The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[tom]

Bleh. . ...another crappy day here & now I'm sitting at the DMV waiting for my B425 to be called. They're on B383.

[Green12]

Nikki said "poo eating chums"!!

No pooping??....so <scribbling down ''Julie NOT up for Ripper's challenge of eternal good health''

No pooping. When I take grains and sugar out there is no pooping to be had, my body reacts kindly with "C".....

Um.........again.......

There is some fecal matter that would be acceptable to ingest, and others not?

A reasonable question to ask.....

Oh! What shall we name it instead?

Catherine?

Douglas?

Howard?

I'm starting my maintenance Maureen tomorrow .....

Sounds so much nicer.

....Catherine....Douglas....Howard....

The Catherine Zeta Jones Michael Douglas Ron Howard plan?

The name is so impressive it distracts from its meaning....D I E T

Sillies - - I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo much to do - - - just got - this past weekend - our massive mahogany dining table and chairs from childhood home - - quite large and regal and.......serious looking. Not my first choice - - but - - looks important and stately - - I"d pick an old French farm table if I had tons of money..........so anywho, I've decided I quite like it and.........am going to add some whimsy by upholstering the chairs in a heavy and coloUrful ikat fabric........

Alas am now reconfiguring whole den/computer room as former dining table - quite rustic and adorable - is now computer table.....desk holding the computer now goes - where? must now deal with the heinosity of the computer chords - - would take David mere seconds but me? all day.........................

The table sounds lovely Susie, you must take pictures and let us see. I would be in seventh heaven with all the decorating projects you have in store, HAVE FUN!!!!

How lucky are you too to have Kissey for all your computer needs......an added bonus in the relationship

<that was a stack o' laughs that makes an exclamation point>

*snort*

*double snort*

Almost fell out of my chair on that one!!

I am on a diet too....none of my clothes from last summer fit....I am up to 170.... I used to be 155 and that was up from what I was....but when you outgrow your clothes in a matter of months.....So been eating better and also the working out....I am hopeful that I can get somewhere...so far no luck though....

Good News....still not using sleeping pills!!!!!! Oh Sillies what a wonderful time!

Yay on the no sleeping meds Amanda, that's quite an improvement.

Looks like we are forming a little diet Catherin Zeta Jones/Maureen O Hara club here!

Loved that clip, Julie --great to see John Candy again and David Spade looked so young!

I'm right there with you on the sugar and grains--what the heck is it about them that just hold every drop of fluid We can be grouchy together

Patti, twas Chris Farley in the clip with David Spade. They were so great together, sigh.....

Yes, we will be starchy sugary deprived grouchy grouches. Bah humbug!

And with regard to Maureening, I've been grain/starch/sugar free since Friday. I am pleased to announce that I woke up this morning and the first thing that entered my brain was "Holy Crap!! I don't hurt!!!"

There are actually a few twinges, but I had to look for them

I guess I'm de-pain in the rear'ing

Jass! And another one to join in!

Glad you are noticing improvement, and so quickly. That's awesome!

Yes, it totally matters what was eaten! Think about it... corn? I would find it much easier to down a smooth homogeneous poop, than one that was... chunky.

Ok, you can all throw up on me now.

Oh Sarah!

Leave it to this bunch to take the poop talk on this forum to another level

Yes I will let you rename dieting Catherine. Well this one feels like she has been on a diet forever, so it is probably quite fitting to give it my name. The diet of my choice now is low carb..............Cathy's carb control.

I like the sound o Maureen mintenance, as I have a good friend who lost a heap of weigh at least 10 years ago, and hasn't put any back on!

And another one to join in on the diet Catherine fun..the more the merrier!!

[jerseyangel]

Patti, twas Chris Farley in the clip with David Spade. They were so great together, sigh.....

But of course Could I be any more of an idjit???

[Green12]

:vomitface:

You outdid yourself here Susie Q, a stack of.... mixed emotions?

So, the newspaper photographer just came over and took shots of The Ripper and me. I wanted to submit some of my photos from Walmart frames, but the Letters Editor didn't find the idea too workable....or sane.

I'm back from the big shindig. There were a little over 900 people there so I guess I slightly exagerated before. Didn't spill anything on myself during the meal or trip on the way up the steps. Read my letter and didn't embarrass myself so I'm glad about that. All in all, I'm happy. Our gal didn't win top honors but what an amazing feat to be one of the top 6 finalist out of over 900 nominations. I've got a headache!!!

Congrats for making it through it Janet.

Bleh. . ...another crappy day here & now I'm sitting at the DMV waiting for my B425 to be called. They're on B383.

Crappy day + the DMV= a much more crappy day

Sorry about your crappy day Tom.

[Green12]

But of course Could I be any more of an idjit???

Not at all Patti, they were similar. Both of em big blonde funny guys, both died before their time.

