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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

And from Archie Bunker--

"You can't buy beer, you can only rent it."

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VydorScope Proficient
VydorScope
Posted

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

Guess I'll go eat worms,

Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,

Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

Think I'll go eat worms.

Big fat juicy ones, Eensie weensy squeensy ones,

See how they wiggle and squirm.

Chomp off their heads and squeeze out the juice

And throw their tails away

Nobody knows how I survive

On worms three times a day.

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

Guess I'll go eat worms,

Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,

Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,

Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,

Think I'll go eat worms.

Big fat juicy ones, Eensie weensy squeensy ones,

See how they wiggle and squirm.

Chomp off their heads and squeeze out the juice

And throw their tails away

Nobody knows how I survive

On worms three times a day.

I think someone's been reading too many children's books!

I hate it when my kids start talking about the lady who swallowed a fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly, I think she'll die! Then I can't get it out of my head all day!! Now, I've passed it on to you!!! :lol::lol:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author

who can forget Woody Allen...

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. :ph34r:

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? :huh:

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

-- (Hollywood Ending, 2002)

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. :blink:

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

-- (Hollywood Ending, 2002)

:P:D:lol:

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.

-- (Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989)

I think someone's been reading too many children's books!

I hate it when my kids start talking about the lady who swallowed a fly, I don't know why she swallowed a fly, I think she'll die! Then I can't get it out of my head all day!! Now, I've passed it on to you!!! :lol::lol:

How about:

Miss Mary Mack-Mack-Mack,

All dresssed in Black-Black-Black,

With silver Buttons-Buttons-Buttons, all down her Back-Back-Back...

Olivia LOVES that, especially after we've asked her to cool it with the fly swallowing lady...I LOOOOOVE LOOOOONG car rides!

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
...I LOOOOOVE LOOOOONG car rides!

Start saving your money now ... if you buy them all Ipods when they're a bit older, long car rides will be the quietest time of you life!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Start saving your money now ... if you buy them all Ipods when they're a bit older, long car rides will be the quietest time of you life!

It would be cheaper to buy myself a pair of earplugs! :P

99 bottle of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer,

Take one down, pass it around,

98 bottles of beer on the wall... :huh:

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
It would be cheaper to buy myself a pair of earplugs! :P

They don't block everything out ... trust me, I use them often as my birds get up with the sun.

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jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Remember this one--

Comet--it makes your teeth turn green.

Comet--it tastes like gas-o-line.

Comet-it makes you vomit--

So get some Comet-and vomit today. :ph34r:

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted

Yea, I remember it!! Do you think Comet has gluten? :lol:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Remember this one--

Comet--it makes your teeth turn green.

Comet--it tastes like gas-o-line.

Comet-it makes you vomit--

So get some Comet-and vomit today. :ph34r:

I don't remember this one :(

I'm guessing this ad campaign flopped :)

Random question.

Which do women prefer:

Balding man

Bald man

Comb over (regular, not TheDonald)

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
I don't remember this one :(

I'm guessing this ad campaign flopped :)

You're too young. This alternative song fit the jingle and it was what all the kids sang. How old are you anyway?

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author

You're too young. This alternative song fit the jingle and it was what all the kids sang. How old are you anyway?

I'm not as old as my older sister, or my wife (my old lady :P ) for that matter.

Hint:

Deliverance :blink: and The Godfather :o were both still in theaters when I was in diapers (cloth, by the way)

Random question.

Which do women prefer:

Balding man

Bald man

Comb over (regular, not TheDonald)

elonwy Enthusiast
elonwy
Posted

I hate Jack in the Box. Because for the last three weeks:

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, its better than yours

D*mn right, its better than yours

I would teach you, but I'd have to charge.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG.

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted

Does that mean you are six years from turning 40? Oh why would a man want to hide his age?

In answer to your question, I prefer a man with hair ... in the event he's losing it, at least be honest about it, don't comb it over!!

