Thinking About Having Another Baby

[Nantzie]

I always wanted 4 or 5 kids. We stopped at two because I was so sick and barely could take care of the two I had. I had planned on having them all close together, 1.5 - 2 years spacing. I figured I was done when my health started deteriorating. Now, over a year after going gluten-free, both of my kids and myself are gluten-free, and we have a gluten-free household. I feel like my life is finally under control after several difficult years.

Not having any more kids would make my life SOOO easy. My kids get along great. They have their own rooms and at 19 months apart, don't even remember life without each other.

Now I'm finding myself REALLY wanting another baby. I've got some worries though -

- It would be a four-year age gap between #2 and #3. Much more than I ever expected. If we do have another one, I'd actually want two more rather than just the one. Partly because I wouldn't want #3 to be left out because of being so much younger. But partly because I do want 4 or 5. But even if I do get pregnant with #3, that doesn't necessarily guarantee I'd be able to get pregnant with #4.

- I'm 36. I know that that's barely considered an "older mom" anymore, but still, that's when you read about increased chances for complications.

- What if the baby has health problems? Or a food intolerance other than celiac? Having celiac feels like almost a full-time job sometimes. I marvel at the families here who have more than one food intolerance to work with.

I haven't even talked to my husband about this yet. He brings up having another one every once in a while. With as crazy as things have been my usual reaction has been "Are you nuts!?" But now I'm the one who has been thinking so much about it.

I remember that there a few families here with lots of kids, though I can't seem to remember who. Did you have a big gap between some of your kids? How did that work out?

Just for parents in general - Did you ever think that you were done and then change your mind?

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Nancy

[confused]

I always wanted 4 or 5 kids. We stopped at two because I was so sick and barely could take care of the two I had. I had planned on having them all close together, 1.5 - 2 years spacing. I figured I was done. Now, over a year after going gluten-free, both of my kids and myself are gluten-free, and we have a gluten-free household. I feel like my life is finally under control after several difficult years.

Not having any more kids would make my life SOOO easy. My kids get along great. They have their own rooms and at 19 months apart, don't even remember life without each other.

Now I'm finding myself REALLY wanting another baby. I've got some worries though -

- It would be a four-year age gap between #2 and #3. Much more than I ever expected. If we do have another one, I'd actually want two more rather than just the one. Partly because I wouldn't want #3 to be left out because of being so much younger. But partly because I do want 4 or 5.

- I'm 36. I know that that's barely considered an "older mom" anymore, but still, that's when you read about increased chances for complications.

- What if the baby has health problems? Or a food intolerance other than celiac? Having celiac feels like almost a full-time job sometimes. I marvel at the families here who have more than one food intolerance to work with.

I haven't even talked to my husband about this yet. He brings up having another one every once in a while. With as crazy as things have been my usual reaction has been "Are you nuts!?" But now I'm the one who has been thinking so much about it.

I remember that there a few families here with lots of kids, though I can't seem to remember who. Did you have a big gap between some of your kids? How did that work out?

Just for parents in general - Did you ever think that you were done and then change your mind?

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Nancy

Well i have 5 kids, 4 are my bio kids and one is my step son but i have raised him since he was 3 and he lives with us full time. so he is my son in every way.

He is 13, then i have a 7 yr old, a 5 yr old, a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. They range from 15 to 21 months apart. I had them very close together and i loved it. I actually wanted more kids, but we felt it was best i stop. I love having them as close as they are cause it is like 2 sets of twins.

I agree with you to have 2 more, it would make things easier if u had those 2 close together to. And 36 is not old anymore to have kids.

paula

[CarlaB]

I have six kids -- 18, 16, 13, 11, 10, 8. My 10 year old is adopted.

I highly recommend having more!!!

I have many friends with even larger families than ours and who had kids into their 40's. My sister has three -- ages 13, 10, and 5. It's no big deal having the age difference.

I also wouldn't worry about all the health problems the kids could potentially have. They could be born with health problems even if you didn't have celiac! I've had Lyme Disease for over 30 years, but didn't know what was wrong. This means all my kids were exposed during pregnancy and breastfeeding. So far, none of them are showing symptoms. Cross that bridge when you come to it, why worry now? Wouldn't you rather exist with celiac than not exist at all?

I think we tend to make an issue of age difference, but the kids don't really care. All you need to do now is decide if you want one more. You can decide the other one in a couple years.