[Darn210]

But of course Could I be any more of an idjit???

Love that word . . . edjit . . .always makes me laugh. But don't get me wrong, Patti, we're not laughing at you, we're laughing . . . no . . . we're laughing at you.

[Darn210]

Bleh. . ...another crappy day here & now I'm sitting at the DMV waiting for my B425 to be called. They're on B383.

tom . . . Baaahhhhh . . . any day at the DMV is a crappy day. Do you reaaaalllllly need to drive?

[elye]

What a comic genius John Candy was....I just looked at him, and I laughed....

Open Original Shared Link

[Jestgar]

Bleh. . ...another crappy day here & now I'm sitting at the DMV waiting for my B425 to be called. They're on B383.

Crappy day + the DMV= a much more crappy day

Sorry about your crappy day Tom.

Does having to suck up a crappy day count as eating poo?

[elye]

Does having to suck up a crappy day count as eating poo?

Well....if you really think about it....nothing equals eating poop but...well, eating poop.

[jerseyangel]

Not at all Patti, they were similar. Both of em big blonde funny guys, both died before their time.

I need to think before I type My fingers move faster than my brain

[Kaycee]

Now onto something serious. I know seriousness is not in the rules, but I'll put it in anyway.

I learnt a new word the other day, "orthorexia".

I've just checked the dictionary, and failing that, cause I couldn't find it in there, I did a search on the net and I came across this test.

Open Original Shared Link

I only answered three questions, and I'm doomed. How many more of us are doomed or are considered orthorexic.

Cathy

[Green12]

Now onto something serious. I know seriousness is not in the rules, but I'll put it in anyway.

I learnt a new word the other day, "orthorexia".

Open Original Shared Link

I only answered three questions, and I'm doomed. How many more of us are doomed or are considered orthorexic.

That's great...and unfortunately so true

[Ridgewalker]

Sarah,

I've been meaning to tell you how cute that picture of Ez is

Thank you!!!

:lol:

I hate it when you guys make me laugh out loud at work :lol:

OMGAAAAAWWWDDDD!!!!!! Has anyone else noticed that the grosser the topic, the more involved (and helarryus) Sarah is!!!

I'm back from the big shindig. There were a little over 900 people there so I guess I slightly exagerated before. Didn't spill anything on myself during the meal or trip on the way up the steps. Read my letter and didn't embarrass myself so I'm glad about that. All in all, I'm happy. Our gal didn't win top honors but what an amazing feat to be one of the top 6 finalist out of over 900 nominations. I've got a headache!!!

I know, I can't keep away from a discussion like this.

I'm glad the event went well!!! I can't do public speaking. At all. Ever. Well, maybe if they let me talk about poo.

Yes, but Sarah has her limits, don't forget. She'll get as gross as eating poop from questionable sources...but little feet dangling from her chin? THAT is just too far......

Yeah, seriously. I can't handle that-- too gross.

[Green12]

Jess, meant to ask you, are you eating fruit at all on this new eating plan of yours?

What about you Patti, will fruit be allowed for you?

Just curious as I go back and forth on fruit

[nikki-uk]

Yes, it totally matters what was eaten! Think about it... corn? I would find it much easier to down a smooth homogeneous poop, than one that was... chunky.

No sweetcorn OR nuts ...no chunky

...and a stack of mixed emoticons about that matter

So, the newspaper photographer just came over and took shots of The Ripper and me. I wanted to submit some of my photos from Walmart frames, but the Letters Editor didn't find the idea too workable....or sane.

Give us the url...give us the url

I'm back from the big shindig. There were a little over 900 people there so I guess I slightly exagerated before. Didn't spill anything on myself during the meal or trip on the way up the steps. Read my letter and didn't embarrass myself so I'm glad about that. All in all, I'm happy. Our gal didn't win top honors but what an amazing feat to be one of the top 6 finalist out of over 900 nominations. I've got a headache!!!

Knew you'd do well

OMG!!! Found a FANTABULOUS invention Open Original Shared Link

[blueeyedmanda]

Morning Sillies....Hump Day yea!!!

So I got summoned to jury duty....oh yes....in June. Has anyone else had to go do that? John never has and I am just wondering what it is like?

Time to start some work...bye Sillies

[elye]

Morning, all!

Nope, never done jury duty before, Amanda...hopefully it will not be a complicated, drawn-out case if you are selected to sit. You can always act like you've got a screw loose during the interviews, and they'll pass you up.

Wow - - many of us here would likely be eliminated early on, methinks.

Now WHY did no one give me one of those pillows for a wedding shower gift?? My nights could have been so much different, more....restful, for certain.

[jerseyangel]

What about you Patti, will fruit be allowed for you?

Yes, I'm eating fruit

So I got summoned to jury duty....oh yes....in June. Has anyone else had to go do that? John never has and I am just wondering what it is like?

