Fussy Eater Question Again

[elaine33]

Ryan is majorly fussy about his foods. He only eats about three or four different proteins - my meatballs, Perdue nuggets, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers and hot dogs - and pizza, too. The pizza and grilled cheese are out because of milk, Perdue nuggets are out because of wheat, hamburger can only be eaten on a plate now same with hot dogs. I'm not sure when I take out the cheeses and bread crumbs out of my Italian meatballs what they are going to taste like. He does eat fruit but the only veggie he eats is corn on the cob.

So I'm figuring that we are going to basically have to somehow get him to eat new foods without being overly traumatic with this. Last night I made an abundant dinner of steak, rice, Alexia's potatoes (yum), peas, broccoli medley, applesauce, blueberries and ketchup. I told him he could eat anything on the table, and that he could have his steak in ketchup or applesauce. He ate nothing and was whining how hungry he was. I told him I wasn't making anything special and he kept on whining about how hungry he was. I told him he could stay with us if he stopped whining but if he wanted to whine, he had to go upstairs because we were eating dinner. So off he went. He came back a while later and asked for an apple. Me and my husband had a standoff about it and my hubby caved. I felt that he needed to try something new and go hungry if he doesn't, that he will eventually eat, but my husband thinks we should make the transition as easy as possible for him because this is a big deal.

My thinking is that when he gets hungry enough, he will eat a hamburger on a plate or whatever relatively kid friendly but not totally catering to him foods that he will eat. Pat thinks that we should buy the Ian's nuggets and feed him hot dogs, my altered meatballs and let him continue on his very limited diet just altered a little until he gets older when he will try new things.

Emotionally, this is really hard on all of us and Ryan too because food has always been an issue for him with him not liking new things. I'm even thinking we migh need counseling or something.

Anyone have any ideas or advice? I need all the support I can get right now. THanks.

w/o cheese and

[CarlaB]

There are gluten-free chicken nuggets that I buy at Wild Oats. I'm sure you can experiment with your meatballs and come up with a gluten-free version. I buy Kinnikinnick pizza crusts and my daughter makes pizza with them and rice cheese. It's not the same as regular pizza, and I don't like the rice cheese myself, but she likes it.

I always made my kids eat what was served ... I figured that they would prefer to eat it than to go hungry ... when an hour after a meal they complain about being hungry, put the meal in front of them again -- every time until it's gone (two of my kids have even seen it for breakfast the next day). I was very "mean" but none of my six children are picky eaters! With a large family, it is a necessity to have them eat what I cook.

[Michi8]

Elaine,

We also have a very fussy eater...we haven't had to deal with celiac diagnosis yet, but I know that there are food issues (possibly allergies/intolerances) at play here. I've gotten all sorts of advice about dealing with my son's food issues, but that advice often doesn't work...and really doesn't lessen the frustration about feeding a fussy kid. I guess the best I heard was from a doctor we had in Calgary: respectful neglect. Feed him what he will eat. So what if it isn't a "balanced meal," don't make food a battle, just feed him so he isn't hungry.

So we've tried the respectful neglect thing. It worked for a while, but then we'd get frustrated. Every meal we'll have at least one thing on the table that he will eat. We've also tried the "eat what is in front of you, or go to bed." So he'd go to bed hungry. We've tried the "force him to sit their until he eats." Mealtimes were just unpleasant. He's gotten a tiny bit better and eats a few more foods now (he's almost 7). Sometimes we have to remind him when he likes certain foods. But we have also negotiated that he has to eat a little bit of veggies before he can leave the table. He doesn't have to eat as much as his siblings do, but he needs to eat one carrot, one peice of lettuce/broccoli/peas/cauliflower (whatever is the fresh veggie that dinner.) He still whines about it, but he will eat that one thing.

I find the worst thing about all of this is the judgement from other family and friends. They don't get it at all...they think it's something we've done to make our son fussy. They just don't understand what it is like...especially to go from having one child that eats everything to one who spat up constantly and then would choke on mushy food as a baby...food has always been an issue for my middle child, and probably always will be.

