gluten-free T'giving Plans Derailed :(

[weathertopmama]

So it was just gonna be us, at home, with a gluten-free feast in a quiet homey atmosphere. Everybody else is a couple hours away, and I didn't want to deal with gluten-free and travel, watching the kids to make sure they don't eat anything non-gluten-free, etc.

Then Mom was here for a weekend visit, sad because Dad (who has some special needs) was not able/willing to travel this year and they were going to be alone on Thanksgiving. They have 5 grown children, and they were going to be alone

SO I quickly offered to come down. She was so happy about that, and they are thrilled to eat gluten-free anytime because she low-carbs and Dad has diabetes, they don't miss bread.

Hooray, that was fine, she and I planned the menu and it was entirely gluten-free.

NOW>>> two more brothers, their wives, and a total of 8 more kids will be there.

Mom strongarmed them into going along with the gluten-free menu, since she and I were doing all the cooking and there WOULD be gluten-free breads, pies, cookies, etc. so they grudgingly 'agreed' but they are not happy.

SIL's have their noses out of joint over not helping with the cooking and bringing their favorite dishes. I am getting a definite negative vibe here, and it is throwing a yucky pall over the whole thing. In my world, ONE meal of your life with food that is not your favorite and familiar, for the comfort and safety of small children, is NO biggie. In their world I guess it is UnAmerican to be told what to eat for Thanksgiving, even if you've invited yourself and all the plans were made and all the food was bought.

I'm calling off the gluten-free thing. I'll have a separate table for my kids and watch them like hawks to make sure they don't get any cookies or bread except what I bring. It will be a pain because SIL#2 does not believe in handwashing after meals for her children, and they'll be trailing crumbs everywhere they go, but I am not going to be treated badly all weekend for 'ruining' their Thanksgiving.

Why are we going? Mom is expecting us, Dad needs us there or he'll be confused, and our boys want to go. It would hurt all of them horribly if we don't go.

AAARGH.

[lonewolf]

Have you told them all how important it is for your kids to be gluten-free? I know firsthand how frustrating it is to be at a holiday meal and not get to eat a lot of the yummy looking stuff and have crumbs everywhere, and I'm not a child. Is there any way you could "stick to your guns"? It's so great that your mom is on board with you!

I'm assuming that most of the gluten filled things will be desserts? If so, could you come to a compromise and make everything else gluten-free and just have two separate table for dessert? I can't think of a thing in the regular dinner that can't be made gluten-free - even dinner rolls work well and everyone would like them.

[Ursa Major]

Amy, are you sure you want to call off being gluten-free for that meal? I think your family might be pleasantly surprised by how good the food is. Why can't your sister-in-law not bring something like a salad, or a potato dish thickened with corn starch, or do the mashed potatoes or something else that's naturally gluten-free?

It would be an opportunity to show them what it's like being gluten-free, and that you can still have good food. And you would enjoy yourself a lot more, without having to worry about being glutened.

Since originally NONE of them were willing to spend Thanksgiving with your parents, and you were the only one who decided to spend the time traveling and being with them, you of all people shouldn't now have to change ALL your plans.

If you talk to the rest of the family, and allow them to have some input on what they could contribute, they might come around.

[kbtoyssni]

Sounds like you mom is super supportive! If it were me, I'd probably selfishly keep the dinner gluten-free, but then again, you don't want to make your entire family mad at you. Maybe you can get your mother to help you lay some ground rules for a gluten-Thanksgiving. Like you and the boys serve yourselves first, everyone washes their hands afterwards, etc. Can you bring the boys' meals already on plates so you can just microwave them so the food will never be out in the open where everyone else can contaminate it?

I love how you phrased this: "ONE meal of your life with food that is not your favorite and familiar, for the comfort and safety of small children, is NO biggie." It certainly sums up how I wish everyone would feel. That sometimes it's better to be the bigger person and step outside your comfort zone for the comfort and safety of others. (especially in this case where eating some different food won't hurt you or be scary or make anyone uncomfortable).

Good luck.

[babygirl1234]

my aunt isnt even cooking the turkey in the same oven as the stuffen or isnt stuffen the turkey so i can have some

[MistressIsis]

I'm flying back to Boston for T day & I have no idea what I'm gonna do for food. My mom was really great about it last year but this trip is last minute (literally my flight gets in at 11pm) so how will I go to a store?

