Feeling Left Out

[confusedks]

To make a long story short, I am out of town in a house with 17 other people. I brought my own food, and we also went to the health food store for food last night. After dinner, everyone had cheesecake and of course I couldn't have any. I used to LOVE cheesecake! Then there wasn't anything dessert-wise for me to eat. Then a few nights ago we went to a pizza parlor...DEATH!!! I am just so sick and tired of this crap! I can't eat anything and then when I eat my really good gluten-free bread, someone said..EW that looks gross!! Keep in mind this is a mother with two kids of her own! Ugh! I'm sorry I just needed to vent!

Kassandra

[gfpaperdoll]

oh I feel for you. re the woman that says "ooh that is gross", I can only imagine the other totally inappropriate words that must come out of her mouth. I thought that people were taught at a young age that they were not to make comments about a person's food, whether it be the lack of, the quantity, the appearance, or smell (seaweed anyone). there are very few exceptions to this rule, one of them would be if you are in a restaurant about to take a bite of your salad & your dining companion (or anyone else) saw a little fat green caterpillar emerging from the fork that is headed towards your mouth, then they discreetly say something...

[NoGluGirl]

To make a long story short, I am out of town in a house with 17 other people. I brought my own food, and we also went to the health food store for food last night. After dinner, everyone had cheesecake and of course I couldn't have any. I used to LOVE cheesecake! Then there wasn't anything dessert-wise for me to eat. Then a few nights ago we went to a pizza parlor...DEATH!!! I am just so sick and tired of this crap! I can't eat anything and then when I eat my really good gluten-free bread, someone said..EW that looks gross!! Keep in mind this is a mother with two kids of her own! Ugh! I'm sorry I just needed to vent!

Kassandra

Dear Kassandra,

I know what you mean. The other night, my father brought home Chinese takeout from our favorite place. I have been gluten-free almost a year now. Being Celiac can really suck. I have not had Chinese in nearly a year! It is like my lifeblood, and we do not have a PF Chang's here.

My parents do not take it seriously. They are very careless, and refuse to accept the diagnosis. Then, they go out and tell me to just get a job so I can move out. It is impossible to work when you get this sick! A microscopic amount makes me violently ill.

I have to take Promethazine when I get glutened, because it is the only thing that prevents me from heaving to death. It also makes me extremely drowsy, and practically makes me passout. So, you can see why I cannot work and take it. I have my own business, but it is not taking off as fast as it could, because I do not have the money to advertise. Incidentally, I am the only one who cleans out the fridge, does dishes, etc.

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

@ Kassandra: I know, what you are talking about. I hate people like that. I bet, she didn't even try, she just said something, so that she had something to say. If it's appropriate or not . People should just shut up at times...

@ NoGluGirl: I just saw, that you are from Evansville, IN. That's where our WKA kickboxing and forms qualifying tournament is every year. Around May-ish, June-ish. What a co-incidence . I have my own business, too. What is yours about? I don't want to trash Kassandra's thread, if you want pm me.

[darkangel]

I feel you. Someone brought apple pie to work today and twice I've had people stick their head in my office to make sure I know it's out there and get a piece.

We actually have a couple of celiacs here where I work. One lady baked me a gluten-free cake - even though I haven't been officially diagnosed - and was so proud of herself. I thought it tasted alright, but my coworkers here in my division all hated it. There are some nice gluten-free alternatives out there, but some things just can't compare to the "real" thing.

[confusedks]

Thanks for the support. I'm fine when I'm at home, it's when I leave my Gluten-free Casein-free bubble! And they all think that froot loops are healthy...so I'm really batting 1000 with these people!

Kassandra

[melrobsings]

I know what you mean....2 years ago my work bought me a surprise cake....they got it from the Whole Foods bakery thinking it was safe...it was hard for me not to resent them cause they sort of tried....but I'm with you I want to GO OUT with people and not say "I'll meet you after fro drinks"...not to mention I went to Whole Foods today and got 2 of their canvas bags full of gluten-free food, mostly bread....$110 OUCH! gluten-free costs too much!!!

