Ever Been Glutened By Someone Who Was Trying To Prove You Would Not Be?

[SunnyDyRain]

I am visiting my parents, and last night my mother and I were talking about what we were going to eat. She wanted Pot Roast, all good ingredents, but they cook it in a cast iron pot... I told my mom that not ok, and my father said to me - "Now your just being rediculous! How could you get GLuten from a pot? I explained to him about cast iron and he said "I think your blowing this out of proportion." I was hurt but my mom made it in a well scrubbed SS pot, and made the grvy with cornstarch.... but I still got glutened

[pooter]

my mom tries really hard, but I still get glutened at her house. My stepdad really thinks I'm being ridiculous most of the time and he'll pass bread right over my plate or use the same spoon in a glutened dish and then use it in a gluten-free dish... whenever my mom wants us to come over for a meal, I don't know how to tactfully get out of it, because I always get sick over there.

[JNBunnie1]

I think it's terrible that so many people have family that just aren't willing to accept that you have a real disease. I live in the same building as my parents (my father has cancer and we stay on separate floors so we can be here to help her take care of him) and since we've been living together she's only offered me food with wheat in it once. Fortunately I tasted it before I swallowed it, and she felt sooooooo bad. But then, she's exhausted usually, so I certainly wasnt upset or anything. I've found that the easiest way to stay gluten-free in other people's houses is just to bring a dish to share. Plus it makes me look good with the boyfriend's family!

[bluejeangirl]

What's so hard as I read these posts is once you've been violated with your husbands misguided intent it must go into other area's. How can you ever trust him with anything? His word won't mean anything to you I suppose. I would talk to him about what this can lead to down the road.

Gail

[johnsoniu]

I do NOT understand this type of behavior, beyond abuse. Can someone explain it to me in a kinder, gentler way!?

Margaret

This isn't kinder or gentler, but it is the cold, hard truth. People who do things like this have serious issues with being self-absorbed. If they think they have a point, they will go to great lengths to prove that point with no regard to potential consequences.

Kinder and gentler? People like that are morons, pure and simple. And dangerous morons at that, as it is your health they are playing with.

If you don't like the kicking in the nuts idea, I'll volunteer to come and do it for you. On behalf of men everywhere, I apologize for these people's reprehensible behavior.

Dear NoGluGirl,

The offer for the kicking goes out to your parents as well. Reading your posts makes me so upset sometimes as I can see their behavior constantly is painful for you.

[Nantzie]

I think the worst part about all of this is that those of us who have been around the boards for any length of time aren't surprised at ALL by any of this. Being ridiculed, accused and ostrasized by friends and family is so common with the gluten-free diet that it's become par for the course.

It's just so awful to see everyone feeling so much healthier only to have to now deal with parents, friends and husbands who go out of their way to PROVE something. They should be jumping for joy.

Nancy

[zansu]

I have threatened to sprinkle "just a little" rat poison in his food, So my DH almost gets it now. I also had to let him read some of the posts about a little gluten once every three weeks keeps the body from healing and is as bad for long term prognosis as not being gluten-free. gave him the whole list of things I can get from long-term auto-immune response (I was 42 when Dx, so we're in some risk anyway), and he started to get it. But he's really a "I don't feel it so it must not be real" person, so I make sure he's aware of the full brunt of a glutening. He's better, but he was still waving bread around while he talked this morning (he's Italian... )

[sunshinen]

It is hard to believe someone who is suposed to love and support you, is trying to prove you arent really that sensitive to gluten. What would be his point?

I have to disagree with many of the people in this topic. I don't think such "tests" are intentionally cruel or mean or even idiotic. Disrespectful of what you know to be true about your body... absolutely, but clearly our society has a problem with trusting the individual to know how to take care of themselves. We've bought into the idea that health must be bought... and when it can't the person must be malingering, or exagerating or just plain nuts.

And this diet certainly IS NUTS. You want me to change conditioners because it has gluten in it? You have GOT to be kidding me! You want me to buy another strainer, when this one has been scrubbed and scoured and run through the dishwasher? You have GOT to be kidding me!

