. "Pass the gravy, Dad, but watch that lacy sleeve of yours".....

good gawd

The weary family, inured to their father's constant transformations of character, experienced a distinct sense of ennui as they reminded him for the umpteenth time to.....

what am I doing, I thought I was goign somewhere with that but.....am too sick to even TRY to be funny. bah. I'll just stick to meek chortling.

Tom, why doesn't anybody join us?

we're just not as sharply whittled, that's all

Hey!....I know when I'm outta my league...

Actually.......

I had a great-uncle who was rather a hateful old drunk, and among several demented verbal exercises, he was obsessed with making puns. I mean obsessed. And they'd get progressively stupider the more he went on. To this day, I kinda feel my stomach tighten when I hear a pun beginning....

that is phunny, somehow

Well, speaking of Oracle Peter, DS came up to me this morning and asked me something quite thought-provoking, and I immediately looked blank and said, "Okay. This is one for the Oracle": How come in very old photographs, no one is ever smiling?

smiling in photos is a pretty new thing. Oh, and the answer someone else gave - was it Tom? - that is correct, I'm pretty sure.

Hey, do this: next time you look at a posh interior design magazine - which I used to do ALL the time - look and see if you can find the rich people's scads of framed photos of loved ones - on a desk or bookcase, for example. You will notice that none of their peeps are LOOKING at the camera.......they are always caught in some action or pensive shot - none of this smile-for-the-camera crap. Only for commoners. :lol:

(too tired for more emoticons but 'tis true, what I say!)

Tom! This arrangement of emotimaterial is quite striking....an intentional stab at representational art? Hmmm...Electric guitar? Slegehammer? Wait, wait....Toppled-over yield sign? I like this game much more than dastardly-uncle-pungames!!!

yes, quite clever....... I think it's a......wooden mallet?

dunno.

back to bed.

Emily said dastardly.

[blueeyedmanda]

Happy Birthday Colleen!!!

So my local TV station has a page where we can talk about topics and such. You do not need to register a name or anything. Well, someone is pretending to be me now and posting under the screen name I had been using, making me look like an idiot.

[psawyer]

Not to step on the Oracle's well-insulated toes, but since he may have hours of conducting commerce ahead, I'll say it's due to the extreme suckage of early film.

It was even mentioned in the film "Cold Mountain", by Nicole Kidman's char.

"Ah caint hold a smah-yull that long"

Maybe it was 5 min, maybe it was 2 (uh-oh!! we DO need Peter!!), but any change in expression could ruin the shot.

I bet old-time photographers were pretty cranky.

This was certainly a part of it, with slow film taking a long exposure. Faster exposures could be made with wide aperture lenses, but the optics weren't so great then so you got blurry results. Sharp, clear image ==> small aperture (high f-stop number) ==> long exposure time. Technology has improved, but the principle still applies.

Yes, another full day of activity in pursuit of financial profit. Must go make dinner. I'll be back later.

Happy birthday, Colleen.

[jerseyangel]

Happy Birthday, Colleen

Amanda--how awful Ya really have to wonder about people sometimes.

Tom and Janet--you guys are cracking me up

Susie--weak snorts and chortling Are you feeling any better? I guess a weak snort is better than no snort at all

Ah Peter--thought about you today as I was at Petco buying Allo's food

Well, Sillies, hope everyone is enjoying the weekend so far. We went to Starbucks in our travels today....and to think just a year ago, I wouldn't have dared spend the day out shopping like a normal person. I am so much better Sometimes I can't quite believe it. Just thought I'd share this wave of happiness

[elye]

The weary family, inured to their father's constant transformations of character, experienced a distinct sense of ennui as they reminded him for the umpteenth time to.....

Gawd, it's true...if it wasn't lacy, flowing sleeves we were reminding him to watch, it was a long, billowing beard, or these enormous gossamer wings, or an incredible Sumo-belly...we just had to be ready for anything......

.....am too sick to even TRY to be funny. bah. I'll just stick to meek chortling.

