Preschool Owner With Celiac Child

[Nantzie]

I was also going to ask where you were located. Folsom, CA by any chance?

I think that working toward being an allergy-aware daycare is a great idea. I would pay more money for that in a heartbeat.

Nancy

[nikki-uk]

Strawberrygm, I cannot applaud you enough for taking the time to research this - blows me away in fact!!

Although my son is not a pre schooler (he's 14 yrs!) he does have learning difficulties, so cannot recognise the 'dangers of food' and relies on the adults to make the right desicions for him.

Oh the angst we parents of coeliac kids go through when they are at school/clubs!!

As someone else said we can never take a day off, HAVE to always be vigilent and that sometimes can come across as being 'pushy' or 'aggresive' , but I would always welcome questions - it shows you are trying to understand celiac disease... we parents only want to keep our children safe and healthy.

I, for one would be heartily reassured if my kid was at your nursery - keep reading!!

[strawberrygm]

awww, i do wish i were closer to you ladies so that i could care for your children.!!

i am located in savannah tennessee

i posted my website on my homepage

i will keep posting here as i have more questions and more updates....

thank you all so much for your help!!

[happygirl]

Strawberry, I don't think many places require a dx, because many parents don't have one...they learned through dietary response. Testing is not always accurate, and just having the child feel better is enough for many parents (I mean, thats the goal for parents!) So having the doctor's note can be tricky.

But----the mother should have sat down and had a formal meeting with you about this, and given you information. The fact that she gets frustrated with you sends the signal that she is not open to honest communication, which you are obviously willing to provide. I think most parents on here (and, even me, a non-parent) welcome the communication---I would rather someone ask me the same darn question 500 times if it would keep me from being sick.

I want to second the post about doctors not knowing much (no offense to them). They know very little about the day to day life of a Celiac, what gluten is in, cross contamination, etc. Your best bet are the people who live it every day and who "get" it. (There are a lot of dx'ed Celiacs out there who know about it, but don't "get" it! Luckily, the people on this board "get" it and try to spread that).

I think you should replicate yourself so that we all have preschool teachers who are allergy aware!

[Guhlia]

I just wanted to add that if the mother makes you feel uncomfortable about asking questions, while that is totally unacceptable, you can always feel free to ask us those questions. If it's gluten related someone here will likely know the answer and we will probably be able to get back to you within a matter of hours. We're always open to helping someone learn the disease, especially when there's a child at risk. You're doing so much for this little girl already just by looking into things and trying to keep her safe, you certainly don't deserve to get jumped on when you ask the mother questions. I understand that she's probably overwhelmed and what not, but COME ON!!! She IS the mother and she SHOULD be taking responsibility for her daughter's health. You're doing a great thing here!

[strawberrygm]

well girls, it all just blew up

i called the mom to talk with her b/c her daughter isnt here today

the mom had mentioned that the local pediatrician was going to have a meeting for her and her hubby and her inlaws explaining celiacs and asked if i would come

i had told her heck yes i would come, my whole staff would come, and we would even host the meeting

this was yesterday that she said this

so today i had not heard from her at 1pm.

trying to be proactive, i called the doc and i scheduled the meeting

so then i called mom and told her i had scheduled the meeting, thinking she would be happy that i was involved

she wasnt, she seemed pissed

so then the conversation moved on to her dd

i told her i wanted her to bring her dd's food on a plate each day b/c i had learned online that cross contamination could occur via pots, pans, and utensils

she then began to fuss and it ended up we were yelling at one another (which i shouldnt have done, but you will understand more why as you read more)

she said i should have known better than to touch her dd's food with a spatula or something that had touched someone elses with

how was i to know that if she never told us?

when her dd first started with me we did not know she had celiac. her mom told me she could not have oreos or cupcakes, but her dad later told me she could have them, that he gave them to her at home. so when we would have a bday party i would let her have a small amount. dad knew this and was fine with this. mom just today blows up at me about this, which happend last summer.

i told her i had been online last night and found alot of information.

i asked her if she knew gluten was in play-doh. she said she did already know that.

i asked her why she had not told me this, she could not come up with a good answer. she told me, well it says on the ingrediant label of play-doh that it contains wheat. how am i supposed to know to look? i have never heard of celiac before her, and was never told until i came on here last night that it was not just in food, but other things as well.

i asked her if she knew it was in paint, and that certain baby wipes could contain it, as well as diaper creme, and hand soap, etc.

she got mad at me for knowing these things that she did not know.

i told her that if she had made me aware of the gluten in play doh or paint, etc that i would have never let her child use those things, that i would have had her color or do something else while the other kids used those possible dangers.

i told her she should have provided me with things to help me know these things, that i have 12 other kids in my care, 3 of which have differing food allergies and that i can not be expected to remember every detail and that i needed to be provided lists and things.

i told her that for her daughters sake she was gonna have to learn how to communicate better with people and not get mad at them for asking questions b/c she was gonna have to deal with this every day for the rest of her daughters life

she said she was tired of me asking the same questions over and over again

i asked her, "do you trust me and my staff with your child?"