[Elaine40]

(( HUGS )) So sorry you are having to deal with insensitive people. Have you tried Pamela's brownie mix? I try to have some kind of sweet treat for when everyone else is having their dessert.

[confusedks]

I made some gluten-free cupcakes but like last night they all went out to a restaurant that is our tradition when we're up here. I was not able to eat anything because I always get sick even if I tell the manager, waiter, etc. So I sat there and watched everyone eat hamburgers and cheesecake (snickers). It's just so annoying! I don't mind being Gluten-free Casein-free at home, but out of town, or with people who look at you like you're from a foreign planet when you say you can't have bread because it has wehat in it, and then they offer you a freakin' hamburger bun instead!!! I'm so angry!

Kassandra

[Guest j_mommy]

It can be very frustrating at times...and makes you wantto scream!!!! I hate being the one that takes the longest to order...b/c I have to explain all of this to teh waiter and sometimes send my food back b/c it's not right.

We're all here for you!!!!

[BridgetteB]

To make a long story short, I am out of town in a house with 17 other people. I brought my own food, and we also went to the health food store for food last night. After dinner, everyone had cheesecake and of course I couldn't have any. I used to LOVE cheesecake! Then there wasn't anything dessert-wise for me to eat. Then a few nights ago we went to a pizza parlor...DEATH!!! I am just so sick and tired of this crap! I can't eat anything and then when I eat my really good gluten-free bread, someone said..EW that looks gross!! Keep in mind this is a mother with two kids of her own! Ugh! I'm sorry I just needed to vent!

Kassandra

Hi Kassandra

I hear you. I too get very fed up with nothing to eat...Parties are the worst. I also dont go out to eat much because it is a hassle. I made a cheesecake the other week with a nut and crushed gluten free cookie base. So next week I am bringing another one to a party so I too can have dessert.

I had my sister visit and we cooked gluten free things, she (the nurse) said she hope she doesnt have celiac because she would not be able to follow the diet....she'd take the lymphoma.

I was diagnosed in Feb and have not cheated, temped but so far so good.

The thing I miss most is good bread, bagels and beer!!!! the three b's. I see my GI next month and am going to discuss the ramifications of have some gluten once in awhile. Its a tough diet, it can make you feel isolated and depressed. Not to mention totally broke!

Anyway hang in there, and always bring your own dessert!

Bridgette

[Eriella]

Anyway hang in there, and always bring your own dessert!

The world's best advice for dealing with this!! I had to put on 10 dinners this summer, all of which were gluten filled and that I got to cook (part of my job which I agreed to before my dx). The only thing which kept me sane was making a desert that I could eat (preferably one that is better tasting than the gluten one ). There is nothing worse than smelling your favorite food that you can't eat and having to eat cardboard instead!

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

I see my GI next month and am going to discuss the ramifications of have some gluten once in awhile. Its a tough diet, it can make you feel isolated and depressed. Not to mention totally broke!

I feel you on the broke subject. But if you got diagnosted with celiac, you have to be 100% glutenfree without cheating. If you have gluten once in a while, you might as well skip the entire diet. And no symptoms don't mean, you won't have damage!

[confusedks]

Yes, I miss out on a lot! And right now I don't know exactly what is in anything! We are having bbq'd chicken with all kinds of sauces on it. They all say the famous "Natural Flavorings" Grrrrrr! I don't want to get sick, but I'm so sick of not being able to eat anything either!

Kassandra

[NoGluGirl]

Yes, I miss out on a lot! And right now I don't know exactly what is in anything! We are having bbq'd chicken with all kinds of sauces on it. They all say the famous "Natural Flavorings" Grrrrrr! I don't want to get sick, but I'm so sick of not being able to eat anything either!

Kassandra

Dear Kassandra,

Those freakin' natural flavorings! What are we supposed to do to get some flavor?

God I miss Chinese food and pizza! I have got to get some! I thought I was going to cry when my parents had Domino's delivered.

Sincerely,

Jin

[confusedks]

I know! We had chicken and tortellini for dinner! Kill me now! Toretllini pushed me over the edge! UGH!

