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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted
I wonder if things will ever get back to normal?

Me too. :(

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Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted

Here is a funny for ya'll. Feel free to substitute names and faces. ;)

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first .

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down

The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

Judyin Philly Enthusiast
Judyin Philly
Posted

QUOTE (jerseyangel @ Aug 19 2008, 07:55 AM)

I wonder if things will ever get back to normal?

Me too. :( Peter

me three :( Judy

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

Lisa--you are priceless! :rolleyes:;):)

blueeyedmanda Community Regular
blueeyedmanda
Posted

Sillies- I had the X-ray....I walked down to radiology this morning and had it done. I am awaiting word. Since I work here and I am the patient I am looking for my results to come across the computer. Ill let you know soon!

blueeyedmanda Community Regular
blueeyedmanda
Posted

I also forgot to mention, my mom got another child yesterday, also a boy who is 2 yrs old his name is Ethan so now she has Ethan and Alan.....I think that is funny!

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Wow, Amanda! Two foster kids! That is awesome! :)

Great phunny, Lisa! :lol: Gonna send that along to my male buddies........

Quiet lately in these parts...I miss all the phun :(

I just pheel blah--I wonder if things will ever get back to normal?

Me too. :(

YES!!!!! :):) Things WILL be back to normal!!....

Spoke to me dad this morning. He told me that he's getting so old and bored, with all this time on his hands..... he was looking around for something to do last night. He plugged the phone in where their blender used to be. He said, "I called somebody.....and I heard, "AAAUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!"

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Yes, I phell into the drink. We went by a cottage with a number of young people lounging about on a large deck. We were too far out to yell, "Hi, there", so we were just coasting by.....when SUDDENLY...........dear gawd........an incredible sound system begins to pound, there are some screeches as the girls and a couple of the guys jump off their muskoka chairs and begin dancing around, as JIVE TALKIN' begins to pulsate down the lake.

:lol: :lol: this makes me laff.........and it was JIVE TALKIN'?? ancient history.....young people are listening to this? :blink: is it.........back? Admittedly quite a phun song.......but there are very few 80's songs I will listen to.....

but I bet she WAS dancing like Elaine Bennis.......'twas the final foot kick that flung her in.....

HEY! Looks like this guy stole our idea for coming up with new things to compete in at the Olympics:

:lol: Dwight :lol:

turkish luge

BUT...we took Angus to the beach last night and he was HEE-larious

<-----------See new avatar

:wub: Weezee told me to tell you taht she is in LOVE wif Angus.........my gawd, look how CUTE he is!!!!!!!!

<crazy, obsessed dog lady - that is me>

.......and one final farewell salute to Jess's uterus :D............can we get the choir to join in?........Tom will direct, and Peter can.........oh jeez, everything that comes to mind sounds so......wrong, without trying to :ph34r:

:lol:

Hey.......where IS Jess? Thought she might have checked in by now.....maybe the drugs are TOO good? I don't hear her uterus singing, either......

Quiet lately in these parts...I miss all the phun

I just pheel blah--I wonder if things will ever get back to normal?

:( Patti - blah, I know. Aren't you going in fer sumfin' tomorrow? Colonoscopy? Endoscopy? or......did I dream this?

we WILL get back to normal........but alas, we have to realize there will always be pain and loss.....and my goodness, we've been phollowing each others' lives for......quite a while now....... :) but sadly, there WILL be more loss and grief in our midst .........that's why it's good we are here. :wub:

I also forgot to mention, my mom got another child yesterday, also a boy who is 2 yrs old his name is Ethan so now she has Ethan and Alan.....I think that is funny!

:lol: that IS funny! they have another one? wow, what a handful!

I jsut can't get over how impish and cute that Alan is...... adorable!

Well, must walk the dog, mow the lawns, make jewelry with a friend, and then........my daily online hunt for volunteer and real jobs.....PRAY FOR SOMETHING GOOD TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am tired of hunting. :(

SARAH - the water. :( Oh my God, you are beign tested. Sometimes I think things have to get pretty damned dark before the brightest light can come. None of it makes sense.....but just hold onto hope....be strong......and take care of YOURSELF.........and your boys.

Your parents own that home, right? I don't know if this applies in NC - but there are places in California that will assist homeowners with projects.......grant money......etc. Something maybe your parents can look into.

Praying for you. :wub:

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
He plugged the phone in where their blender used to be. He said, "I called somebody.....and I heard, "AAAUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!"

Your dad :wub:

Judyin Philly Enthusiast
Judyin Philly
Posted

Lisa Mamma Goose

do you see the buttons............to the right of the page numbers for the thread?

Good Luck

Judy

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
:( Patti - blah, I know. Aren't you going in fer sumfin' tomorrow? Colonoscopy? Endoscopy? or......did I dream this?

An endoscopy.... <_<

I think we were posting at the same time, Soozle :) You're right, of course.....such is life....

Amanda--I keep phorgetting to tell you that Allen looks a lot like my older son did at that age :D What a cutie, and now Ethan. Bless yer parents! Let us know bout that ankle.