Michelle

There are gluten-free chicken nuggets that I buy at Wild Oats. I'm sure you can experiment with your meatballs and come up with a gluten-free version. I buy Kinnikinnick pizza crusts and my daughter makes pizza with them and rice cheese. It's not the same as regular pizza, and I don't like the rice cheese myself, but she likes it.

I always made my kids eat what was served ... I figured that they would prefer to eat it than to go hungry ... when an hour after a meal they complain about being hungry, put the meal in front of them again -- every time until it's gone (two of my kids have even seen it for breakfast the next day). I was very "mean" but none of my six children are picky eaters! With a large family, it is a necessity to have them eat what I cook.

Carla, you snuck that message in while I was still typing.

There are some kids where making them eat what is served does not work. That would work with my eldest, but not my middle child. He seriously would choose (and has chosen) to go hungry over eating something that he doesn't like. He is affected by taste, smell, texture, sight. He is pretty much sensitive to everything around him. It is partly because of his temperament that we don't have four or more kids...and we had to think long and hard about having number three, because he was so exhausting to care for as a baby!

Michelle

[Izak's Mom]

Ryan is majorly fussy about his foods. He only eats about three or four different proteins - my meatballs, Perdue nuggets, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers and hot dogs - and pizza, too. The pizza and grilled cheese are out because of milk, Perdue nuggets are out because of wheat, hamburger can only be eaten on a plate now same with hot dogs. I'm not sure when I take out the cheeses and bread crumbs out of my Italian meatballs what they are going to taste like. He does eat fruit but the only veggie he eats is corn on the cob.

My son loves my meatballs too, and I've adjusted them a bit - leaving out the parm will change the taste slightly, but you can use gluten-free breadcrums for the same texture. Instead of buying them (way too expensive for me), I get a loaf of gluten-free rice bread, let a couple pieces sit out overnight and then put them in the Cuisinart with some spices (oregano, basil, etc. "italian" seasoning) and use that instead. Tastes just as good! And I bet he won't notice the cheese missing.

Hot dogs - will he eat them 'corndog' style? You can get that Chebe bread mix and make corndogs from that. I think a bunch of moms here have had success with that...

[CarlaB]

There are some kids where making them eat what is served does not work. That would work with my eldest, but not my middle child. He seriously would choose (and has chosen) to go hungry over eating something that he doesn't like. He is affected by taste, smell, texture, sight. He is pretty much sensitive to everything around him. It is partly because of his temperament that we don't have four or more kids...and we had to think long and hard about having number three, because he was so exhausting to care for as a baby!

Michelle

True, not all methods work with all kids.

All my kids (except for the one we adopted at 20 months) when straight to table food from breastfeeding. I think a lot of kid's pickiness comes from getting used to a certain texture of food as a baby/toddler. It makes it hard to introduce other foods to them with different textures -- like salad. To get them used to a new texture, maybe put a flavor on the food you know they like (I'm thinking pure maple syrup). They will eat it because they like the flavor and in eating it will learn to like new textures. As they get used to the new food, reduce the amount of "flavoring" you are using until there is none.

My #2 was the difficult child ... he still is exhausting and he's now 16!

[TCA]

He sounds just like my son. My son was sooo undernourished that the docs said to give him anything he would eat. We did and his menu is the same of your son's. After going gluten-free he is doing some better and will eat some grilled meats, but NO veggies, unless you count fries and tots. It's so hard because I LOVE veggies and will eat anything. My husband is picky, but not as bad as our son. I started taking the, eat what is in front of you approach last month, and got thrown up on a few times. I guess we're kinda middle of the road now. If we make something like grilled chicken, then I make him eat it before he can have anything else. I'm not pushing veggies yet because he will eat a lot of fruits. I'm starting with things that are similar to what he's already eating, like grilled meats, so it's not so hard of a transition, then I plan to add in a few veggies here and there. I don't know if this is right, just what we're trying.

