Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

jerseyangel Proficient
I guess that makes us the family Faberge eggs :P

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::P


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Mtndog Collaborator

My sis just sent me this one:

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time . .

Priceless!

CarlaB Enthusiast
I guess that makes us the family Faberge eggs :P

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Jestgar Rising Star

Very cute!! :lol:

CarlaB Enthusiast

The joke ... :lol::lol::lol: I've heard it before, but it still makes me laugh.

DingoGirl Enthusiast

ha ha ha, priceless indeed.

I got nothin' here. just getting ready for my big Thursday - - Gray's and Men in Trees. Ah, the glamorous life of a single, crazy old dog lady in Fresno. ;)

DingoGirl Enthusiast

:lol: just got this email - - love the use of the words - - - esp rectitude and pokemon :lol::lol::lol:

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

>>> > >

>>> > > Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning

>>> > > submissions

>>>

>>> > >

>>> > > The winners are:

>>> > >

>>> > > 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

>>> > >

>>> > > 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have

>>>gained.

>>> > >

>>> > > 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

>>> > >

>>> > > 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

>>> > >

>>> > > 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

>>> > >

>>> > > 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you

>>>absentmindedly

>>> > > answer the door in your nightgown.

>>> > >

>>> > > 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

>>> > >

>>> > > 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

>>> > >

>>> > > 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you

>>> > > are run over by a steamroller.

>>> > >

>>> > > 10. Balderdash (.), a rapidly receding hairline.

>>> > >

>>> > > 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

>>> > >

>>> > > 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

>>> > > proctologists.

>>> > >

>>> > > 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

>>> > >

>>> > > 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with

>>> > > Yiddishisms.

>>> > >

>>> > > 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief

>>> > > that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets

>>> > > stuck there.

>>> > >

>>> > > 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts

>>> > > worn by Jewish men.

>>> > >

>

>


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



Mtndog Collaborator

Those are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast

Hi - di - ho peeps!! ..all sillies!!!

I see you've been busy!!..whilst *I* pine away longing for access to my computer (..damn..can't afford new monitor yet <_< )

GOOD LORD!!..Was there a Steve (gfp) sighting????!!!!! :)

...... it's like I settle down and get comfy when I see a gfp post 'cos I know I'm gonna enjoy reading it !!!! (especially fabulous brilliant tails of adventures in far flung lands !!!) :):)

Richard still busy at work???!! ..but dropping in with talk of Saab's and Citroen's...I had a Citroen once..drove like a pig...

Belated congratulations to Susan on mastering the link thingy (with a line under it)!!! :lol: HURRAH!!!!

Crockpot???? :huh: Mmmm sounds like the tool of an accomplished cook :unsure:

I long to buy a slow cooker ...throw all ingredients in - turn on .. come back several hours later and eat (this appeals to me)

Yes...'tis true ...without a computer to hand I am bereft :( ..I have been drawn ..no forced to do other things :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: to keep me from going mad with boredom.

This week I have read 2 books (but that was ok) and cleaned the oven, and various other equally heinous chores that probably should have been done a long time ago... but dear god!!!..what on earth did I do BPC (before PC )

Mtndog Collaborator

Nikki- We miss you!!!!!!!!!! come back.......

gfp Enthusiast
especially fabulous brilliant tails of adventures in far flung lands !!!) :):)

Hmm must get round to writing up my australia/vietnam trip!

DingoGirl Enthusiast

Nikki! you must get a new monitor at once!! we miss you!!!

OMG a Nikki sighting and a Steve sighting in the same day - - - almost the same as the double Citroen sighting in the same day!! :rolleyes:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Hmm must get round to writing up my australia/vietnam trip!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Now you know I'm gonna have to get a cushion and a cup of tea for that one!!!!

Cannot wait!!