Poor Susie!...been thinking about you today. Miss your guffaws...these meek chortles will simply not do......

You will notice that none of their peeps are LOOKING at the camera.......they are always caught in some action or pensive shot - none of this smile-for-the-camera crap. Only for commoners.

I must tell you what can be found throughout my house. When you first buy a small frame, there is usually a print of a photo in it, usually an attractive young generic-looking girl or man. Well, in several of my frames I have kept these people within, and matted it nicely. People will pick up one of the pictures and say, "Oh! Lovely pic. Who is this?" and I'll shrug and say, "I dunno".

People either find this hysterically funny or plain strange. No middle ground, here. I find it a scream......

So my local TV station has a page where we can talk about topics and such. You do not need to register a name or anything. Well, someone is pretending to be me now and posting under the screen name I had been using, making me look like an idiot.

Gad!! Dastardly!!

This was certainly a part of it, with slow film taking a long exposure. Faster exposures could be made with wide aperture lenses, but the optics weren't so great then so you got blurry results. Sharp, clear image ==> small aperture (high f-stop number) ==> long exposure time. Technology has improved, but the principle still applies.

Way to go, O. Pete!...A serious face can be held comfortably for a longer time...I got it.

Just thought I'd share this wave of happiness

This is great, Patti!

[psawyer]

So, here I am again, after preparing and enjoying a gluten-free dinner with Jacquie.

It has been a busy two days at the store. We have hired a new team member to replace Sarah, who as you who have been reading know is going on pregnancy leave soon. Jacquie and I usually are both in on Friday. We came in for the entire day, since Sarah, who usually works performs morning duties, is away on vacation for two weeks.

Friday we did about 25% of the business we would normally see on a Friday.

Well, the weather was awful, so we were both there, with Helen, our trainee, with nothing to do. We have been talking since November about a major rework of the store. With the snow falling, and working around shoveling the parking area four times on Friday, we began the journey.

By the time we finished today at around 4, we had moved or completely restructured 12 4-foot sections of display space. We moved the fish section, the domestic bird department, and the grooming stuff. Dog treats got rearranged. It was a lot of work and we are both very tired tonight, but we like the new look.

Our student part-timer comes in at 11 on Sunday to open. He last saw the store an Thursday evening. He will have to re-shovel the parking lot, and then cope with a made over store as he does the daily inventory review and puts up tags for the sale that starts tomorrow. We have not given him any warning. We are evil.

[tom]

Tom! This arrangement of emotimaterial is quite striking....an intentional stab at representational art?

Now that you mention it . .. ...it MUST have been!

I see a hammer. . ..what is my subconcious trying to tell me?

"If I had a haaaaaammmm-mer,

I'd over-emote in the morrrr-orrrr-nin' "

we're just not as sharply whittled, that's all

. ... I am so much better Sometimes I can't quite believe it. Just thought I'd share this wave of happiness

:)

People either find this hysterically funny or plain strange. No middle ground, here. I find it a scream......

No hysterically strange??

. . . ..

. .. . . We have not given him any warning. We are evil.

[elye]

Good Sunday morning, all!

Wow, Peter, what a busy day for you guys yesterday. I would love to see your store...we are heading to Brantford the end of the month for hockey tournament, but that's probably a bit far to be travelling between games. I'm in T.O. a couple of times through the summer, so I will stop in, for sure.

We have not given him any warning. We are evil.

Gasp! An evil oracle.........

So, got DH's Enterolab results, and of course he has very high antibody counts. So, he will be calling in from work tomorrow morning with what we hope will be lower chart numbers. It's only been three days on the diet, but I would think that a symptom like astonishing flatulence would respond fairly quickly.

Mygawd.......

Perhaps he will wish to join this forum. Hmmm.......Worlds colliding.

[jerseyangel]

Gawd, it's true...if it wasn't lacy, flowing sleeves we were reminding him to watch, it was a long, billowing beard, or these enormous gossamer wings, or an incredible Sumo-belly...we just had to be ready for anything......