As for the meatballs, make them with gluten-free bread crumbs. Omitting the cheese won't make too much difference. I buy Breadless Coating chicken fingers that are gluten-free at Publix and these are really good. I've also made my own using Kinnikinnik chicken coating or mashed potato flakes and spices.

If you're going to take a firm hand with him, one of you can't give in. It will all be over if you start that. Once he tries the steak, I bet he'll love it. Cole did. We've waited as long as 4 hours for him to eat the meat offered him before, but he HAD to eat it before he could have anything else, even just a few bites. Now when he starts whining, we just say, "You know you have to eat this before you get anything else, so suck it up and eat it, then you can have what you want." And he eats it. If we hadn't started out being stubborn we wouldn't have gotten this far even. As for the buns, why not make rolls out of Pamela's or Gluten Free Pantry bread mix and serve "mini burgers". Just thought of that one. Think I'll do it tonight. BTW - Both of those mixes are very good and are sold in bulk at great prices on Amazon.

I think the key is to start with foods that are similar to what they like in small quantities, the move forward from there. And to be consisitent with the demands.

Hope that's of some help!

[Michi8]

True, not all methods work with all kids.

All my kids (except for the one we adopted at 20 months) when straight to table food from breastfeeding. I think a lot of kid's pickiness comes from getting used to a certain texture of food as a baby/toddler. It makes it hard to introduce other foods to them with different textures -- like salad. To get them used to a new texture, maybe put a flavor on the food you know they like (I'm thinking pure maple syrup). They will eat it because they like the flavor and in eating it will learn to like new textures. As they get used to the new food, reduce the amount of "flavoring" you are using until there is none.

My #2 was the difficult child ... he still is exhausting and he's now 16!

The situation really is hard to understand unless you've lived and dealt with it first hand. It's not a matter of him being used to certain textures. First off, going straight to table food would not have worked for him, because of his quick gag reflex...he still gags easily, BTW. Plus, I was doing a careful introduction of foods based on allergy risk because of my family history...it had to be methodical so just giving him what we were eating was not an option.

He's been eating carrots for years now, and you'd think he'd be used to the texture by now, but no he still takes a long time to chew and looks like he dislikes every minute of it. Covering the food with a taste he likes (like syrup or ketchup) will not work for a kid who doesn't want stuff touching each other on the plate. He has a very short list of palatable foods, and we're slowly expanding that list, but it's really tough. I'm not holding out much hope for him ever really enjoying foods. And I've got a strong family history as an example. I am quite adventurous in my choice of foods...love try new things! But my two brothers are as picky as they have ever been...and seem to have developed food intolerances as well (based on their food issues, I think it's possibly celiac as well as allergies)...and I have uncles that are just as selective in their eating habits. Given they have similar sesitivities and academic strengths (math and art) as my son, I can't help but wonder if it's a genetic trait.

Michelle

[celiacgirls]

I have tried several approaches with my daughter. I have tried "no dessert until you eat everything on your plate", tried pushing healthy snacks, tried serving healthy foods and let her choose from that without making a big deal of it. I used to say she had to eat from what was fixed but then my other daughter needed to be gluten-free before us and wanted to be a vegetarian so I made something different for her. Now I let her make something else if she doesn't like what we are having.

One time I considered making her eat at least a bite of everything I served. Then my husband's grandmother tried to make me eat something I really did not want to eat and I saw how it felt. I couldn't make myself do that to her after that.

I figure I have been trying for 10 years to get her to eat better and it just isn't getting me anywhere. It is very important to me that she eat gluten-free/cf because her behaviour and mood are very out of control when she doesn't so it has a negative effect on the whole family. So that is the only battle I will fight with her. I do that by providing many gluten-free/cf cookies, muffins, etc. that she likes and letting her have more potato chips, and fruit rollups than I would like. I keep telling her about healthy eating but in the end, she is going to have to be one to decide to do it. If we are having a vegetable I know she will eat, I will force the issue a little but otherwise I don't.

