The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[TriticusToxicum]

  DingoGirl said:

*snigger* *snort*

you guys are such the comediennes! ha ha, I bet you just flew in, and BOY ARE YOUR ARMS TIRED............

RICHARD - - COME BACK TO US!

You guys are having too much fun while I'm away!

Alas, work is too much like actual work these days...we've had 2 of our 10 staff leave, another had surgery yesterday and won't be back for about 3 weeks...guess who is charged with picking up the slack?

I'll try and check in and add some funnies when I can. Carry on!

BTW "Lost" rocked last night!

[Jestgar]

Cute cat video.

[Mtndog]

That is awesome!

Maybe Gozmo can Open Original Shared Link

warning SusieQ- You will be grossed out but it's very funny!

[Jestgar]

That's hysterical!!

[Mtndog]

This is me right now:

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. (Check!)

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette (Forget the omelette- just give up the chocolate!)

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. (I just said this!)

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. (He's SCARED!)

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". (And the state police!)

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. (If only.....)

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". (I thought it was me )

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. (You mean, they're not?)

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. (yep and I'm still in pain)

[nikki-uk]

...Drive by ...from the giddy heights of son's loft room and sticky keypad (alas, my computer insurance DIDN'T cover the monitor HARUMPH!!!)

  Mtndog said:

Dude- That's crazy Open Original Shared Link

OMG !! :lol: ...Do my eyes deceive me???

How does she do that??? It's blimin magic!! ..must practice....

[Mtndog]

I just got this from mouse. It's hilarious:

ZEN SARCASM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a car payment.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[jerseyangel]

Those were good, Bev!

I just sent them on to my husband.

[DingoGirl]

  Mtndog said:

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

all of them funny, but somehow this one made me crack up.................

[DingoGirl]

okay, here's one (Karen needs to read this, esp. the Newfoundland one!)

FIVE SURGEONS

>>>

>>> Five Canadian Surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients

>>> to operate on.

>>>

>>> The first, an Ontario surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on

>>> my operating table, because when you open them up, everything

>>> inside is numbered."

>>>

>>> The second, a Quebec surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try

>>> electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

>>>

>>> The third a B.C. surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are

>>> the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

>>>

>>> The fourth, an Alberta surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like

>>> construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a

>>> few parts left over.

>>>

>>> But the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon shut them all up when he

>>> observed:"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate

>>> on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine,

>>> and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

[CarlaB]

  DingoGirl said:

all of them funny, but somehow this one made me crack up.................

Me, too.

I also like the politician part of your joke!!

[Mtndog]

Here's some more:

Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

6. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

7. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

8. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.

9. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,

[DingoGirl]

OMG - you guys have to see THIS

uh huh, that's right, I know how to do it now.....I know how to do it now.......ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

OOPS - - technical problems - - - will try again - - - -

[DingoGirl]

I'm so broken-hearted - - - my friend is here, the alleged "techno geek" friend, ha ha, even she had to call her boyfriend - who explained it - - and it did not work - - - so still, I am in the dark and never as cool as you guys......... (will have to go pages back to find Nikki's instructions)

so HERE YOU GO - - this is the funniest - -

[Mtndog]

That is dementedly funny but it's even funnier after seeing the original song.

OK susie Q.... here's what you do:

1. Copy the link

2. Hit the little green box with the plus sign 2 over from the smiley face.

3. A box pops up

4. Hit Ctrl V (that will paste the link in)

5. Hit Ok

6 Name it "This" or whatever you want to call it. Hit OK

7. Voila!

[Mtndog]

OMG- I cannot get that song out of my head now!

[Mtndog]

So I replaced it with this one, which makes me melt in my seat:

Open Original Shared Link

[Jestgar]

Open Original Shared Link

Just check out the pics.

[Mtndog]

  Jestgar said:

Open Original Shared Link

Just check out the pics.

:lol: :lol:

Did you see this comment abouut it:

An annoying little kid was decapitated by that sign two years ago. It's true. Pass this forward or the ghost of the kid will haunt you. And you will never find true love/money.

I love that because I HATE those emails that curse you if you don't pass them on. They're mean!

Oh and in response to the song that melts me is, of course, parodies:

Open Original Shared Link

Open Original Shared Link

I don't care.....that song still melts me.

[Lisa]

OMG!!!!! More youtube PLEEESE.

I have tears in my eyes laughing. Ya'll are cracking me up. I had several hostile Indians (oops, did not mean to be politically incorrect, apologies to any offendee) at my preservation meeting today.

I'm begging PLEEEESE, more laughs.

Lisa

[Mtndog]

You're not being sarcastic?

[Mtndog]

Ok, here you go:

[DingoGirl]

  Mtndog said:

Did you see this comment abouut it:

An annoying little kid was decapitated by that sign two years ago. It's true. Pass this forward or the ghost of the kid will haunt you. And you will never find true love/money.

I love that because I HATE those emails that curse you if you don't pass them on. They're mean!

I did see that comment, and yes, also hate when forwards say that.....and stuff like......forward it to 5 and this will happen and forward it to 10 and this will happen and then forward it to 15 and something amazing will happen at midnight.....um, these are conjured up by pre-teen girls and then they go 'round adn 'round......

I am in a funk today, nothing funny to post but this is for you, Bev.

Open Original Shared Link

okay.....did I do it right?

nope......harrumph........I guess I am NEVER going to get this......but will practice

[Lisa]

  Mtndog said:

You're not being sarcastic?

Heck NO! But nothing beats the baby chimp with a finger issue.

[DingoGirl]

  Momma Goose said:

Heck NO! But nothing beats the baby chimp with a finger issue.

I know....could not not watch it like, 10 times in a row?