Kassandra

[babygirl1234]

dont feel bad i went to my aunts for my other aunts for her bday, and good thing i ate before i left the house because if i didnt i would of been starving , she made homemake pizza and got bday cake for afterword, and let me tell you the temp was there and i said "nope cant do it" because i would suffter for it

[JNBunnie1]

I feel you. Someone brought apple pie to work today and twice I've had people stick their head in my office to make sure I know it's out there and get a piece.

We actually have a couple of celiacs here where I work. One lady baked me a gluten-free cake - even though I haven't been officially diagnosed - and was so proud of herself. I thought it tasted alright, but my coworkers here in my division all hated it. There are some nice gluten-free alternatives out there, but some things just can't compare to the "real" thing.

I'm sorry, but I must disagree. I've had both the hot fudge cake recipe on the homepage here, and I've had a few different cakes by the Gluten-free Pantry, especially the chocolate chip cake. Not only do I love that stuff, but I have to beat off the rest of the family. There is good gluten-free food out there!

[3for3]

Dear Kassandra,

I know what you mean. The other night, my father brought home Chinese takeout from our favorite place. I have been gluten-free almost a year now. Being Celiac can really suck. I have not had Chinese in nearly a year! It is like my lifeblood, and we do not have a PF Chang's here.

Do you have any 'healthy' Chinese places nearby? We do, and my wife suggested to them that they get gluten-free soy sauce, and offer some gluten-free items on the menu. They do now, and we (and other celiacs) get takeout all of the time now.

Danny

[TimSpfd]

I used to get cravings for Chinese Food too. PF Changs doesn't work for me because I don't do soy or dairy either. So I learned to make my own. Fried rice isn't very hard at all. La Choy sweet and sour sauce is gluten free (read the label anyway) and there are some other alternative sauces out there. I have a deep fryer and use a banana (yes really) based batter to make myself chicken pieces for the sweet and sour or homemade lemon sauce.

It really sounds like you do need to get out into a gluten free environment. Do you have a gluten-free support group where you are? See if you can find a room mate or two to share with that are also gluten-free. I hope your business takes off. Good luck

[NoGluGirl]

Dear Danny,

There are no Chinese restaurants like that here. I do know how to make my own. I finally got some stuff to make some Spring Rolls. I am nervous, though. I always ate takeout. Luckily, I have a bunch of cookbooks. I have made homemade Chinese a number of times before, but not Spring Rolls.

Dear Tim,

I am making my own. I knew that LaChoy Sweet Sour was safe, but I do always read labels anyway. I have too violent a reaction not to be practically paranoid. Sharing a kitchen makes it difficult. My parents do not believe that I actually get glutened from a microscopic crumb, or them touching bread and then touching my food. They think I am a hypochondriac. I wonder though, I do not have a lid to my wok, and I am not sure I should use my bamboo basket steamer, because I used it prior to going gluten-free. However, it was lined with lettuce leaves, so nothing ever touched the bottom. I just wonder if steam could have glutened me? What do you think? Any suggestions? I hope my business takes off, too! I need to be able to get my own gluten-free place!

Dear Kassandra,

Oh, that sounded so good! It is so hard not being able to eat some of this stuff. Lasagne would be nice. At least now I got some stuff that is appetizing. Great Value has some gluten-free tortillas! I can get the bread I am allowed to have at the healthfood store and make little pizzas!

Dear babygirl1234,

I know exactly where you are coming from. I miss birthday cake, too. Especially the icing! It was loaded with fat and sugar, but so good! The best cakes were at Franklin Pastries, but they closed not long after I went gluten-free. At least now no one else can have their cakes anymore either! I know how selfish this is, but I do not care!

Pizza is so good! I had a dream I was eating gluten-free pizza that tasted like Papa John's with breadsticks, too! That garlic butter dipping sauce was so good! I miss that! I also miss sucking the juice out of the jalepenos!