This diet is crazy. It is UNBELIEVABLE. It's only easy for us to accept because we know how bad we were when we were diagnosed. Most of us were desperate for a cure. And we learn the hard way that these seemingly far-over-the-top details really, honest-to-God, do make us feel terrible. Even if it takes a month for the accumulated damage to take it's toll. We KNOW how bad we feel. And often we hide those feelings from others. In our society, women especially, feel the need to make others think they are healthy and fine, and others just don't understand just HOW bad we really feel. Unfortunately, also in our society, we tend to think the opposite about what others are really doing. So people tend to think we are playing up the symptoms, when most likely we are playing them down.

I think his point was (though done in a bad way) trying to help you.

I think our loved ones (as misguided as they are) think they can show us that our life doesn't have to be as hard as we're making it. Maybe he saw how desperate you were to find the answer, and thinks that now that you have an answer, you've blown it far out of proportion. After all, those who are sympathetic to how bad we feel, probably would see a drastic, unreasonable response as completely understandable. Really the diet still seems to me as utterly unreasonable, but as demanding as it is, as over the top as it still seems, I know the demands are real because I experience the punishment. Our loved ones (unfortunately sometimes) don't have the "benefit" of personal experience to convince them.

[Guest OyVay]

Sunshinen, are you kidding me? I have to disagree with your opinion. Do you really think that without personal experience, no one can know how we feel and how sick we get? None of what was done is a effort to help. It is downright wrong. It would be like giving a beer to an alcoholic to show him that life isn't as hard as he is making it.

I have celiacs and diabetes. No one in my family would ever think they would be helping me by giving me bread or a huge candy bar.

You think women have to make an appearance of health? Try being a male trying to be out in the world were strength and health are valued over everything else. How many woman want to be with someone who has limitations on food? Look at the restrictions! Eating out is difficult. Eating over someone's house means imposing on them to cook a certain way. Traveling to exotic places means worrying about the food every moment.

If someone is trying to "help" me by testing me, they can go help someone else.

I have to disagree with many of the people in this topic. I don't think such "tests" are intentionally cruel or mean or even idiotic. Disrespectful of what you know to be true about your body... absolutely, but clearly our society has a problem with trusting the individual to know how to take care of themselves. We've bought into the idea that health must be bought... and when it can't the person must be malingering, or exagerating or just plain nuts.

And this diet certainly IS NUTS. You want me to change conditioners because it has gluten in it? You have GOT to be kidding me! You want me to buy another strainer, when this one has been scrubbed and scoured and run through the dishwasher? You have GOT to be kidding me!

This diet is crazy. It is UNBELIEVABLE. It's only easy for us to accept because we know how bad we were when we were diagnosed. Most of us were desperate for a cure. And we learn the hard way that these seemingly far-over-the-top details really, honest-to-God, do make us feel terrible. Even if it takes a month for the accumulated damage to take it's toll. We KNOW how bad we feel. And often we hide those feelings from others. In our society, women especially, feel the need to make others think they are healthy and fine, and others just don't understand just HOW bad we really feel. Unfortunately, also in our society, we tend to think the opposite about what others are really doing. So people tend to think we are playing up the symptoms, when most likely we are playing them down.

I think his point was (though done in a bad way) trying to help you.

I think our loved ones (as misguided as they are) think they can show us that our life doesn't have to be as hard as we're making it. Maybe he saw how desperate you were to find the answer, and thinks that now that you have an answer, you've blown it far out of proportion. After all, those who are sympathetic to how bad we feel, probably would see a drastic, unreasonable response as completely understandable. Really the diet still seems to me as utterly unreasonable, but as demanding as it is, as over the top as it still seems, I know the demands are real because I experience the punishment. Our loved ones (unfortunately sometimes) don't have the "benefit" of personal experience to convince them.

[Jo.R]

No one has the right or the forgiveness to test my reaction. It is my body. For someone to intentionally put something in it, that I have said I do not want to have in it, is a violation. It does not matter if it's because of an allergy, or by a health choice. Because Celiac isn't well know it has no respect. When people have peanut, fish, or dairy allergies, others accept it because they have heard about it. My husband supports my diet needs a 100%. He's better about it than I am. He is just so thankful that I am well again, whatever it takes.