"i have mixed feelings she said."

i told her my staff and i needed to be trusted and that i would not care for any child whose parents did not trust me

i told her i was busting my ass to care for her child and every child in my care and that overnight i had learned more about celiacs than she knew and that while i did not mind to research this or any need a child might have, it was her responsibility to share information with me and my staff and let me know what to look for and that she had not been doing this and i was very frustrated

you do not know more about it than i do, she said, that is just b.s.!

but sadly it is true that i do know more b/c i now know about the paint and the soap and the babywipes and the pots and pans and spatulas, none of which she knew about or told me about.

and then she went so far to say that b/c i asked the same questions over and over that i had a lot of growing up to do, and that me and my staff needed to start putting the children in our care first.

when she told me i did not put the children in my care first, i told her we were thru and that she needed to come get her daughters things before 5pm this evening.

[Jestgar]

Wow, sounds like a rough afternoon. When you have gotten over the worst of the experience, you might consider that you accidentally pushed all her 'mom guilt' buttons. Here she is THE MOM, and she knows less about taking care of her daughter then you do.

It's also possible that she shouldn't be eating gluten either and that's why her mood is unpredictable.

Either way, you're still fabulous. Don't forget that part.

[strawberrygm]

Wow, sounds like a rough afternoon. When you have gotten over the worst of the experience, you might consider that you accidentally pushed all her 'mom guilt' buttons. Here she is THE MOM, and she knows less about taking care of her daughter then you do.

It's also possible that she shouldn't be eating gluten either and that's why her mood is unpredictable.

Either way, you're still fabulous. Don't forget that part.

what a sweet response

thank you for that

i was expecting to get flamed on here, but i just had to get it off my chest

it is so disheartening that here i was trying so hard to learn more and for it not to be appreciated, let alone turned away and be accused of not caring, i just can not and will not take that

i am sure i did push her "mom guilt' buttons, but honestly, someone needed to for her daughters sake. the child is only 3 and the mom is gonna have to learn to deal with people better or she is never gonna get anywhere.

[jerseyangel]

Strawberry,

Why on earth would anyone flame you? I have a lot of respect for the way you came on and asked questions. Dealing with Celiac is confusing at first, to say the least.

I think the children in your preschool are very lucky to have someone like you with their best interest at heart.

The situation with that mom is unfortunate--it sounds to me that there are other issues going on. The mom and dad don't even seem to be on the same page! I do hope they get their act together for the sake of the child.

Anyway, it was nice having you here! Drop back anytime.

[vampella]

what a sweet response

thank you for that

i was expecting to get flamed on here, but i just had to get it off my chest

it is so disheartening that here i was trying so hard to learn more and for it not to be appreciated, let alone turned away and be accused of not caring, i just can not and will not take that

i am sure i did push her "mom guilt' buttons, but honestly, someone needed to for her daughters sake. the child is only 3 and the mom is gonna have to learn to deal with people better or she is never gonna get anywhere.

No flamming, you did what you had to do. maybe tell the mom once she calms down, if she'd like to bring her child back, she's welcome to but she has to work with you, not against you??

Sounds like you had a bad afternoon, I'm sorry!

[Guhlia]

You did everything you could. Some people are just impossible to make happy. Please don't let this discourage you in any way from being involved in your childrens' health. You are a dream to most parents with kids with allergies/Celiac. Please don't let this bad experience get in your way. As far as I'm concerned you're a saint. And you know, I agree with what somebody else said about the mother possibly having Celiac too. Her anger sure does sound like gluten rage to me! Especially since she has a Celiac child which means she has a 1/20 chance of having Celiac herself.

[Christine E]

Thank you for trying to make your daycare a safe place for the celiac child! Discount School Supply sells gluten-free play-dough. My son has some, but all our play-dough "equipment" is glutened, so I often let him play with regular play doh and have him wash his hands really well after, and sanitize the play area. He knows not to eat it or put it in his mouth! He goes to day care once per week-I bring his food and snacks, and he usually eats first, before the other kids to prevent cross-contamination.

He will go to preschool in the fall, and I discussed with the director and his nutritionist about it. The director is great with allergies/celiac. They have the child sit at a different table for snack (they bring their own unless parent says snack is ok to eat,) until the other kids learn not to share their food. Then they pair the child with a special friend for snack so they can observe whether the kids are sharing and intervene if necessary. They are very good about not singling kids out. They have a Thanksgiving meal, and they give the celiac child a different color plate so the servers know he has a special diet. They also have the celiac child use only hand wipes or sanitizer instead of washing his hands, to avoid soap gluten, or cross contamination from the other kids' hands. They also do "cooking", and have the celiac child dump raisins in first, before the pretzels go in, or other gluten foods, etc. Or they give the celiac child the job of greasing the pans. I visited another preschool that was clueless, even about peanut allergies, which are so prevalent. They have a play table which they rotate "textures" pasta, oats, and other things, so that preschool would not have worked. It takes a lot of communication and the director has to be willing to learn about it and have on-going conversations. It is very impressive that you are trying so hard to keep your environment safe-thank you!

I was rather freaked out when my son was first diagnosed about sending him to the church sunday school, or to the gym's babysitting room. The church was already pretty good, they put a special sticker on the name tag on the back stating he has his own snack. When the regular teachers are there, it's not a problem, and now he knows not to eat other food. When he was younger, I stayed in the room in the summer, since there was high turnover of teachers. I did witness an incident where another child put his animal cracker in Ryan's snack cup. The gym was another story, but they have cleaned up their act and gotten diligent about not letting kids walk around with food, sanitizing tables, etc. Ryan is past the point of picking up dropped food from the floor and putting it in his mouth, but every time I dropped him off I would remind every worker to make sure he didn't eat anything. Now they know him, but I realized I couldn't stop life for celiac disease! Now it's part of life and he is healthy and heavy!

Congratulations on educating yourself!