Sincerely,

NoGluGirl

[jparsick84]

I know that we're all supposed to be positive, as it will help us with our new outlook on life, but sometimes I just SO resent this disease!!! I just don't feel like I should have to eat before an event with food. No one else has to do it, not even my diabetic brother, and my family still doesn't get the whole "one crumb is all it takes." I can't stand to go out to eat with my family because they stuff their mouths with bread right in front of me, and they don't even ask if it bothers me. I have to give up hanging out with "friends" because they refuse to go anywhere other than the pizza parlor or Chinese restaurant, and it hurts my feelings too much to watch everyone else eat, even after I've told them I can't have it and that I'm hungry too. The other day, I actually refused to go out to eat with my grandparents because I had told them the restaurant they wanted to take me to was too hard (emotionally and CC) for me to eat in and they just didn't get it, and they were really annoyed with me - they wanted to do this nice thing for me and I refused.

Does anyone else ever get this resentful? I don't say that the whole world should change for me, but I do think that my family and friends should be more considerate of my feelings. I've tried telling them how I feel, but when a restaurant puts the free bread in the middle of the table, do you think anyone will say no to it? My mom (who is the most supportive but is hundreds of miles away) suggested that I just get up and leave the table till the bread is gone, but that would mean missing the entirety of the pre-meal conversation. Not to mention making me feel more isolated than I already do. And my diabetic brother never has to feel isolated - there's always sugar-free stuff for him at family gatherings. (Plus, if he has a spoonful of sugar, he's not going to get sick like me, you know?) It just really gets to me that special accommodations are always made for him, just because it's easier. My family didn't even believe I had Celiac until 5 or 6 months after diagnoses.

Any advice on minimizing the resentful/angry/hurt feelings here?

[confusedks]

Jpar,

I just wanted to say, I started this thread a while ago, and I no longer get resentful at other people. I still do miss foods, but I really don't care what eat anymore. If someone eats bread in front of me, I nicely ask if they can move it away from my food, so crumbs don't contaminate my food. If they ask, I just say one crumb is like one peanut to a person who will die from a peanut allergy.

Most of my friends and family are REALLY supportive now. My friends will always ask where I can go out to eat, same with family. It takes time. My family, being Jewish, is REALLY into food, so when I first told them I had to be gluten free, it was a HUGE shock to them.

My point is, it really does get better. I am shocked at how upset I was over food, LOL! Hang in there. If you ever want to talk, you can PM me.

[debmidge]

I know that we're all supposed to be positive, as it will help us with our new outlook on life, but sometimes I just SO resent this disease!!! I just don't feel like I should have to eat before an event with food. No one else has to do it, not even my diabetic brother, and my family still doesn't get the whole "one crumb is all it takes." I can't stand to go out to eat with my family because they stuff their mouths with bread right in front of me, and they don't even ask if it bothers me. I have to give up hanging out with "friends" because they refuse to go anywhere other than the pizza parlor or Chinese restaurant, and it hurts my feelings too much to watch everyone else eat, even after I've told them I can't have it and that I'm hungry too. The other day, I actually refused to go out to eat with my grandparents because I had told them the restaurant they wanted to take me to was too hard (emotionally and CC) for me to eat in and they just didn't get it, and they were really annoyed with me - they wanted to do this nice thing for me and I refused.

Does anyone else ever get this resentful? I don't say that the whole world should change for me, but I do think that my family and friends should be more considerate of my feelings. I've tried telling them how I feel, but when a restaurant puts the free bread in the middle of the table, do you think anyone will say no to it? My mom (who is the most supportive but is hundreds of miles away) suggested that I just get up and leave the table till the bread is gone, but that would mean missing the entirety of the pre-meal conversation. Not to mention making me feel more isolated than I already do. And my diabetic brother never has to feel isolated - there's always sugar-free stuff for him at family gatherings. (Plus, if he has a spoonful of sugar, he's not going to get sick like me, you know?) It just really gets to me that special accommodations are always made for him, just because it's easier. My family didn't even believe I had Celiac until 5 or 6 months after diagnoses.

Any advice on minimizing the resentful/angry/hurt feelings here?

We hear you...it's hard to feel positive when you really don't feel positive at all.