[NoGluGirl]

Dear JohnsonIU,

I mostly get resentful about the way they act. It is hard not to. I feel better knowing others have had similar experiences with their parents. That makes me feel better. You realize that there are a number of people like that out there, not just your crazy lunatic family. I just wish I were well enought to get a regular job and get out on my own away from it all. Feeling trapped like this is enough to drive anyone crazy. I refuse to go nuts! However, it would be nice to have my own place and not have to worry about the gluten anymore.

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[Guest Happynwgal2]

You know, you're absolutely right!

If someone told me that they couildn't do x or eat x because they had a condition that I knew nothing about--I'd still respect that. And I mean even before I got sick.

Jeesh

All these responses remind me of my now ex-husband who refused to believe that I got sick from food "that God has created for us"!!! He was a great cook, and I loved the flavor of his food, but got sick EVERY time he cooked. This happened years ago before I knew I was Celiac. It taught me that NOBODY could tell me what made me sick or not!

I no longer have any contact with that man because he was an abusive and selfish man who I was more that happy to get rid of. It was my second marriage, which lasted two very LONG years because of his weird way of "loving" my kids and I.

[HannahHannah]

I'm constantly paranoid that people are going to try to trick me! If I don't get sick immediately (mine tends to be a few hours/the day after), I feel like people are going to call me a faker!

[gfp]

Honestly, I understand why he did it. But, as Jestgar mentioned, that he did this sneakily, when he knew you would disapprove, shows a lack of respect. I would go so far as to say that exactly what he did (draining the pasta in a shared collander) isn't the issue at all, it's the fact that he did it against your wishes without telling you.

There *IS* value in blind tests. Even for something like this. But ONLY if EVERYONE involved agrees that it is permissible.

This is not a case of "better to ask forgiveness than permission".

tarnalberry.... That was my thought.....

This one is REALLY tricky.....

I'm going to give my take but that doesn't mean I'm condoning it and anyone who knows what my mom did when I visited will know I mean that.

The fundamental problem here is that sometimes those closest to us actually think they are protecting us from ourseleves.

I think we all know someone who just doesn't beleive us and most often that person is someone we have known and trusted for a long time. This is what can make it the most painful and hurtful....

However in many cases I think that person just has no idea... and perhaps in many cases we were actually economical with the truth before diagnosis.... by this I mean we tend to understate the symptoms becauser they are icky symptoms... if we can get away without saying then we rarely say "Oh I got caught out at the mall and pooped myself before I could find a bathroom"....

Lets face it we just want to deal with it and get over it....

The problem is also exasperated I think by the fact we get more sensitive or at least more specific once we are gluten free.

The fact is we did have normal bowel movements.... inbetween because its not constant.... and we try our best to mask the symptoms and even ourselves we start regarding them as "normal"....

Some family and friends just live in the past.... I know some peple say there is a grieving process going gluten-free... and perhaps this is what they miss. We let go of those old things like real pasta and bread... and we are the ones who FEEL better but we are better in ways that are not so easy to share....

Fundamentally I think a lot of people who care for us actually feel we are just making life miserable for ourselves.

They are convinced we have gone over the top (how bad can a little bit be.. you used to eat pizza and eash it down with beer) so how can a shared collander possibly hurt you.... and if it does it must be so tiny compared with you used to eat beer and poizza and be OK.....

No we didn't.... we used to eat beer and pizza and be ill but cover it up.... and 1 crumb or a whole pizza makes no difference to the immune system...

Don't get me wrong this its terrible BUT I do think hubby was trying to help.... its not particualrly respectful... I'm guessing he wasn't the one doing the laundry.

... but perhaps the key to this is actually trying to explain that back in those pre-diagnosis days you were not OK, you just put on a brave face and coped.... and that discussing the symptoms was embarassing so you were economical with them.... but one thing is certain you certainly were not OK.

secondly you need to explain its an autoimmune reaction and the amount of gluten is irrelevant....and that the mechanism is that your body just has to detect gluten to start a chain reaction... one which can take time to get into full swing....

