My Father Died Today

[Guest WashingtonLady]

I'm trying to deal with the reality of my dad being gone. I found his body. He'd had a massive heart attack. I got there only knowing he wasn't answering the phone and, according to a friend, "had been in pain earlier."

I keep thinking this isn't really real. I mean, I KNOW it's real. I've got these hideous pics in my brain now and they'll never leave. I'm the one who tried to wake him up. I'm the one who called 911.

There is no way this can be real.

Does anyone know how long this will take....does anyone ever recover from this? This feels like too much. Four sisters. Nine grandchildren. We're devastated.

[debmidge]

Condolences on the loss of your Dad.

take a deep breath and recall his life in good memories. the sadness may lift after a while but he'll be in your heart forever. it took me about a year to stop bursting out in tears in public.

[darlindeb25]

I'm sorry for your loss. Only time heals and there is not any time frame. We all heal in our own ways and in our own time. He's with the angels now and will always watch over you.

[wowzer]

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your father. Remember the happy and special times. He will always be in your heart. Give yourself time to heal. Hugs, Wendy

[jkmunchkin]

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. Take comfort in your sisters and the grandchildren. We are all here for you.

HUGS.

[dlp252]

  WashingtonLady said:

I'm trying to deal with the reality of my dad being gone. I found his body. He'd had a massive heart attack. I got there only knowing he wasn't answering the phone and, according to a friend, "had been in pain earlier."

I keep thinking this isn't really real. I mean, I KNOW it's real. I've got these hideous pics in my brain now and they'll never leave. I'm the one who tried to wake him up. I'm the one who called 911.

There is no way this can be real.

Does anyone know how long this will take....does anyone ever recover from this? This feels like too much. Four sisters. Nine grandchildren. We're devastated.

I'm so very sorry!!! My father was killed in a car crash in 1996, it was sudden and unexpected...I have to say that time will heal. There is no time schedule for mourning or healing, but you will in your own time, everyone is different. Some can just pick up and get involved with other things to take their mind off, I just couldn't seem to do that. Eventually I started volunteering at my church--helping people--that seemed to help a little, and eventually time made the wound tolerable.

[spunky]

It might take some time. You might want to seek out grief support groups either in your area or online somewhere.

Try to remember the good times and help other family members, but also, what you have been through and are going through isn't easy and obviously can't go away very quickly. Find yourself some support or just someplace where people will let you express your pain and understand.

[Ursa Major]

I am very sorry you lost your dad, and that you had to be the one who found him. I understand about the unreal feeling. It will take a while to truly register that your dad is gone. My dad died of liver cancer in 1997, and for years I would actually walk over to the phone on his birthday, thinking, "I need to call Papa, it's his birthday", only to realize that I couldn't phone him, because he was gone.

God had a plan when he let you be the one who found him. Imagine one of your children being the one who found their grandfather, and think that thankfully it was you instead, it might help.

When you lose somebody you love you need to be allowed to grieve. There is no right or wrong way to grieve (or a specific time frame), so don't let anybody tell you that your way of mourning isn't appropriate, because it is for you.

I hope you'll be okay, and will be able to cope in the days to come. I will pray for you and your family.

[jesscarmel]

I am so sorry for your horrible loss. i can only imagine how traumatized you must feel given the situatioon. take time to care for yourself!

Jess

[blueeyedmanda]

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Take a few moments to remember some of your fondest memories of him. It will help you feel a little better. Don't hesitate to talk to anyone, talking about what you are feeling is the advice I was given when my best friend was killed. It did help.

My prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.

[wethree]

So very sorry for you devastating loss...............I don't think we ever really get over the loss of a parent if we are close to them. I lost my dad 35 years ago and there are still times that I miss him, it just gets better gradually as the years go by. My dad was a great dad and grandfather and went too soon.......as yours may have. The former comments have been good ones, take heed in them. You now have to be strong for your children and your mom and you WILL find a way to do that, it seems to come from somewhere when we need it. PRAY. It is very interesting that you came to your friends on this message board, which is the very best one around. We will stick with you. Many hugs.........

[Jestgar]

I am so sorry. Sending you many hugs and support through cyberspace.

[jerseyangel]

I'm so sorry about your dad. Please take care.

[CarlaB]

I'm sorry about your dad.

[elye]

Oh, I am so sorry. For me, one of the toughest things about living through this level of grief was to try very hard not to feel smothering guilt when, after a year or two had passed, I found I was able to go a few hours without thinking of him. This will be later for you, but maybe it's a good thing to mention now...

[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

[Nancym]

I'm so sorry. *hugs* I was with my Dad when he died, I'm glad I was although the images of his last day or two and his death are very, very difficult memories. I was in tears everyday for what seemed like a couple of months. It was when I wasn't busy and was driving alone in my car and those moments would replay in my mind. It has been almost 2 years now and I can think of him at other times, other than just his death. Lately I've been missing the way his big soft hand felt when he squeezed my hand.

Right after my Dad died, that very same day, my sister-in-law and I immersed ourselves in making a lovely garden for our Mom. That activity healed us and we really bonded over that.

Now my Mom is in a nursing home in declining health and I've promised myself I'll do the same for her, at my house, when she dies.

[Rusla]

I am so sorry for your loss.

It takes different people different amounst of time to heal from their loss. Remember how he was not how you found him. Celebrate his life and remember he will not be in pain anymore. Remember the good things and rejoice in the memory of his love and it will be much easier for you.

[Dandelion]

I am so sorry to hear about your father. I know exactly what you are going through. My dad passed away on Feb. 13 at the age of 68 from a massive heart attack. He just never came home from work. My older brother was the one to find him. I am still in complete and utter shock. I heard that for a sudden death it can take up to 4 years to recover. God, I hope that's not true. I urge you to read "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Brooke Noel and Pamela Blair. It's one of the few books out their that deals with untimely deaths and it has helped me immensely.

My heart goes out to you. I know you must be completely overwhelmed and feel like you are walking in a fog. Please know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk. My email is bethc@optonline.net.

Beth

[kbtoyssni]

I'm so sorry. You will be in my thoughts.

[ravenwoodglass]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't think there is any fully getting over something like this. Eventually though the pain does become less severe. It is never easy to lose someone but you are lucky to have a large family for mutual support. You are in many thoughts and prayers.

[Guest lorlyn]

Sorry to hear about your dad. My father passed away from a massive heart attack at the age of 55. I was 22. It will take time to get the images out of your head, I had the same problem. Take care of your self and your family and may Peace be with you

[Kyalesyin]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how badly a sudden death can hit you. My grandmother moved on a few years back, and none of us were prepared- we hadn't seen it coming at all. Just take it one day at a time.

I've lit a candle for your father.