I hate Jack in the Box. Because for the last three weeks:

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, its better than yours

D*mn right, its better than yours

I would teach you, but I'd have to charge.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG.

We don't have Jack in the Box. Sounds like I should be happy about it!!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
I hate Jack in the Box. Because for the last three weeks:

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, its better than yours

D*mn right, its better than yours

I would teach you, but I'd have to charge.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG.

We don't have Jack in the Box here. Sounds like that's a GOOD thing!

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Good lord--those combover pictures :o

I'm sorry, but those make a guy look sleezy to me. Hair is nice, but if a guy is losing his hair, cut it short and go with it! I'd rather someone look natural and clean.

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Does that mean you are six years from turning 40? Oh why would a man want to hide his age?

In answer to your question, I prefer a man with hair ... in the event he's losing it, at least be honest about it, don't comb it over!!

Closing in on the big 3-5! Who's hiding? :huh:

I'm just bored :)

Why does is matter how old/young I am? :blink:

Newsflash:

The combover has been patented!

Open Original Shared Link

Combover the movie!Open Original Shared Link

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
Closing in on the big 3-5! Who's hiding? :huh:

I'm just bored :)

Why does is matter how old/young I am? :blink:

Just curious, I remember power suites from the early 80's, you remember Power Rangers ... then you didn't know the Comet song ... just was curious.

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Just curious, I remember power suites from the early 80's, you remember Power Rangers ... then you didn't know the Comet song ... just was curious.

Sometimes my sarcasm doesn't come through this electronic medium... Power Suit.... Power Rangers , aw forget it :P

They were after my time BTW! ;)

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
Sometimes my sarcasm doesn't come through this electronic medium... Power Suit.... Power Rangers , aw forget it :P

They were after my time BTW! ;)

Most of the time it comes through just fine .... the thing is, I wouldn't have even THOUGHT about Power Rangers .... you're still a baby, though, you can't help that. ;)
TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Good lord--those combover pictures :o

I'm sorry, but those make a guy look sleezy to me. Hair is nice, but if a guy is losing his hair, cut it short and go with it! I'd rather someone look natural and clean.

Sleazy, that's the word I was looking for! I wonder, is there a special substance that the CombOverers use to get it just right? There appear to be 2 distinct types - the oiled down combover and the ultra frizzed (I just hopped out of my Miata look) mad professor type.

My hair is just starting to recede (widows peaks) and the random grey hair has started to appear as well. I'm just exploring my options :P

What about a nice rug? :huh:

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
My hair is just starting to recede (widows peaks) and the random grey hair has started to appear as well. I'm just exploring my options :P

What about a nice rug? :huh:

I have a friend who got a hair transplant ... you just have to go to the right person and be vain enough to put up with the pain and the expense!

No rug, no combover. Just cut it short and be honest about it!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
I have a friend who got a hair transplant ... you just have to go to the right person and be vain enough to put up with the pain and the expense!

No rug, no combover. Just cut it short and be honest about it!

OMG! YOu know RICHARD SIMMONS! :lol:

My hair is short to begin with. I've had a flat top 1/2 my life, so bald won't be a big shock to me! I would NEVER, EVER, EVER get plugs! I'd get that Ronco spray-on-hair first!

CarlaB Enthusiast
CarlaB
Posted
OMG! YOu know RICHARD SIMMONS! :lol:

My hair is short to begin with. I've had a flat top 1/2 my life, so bald won't be a big shock to me! I would NEVER, EVER, EVER get plugs! I'd get that Ronco spray-on-hair first!

ROFLMAO :lol::lol::lol: No, my friend got a very good one ... he's actually a VERY good looking guy, very vain, and I can see why he did it. You know the type, divorced, drives a Porche Boxter ...

Oh, and trust me, I DID give him a hard time about it.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

The Ronco Spray on Hair!!!!I forgot all about that.

Hey, remember the Flow-be? You could give yourself that flat top haircut, and all the excess hair would be sucked up into your vaccum cleaner. All in one easy step! :D

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