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.... but I think you really have to get these things across... and the best (quickest) way might be to eat some humble pie and say your sorry you never went into how bad it was and everytime you had cramps, D etc. because it was both embarassing and useless since you had no idea why...

I don't think you should have to do this ... I just think its perhaps the quickest way to make him realise....

The whole idea that wheat is a killer is somewhat bizarre.... until you happen to be affected because its such a culturally integrated food. We are told again and again in childhood its good for us... so people find it really hard to accept...

Just as an example.... we are bombarded by "milk is good you you" signs and ads.... but erm... no its not... indeed any pro-milk stuff is already well dispelled and plenty of evidence its not... (I still eat cheese, I just don't think its good for me).... but the point is even with all this evidence, even with obesitiy becoming Americas biggest cure people in general acyually still view milk as a healthy food....

The papers are available to everyone yet warm milk and cookies is still viewed as a comfort food and something good to give kids...The majority of the people who want to give kids milk don't do so because they are nasty... moistly quite the opposite, they think its good for them... but its easier to follow the advertsising and publicty paid for by lobby groups than dusty academic papers...

[NoGluGirl]

tarnalberry.... That was my thought.....

This one is REALLY tricky.....

I'm going to give my take but that doesn't mean I'm condoning it and anyone who knows what my mom did when I visited will know I mean that.

The fundamental problem here is that sometimes those closest to us actually think they are protecting us from ourseleves.

I think we all know someone who just doesn't beleive us and most often that person is someone we have known and trusted for a long time. This is what can make it the most painful and hurtful....

However in many cases I think that person just has no idea... and perhaps in many cases we were actually economical with the truth before diagnosis.... by this I mean we tend to understate the symptoms becauser they are icky symptoms... if we can get away without saying then we rarely say "Oh I got caught out at the mall and pooped myself before I could find a bathroom"....

Lets face it we just want to deal with it and get over it....

The problem is also exasperated I think by the fact we get more sensitive or at least more specific once we are gluten free.

The fact is we did have normal bowel movements.... inbetween because its not constant.... and we try our best to mask the symptoms and even ourselves we start regarding them as "normal"....

Some family and friends just live in the past.... I know some peple say there is a grieving process going gluten-free... and perhaps this is what they miss. We let go of those old things like real pasta and bread... and we are the ones who FEEL better but we are better in ways that are not so easy to share....

Fundamentally I think a lot of people who care for us actually feel we are just making life miserable for ourselves.

They are convinced we have gone over the top (how bad can a little bit be.. you used to eat pizza and eash it down with beer) so how can a shared collander possibly hurt you.... and if it does it must be so tiny compared with you used to eat beer and poizza and be OK.....

No we didn't.... we used to eat beer and pizza and be ill but cover it up.... and 1 crumb or a whole pizza makes no difference to the immune system...

Don't get me wrong this its terrible BUT I do think hubby was trying to help.... its not particualrly respectful... I'm guessing he wasn't the one doing the laundry.

... but perhaps the key to this is actually trying to explain that back in those pre-diagnosis days you were not OK, you just put on a brave face and coped.... and that discussing the symptoms was embarassing so you were economical with them.... but one thing is certain you certainly were not OK.

secondly you need to explain its an autoimmune reaction and the amount of gluten is irrelevant....and that the mechanism is that your body just has to detect gluten to start a chain reaction... one which can take time to get into full swing....

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.... but I think you really have to get these things across... and the best (quickest) way might be to eat some humble pie and say your sorry you never went into how bad it was and everytime you had cramps, D etc. because it was both embarassing and useless since you had no idea why...

I don't think you should have to do this ... I just think its perhaps the quickest way to make him realise....

The whole idea that wheat is a killer is somewhat bizarre.... until you happen to be affected because its such a culturally integrated food. We are told again and again in childhood its good for us... so people find it really hard to accept...

Just as an example.... we are bombarded by "milk is good you you" signs and ads.... but erm... no its not... indeed any pro-milk stuff is already well dispelled and plenty of evidence its not... (I still eat cheese, I just don't think its good for me).... but the point is even with all this evidence, even with obesitiy becoming Americas biggest cure people in general acyually still view milk as a healthy food....

