I Really Am Trying

[UR Groovy]

7 months in: Venting on my first family frustration. My sister saw the People article. Of course, now, she thinks she's a celiac expert & wants me to take a 4 day trip up the coast with her because she thinks I can eat any grilled protein or veggies from a restaurant. I don't even know if I'm "Celiac" or just gluten intolerant. Does it matter? Of course, she doesn't understand cross-contamination. And, then, the dairy. This one, she really can't get a grip on because I don't get nearly as sick with it. She's really trying to understand, and everyone else is too, but... She doesn't get how sick I got last time. She doesn't get that I'm not ready to eat at restaurants yet. This is still new to me. I'm not excited about eating brocolli and carrots with rice at a restaurant. This is not fun for me. I don't care what some article in People, or what Elizabeth Hasselceliac says, or her interpretation of it. I don't know what to do. I just can't imagine my life being this way. I'm trying so hard to adjust. You know - I just want to blend - like everyone else. Now that my depression's gone, I had half a chance to do that. I guess that's just wishful thinking ! My crosses to bear? I'm sick of carrying crosses.

Until now, the social thing has been easy - my house, my happy hour, my way. Summer's here now, so that's over. We have 3 B-day BBQ's scheduled in June. Drag.

I can't believe that we have to go through this. It's insane. So, what do I do? I'm trying to just be matter of fact about it and tell people that I'm just not willing to take the chance yet, but it's hard to do that when people don't get understand what taking a chance is. I'm already sick of it & it's only June. I try to be firm, but not rude. Same old problem, just a different member. Shoot me now !

[UR Groovy]

You know what? This is rediculous. I'm a big girl, & I'll make my own choices. I don't need to justify it to anyone. I'm simply not willing to risk it yet & they're going to have to accept it. I can't afford to care right now if it's okay with them. It's my turn to be happy ! Thank You.

[jerseyangel]

  fajitas said:

You know what? This is rediculous. I'm a big girl, & I'll make my own choices. I don't need to justify it to anyone. I'm simply not willing to risk it yet & they're going to have to accept it. I can't afford to care right now if it's okay with them. It's my turn to be happy ! Thank You.

That's the spirit!

My thoughts exactly--no one really know how bad it is unless they've lived it. They also don't have to put up with being sick afterwards.

I thought the world would come to an end when I, a former people-pleaser, began to really, truly not care what others said--and ya know what--it didn't!

[UR Groovy]

  jerseyangel said:

I thought the world would come to an end when I, a former people-pleaser, began to really, truly not care what others said--and ya know what--it didn't!

Right, I'm getting to the point where I really don't care what others say or think about it or anything else. I've always tried to justify everything for fear of being misunderstood or disapproved of. Lately, I don't think I should have to justify anything in my life. It is what it is. If someone doesn't approve or validate my decisions, it's just going to have to be that way. The choices will be: accept it or accept it. It's my life, right? It may seem selfish, but I think I have to stand up for myself for once.

[tom]

You go girl!!

I've found it works well to say, w/ an almost laughing smile, "oh no I can't eat that. Wish I could".

Hard to do while feeling crappy tho.

I always eat before going to anything w/ food.

[sparkles]

My suggestion is to take your own food.... and just not say anything. If you are asked, just say it is easier to keep to this diet I have to be on... Food Allergies, you know... and then change the subject. It is not fun to have to keep explaining... and explaining.... and explaining. I find that eating before and then sitting there smelling the good food really is hard for me so I try to take what everyone else will be eating and just keep my food to myself. You might let the host in on your dilema and when they insist that their food or at least some of it is gluten-free, just say great and bring your own food anyway. I don't share my food... cross contamination... and all that. Good luck.... just don't let this diet and the explanations get you down. It seems that someone somewhere will be an expert on something that they know nothing about!!!

[NoGluGirl]

Dear fajitas,

My family does not get the seriousness of my Celiac either. I get violently ill from a microscopic amount of it. I break out in a sweat, get extremely nauseated, have the sudden urge for a bowel movement, start shaking, sometimes my hands go numb, and if I do not get my medication down quick enough, I will get dry heaves that make my insides feel like they are emploding! Everyone else can take it with a grain of salt. They are not the ones who have to live with the consequences of carelessness.

I have turned into the gluten-free police! My mother still thinks it is not going to destroy my intestines, and that my doctor did not diagnose me as Celiac. It is incredibly irritating. This is a woman who complains of stomach issues every single day, but refuses to believe the disease is genetic. Guess what she eats when she gets up everyday? She either has toast or some crackers. I told her, if you want to ruin your intestines, fine, but you are NOT going to ruin mine!

Dear Patti,

I used to be a people pleaser as well. Since I have been ill, I finally had an epiphany. That was that I did not have to let the world crap on me! I always let everyone step on me before. No more of that!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[darlindeb25]

As has already been said--you go girl!!! We have to learn that we can't always be sweet because people will not understand. Sometimes we have to be insistant, they have got to understand that none means none. I will not eat out either.