My daughter likes the Wellshire Farms chicken nuggets (shaped like dinosaurs) that I get at Whole Foods. She has also liked any pizza I have made. I've used different crusts, mostly mixes, and just put pepperoni and sauce on them.

[elaine33]

He sounds just like my son. My son was sooo undernourished that the docs said to give him anything he would eat. We did and his menu is the same of your son's. After going gluten-free he is doing some better and will eat some grilled meats, but NO veggies, unless you count fries and tots. It's so hard because I LOVE veggies and will eat anything. My husband is picky, but not as bad as our son. I started taking the, eat what is in front of you approach last month, and got thrown up on a few times. I guess we're kinda middle of the road now. If we make something like grilled chicken, then I make him eat it before he can have anything else. I'm not pushing veggies yet because he will eat a lot of fruits. I'm starting with things that are similar to what he's already eating, like grilled meats, so it's not so hard of a transition, then I plan to add in a few veggies here and there. I don't know if this is right, just what we're trying.

As for the meatballs, make them with gluten-free bread crumbs. Omitting the cheese won't make too much difference. I buy Breadless Coating chicken fingers that are gluten-free at Publix and these are really good. I've also made my own using Kinnikinnik chicken coating or mashed potato flakes and spices.

If you're going to take a firm hand with him, one of you can't give in. It will all be over if you start that. Once he tries the steak, I bet he'll love it. Cole did. We've waited as long as 4 hours for him to eat the meat offered him before, but he HAD to eat it before he could have anything else, even just a few bites. Now when he starts whining, we just say, "You know you have to eat this before you get anything else, so suck it up and eat it, then you can have what you want." And he eats it. If we hadn't started out being stubborn we wouldn't have gotten this far even. As for the buns, why not make rolls out of Pamela's or Gluten Free Pantry bread mix and serve "mini burgers". Just thought of that one. Think I'll do it tonight. BTW - Both of those mixes are very good and are sold in bulk at great prices on Amazon.

I think the key is to start with foods that are similar to what they like in small quantities, the move forward from there. And to be consisitent with the demands.

Hope that's of some help!

Oh, that is so helpful. I am not glad that you have fussy eaters, but I am SO glad I'm not alone. Ryan has always, always, always been fussy even with baby food. It was incredible to me because my daughter by 18 months was eating everything - olives out of the jar, escarole soup (I remember her picking the bowl up and drinking the juice from it), salads, everything.

I has been a major battle to just get him to eat the foods he does now. He does eat a decent array of fruits and the corn on the cob thing is definitely a hit or miss.

So maybe I should take a different approach? I do have a loaf of Pamela's bread waiting to rise upstairs. Maybe we will try PB & J on that tonight. I am going to have to somehow bake that and then get to the health food store (not close) before picking the kids up from school.

I agree a united front is going to work better. I have talked to my hsuband about it several times but I think he is in denial, and I think that is partly because we don't want to do the biopsy and we are hurting financially right now to do Enterolab, so the best choice is do the diet challenge. I know he knows it is true because he has seen the health problems we have both had (Ryan had colic, baby eczema, allergies and asthma with some hyperactivity although Pat denies that he is anything less than the average boy - I disagree). I know it is true because I know how I have reacted to wheat for years yet still kept on eating it in small amounts, thinking it was just something I couldn't digest very well. And then when I saw Ryan doubled over in pain from it, then I knew we had to talk to someone who KNEW about these things.

Sorry to ramble, but thanks so much for your help, everyone!

Edited to add:

Mich, that is really interesting to me because we have a ton of boys in our family and ALL of them have food issues. My husband ate hardly anything growing up - cereal mostly, because he was so picky. Ryan also has the texture/smell thing too. He doesn't like the way things feel and the way they smell.

I am so torn about what to do. I am thinking that at some meals I will give him more acceptable foods that he likes so he doesn't starve (he will starve himself for a long time, very very stubborn boy), and then other meals offer new things that he might be amenable to. No treats unless he eats something nourishing at all meals, maybe?

I just don't know. I think this is going to have to be one of those trial and error things that most of parenting is anyway!