1 of my buddies called & said he'll come get me after the family thing so we can have a gluten-free meal, he's doing all the cooking Isn;t that sweet, he's not even my SO! LOL

[Guest nini]

we were going to have T'day dinner at my house cooked in my gluten-free kitchen and all would be safe now my mom wants to have it at her house because my step dad isn't feeling well and she wants him to be able to relax in his own home and put his feet up and rest as he needs to... now, I know my mom is hyper vigilant about keeping her kitchen clean, BUT she does cook with gluten and now I'm going to have to be there all day while she's cooking to make sure she doesn't use wooden spoons or anything like that. The last time I ate at her house I got sick... granted she had JUST finished making gluten pancakes and hadn't cleaned her kitchen yet before making my gluten-free pancakes, but still... I'm nervous now too... At least I know all the ingredients will be gluten-free... she does try really hard.

[weathertopmama]

Oh, I don't know what I would do without my Mom. Oh, I do know...I would never see any of the rest of 'em again LOL

We found a compromise. All of the gluten-free stuff will be cooked by Mom and me in her kitchen (I'm taking mixer, spoons, bowls, pans, new bags of sugar, etc) and transported to SIL's where the event is being held. SIL is doing all the gluten cooking at her house.

This way I know for sure which foods are safe, and my family will be served first. SIL has decided to set up the tables in an adjoining part of the house so there won't be food out, even desserts, where the kids will be playing and visiting. So there will only be eating in that room, instead of all over the house.

Messy SIL has agreed to wash her kids hands and faces after they eat and not let them walk around with food.

I'll also take a cooler for my boys with drinks and snacks etc. that no one else will touch, so if there seems to be a CC problem somewhere they won't be hungry. I'll have a pie and cookies kept back, too.

I'm also taking gluten-free stuff to share to introduce them to the concept, especially cookies that anybody would like (thank you Bette Hagman).

So it will be a huge hassle, mostly for me, but worth it because between Dh, me, Mom, and the SIL who is hosting, I think we'll be able to keep the kids gluten-free.

I just talked to mom this morning, and I'm so relieved that everybody is willing to make it work for the boys' safety. Nobody objects to the 'rules' at all as long as they get to bring their own food too. So whatever.

And next year we're staying home!!!

[Ursa Major]

I'm glad you worked out a workable compromise. I hope it will all go smoothly.

[happygirl]

Amy,

I am happy you found what worked for you It may be a hassle...but I like to think what a small price to pay for not getting sick. (I tell myself that often! )

Depending on where I go, certain people are "certified" (ha!) to cook for me. This year we are spending it at my husband's aunt-uncle, who are great but have never cooked for me. So I'm just showing up with all of my own food....the full T-G dinner for one!

Is it a pain? Yes. Is it worth it, for me? Yes.

I also tell myself it is the company and family time, NOT the food, that is important.

Your kids are lucky to have a caring mom like you. I have one too (and I'm 25!) and I love her dearly for it.

Happy Thanksgiving and write and let us know how it went, ok?

Laura

[tarnalberry]

we were going to have T'day dinner at my house cooked in my gluten-free kitchen and all would be safe now my mom wants to have it at her house because my step dad isn't feeling well and she wants him to be able to relax in his own home and put his feet up and rest as he needs to... now, I know my mom is hyper vigilant about keeping her kitchen clean, BUT she does cook with gluten and now I'm going to have to be there all day while she's cooking to make sure she doesn't use wooden spoons or anything like that. The last time I ate at her house I got sick... granted she had JUST finished making gluten pancakes and hadn't cleaned her kitchen yet before making my gluten-free pancakes, but still... I'm nervous now too... At least I know all the ingredients will be gluten-free... she does try really hard.

Bring your own pots. No, I'm not kidding. When we had T-giving at my BIL's last year, we were a three hour drive away, and we packed up a bunch of spices, utensils, and most of the pots in my kitchen (and don't even ask how many pots I have in my kitchen) so that I didn't have to worry about pot/utensil contamination. Yes, it was anal retentive, and I specifically acknowledged that it was anal retentive, but that I really didn't want to get sick. It was a bit of extra work, but went beautifully.