I attended our celiac support meeting Tuesday night and food vendor was there with some of her new products. She isn't gluten free, but could see the need for gluten free foods and is running with that need. She told us that she has catered to many groups and she finds celiacs to be the nicest people. To which our leader says, "It's a prerequisite of being celiac, only nice people allowed!"

[happygirl]

Deb---you are right. Celiacs really are a bunch of nice people!

I second what others have said. Bring your own food, if someone asks, say you have some food issues, and that you would much rather enjoy the company of everyone than risk taking a chance. Then change the subject. I think most people respect me for it when they see that I've taken control of the situation, so that I can continue to lead a normal life.

(the same approach extends beyond bbq's...weddings, rehearsal dinners, family get togethers, business meetings, office lunches, dinner with friends.... my lunch box goes EVERYWHERE)

[UR Groovy]

  happygirl said:

...

I second what others have said. Bring your own food, if someone asks, say you have some food issues, and that you would much rather enjoy the company of everyone than risk taking a chance. Then change the subject. I think most people respect me for it when they see that I've taken control of the situation, so that I can continue to lead a normal life.

...

I like the way you put that because it's true. I really enjoy getting together with the family. I also have come to realize (now that I'm more 'in control' ) that people do show more respect. And, I don't want to explain it anymore. Make the company of them more important than the issue - that should work.

I've been better about prepping food and bringing my own. For a few weeks, I was going up for 2 day trips to help out where needed - brought my icechest. That worked out okay, but then there was a kitchen.

For the trip she wanted me to go on, I'd be staying in a hotel room with three 15 year old boys and her - no kitchen. Can you imagine if I got glutened? Flash back a few weeks: I was there & had three glasses of wine - made a bad decision & ate her friend's chicken enchiladas. That night, while sleeping at her house while her husband & three boys were all within ear-shot, I threw up 7 times - and other unpleasant, bad smelling things.

I'm going to take control of the situation.

Anyway, thanks all you guys out there for being out there.

[kbtoyssni]

I love your second post! I don't think it matters if you have celiac or "just" gluten intolerance. Either way gluten makes you sick and you have to avoid it. You are completely right that you don't have to justify anything you do to anyone but yourself. Don't ever let someone guilt you into going to a restaurant to trying "just a little bit" if you aren't 100% comfortable with it's glutenfreeness.

[MommaMoody]

  darlindeb25 said:

As has already been said--you go girl!!! We have to learn that we can't always be sweet because people will not understand. Sometimes we have to be insistant, they have got to understand that none means none. I will not eat out either.

I attended our celiac support meeting Tuesday night and food vendor was there with some of her new products. She isn't gluten free, but could see the need for gluten free foods and is running with that need. She told us that she has catered to many groups and she finds celiacs to be the nicest people. To which our leader says, "It's a prerequisite of being celiac, only nice people allowed!"

Deb,

I am new to this message board and to the diet. I too live on Long Island. Can you please give me more information about the support group you mentioned.

Thanks, Liz

[NoGluGirl]

  MommaMoody said:

Deb,

I am new to this message board and to the diet. I too live on Long Island. Can you please give me more information about the support group you mentioned.

Thanks, Liz

Dear MommaMoody,

I have a present for you! Welcome to the forum! I have a list that should really help. This is overwhelming. I went through this with myself eight months ago. You spend most of your day cooking and cleaning obsessively. The rest you are on the phone with reps from companies trying to find out what is safe. I decided to save you the trouble!

1. There are a number of things in the regular grocery that are safe. Some things are labeled already. Wal-Mart's Great Value brand has numerous things you can eat.

2. For the love of God use Coupons on items you are allowed to eat. People can get them and print them out online even. Call some of the local stores and ask if they accept online coupons.

3. Check the ads online and in the newspaper. You would be surprised how many people do not do this.

4. Some items like rice flour and rice noodles are safe to buy at the Chinese or oriental market. The merchants are more than happy to help you if you cannot read the label.

Now, here is my list of great things to get you started:

Condiments:

Smart Balance Margarine*

Crisco Shortening

Crisco Oil

Pompeiian Olive Oil

Great Value soy sauce

Heinz Ketchup

Lea & Perrins Worchestershire Sauce (all Lea & Perrins Products are safe)

Sweet Baby Ray's Barbecue Sauce

Kraft French Fat-Free Salad Dressing

Kraft Thousand Island Fat-Free Salad Dressing

Pace Picante Sauce

Ortega Salsa

All Classico Red and *White sauces

All Jif Peanut Butters including Smooth Sensations

Welch's Grape Jelly

Cool Whip*

Philadelphia Cream Cheese*

Miracle Whip

Daisy Sour Cream (fat-free, low-fat, regular)*

Snack Foods:

Utz Potato Chips (Found at Sam