I'm not surprised that Jess hasn't checked in--she's either still in the hospital or coming home today. I was in 2 days but I think she said somephin 'bout going home the next day. Either way, it's slow going; getting around the phirst week or so. She has me number, so if she's not up to the computer, maybe she'll call.

She was on me mind all day yesterday....as was Sarah, of course. I sent Sarah a long email yesterday morning, poor thing, the news keeps going from bad to worse :(

Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted
Lisa Mamma Goose

do you see the buttons............to the right of the page numbers for the thread?

Good Luck

Judy

Shhhhhh :ph34r::blink: I'll play a little later when I have some time. :D Thanks J

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Shhhhhh :ph34r::blink: I'll play a little later when I have some time. :D Thanks J

:unsure: Sumphin' aphoot? Play? :unsure:

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Emily- I LOVE your new avatar!!!!!!! Omg, I bawled when they gave out the medals. The Olympics (especially horses) turns me into a blubbering mess. So many happy childhood memories!

I can actually visualize this - - an enormous pipe organ playing away, a rising crescendo of voices, gyrating, swaying bodies in burgundy robes......

The Farewell Hymn to Jess's Uterus.......

... . . Too early in the morning to be thinking lyrics... .... .....

A eulogy of sorts- or is it's Ben Stiller's eugoogly in Zoolander :lol: :lol: Bet you guys didn't know I was such a good eugooglizer :lol:

The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

:lol: :lol: Ain't that the truth?

I also forgot to mention, my mom got another child yesterday, also a boy who is 2 yrs old his name is Ethan so now she has Ethan and Alan.....I think that is funny!

:lol: It's o great that your mom does this!!!!!!!!!!

:wub: Weezee told me to tell you taht she is in LOVE wif Angus.........my gawd, look how CUTE he is!!!!!!!!

we WILL get back to normal........but alas, we have to realize there will always be pain and loss.....and my goodness, we've been phollowing each others' lives for......quite a while now....... :) but sadly, there WILL be more loss and grief in our midst .........that's why it's good we are here. :wub:

I agree- we WILL get back to normal. Life can be hard, really hard, but the beautiful things make the pain bearable.

Angus sends kisses- his girlfriend Cassie is staying with us for four days :wub:

An endoscopy.... <_<

Gah- what a freaking week! Sarah's situation, Jess's surgery, Patti's endoscopy ( you do NOT have refractory sprue but it's good they're going to check). I hope your results are GOOD. I get PICC'd on Friday but am feeling better about it now.

We need Em's dad, Uncle ray and our founder Richard!!!!!

blueeyedmanda Community Regular
blueeyedmanda
Posted

So my X-rays are negative. I just saw the report. Hmmmm.....when will my leg get better than?

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
I get PICC'd on Friday but am feeling better about it now.

We need Em's dad, Uncle ray and our founder Richard!!!!!

I'm glad you're feeling ok about it now, Bev.....maybe after the break, your body will tolerate it better :) What a week, indeed!

I was so saddened to hear 'bout your dad's kitty :(

Yes--we need our 3 Sillie wise men :P

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted
So my X-rays are negative. I just saw the report. Hmmmm.....when will my leg get better than?

Well, we've got some good news!! :)

Amanda, if you're working the leg normally (usual walking/moving that one does in a regular day), it can take a while. You've likely pulled or strained something..... ...Alternating heat and ice on the area, fifteen minures for each, for an hour a few times a day, always helps me immeasurably. If you've got a period of time where you're at your desk for an hour, put ice on it for fifteen minutes, then a heating pad for fifteen. Alternate for an hour. Do it at home while in front of the TV. This really works! :)

Great news that it isn't broken.........

curlyfries Contributor
curlyfries
Posted
Ummmm . . . actually, I knew it was you, Lisa . . .

:ph34r: oops :ph34r:

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly

Ain't it the truth!!!!! :lol:

elye Community Regular
elye
Posted

Holy crap... . . . . .... .... :unsure:

.... . . . .Where is everybody?... . .. .. . ..

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

:unsure:

I know, 'tis so quiet here?

Peeps?????? come out and PLAY!? :huh:

Well, I am going to go to the gym. That's right, am thinking of joining. Went yesterday, kind of loved it (<my back hurts :ph34r: > . Hell, it was a part of my life for nearly 20 years......it's just not right NOT having it.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of......what seems like having to look for my life, at this age. :( Shouldn't I have had it all figured out by now? But......since leaving Monterey I haven't had a very big life, these past four years in FresNO.......no excuses now. It is disheartening, though, this search. No doors opening yet. :(

And, speaking of hell Fresno, we are so excited here as we have a freaking COLD SPELL - it's 95 degrees er sumfin today.....can you believe that this thrills us? It's been 100 degrees or more for over 90 days, I think I heard.....

Dang, just how long IS Ni-koe-lah's Turkish frolic??????????? :lol:

psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted

Moi? Je suis ici, cach

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Moi? Je suis ici, cach
jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted
Moi? Je suis ici, cach
psawyer Proficient
psawyer
Posted
Moi? Je suis ici, cach
jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

Why do you hide thyself, PeOter? Undercover operations er sumphin? B)

I guess if you say, it wouldn't be so undercover anymore, now would it? :huh:

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