[Michi8]

Mich, that is really interesting to me because we have a ton of boys in our family and ALL of them have food issues. My husband ate hardly anything growing up - cereal mostly, because he was so picky. Ryan also has the texture/smell thing too. He doesn't like the way things feel and the way they smell.

I am so torn about what to do. I am thinking that at some meals I will give him more acceptable foods that he likes so he doesn't starve (he will starve himself for a long time, very very stubborn boy), and then other meals offer new things that he might be amenable to. No treats unless he eats something nourishing at all meals, maybe?

I just don't know. I think this is going to have to be one of those trial and error things that most of parenting is anyway!

We don't often have desserts, but I'm not a fan of using desserts/treats as rewards for eating anyway (or as rewards for anything else for that matter!) We are giving the kids multivitamins, so hopefully that helps offset any nutritional imbalances in their meals. It is such a trial and error thing...I'm trying so hard to be neutral about meals...eating food should never be a battle, it's just not worth the stress.

Michelle

[vampella]

my youngest (almost 4)isn't picky but certin foods she knows made her sick in the past like pasta and stuff so she doen't want to eat them much. she's also not a meat fan, although veggies she will eat until she's turning green.

If you have a problem getting veggis into your child what I do with certin ones for my oldest(6.5) who "hates" some things like zucchini, I put it in everything. I put it in my lasanga, meat ball, spagetti sauce and my burgers. I shred it very fine and put it in everything. "oh mommy this is so good" hehehe I know hun, it's so good.hehehe she never knowsLOL

Pizza dough I make with a homemade recipe, I sub the flour for white rice flour or whatever I have around that day. We had an issue with milk for a little bit so I found a dairy free/lactose free block of cheese, thats what I used for cheese for awhile.

For burgers and meat balls I use rice bread leave it out over night, like the others have said and use that and egg to hold it all together.

Buns, hot dog and hamburger- you can buy gluten free buns. I also make my own...much cheaper.

Chicken fingers I bread myself. I just use chicken breasts and find a breading recipe online and sub for stuff that is gluten free.

I bought this book wheat free, gluten free cook book for kids and busy adult, there are some great kid free recipes that are SIMPLE in it. Meatloaf into muffins and stuff make it fun for the kids. I also add broccili and zucchini to my meat loaf too. I'm waiting on a book called the incredible edible gluten free kids or something I've been told it's GREAT.

Char

[Guest nini]

my daughter used to be a VERY picky eater and whenever I would get so frustrated that she wasn't getting a balanced diet, her pediatrician would assure me that kids will eventually balance out their diet. That being said, she didn't. Once we got her on the gluten-free diet it still took a while for her to get more adventurous with what she would eat, but we came to the conclusion she was so picky because she knew that somehow the food was making her sick, she just didn't know what foods, so getting her to eat was like pulling teeth. Since she was also dx'ed failure to thrive it was extremely frustrating for us and all the more important to try to get her to eat. I think though once she started feeling better on the gluten-free diet, she started trying more new foods and now I can get her to at least try almost anything. She may not like it, but at least she'll try it.

For hot dogs, we've found that EnerG's tapioca hot dog buns are great! And so are the tapioca hamburger buns (they have to be the tapioca ones, the rice ones are NASTY!)

For pizza my daughter LOVES Amy's rice crust pizza or Glutino's duo cheese pizza but those both have dairy...

For meatballs, I use instant mashed potato flakes mixed into the mixture instead of bread crumbs

Sandwich bread, she loves Kinnikinicks Italian White Tapioca Rice Bread (warm in microwave before making sandwich)

Ian's Allergen free Chicken nuggets and Fish Sticks are also a staple with her.

But she's gotten more adventurous and likes Pork Chops, BBQ Ribs, Baked Chicken, mashed potatoes, Thai Kitchen's Thai Yellow Rice, all kinds of veggies now...