It must have been so much fun growing up at your house.

Our student part-timer comes in at 11 on Sunday to open. He last saw the store an Thursday evening. He will have to re-shovel the parking lot, and then cope with a made over store as he does the daily inventory review and puts up tags for the sale that starts tomorrow. We have not given him any warning. We are evil.

Poor kid

Worlds colliding.

....Emily divided by herself, cannot stand

[Darn210]

Patti - Hope you got some good stuff along with your Starbucks. I have some gift cards that have started whispering my name. That's like free shopping . . . if I could only stop at the value of the card!

Emily - Picture frames . . . . . . they usually are a much nicer picture than those of our own friends and relatives. Hair always looks nice. Straight Teeth. In Focus. Head not chopped off. No finger in front of the lense. Alcohol not in the picture somewhere.

Amanda - Heinous!! You must post something like "The views of <fill-in-the-blank-screen-name> are not the views of all the <fill-in-the-blank-screen-names> as this screen name has been hijacked and now has more than one poster using it."

Tom - I thought your emoticonage arrangement looked like a spatula . . . it's like we're all doing an ink blot test.

Susie - surely you MUST be feeling better by now!!! Laughter is the best medicine. Come out to play!! (or it's time for some really good drugs)

Evil Peter - hmmmm . . . the vortex is working as we convert another moderator.

\../

(<---Evil Peter Emoticon) (that's suppose to be a little devil)

Some funnies from me mum:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~*

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?

What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[jerseyangel]

Patti - Hope you got some good stuff along with your Starbucks. I have some gift cards that have started whispering my name. That's like free shopping . . . if I could only stop at the value of the card!

I sure did We had 2 Macy's gift cards from Christmas and I was waiting till this weekend when I knew the towels were going to be on sale We ended up getting new towels, a plush-y rug, and a new shower curtain--all in the cream hotel-style. I'm wanting to make my bathroom more spa-like. Of course, we went over the value of the cards, but between those and the sale, we didn't do too bad.

Of course, now I'm really itching to paint in there.....

Your mum

[psawyer]

I would love to see your store...we are heading to Brantford the end of the month for hockey tournament, but that's probably a bit far to be travelling between games. I'm in T.O. a couple of times through the summer, so I will stop in, for sure.

We're 3 km south of 401 via Yonge St, so you'll pass pretty close by. But it is about 110 km more to Bradford, so you would need a really long time between games for a side trip.

Mygawd.......

Perhaps he will wish to join this forum. Hmmm.......Worlds colliding.

Jacquie has been known to come here and read sometimes. If you see a guest in Sillyville, it could be her.

Evil Peter - hmmmm . . . the vortex is working as we convert another moderator.

\../

(<---Evil Peter Emoticon) (that's suppose to be a little devil)

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Sillies!

welcome to Superbowl Sunday.

anyone watching the game?

[elye]

....Emily divided by herself, cannot stand

Methinks it's true....

Emily - Picture frames . . . . . . they usually are a much nicer picture than those of our own friends and relatives. Hair always looks nice. Straight Teeth. In Focus. Head not chopped off. No finger in front of the lense. Alcohol not in the picture somewhere.

Actually, funny you have mentioned these throw-out shots of people's chins and necks, or of me looking hideous, or my mom appearing to have her finger up her nose, eyes closed. DO NOT throw them out or delete. Here's what I do: I take them to Walmart or Sears (The Dollar Store I've hit, as well) and head to the frame department. There, I take the perfect hair/teeth pics out, and put mine in the frames. Yes, really.

Tom - I thought your emoticonage arrangement looked like a spatula . . . it's like we're all doing an ink blot test.

Hmmm....

As my DH was passing by the computer last night, I said, "Hey! What does this look like to you?" He glanced over and immediately said, "Penis", and kept going. (Mygawd...can I use this word here?) So......what would Dr. Rorcharck make of this?....

Some funnies from me mum:

Dammit, Janet, these are superb!