The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[DingoGirl]

I know, silly!! remember.....we're still not SO far away from Rachelville, you know. So that means....we don't really HAVE jobs....I mean, we can show up to work, but just to have fun and gossip about our HOT wealthy bosses.

and, how worrisome, in Nikki's memo to Patti (INterview techniques) I did not see provision for the candidate who goes in the room w/ only table and chairs and goes absolutely, utterly, gobsmackingly bonkers as there is no reading material for two hours - - - OMG - - -did you guys not know that I have to keep reading material in the car, in case of long stoplights or trains, or might go insane? um.....so, I would be the candidate that is raving MAD from nothing to read for two hours......straight-jacketed.....so in what department would I be placed? I guess management, maybe?

[nikki-uk]

  DingoGirl said:

and, how worrisome, in Nikki's memo to Patti (INterview techniques) I did not see provision for the candidate who goes in the room w/ only table and chairs and goes absolutely, utterly, gobsmackingly bonkers as there is no reading material for two hours - - - OMG - - -did you guys not know that I have to keep reading material in the car, in case of long stoplights or trains, or might go insane? um.....so, I would be the candidate that is raving MAD from nothing to read for two hours......straight-jacketed.....so in what department would I be placed? I guess management, maybe?

yes management indeed (because of course without reading material you would have to go to sleep which is also management material)

Reading material should be compulsory on trains!!!! ---- who couldn't read on a train???

..yes, thank goodness for books --- I may have gone insane during my monitor/computerless weeks.

..in fact one of my dream jobs would to be a librairian (books and access to a computer!!

..And in the run up to the Oscars -- do you have any favourites?? ( I must of course support Helen Mirren)

With the time difference it will be after 12.30am here (I am just too old and knackered to stay up that late )..so will not know who won what 'til Mon morn.

Talking of Oscars -- did you see that judge (that was dealing with the 'who gets Anna Nicole's body') blubbing his heart out??

I mean holy weeping judges batman!!.... give that man an Oscar!!!

[DingoGirl]

  nikki-uk said:

:..And in the run up to the Oscars -- do you have any favourites?? ( I must of course support Helen Mirren)

With the time difference it will be after 12.30am here (I am just too old and knackered to stay up that late )..so will not know who won what 'til Mon morn.

Talking of Oscars -- did you see that judge (that was dealing with the 'who gets Anna Nicole's body') blubbing his heart out??

I mean holy weeping judges batman!!.... give that man an Oscar!!!

well halllloooooooooooooooooo Nikki! Let's see....Oscar faves....well sadly , this year, I did not view that many Oscar contender movies as I usually do. But.....I have always wanted Scorses to win for best director - - hope he will this year - - - Helen Mirren - brilliant performances - I would MUCH prefer she win over that girl in Dreamgirls......LIttle Miss Sunshine - - silly movie! It drove me a little bonkers - I mean, wasn't it just PAINFUL to watch?? until the end - best ending ever - -

But anywho Clint has got a very stron chance - tried to rent taht one yesterday adn all gone - - tried to rent The Departed - - all gone - - -

the judge - - OMG - - - he is nuts - - it is said that he wants his own television show (um, yeah, because there aren't enough shows with judges on TV now and their silly courtroom stuff) and so I think he loves the drama and the attention. But, um, guess they better have the viewing of the body quite soon......she is decomposing......

and there you have it, JUST the sort of things we would gossip about at our watercooler at the Silly Yak Dumpasaurus.......er, what's our name again?

So few members showing up for work these days......Richard, taht errant one always shoveling snow and actually devoting time to his OTHER job.....hah!

[nikki-uk]

  DingoGirl said:

So few members showing up for work these days......Richard, taht errant one always shoveling snow and actually devoting time to his OTHER job.....hah!

Skeleton staff at weekends, but no matter....it's double time at the weekend....KER CHING!!!!!

[Jestgar]

Politically correct terminology

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT W OMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN" .

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE".

3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY".

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION".

5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE".

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT WHORE" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER".

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY"- She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED".

8. She is not a "SLUT"- She's "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED".

9. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS"- She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR".

10. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER"- She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE".

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY".

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN".

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS".

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION".

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION".

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see out of the back of his pants - It's "MALE CLEAVAGE".

7. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER"- He prefers "GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS".