Your friends and family should be considerate of your feelings, however not the point of

eliminating gluten from their diet if you guys are out to eat together BUT having said that they should

choose restaurants which you can eat at. My mother in law never really "got" it as she would

argue that the "gluten" can be killed when at a high temperature. She just made this up

because she was a "food" person - the type of person who wanted to feed everyone who

visited her and felt bad if she couldn't feed you. Sometimes you cannot change how people

think - ever.

It appears that your resentment is mostly coming from

how your family ignores your needs and a little of your demanding that they abide by your diet.

Let's separate the two:

1) They need to acknowledge your dietary limitations when they

& you choose a restaurant and when you

gather with them at their homes. This is a basic requirement for you and it's not optional.

They need to be reminded or learn if they don't know how you need to take care of yourself.

2) You need to determine which gluten-free foods are portable to take along to their

homes and possibly

restaurants (gluten-free bread in a baggie when at a restaurant).

3) Are you transferring your resentment/anger and hurts on them just because

they are leaving you out?

or are you mad at life's circumstances for "giving" you celiac? It's probably both.

4) I hate it when people say "When life hands you lemons make lemonade!" That is such a stupid

expression because some people get "lemons" in life and don't have a "pitcher" to make the "lemonade" in.

I believe that when you family finally "gets it" about gluten-free you'll feel better about being in their company.

You have to control the situation: either by insisting that they go to restaurants with gluten-free menus

or choices or you eat before the restaurant with the knowledge that they will never change or limiting your

meal time with them (that's what we had to do).

I don't believe that forcing them to eat gluten-free in in your company will endear you to them; that's a choice

they will have to come to on their own (if at al) . They probably don't ask if (when they eat gluten) if it

bothers you because they must feel that you would not deny them their own type of foods.

5) In the beginning my husband had to leave the room when food he could not eat came out.

For him that was before the celiac diagnosis, and it was all spicy food, all fried food, all Italian food, all

Chinese food, fruits and vegetables - not just food with gluten in it. After a while, he became less anxious

and refused to deny anyone else something he could not eat. So it did take a while for him.

When he became gluten free, it was all those foods plus soy and gluten which he had to avoid.

6) I think your diabetic brother will go into "sugar" shock if he were to stray from his diet

and inasmuch as his diet is easier (as the world knows more about diabetes than they do celiac

and it is easier to eat out for them) he has a set of health circumstances which he can only

control to a point.

His srict diet will not necessarily keep him out of harm's way in the same way a strict gluten free

diet will keep you well for good. Diabetics can be faithful to their diet and still get very serious

health problems as they age. Has he been tested for celiac? it's quite possible that he has

both diabetes and celiac.

7) Are you a member of a celiac support group? Consider this to align yourself with other celiacs

to "learn the ropes" in real life, where this message board cannot fill in the gaps for you, so to speak.

I think that getting to the heart of what's bothering you and finding the art of acceptance of the situation

will help you get to the point of having less "angst" about this disease.

I wish you well and peace of mind in your quest for answers.

D.

[msmini14]

I so understand, it is very hard to accept this disease. The last few days I have been sooo down and it has been hard to bring myself back up. I know I have consumed gluten but not sure where it came from.

My friend thought that since she had purchased organic bread that I could eat it, I really do apperciate her trying. Yes it can get frustrating and I think what tops it off, is that it is only food! Why would one get upset over food? Well, because everything we have been used to we can no longer have.

My example of this is: hmmmm a McDonalds Cheeseburger sounds sooo good right now with a cookie for desert. Normal person goes out, eats and feels satisfied. We on the other hand cant do that and that upsets me. I have had a hard time dealing with this too.

I used to love food, now its.. I cant have that beautiful piece of cheesecake. I have been trying to focus on the things that I can have, seems to help a bit.

I do wish that people would be more considerate when it comes to Celiac, they have no idea.

I have noticed that since I stopped consuming carbs and sugar that I am not hungry as often lol. Anyway, guess it feels good to vent too, cause no one else understands unless they have gone through it.