[lonewolf]

Ryan is majorly fussy about his foods. He only eats about three or four different proteins - my meatballs, Perdue nuggets, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers and hot dogs - and pizza, too. The pizza and grilled cheese are out because of milk, Perdue nuggets are out because of wheat, hamburger can only be eaten on a plate now same with hot dogs. I'm not sure when I take out the cheeses and bread crumbs out of my Italian meatballs what they are going to taste like. He does eat fruit but the only veggie he eats is corn on the cob.

I have 4 kids who are now all older than your son. (My youngest is 9). I found that fighting over food never worked. I've realized that adapting what the kids are used to eating is the easiest way to make it work.

I'll se cond the suggestions about meatballs - just follow the same recipe, minus the cheese, and use gluten-free breadcrumbs or even gluten-free crispy rice cereal. Make homemade chicken nuggets or one of the several brands suggested. Grilled cheese is out, unless he can handle goat cheese (I would guess not, but worth a mention.) Have you tried pan-frying gluten-free bread with margarine and a bit of garlic? It makes a yummy toast and even Ener-G Brown Rice Loaf is palatable this way. And you can use it for "buns" for hamburgers or hotdogs. Have you tried pizza without cheese?

The other thing I discovered with new foods is to make sure that they are cut into finger food sized pieces, always have something to dip them in (ketchup, sweet and sour, dressing, etc) and put just one piece of a new food on their plate at a time.

This may or may not work for your son: My kids used to hate fish, but liked chicken nuggets. I cut up some white fish, made them just like chicken nuggets and called them "Sea Nuggets". They dipped them into ketchup and ate them right up. When one daughter discovered that they were fish, she refused to eat them (she'd had them at least 3 times by then), but the other kids still like them.

[Nantzie]

I used to think the same thing about people with picky eaters. Not that they were doing anything wrong so much as they weren't trying hard enough and just not bothering with it.

Then I had Jenny. Oh my goodness. She had a slightly bigger variety of food that she ate than some people I knew, but wouldn't eat any veggies at all. I ended up having to decide that ketchup was a veggie and call it a day.

Then about a month before the whole tainted spinach thing I saw the idea of sneaking it into different things and started shredding it up really fine, to where it looks like little specks of parsley, and putting into my meatball mix. Worked like a charm. I'm sure they weren't getting much spinach, but it was also WAY more than they had ever had before, so I figured that was good enough.

Jenny has turned a corner a bit and eats raw carrots, so things have gotten better in that regard.

Nancy

[HawkFire]

If you do not buy them, you can say you are all out. If you do not look for them at the store, you can say you did not see them at the store.

My children are not picky eaters today, but they were average children growing up. I have a nine year old, an 11 year old and a 14 year old. They would make a fuss at new meals as toddlers, but they knew the expectation was for them to eat their dinner.

I rarely buy unhealthy foods. My children do not get special meals prepared for them. I was raised by an older mother who treated me with much respect, but required that I understood her needs were to be balanced with my own. She loved me, but she did not pamper me.

I adore my children. But I cannot imagine giving in to food preferences in such a way and blaming the will of the child. My will is loving but firm. My children are older now and assist in preparing the meals, shopping for the food and clean-up as well. They are not unhappy because they are expected to participate. My oldest rode a bike to the supermarket the other day when I realized I needed an ingredient. We all work for the meal.

I have felt the disappointment of my children when I intoduced new foods. I have felt their dislike for a certain flavor or texture of food I prepared. It was out of respect for me that they ate what was prepared. I never begged my children to eat. I told them to and they did. Even as young children.

I hope you consider looking for counseling for yourself and your husband before you take a young child to a counselor. Parenting strategies including communicating effectively with your toddler will help you to take back your parental control. A four year old should not command so much attention nor dictate the meals provided. Call me old fashioned, but the child does not rule the house.

I wish you luck and success in this situation. But I believe the problem is not with the child it is with you.

[Michi8]

I hope you consider looking for counseling for yourself and your husband before you take a young child to a counselor. Parenting strategies including communicating effectively with your toddler will help you to take back your parental control. A four year old should not command so much attention nor dictate the meals provided. Call me old fashioned, but the child does not rule the house.