We're moms, we worry. No need to. If you want another baby, go for it!

[Lisa]

Nanzie:

I have two and they are on my avatar. They are 22 and 25. The 25, we are still subsidizing after 100,000 in college funds (apartment, utilities, food, clothes, books and A LOT of check fees and a whole lot of parking tickets at school, towing fees because she was OUT OF GAS....I can continue)

Our 22, was married with a 20,000 wedding, is on her own, saving money to build a house and in no financial need of us, other than her part-time college and she should graduate in December (with honors, may I brag)

With this said...We did not for see our financial situation. My husband was mandated to retire the same year that the 25 year old graduated from high school. So, cut the salary in 1/2, spend 100,000 and shake that kid silly. Two years later our annuity was abolished by the courts (kinda, really, sucks).

Okay, I will stop. Children are a blessing. My advise to you would be, look forward and choose wisely. It, afterall, is a very personal choice. I would not have changed a thing, but these little suckers are expensive.

Whatever you choose, may it be a happy one.

[Ursa Major]

Nancy, I have five children, four daughters, 27, 25 (26 in June, 15 months younger than the oldest), 21 and 15, and one son, 24 next month.

As you can see, between the two youngest girls there is a six-year gap. Not by choice, I had three miscarriages before I had her, and three after (and she should have been a twin, I miscarried one). Now I know that the celiac disease likely caused all those miscarriages (they could never find any cause).

You won't have to worry about celiac disease making you really ill, or causing miscarriages. That is a blessing. I also tried to have another baby after Susie (she came when I was 38), but it wasn't to be.

At first she was the sweet baby who her older siblings adored. Then she became the little tag-along who they sometimes resented. But she quickly made a lot of friends, and her best friend and her live at each other's houses. They always have sleepovers, and walk right in and rip open the fridge, to check for food. Sometimes her friend calls me 'Mom' as a joke.

She doesn't feel deprived, even though she is the only one at home now. Our son and her are pretty close now, and since he is our youth pastor, she and her friends will hang out at his house, and she sings on his worship team.

Her older sister takes her shopping, so I don't have to be dragged all over the mall. I REALLY like that (the other two girls live too far away to do anything with her).

She LOVES being an aunt (she was an aunt at the age of 8), and her nephews and nieces adore her.

Really, don't worry about the age gap, food intolerances and whether you'll be able to have another one. It will all work out. If you really feel like having another baby, go for it! Babies are a blessing and there is no point worrying about things you can't control.

[AndreaB]

I wouldn't worry about the age difference either. Mine are 2 3/4 years apart and then 3 years 2 months.

We had thought about quitting after the 2 but had toyed with the idea of another. I've had all c-sections so that was a consideration as well. BTW, I was 40 when my last was born, 33 for the first.

We've just found out about our intolerances and celiac after my last was born. He also has intolerances.

No one has any immediate reaction allergies as of yet.

Those who have children with whatever health problems don't regret it. You just adapt and make the most of it. I have thought before about those who have lost little ones, either by miscarriage or death (cancer/accident) and the pain must be excrutiating, but somehow (faith or whatever) most bounce back.

[Slackermommy]

Are you me?

I am your age, with 2 children, ages 3.5 and 5.5, and have the same exact question. I am only 6 months gluten free and still ironing out the kinks, (and I got glutened a few days ago, I am just feeling better now from it).

And I figured that I am probably done now too. It would be so easy to stop now.

I will be curious to see what happens.

My husband and I decided to try and make a decision this summer, to wait until then to really discuss it.

I waver. I think I am still healing, and when I feel sick, I think, NO WAY, and when I feel good, I think I could do it.

Good luck. And isn't funny how there is usually someone else who feels the same way we do?

[Guest cassidy]

I have a friend who is 44 and she just had her second child who is 4 1/2 years younger than her first. So, your age and the age differences between the kids is certainly not extreme.

I'm pregnant now and there is a woman in my pregnancy class who is in her 40's. This baby was a surprise because her first kids are 18 & 20.

The worries about celiac or other things being wrong with the baby are common whether you are 20 or 40 or this is your 1st or your last. I really hope my son is fine and doesn't have celiac or any major problems and I'm only 29.

Since you are healthy now and can have another one, it makes sense to talk to your husband and see what he thinks.