I got summoned 3 times whilst living in NJ. First time I didn't have to go--they have you call the day before to be sure that they need you and my number was too high, so I lucked out.

Second time, I went and was chosen--only to be dismissed by one of the lawyers. (The case involved a dog attack, and when asked, I admitted I had once been bitten by a dog). Had to sit through another jury selection in the afternoon--never chosen. I actually wanted to be, I thought it was interesting.

Third time I didn't have to serve at all since they contacted me less than 3 years after the previous time.

[jerseyangel]

OMG!!! Found a FANTABULOUS invention Open Original Shared Link

Wow!

[blueeyedmanda]

Yes, I'm eating fruit

I got summoned 3 times whilst living in NJ. First time I didn't have to go--they have you call the day before to be sure that they need you and my number was too high, so I lucked out.

Second time, I went and was chosen--only to be dismissed by one of the lawyers. (The case involved a dog attack, and when asked, I admitted I had once been bitten by a dog). Had to sit through another jury selection in the afternoon--never chosen. I actually wanted to be, I thought it was interesting.

Third time I didn't have to serve at all since they contacted me less than 3 years after the previous time.

Thanks for the info, I always thought I would dread the day I got picked but I really want to go, it seems so interesting. It is the court of common pleas so I do not believe those are big time cases either.

[~alex~]

How's Ryan doing with everything?

He's pretty chill about the whole thing. Neither of us really enjoy being in front of an audience but being in front of a bunch of loved ones makes it a lot easier I think. I just can't wait to be married. It's not like anything will really change since we've been living in sin for quite some time now but I just can't wait. His family has welcomed me with open arms since the first time he brought me home and it will feel great to be officially a member of their family.

This was our first dance:

Open Original Shared Link

See, I was born in the wrong generation....no question!

Gawd Emily--this was ours....

It was the 70's...what can I tell ya..

Very nice wedding songs! The Karen Carpenter story always makes me so sad -- such a shame.

Aren't you the one who posted about having a small affair in the gab section Alex? What did you end up deciding?

That's a perfect father/daughter dance song I think. It seems lately (and for the last handful of years) everyone is choosing "Butterfly Kisses".

I had been hoping for about 25 people and it's actually going to be about 50 which I guess is still considered smallish. Cousins and their +1's really added up fast!

INTO THE MYSTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love your James Taylor choice, as well. Wow, Alex, two weeks away!!!!!!!!! that's insane!!!!!!!!

Yeah I think we're leaning towards Into the Mystic. I started to worry that it didn't really seem like a wedding song but I kind of think I like that. I had a dream that I had a really lame first dance song and this girl who always picked on me in high school was there and she said that my wedding was "sickeningly banal" and it was very upsetting! (as an aside, this girl in high school hated me even before I almost fell out of my desk laughing when she asked "Where is Antiquity?" in history class :lol: -- I wouldn't have laughed so hard if she wasn't such a meanie)

[~alex~]

A little joke for the linguistically minded Sillies:

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A bored voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

[DingoGirl]

...and a stack of mixed emoticons about that matter

(just three today, still sleepy this morn)

OMG - the phart blanket - - - gaahhhhhhhhhhh :lol: lurve that!

Alex! "sickeningly banal"???

"where's antiquity?" :lol:

Janet - - such good news about yer speech

I got nowt else - - no jury duty, ever - what does that mean?

where's Tom? he must be quite unwell.......

[Darn210]

OMG!!! Found a FANTABULOUS invention Open Original Shared Link

Concurrence on the Fantabulousness!!! What were you googling to stumble upon that??!!??

So I got summoned to jury duty....oh yes....in June. Has anyone else had to go do that? John never has and I am just wondering what it is like?

Been summoned twice . . . first time was unbelievably stressful . . . twas a captiol punishment case, he was accused of killing three children. First day we had to fill out a 10 page form/survey. Then they called us back in about a week later and started weeding us out. Took 3 or 4 days to seat the jury. The trial lasted close to three weeks. The jury had to be sequestered . . . I'm thankful I didn't get picked.

Second time I was in a pool for one or two day trials . . . not too serious stuff. I was sent off with a fairly large group and they picked their jury before they even got to me. Then I had to go sit in a room with all the other leftovers until they were sure that all the trials had gotten underway. Bring a book with you, sometimes there's a lot of sitting around.

Per my husband, the best way to NOT get picked to be on the jury is if you make it to the point where they are even questioning you, answer all your questions YES or NO with no qualifying remarks added. He says lawyers don't like black/white distinction . . . they like shades of gray . . . they want people to make justifications/stipulations whilst answering. I say a good way to NOT get picked is to tell them you WANT to be on the jury because you can tell by looking at the defendant that they are guilty!!