I wish you luck and success in this situation. But I believe the problem is not with the child it is with you.

I'm going to call you old fashioned then. It's not about children "ruling" the house. You cannot control any person, and raising children is not about control. You can teach respect, and it needs to be modelled through your own behavior. And to force someone to eat is not respectful of their personal choice.

I believe it is fine to take an approach where a parent's job is to provide a healthy meal, and it is up to the child to eat it. There is nothing wrong with providing a complete meal, with the expectation that a child will try it (whether they choose to or not) and including at least one thing that you know they will eat. It's about compromise and respecting kid's choices as much as you would respect the choices of another adult.

And I think it's rude to tell anyone they've got a "problem" and need counselling, because they don't approach parenting from your perspective.

Michelle

[elaine33]

I hope you consider looking for counseling for yourself and your husband before you take a young child to a counselor. Parenting strategies including communicating effectively with your toddler will help you to take back your parental control. A four year old should not command so much attention nor dictate the meals provided. Call me old fashioned, but the child does not rule the house.

I wish you luck and success in this situation. But I believe the problem is not with the child it is with you.

OUCH. I don't even know how to respond. I asked for help with a specific situation about my son (who you have no idea about) and everyone has been incredibly helpful. You have no idea about my life. FTR, if it makes you feel better, I have been in counseling for years because of dealing with this illness that no doctor could figure out for me until just recently. That included family counseling because of the way it affected the family. And yes, one of the ways it affected the family is that I wasn't well enough often to make gourmet meals with the whole family participating in, because sometimes we were just wondering if I should present to the emergency room that day or not. Could that have affected my son's eating habits? Possibly. But we do the best we can, and being ill has made me careful not to think I know about a situation until I've walked in someone's elses shoes.

[HawkFire]

American culture is very much to blame for the attitude you expressed. Mine is more European. As I stated, my parents were much older which also lends to my parenting style. There is an enormous difference between my parenting style and that of my peer group. Culturally as well.

The poster brought up counseling. I suggested the child is not at an age for counseling, but that the parents would benefit. I still believe this and think it is far less traumatic than suggesting a child needs counseling.

What respect is a young child showing a parent by refusing to be reasonable? I see it differently. I also do not have the problems mentioned above. I have wonderful relationships with my three children. Children are not equal partners or participants in a child/parent relationship. Rather than 50/50, it works best to view it as a 51/49 partnership. Parents win the disagreement. After all, a parent has the child's best interest in mind ~as well as the best interest of all family members in mind~ That is far more to juggle than the what the child perceives as "the best interest". You must agree that the child has only his or her ~OWN~ best interest in mind. This is myopic or selfish and age appropriate. We should not allow emotionally immature people to control a family. That is the natural state of a young child. We develope their sense of maturity, community, family, EVEN right sense of self when we, as parents, make and enforce boundaries of acceptable behavior.

I offered a perspective. I did not mean to offend.

Emotionally, this is really hard on all of us and Ryan too because food has always been an issue for him with him not liking new things. I'm even thinking we migh need counseling or something.

Anyone have any ideas or advice? I need all the support I can get right now. THanks.

These were your words on counseling. Why are you saying "ouch"? It cannot be my answer. Maybe my delivery? My response is clearly polite, to the point and reflective of your own comment. There was no attempt to offend.

Oh, I see you added more to the original "ouch" comment. I can respond a better now. You are clearly sensitive. My apologies. It wasn't my intention to offend. My perspective, my opinion and advice are legitimate, though clearly, not what you wanted. You asked for advice. Clearly, you asked for advice. I gave you thougthful advice that is a reflection of my own experience. You must not be surprised at advice that reflects an opinion differing from your own. Obviously, what you are doing isn't working. I mearly explained what I believe works. I did not berate you for your handling of the sitution. I offered my best.

[elaine33]

The poster brought up counseling. I suggested the child is not at an age for counseling, but that the parents would benefit. I still believe this and think it is far less traumatic than suggesting a child needs counseling.

What is so traumatic about a child going to counseling?