Bev .. thankyou!! ...I miss you all too dahlings!!!!! :wub:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
Nikki! you must get a new monitor at once!!
gfp Enthusiast
Not very common in California I imagine ....whereas Steve is awash in gay Paris :lol::lol:

Hey, can't a guy quote Oscar Wilde without that :D

LOL

Anyway... I got two spare monitors neither of which is much good but servicable for checking here... If you can think of anyway to get them to you from either Lancs (will be there next week) or Paris you're more than welcome... but you could probably pick a cheapo one up from ebay for 20 quid...

DingoGirl Enthusiast
Hey, can't a guy quote Oscar Wilde without that :D

LOL

Anyway... I got two spare monitors neither of which is much good but servicable for checking here... If you can think of anyway to get them to you from either Lancs (will be there next week) or Paris you're more than welcome... but you could probably pick a cheapo one up from ebay for 20 quid...

20 quid :lol::lol::lol: is quid still a term that is used - and how much is it??? :huh:

gfp Enthusiast
20 quid :lol::lol::lol: is quid still a term that is used - and how much is it??? :huh:

I'll tell you when you tell me something of use ....

quid pro pro ?

oops sorry....

its just the vernacular for a pound and I don't have a pound sign on my present keyboard :D

DingoGirl Enthusiast
I'll tell you when you tell me something of use ....

:lol: ha ha, I say, and pshaw, the thought of you waiting for me to tell you something of use - mighty long wait :lol:

but here, this is amusing :lol: (and particularly for the Luddite-inclined, such as yours truly)

Open Original Shared Link

Mtndog Collaborator

QUID THIS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :P :P :P

DingoGirl Enthusiast
QUID THIS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :P :P :P

:lol::lol::lol:

oh QUID this, QUID that, PSHAW and HARRUMPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (see, only nonsense coming from me now and STeve is waiting for me to tell him something worthwhile )

Mtndog Collaborator

Oh- I apologize for yelling last night :P I was being silly. This time I can blame it on margaritas and an IMAX theatre. No trampolines or cosmos were hurt in the writing of this post.

DingoGirl Enthusiast
Oh- I apologize for yelling last night :P I was being silly. This time I can blame it on margaritas and an IMAX theatre. No trampolines or cosmos were hurt in the writing of this post.

we forgive you for the drunken yelling. :lol: now what is my excuse? :huh:

Mtndog Collaborator
we forgive you for the drunken yelling. :lol: now what is my excuse? :huh:

Moo hoo ahh ha ha ha..........you don't need one. This is the Tickle Me thread!

gfp Enthusiast

Lol that's hilarious...

Its actually even funnier if you speak Norwegian cos the Danish translation isn't exactly word for word... which tickles my peculiar funny bone because of cultural differences from Norway and Denmark...

They actually add quite a few thank-yopu's etc. not in the Norwegian .. but I guess this might only be funny for someone who lived amongst them.... still I'm easily amused.

Mtndog Collaborator
Lol that's hilarious...

Its actually even funnier if you speak Norwegian cos the Danish translation isn't exactly word for word... which tickles my peculiar funny bone because of cultural differences from Norway and Denmark...

They actually add quite a few thank-yopu's etc. not in the Norwegian .. but I guess this might only be funny for someone who lived amongst them.... still I'm easily amused.

The translation of what? QUID THIS! QUID THAT! Or harumph and heinous!

Ok, a little joke for you:

The Blind Man

She had just finished her shower when the doorbell rang. Tiptoeing to the front door, shivering in plump, pink nudity, she called, "Who is it?"

"The blind man," came a mournful voice, so she shrugged and opened the door with one hand while reaching for her purse with the other. When she turned to face the man, he was grinning from ear to ear and she saw that he was holding a large package in his arms.

"You can see!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah," he nodded happily. "And mighty pretty too. Now, where do you want I should put these blinds?"

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Donate

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):





    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):




  • Recent Activity

    1. - Scott Adams replied to KDeL's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      1

      diagnostic testing variance

    2. - KDeL posted a topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      1

      diagnostic testing variance

    3. - Peggy M replied to louissthephin's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      6

      Does Kroger Offer Affordable Gluten-Free Options?