The papers are available to everyone yet warm milk and cookies is still viewed as a comfort food and something good to give kids...The majority of the people who want to give kids milk don't do so because they are nasty... moistly quite the opposite, they think its good for them... but its easier to follow the advertsising and publicty paid for by lobby groups than dusty academic papers...

Dear gfp,

It is so true! The problems that accompany our disease are so embarrassing, it gets to the point we are afraid to leave the house! So many people will act like we are just paranoid. They have no idea what it is like to live in constant fear of anything going into your mouth. You dread getting hungry, because you know, anything you eat could hurt you. Anything you drink could hurt you. Even worse is, relatives are not careful. They do not have to worry about it, so they do not consider how sick it will make you if you unknowingly drink soda from a bottle that has crumbs on the lid from the dirty counter top. Someone else drank it before you, but they sat the lid somewhere with gluten particles on it. You could not see them when you looked at the lid, but after becoming sick from drinking it, you realized what did it.

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[aikiducky]

I've made this suggestion before but it bears repeating. Actually it's following gfp's comments: Do make it clear to people whenever you feel ill from a glutening. DON'T try to hide it, especially from family. If you do, they won't have any way of knowing how sick you get. jerk and moan, "forget" to flush the toilet, spread your lovely smells all over the house...after a while people will get the idea....

Remember to advertise the fact that you feel sooo much better on the diet.

Actually, in NoGluGirls case, I'd be inclined to go further. I so sympatize with you. How about any time you get glutened by your parents, do your "errand" on the living room carpet...make it their problem! Just say you didn't make it to the bathroom in time...

The other thing is I agree it's basically about respect. No matter how sceptical someone is about my diet limitations, I think it's unacceptable to sneak something into my food. I guess I'm lucky... I know my husband and my parents had their doubts in the beginning, but they were very careful, simply because I asked them to.

Boy, this is a difficult topic. At least we're all here for each other, right?

Pauliina

[Fiddle-Faddle]

It is my body. For someone to intentionally put something in it, that I have said I do not want to have in it, is a violation.

I agree. I can't think of a better way to put it or anything else to add.

[gfp]

I agree. I can't think of a better way to put it or anything else to add.

I don't disagree.... but its a very fuzzy area....

I'm sure my mom lied about not hiding mashed of vegetables when I was a kid for instance...

There is of course a world of difference between slipping someone some mashed and hidden greens and giving an adult celaic gluten but I think we the sufferers see that gap a lot wider?

As many of us know for instance it can be painful to watch an adult self-harm, be it through alcohol or over eating or drug use?

Lets take an (almost) hypothetical situation.. a dear friend who's doctor has told them they are going to die very soon if they do not eat less bad cholesterol and fats and ..... is coming over its his birthday and your cooking for him...

You make a simple starter he loves, buffalo mozeralla and parma ham...

At which point are you overstepping the mark? Trimming extra fat of the ham? using a low fat mozeralla?

Its his own life?

So next course cos we didn't actually add someothing you use low-fat creme fraiche....?

This has additives... often guar gum or xanthan (and sometimes here freakin gluten)

Ideally of course you should tell him in advance but his wife begs you not to?

Now what you don't know is my friend is allergic to walnuts....

What I think we all (mostly) object to here was the "testing" .... and lack of respect.... and I can't disagree... but I think also you have to remember that people who "don't get it" literally don't get it....

They might believe really and truly that we are making life difficult for ourselves and wasting our lives....

I still think its disrepectful - no excuse for that but I do think looking from the other side they might really think they are helping ....

ack, Im skirting..... OK .. I'll just spit it out....

They think our judgement is impaired.... and some of us in our pre-gluten-free days probably gave them reason from time to time to think that!

If your mother falls down stairs and bangs her headbut insists she's OK. and asks you not to... do you call a doctor?

Its a hard call.... if you really truly beleive the bump on the head has impaired her judgement and she really needs a doctor I am not going to blame you...

This "testing" is somewhere between those extremes IMHO.... I think most people would call the Dr with the head wound... and I think most peple wouldn't deliberately test if something poisioned someone....