[HawkFire]

What is so traumatic about a child going to counseling?

I do not wish to quarrel.

[elaine33]

And I think it's rude to tell anyone they've got a "problem" and need counselling, because they don't approach parenting from your perspective.

Michelle

Thank you Mich. That is the gist of what I felt about the post but couldn't express it.

[HawkFire]

Thank you Mich. That is the gist of what I felt about the post but couldn't express it.

This is sophmoric. You cannot say I intentionally insulted you. Thanking your friend after I have apologized is tantamount to ganging up on me. Honestly, my post was not insulting. You act insulted, but really, you've insulted me. It is you who owes me an apology. But I am not asking for one, nor am I expecting one. Clearly you like interent squabbles. I do not. I will not respond to anther outburst again. Best of luck resolving your standoff with your child in what ever manner you feel is appropriate for your family. I hope your modified meatball recipe is a success with him. Kinkinik crispy chicken coating makes a nice chicken nugget. Perhaps he will enjoy them prepared that way. Kinkinik pizza crust is good, but I suggest you spread a teaspoon of olive oil and a shaking of garlic salt on the crust and bake it for 10 minutes prior to adding toppings. This prepares the crust better than if you simply place sauce and toppings on top.

Again, Best of luck.

[elaine33]

A

Oh, I see you added more to the original "ouch" comment. I can respond a better now. You are clearly sensitive. My apologies. It wasn't my intention to offend. My perspective, my opinion and advice are legitimate, though clearly, not what you wanted. You asked for advice. Clearly, you asked for advice. I gave you thougthful advice that is a reflection of my own experience. You must not be surprised at advice that reflects an opinion differing from your own. Obviously, what you are doing isn't working. I mearly explained what I believe works. I did not berate you for your handling of the sitution. I offered my best.

There was some good advice in your post, some advice that you had no right to put out there (the problem is not with the child but with you - how could you know the problem is not with the child and that it is with me?) and your people skills are clearly lacking in this particular post (I wouldn't presume to say you need counseling on it since I don't really know you and that would just be rude).

I don't want to argue anymore. I am sensitive. I needed support here, not to be told I need counseling for my parenting skills. But I will take your word that you were just trying to be supportive and thank you for trying your personal best.

[Lauren M]

OK back to the topic!

I was a very picky eater as a child, and I can only imagine how difficult it was for my parents, as it is for you, to have to deal with this. I highly recommend the book "Cheese, Peas & Chocolate Pudding" if you can still find it - I remember it from my childhood, and it was all about a little boy who ONLY ate 3 things: cheese, peas, and chocolate pudding. It's a child's book.

I'm trying to think of creative ideas... what kind of things does your son like to eat? What kind of rewards are particularly helpful in motivating him? Would seeing another child/friend eat something help?

Sorry, I'm probably not the most helpful, but I'm trying to channel the picky eating days of my youth to help you out!

- Lauren

[elaine33]

I'm trying to think of creative ideas... what kind of things does your son like to eat? What kind of rewards are particularly helpful in motivating him? Would seeing another child/friend eat something help?

Sorry, I'm probably not the most helpful, but I'm trying to channel the picky eating days of my youth to help you out!

- Lauren

Thanks for your help and bringing this back on target. I appreciate it. We have tried the gamut of punishment, very motivational rewards and having people over to eat. Just last weekend his cousin who is his age came over and I made tacos with and without taco sauce that he said he would try. His cousin ate them. He took three bites of a white corn taco shell that had lettuce on it and that was it.

We may pick up the book, though

Hawkfire: I am going to offer an apology here because I don't want you to feel ganged up on. I quoted Mich's post because she was articulating what I felt much better than I was and with my brain fog that is something I am really thankful at times. I still feel that way by your post, you asked if it was your delivery, and I am going to respectfully answer you here and say yes. But I do appreciate you taking the time to type out a post and (I am hoping here but honestly still skeptical) trying to be a help. Just trying to be honest but respectul of you at the same time, which I may not have been above because I am pretty stressed.