    4. - Scott Adams replied to Sunshine4's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      4

      Neurologic symptoms - Muscle Twitching and Hand Tremors

    5. - trents replied to MI-Hoosier's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      5

      Test uncertainty


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      128,275
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    Elizabeth Brown
    Newest Member
    Elizabeth Brown
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.1k
    • Total Posts
      70.8k

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):





  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):



  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Scott Adams
      I’m so sorry you’re going through this—it sounds like you’ve been on a really challenging journey with your health. Your symptoms (stomach pains, bloating, low iron, joint pain, brain fog, etc.) do sound like they could be related to gluten sensitivity or another condition like non-celiac gluten sensitivity (NCGS). It’s interesting that your bloodwork hasn’t shown celiac markers, but the lymphocytosis in your duodenum could still point to some kind of immune response or irritation, even if it’s not classic celiac disease. The fact that your symptoms improved when you went gluten-free but returned when you reintroduced gluten (especially with the donut incident) is a pretty strong clue that gluten might be a trigger for you. It’s also worth noting that symptoms can be inconsistent, especially if your body is still healing or if there are other factors at play, like stress, cross-contamination, or other food intolerances. Do you have more info about your blood test results? Did they do a total IGA test as well? 
    • KDeL
      For years, I have dealt with various gluten related symptoms like stomach pains, bloating, IBS-C "ish" digestive issues, low iron, low Vit D, joint pains, brain fog, and more. I finally got a double scope and stomach looks clear, but I have some lymphocytosis of the duodenum. I am wondering if this sounds familiar to anyone, where I have not shown celiac red flags in bloodwork IGA tests. WIll be following up soon with GI Dr, but so far, my symptoms are intermittent. I go back and forth with gluten-free diet (especially this past year.... did two tests where the stomach pains I had went away without gluten in diet. HOWEVER, I added it back a third time and I didn't get the pains)   Anyway, I am so confused and scared to eat anything now because I recently had a few bites of a yeasty donut and I immediately got so sick. Any thoughts??
    • Peggy M
      Kroeger has quite a few Gluten free items.  Right now they are redoing my Kroeger store and are adding everything into the regular sections.  Since this was done some new ones have been added.  Publix and Ingles also have great selections. I actually shop Walmart and Food City to since prices on some items vary from store to store.
    • Scott Adams
      Sorry but I don't have specific recommendations for doctors, however, starting out with good multivitamins/minerals would make sense. You may want to get your doctor to screen you for where you different levels are now to help identify any that are low, but since you're newly diagnosed within the past year, supplementation is usually essential for most celiacs.
    • trents
      Yes, I can imagine. My celiac journey started with a rejection of a blood donation by the Red Cross when I was 37 because of elevated liver enzymes. I wasn't a drinker and my family doctor checked me for hepatitis and I was not overweight. No answers. I thought no more about it until six years later when I landed a job in a healthcare setting where I got annual CMP screenings as part of my benefits. The liver enzymes were continually elevated and creeping up every year, though they were never super high. My primary care doc had no clue. I got really worried as your liver is pretty important. I finally made an appointment with a GI doc myself and the first thing he did was test me for celiac disease. I was positive. That was in about 1996. After going on a gluten-free diet for three months the liver enzymes were back in normal range. Another lab that had gotten out of whack that has not returned to normal is albumin/total protein which are always a little on the low side. I don't know what that's about, if it's related to the liver or something else like leaky gut syndrome. But my doctors don't seem to be worried about it. One thing to realize is that celiac disease can onset at any stage of life. There is a genetic component but there is also an epigenetic component. That is, the genetic component is not deterministic. It only provides the potential. There needs also to be some health or environmental stressor to activate the latent gene potential. About 40% of the population have the genetic potential to develop celiac disease but only about 1% actually do.
×
×
  • Create New...