Just as a note of caution.... how many people here thought laxaid was a good solution to in work glutening a while back?

Its not so different but WE view it differently....

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I think deliberately "testing" someone, as you call it, is rather like deliberately touching someone who very clearly states that they do NOT want to be touched.

Or maybe the situation where She says, "No," and He thinks that "No," doesn't mean "No?"

This really goes way beyond lack of respect and steps into Violation territory.

[Tim-n-VA]

Of course "testing" someone without their knowing is wrong. But, there was a question of why they would do it and their have been some answers that put that in perspective. It doesn't justify or excuse it but knowing that perspective might give another path to make them understand.

The "touching" analogy was interesting. A few years ago I read an article where child molesters interviewed didn't think of what they were doing as "hurting". Their perspective they somehow thought they were helping.

[Tim-n-VA]

Duplicate post - is there a delete?

[Lisa]

*

[NoGluGirl]

Dear aikiducky,

My parents know how sick I get, they just do not care. They just complain that they need the bathroom! There is another one downstairs, they just are too freaking lazy to go down to use it! Tonight, my mother lays into me about the doctor's appointment set for Tuesday. She says that I am ingrateful, lazy, and a brat. She goes on about how people who are sicker than me have jobs. I told her "Screw you!" With the substitution here of a less awful profanity that I actually used. She says I am selfish, for wanting to go to the doctor when we cannot afford it, yet she goes out to eat all the time. I told her she does not have to give up going out altogether, just not eat out five days or more a week. It is not fair to be accused of being selfish by everyone just because you want to be well. I hate being stuck here.

I have grown to hate everyone and everything. Death seems like it would be a relief. It feels like God has given up on me as well, and it has felt this way for a long time. I am still crying and in a bad mood from the fight. I just have decided I do not want to talk to anyone anymore. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, it is wrong. I cannot honestly remember the last time I was happy.

I think it was when I was 13.

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[kbtoyssni]

I have to disagree with many of the people in this topic. I don't think such "tests" are intentionally cruel or mean or even idiotic. Disrespectful of what you know to be true about your body... absolutely, but clearly our society has a problem with trusting the individual to know how to take care of themselves. We've bought into the idea that health must be bought... and when it can't the person must be malingering, or exagerating or just plain nuts.

And this diet certainly IS NUTS. You want me to change conditioners because it has gluten in it? You have GOT to be kidding me! You want me to buy another strainer, when this one has been scrubbed and scoured and run through the dishwasher? You have GOT to be kidding me!

This diet is crazy. It is UNBELIEVABLE. It's only easy for us to accept because we know how bad we were when we were diagnosed. Most of us were desperate for a cure. And we learn the hard way that these seemingly far-over-the-top details really, honest-to-God, do make us feel terrible. Even if it takes a month for the accumulated damage to take it's toll. We KNOW how bad we feel. And often we hide those feelings from others. In our society, women especially, feel the need to make others think they are healthy and fine, and others just don't understand just HOW bad we really feel. Unfortunately, also in our society, we tend to think the opposite about what others are really doing. So people tend to think we are playing up the symptoms, when most likely we are playing them down.

I think his point was (though done in a bad way) trying to help you.

I think our loved ones (as misguided as they are) think they can show us that our life doesn't have to be as hard as we're making it. Maybe he saw how desperate you were to find the answer, and thinks that now that you have an answer, you've blown it far out of proportion. After all, those who are sympathetic to how bad we feel, probably would see a drastic, unreasonable response as completely understandable. Really the diet still seems to me as utterly unreasonable, but as demanding as it is, as over the top as it still seems, I know the demands are real because I experience the punishment. Our loved ones (unfortunately sometimes) don't have the "benefit" of personal experience to convince them.

I have to disagree with you, too. Someone wanting to help me know for sure I have celiac is one thing. But playing with my health without my knowledge is quite another. I don't care what the culture in our society is; someone experimenting with my health is never ever acceptable. I also expect people to be respectful of my decisions no matter what the reason behind them. As a vegetarian I would have been very upset if someone snuck meat into my food even though meat doesn't make me sick. This situation is all about respect - or should I say lack of respect.