8. He is not "HORNY"- He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED".

9. He is not a "WANKER"- He is an "OWNER OPERATOR".

[jerseyangel]

[sherylj]

  TriticusToxicum said:

Ahem...(clears throat)

Does anybody else have a particularly annoying jingle stuck in their head? (Who let the dogs out?)

Lions and tigers and bears,,OH,NO! lions and tigers and bears..OH, NO.

I sang this on my college campus arm and arm with my "Dorothy" friend fans (ahem,,,many years ago ) as we negotiated the "yellow brick road" and just heard it on campus last week when visiting my daughter. Go Spartans!

Some things like M-I-C-K-E-Y and Oscar Meyer are classics!

[Mtndog]

  Jestgar said:

Politically correct terminology

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE".

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY"- She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED".

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY".

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN".

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION".

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION".

That was HILARIOUS and I needed a good laugh today! Those are my favorite...especially the liquid grain storage facility.

[Mtndog]

Dingo Girl- I see you!!!! We need to get this thread going again. Donde esta Senor Richard? And our silly British counterpart/ And the Goose?

Here's a groaner"

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis

And cuz I just watched the Empire Strikes back:

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the forks, Luke."

[Mtndog]

Check this out:

[DingoGirl]

oh, I have to call PETA on the poor rats Do rats swim? and how do they stay on the boards?

Hi silly bev, have a crippling and near-fatal case of ennui, hence, nothing to contribute. INdeed, where is Richard, and The Goose, and Nikki, Patti, everyone? Others need to be funny in my place.......I am on a temporary hiaitus from funny. HAr-RUMPH!!!

And can I just say.....I hate everything right now? P-SHAW.

Cranky Dingo, signing off.

[Mtndog]

  DingoGirl said:

oh, I have to call PETA on the poor rats Do rats swim? and how do they stay on the boards?

Hi silly bev, have a crippling and near-fatal case of ennui, hence, nothing to contribute. INdeed, where is Richard, and The Goose, and Nikki, Patti, everyone? Others need to be funny in my place.......I am on a temporary hiaitus from funny. HAr-RUMPH!!!

And can I just say.....I hate everything right now? P-SHAW.

Cranky Dingo, signing off.

Yep- the dogs (dingo and mountain) are grumpy!!!!!

Here's a funny: Open Original Shared Link

I love the way they use slaggy, but Nikki- we need a translation- what is slaggy?

[nikki-uk]

  Mtndog said:

Yep- the dogs (dingo and mountain) are grumpy!!!!!

- my co-workers are grumpy and needing a temporary hiatus (always makes me think of hernias, that word) from funny ???

..I must try harder ...

  Quote

Here's a funny: Open Original Shared Link

I love the way they use slaggy, but Nikki- we need a translation- what is slaggy?

OH DEAR GAWD!!!

UM, how to explain the term 'Open Original Shared Link??

A lady with dubious morals is putting it nicely!!

For maximum effect you have to drag the sound out

E.g ''That girl is a right slaaaag''

Ho Hummm

[Mtndog]

  nikki-uk said:

- my co-workers are grumpy and needing a temporary hiatus (always makes me think of hernias, that word) from funny ???

OMG- me too. Hiatus sounds like hernia...Maybe we Dogs have a hernia of the funny bone!!!!!!

OH DEAR GAWD!!!

  Quote

UM, how to explain the term 'Open Original Shared Link??

A lady with dubious morals is putting it nicely!!

For maximum effect you have to drag the sound out

E.g ''That girl is a right slaaaag''

Ho Hummm

I'm going to see my friend from in England in 10 days...I'll have to get her to tell me all the bad words!

You have to check out Open Original Shared Link for some pretty funny words. I've learned quite a few new meanings!

[Mtndog]

Uhmmm...Nikki- we need to talk. What is all this about young Harry Potter (daniel Radcliffe) and his promo pics for being in Equus?????????????????????????? Looks like he uhm...has grown up! How are people reacting in the UK?

[TriticusToxicum]

can the 4 horsemen be far Open Original Shared Link?

[Mtndog]

I am Hassel to the hoff, yo

Chicks dick me cuz I rap while I cough yo

Don't mention Baywatch to me now, yo

I'm a cool biz- to- the-ach yo!

[Mtndog]

Check out these Open Original Shared Link

[angel-jd1]

This cracked me up.......had to share. Nuff said

"The Washcloth"

Ladies this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a

woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.

Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell

me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already

around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have

any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene

when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make

the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that

was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to

make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes

basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my

appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.

Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table,

looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris

or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the

doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't

we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out

from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all

my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

Never going back to that doctor. Ever.

[DingoGirl]

  Mtndog said:

Uhmmm...Nikki- we need to talk. What is all this about young Harry Potter (daniel Radcliffe) and his promo pics for being in Equus?????????????????????????? Looks like he uhm...has grown up! How are people reacting in the UK?

um, young Daniel said that he was really trying to break out of the mold...yeah, I"ll say that oughtta do it.....

  Mtndog said:

I am Hassel to the hoff, yo

Chicks dick me cuz I rap while I cough yo

Don't mention Baywatch to me now, yo

I'm a cool biz- to- the-ach yo!

and can I just say, I am so, so very frightened that I - that we - - live in a time where "words" and phrasing such as the above even EXIST????? And DON"T HASSLE THE HOFF!!! OMG he's such a crazy narcissist...

and a sparkly va-jay-jay! always nice!

[Mtndog]

OMG- I LOVE the va-jay-jay word. That is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was just in that woman's "position" today...ah yes...Paris. More like

Actually..have you guys seen the commercial for things you can do with one finger? Open Original Shared Link

It's so funny!

And yes, Daniel definitely broke out of the mold. As my hubby said, "Wow! The books that turned a whole generation onto reading are REALLY going to turn a generation on"

Saw Reno 911 Miami tonight......I was snorting (it's so adolescent but SO funny)

[Mtndog]

  TriticusToxicum said:

can the 4 horsemen be far Open Original Shared Link?

OMG- Open Original Shared Link

[DingoGirl]

  Mtndog said:

OMG- I LOVE the va-jay-jay word. That is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

glad you liked it.....but not MY word - - it's from the darling short black woman - what' s her name - Dr. Bailey? - - on Grey's Anatomy.

OMG - - that photo of Hasselhoff with the Sharpeis - - - SOOOOOPER SCARY!!!

Bev - did you see the Reno 911 movie? in the theater? you actually paid 10 bucks to see it?

Still think I"ll wait for video. speaking of videos - - watched The Departed on Sunday - - yikes - - double yikes - - just want to know - - do people in Boston really live like that ? all kinds of crazy Irish mob guys everywhere? Great movie but really gory....

[Mtndog]

  DingoGirl said:

OMG - - that photo of Hasselhoff with the Sharpeis - - - SOOOOOPER SCARY!!!

Bev - did you see the Reno 911 movie? in the theater? you actually paid 10 bucks to see it?

Still think I"ll wait for video. speaking of videos - - watched The Departed on Sunday - - yikes - - double yikes - - just want to know - - do people in Boston really live like that ? all kinds of crazy Irish mob guys everywhere? Great movie but really gory....

OK- I'm up.Feel like poop so I'll just surf the net. Yes- paid money to see it and I have a confession...I Love Reno 911. It's so stupid but it kills me. I was literally snorting!!!!!!!!!! We were morally obligated to see it (just like South park movie, Team america and the Simpsons movie coming out this summer).

I haven't seen The Departed yet but I do want to see it. Southie is a very interesting place. I have a friend that grew up there (she lived across the street from the L Street Tavern...you know the one in Good Will Hunting? Basically the deal was I was NEVER to go in there under any circumstances).

A lot of crazy stuff has gone down in Southie (Whitey Bulger and all that). I actually had a student who lived in a house where one of Bulger's victims was found.

But then Southie has this "new" side...it's gotten kind of yuppified...lots of professionals buying condos there. It's an interesting place..very Irish..very family-oriented but definitely ahs a drak side.

[nikki-uk]

Pinch, Punch, first day of the month!!

Gotcha again!!

..not long now, will soon be spring like and lighter days ( how I hate getting up in the mornings and it's still dark )

  Mtndog said:

Uhmmm...Nikki- we need to talk. What is all this about young Harry Potter (daniel Radcliffe) and his promo pics for being in Equus?????????????????????????? Looks like he uhm...has grown up! How are people reacting in the UK?

..OMG!!

My!!, he has grown into a fine young man!!

Yes, he's going down a storm here with standing ovations!!

  angel_jd1 said:

"The Washcloth"

Glitter!!!