Have fun trying!

[Nantzie]

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement guys.

I know I must be starting to be serious about this. Yesterday my kids were in trouble more in one day than they have been in the last month. And I still was thinking about having more kids after all that.

I'm going to see how I feel over the next couple months. The timing if I get pregnant right now isn't great - Don't want a Christmas or Jan/Feb baby (way too much going on for us that time of year). But a March, April or May baby would be good.

Nancy

[jerseyangel]

Nancy,

I just want to say that I wish you much luck and happiness with whatever you decide to do.

My 2 sons are 3 1/2 years apart. This worked out well for us.

My sister in law has a daughter and son who are 13 years apart. Katie has always adored her little brother--they're also very happy with the way things worked out.

Keep us posted

[chrissy]

nancy---we have 11 kids. i gave birth to 9 of them, 2 are my step-kids.(and i raised one of them from the age of 10) our kids ages are: 31, 29, 23, 21, 17, 15, 15, 12, 9, 7, 3-----and we have 2 grandsons. our 7 year old had a twin that reabsorbed---wouldn't 2 sets of twins have been exciting!? we have two 4 year jumps between kids plus the 6 year jump between my step-kids and my oldest. we thought we were done after the 15 year old twins. i think we thought about being done after either the 12 yr old or the 9 yr old. i had the 7 year old when i was 36 and we were done. well, you know what they say about giving away your maternity clothes and turning 40!?LOL!! the day before i turned 40 we discovered we were going to have our BONUS baby. i really am done, this time.

[2Boys4Me]

I don't think that 4 years is a very big age gap at all. I know quite a few people with a 4-5 year gap on purpose. Sometimes due to medical issues between babies, and others planned because when one goes to kindergarten, Mom will have time with the new baby at home.

I am 8 1/2 years older than my brother and I barely know him. That's a big regret for me. I moved away from home for college when he was 11 and moved out of the province for work when he was 14 and I've only seen him rarely since then. Either I never went back because my folks came to visit me and he was working and couldn't come, or when I went there, I'd see him for a few hours and that's it. I think part of that might be because he's a boy and I'm not. I have a twin sister who I haven't seen in 4 years, but we email and call each other all the time.

Good luck! I have to say anyone with more than two kids is my hero. I love my kids dearly when they are at school or sleeping, but when they are at home...not so much. They can't keep their fists off of each other . Last night the strangest thing happened. Ty took his brother to "bring a friend" night at Beavers...and he didn't even have a fever. Edited to add they are 2 years and 3 days aparts. One October, one November = two Scorpios. Maybe Scorpios and Cancers don't mix.

[marlykarly]

I have 24 22 **gap** 10 and 8

How is that for a gap? the 8 and 22 yo are celiacs.. the other two are not. I would have had more if I could have.. but this is fine for me

[DebbieInCanada]

My two oldest are 15 (daughter) and 12 (son), so just over 3 years apart. For various logistical reasons (new job, new house, etc), we decided not to have another baby within a few years of those. Once we were settled again, I knew I still wanted at least one more baby. It took some convincing, since my husband was quite contented with 2 children, but I managed to plead my case. So our third (son) was born when I was 37, with a 6 1/2 year gap from our second. He's now 5, and the family dynamic is very interesting. His relationship with the other 2 isn't the same as typical siblings - there is no rivalry or fighting over toys. They nurture him a lot, and he really looks up to his "big brother". I'm more confident in my parenting, and more relaxed, so I think we really enjoy all the cute things. When he does something that might have freaked me out with the first kids (unrolls the whole roll of toilet paper for example), my first reaction now is to run for the camera.

We briefly considered one more, so he would have a close sibling, but decided just to enjoy him, and leave it at 3 kids.

Best wishes on your decisions.

Debbie

[FeedIndy]

I thought I was done every single time! I joke now that the baby is so hard no way would I want to try it again. OTOH, if I can handle her I can handle anything! I'm done mostly because our house is full. One more and someone would have to share a bedroom. Dh wants more though and I can't seem to talk him down.

To answer another question, there is a 5 year gap between 1 and 2 and a 3 year gap between 2 and 3. I really, really thought I was done the first time! They get along pretty well even with such an age difference (well, as well as any siblings). I actually thought they would get along better since there was such a gap, but they fight like any normal sisters.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world, but I still say I'm done again!