[gfp]

I have to disagree with you, too. Someone wanting to help me know for sure I have celiac is one thing. But playing with my health without my knowledge is quite another. I don't care what the culture in our society is; someone experimenting with my health is never ever acceptable. I also expect people to be respectful of my decisions no matter what the reason behind them. As a vegetarian I would have been very upset if someone snuck meat into my food even though meat doesn't make me sick. This situation is all about respect - or should I say lack of respect.

Its not really the same thing though.... you choose vegetarianism.... and you presumably don't want to eat meat.... that's perfectly fine so long as you don't keep going round all your friends/relatives/XX saying wow... I really miss XX or wow , my health has really deteriorated since.... XX etc. etc.

Anyway.. this isn't lots of standalone parts... I'm writing next... its an overall summary... yes we can argue about component parts... but I would like people to respect my wish to read it all and try and not jump to conclusions until the end.

Like I said before I really think many of our relatives think we are deluded... and deluding ourselves... I for one miss a lot on a gluten-free diet... not so much actual gluten.. I miss not being able to get a hamburger (or tofu burger) when I meet friends and we are having a few drinks... indeed my illness either dictates where they can go or they eat and I don't.... my girlfriend rarely gets to eat out with me... and it creates situations for her at work.... such as when they have a staff meal... and she feels guilty about going when I was also invited but can't.... and every so often I really do miss REAL pasta.... because the gluten-free stuff just isn't the same as handmade pasta by luigi's mother.... Its not so bad compared to pasta you buy in sitres but its really not the same as home made fresh pasta with (OK ill stop now)

Please keep reading..... though....

The point is that many many MD's will tell you you can't possibly get glutened sharing a strainer... we know they are wrong... but there is far more published in total suggesting a little doesn't hurt than there is saying you will get ill from sharing a strainer.

Bear with me... this is true even in the large majority of hospital's ... in the UK the coelaic society actually writes articles saying how 200ppm is fine and cross contamination isn't really important.... and that is to tens of thousands of celiacs and advising government regulation.... they actually fought long and hard to prevent better labelling of food.... because they said it would confuse celiacs....

I actually would put it to you that if you went to a conference of enterologists and asked 500 of them probably less than 20-30 would say you can get glutened by sharing a work surface.... indeed the majority really seem to beleive you can pick croutons out of your salads and brush the crumbs off your burger....

Just consider for a moment.... WE ALL KNOW....

Now please don't get me wrong, I still think this shows a complete lack of respect...

but the fact that the hubby probably really really beleived it was impossible and could have asked 10 MD's and be told it couldn't possibly hurt.... does mitigate it to some extent... not make it correct...

I have a friend on very strong medication (she lost 1.2 her thyroid) and isn't meant to drink..at all.. she drinks at least 2 bottles of wine a day... and often passes out and often gets violent... I know she tells her MD she doesn't drink at all.

We have been known on occaision to water down her wine, usually after the first bottle she can't tell what she's drinking .... and this is perhaps also a lack of respect... but she refuses to deal with the problem and can be very offensive and violent.

Should we take wine away from her? She's an adult? I guess our justification is her judgement is so impaired someone has to ???

Perhaps we should put her in a taxi but last time we did that she had a fistfight with the driver??? Perhaps we should tell her MD.. same problem ??? We could leave her at home and not invite her... and then someone will get called by her neighbours at 3AM when they find her unconcious on the stairs again covered in vomit... seriously its hard work respecting her right not only to harm herself but to harm others.

The point that non of us really know here is if the husband really truly beleived it would do no harm and that it would prove to angel42 that she is deluded and mentally impaired.

I don't think that shows respect, she can probably sue for poisioning and win.... but she needs to decide for herself...

I don't know her medical history but I do know mine ..... I know I have said and done things when glutened in the past I now view myself as being mentally impaired.....

I know many of us have stuggled with families and friends who don't beleive us and think its all in our heads...

So I think it makes a difference.... basically if he was trying to test or if he was trying to prove to her she is deluding herself...

I AM NOT SAYING THAT MAKES IT RIGHT... I'M SAYING IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE.