Gluten Has Now Affected My Marriage

[MrMark]

My wife loves to bake for me. A lot of the foods she made for me were gluten containing and now I cannot eat them. She memorized tons of recipes, a lot of which are for gluteny items. She feels trapped and frustrated that my gluten-free diet has now changed all the rules. She has bent over backwards to accommodate my diet and she is doing a great job in my mind. gluten-free cooking isn't easy for her and often she cooks for our kids, so gluteny meals are ok for them. She works hard to cook, and I appreciate that. She feels bad that I often can't eat what they're having. I say don't worry about me, then I find something to eat and join them at the table. I don't mind missing out on meals, I'll do just about anything to avoid gluten. What can I tell her to relax her and make her still feel appreciated. Any advice is welcomed, as I don't want gluten meddling in my marriage. Maybe there is nothing else I can say or do. Thanks Mark

[pixiegirl]

I'm sure your letter is serious to you, but really! If you had a different medical condition where say... you had to walk 3 miles a day or die would she say, "hey its taking time away from me I don't want you to walk anymore?" Of course not. This is a serious medical condition that can make you chronically ill and shorten your life unless you remove gluten from your diet. (i'm older and perhaps have a more clear view of what things are important in life)

Personally I'm of the mind that even for people that can eat gluten, eating a lot of it is just not healthy. Lets face it baking usually involves sugar, lots of calories and very little nutrition. She may enjoy it but I'm not sure she is doing anyone any favors by baking all the time.

Why doesn't she spend the time learning how to cook in a healthy way without gluten? Lots of fresh veggies, fruits, lean protein. My house is totally gluten free and my daughter didn't complain at all when that switch was made... she didn't really know.... I just switched things, instead of pretzels I bought her corn chips, I discovered new sorts of dessert things we can eat, we became discriminating consumers of chocolate. (now we have found out my daughter has to be gluten-free as well). Now even though we occasionally have sugary snacks we have lost our craving for them. We are by far thinner and more healthy now.

However, you all have to decide what sort of foods your going to eat and yours has partly been decided for you. No gluten, period. Tell her to find something else to worry about. I'm also a firm believer that to worry about things you CAN'T change is just a waste of good worry time! And this can't be changed. Worry about world peace, the changing climate, homelessness and figure out how you can make changes there.

Tell her you love her, you feel so much better without gluten and its not a big deal.

Susan

[debmidge]

Mr. Mark:

How long have you been on gluten-free diet? How long have you been married? How many children do you have and their ages? Were either of you married w/children before? My reply is going to be based on : this is only marriage for both of you, you're both under 10 years of marriage and have 2 children under 10 years of age. My advice might be different if this info is different. I am going to talk to you like a concerned sister or mother....

Our background: married 28 years; husband ill all those years but celiac diagnosed past 4 years; no children, never married before.

I am the non-celiac spouse and I too used to love to do cooking & baking of gluteny stuff for my husband before his celiac diagnosis, especially desserts. Now I have re-focused my energies to learn all the ways of baking gluten free. I "frustrated, but not trapped" and I have made it my heart's desire to keep my husband healthy by re-learning the gluten free way of cooking.

What I can't understand is what exactly is feeding her anxiety? Is she upset that the gluten stuff she's feeding your children and herself too tempting to you and she feels guilty? She's " not relaxed & doesn't not feel appreciated" and it's a result of your rejection of her attempts at cooking gluten free? It doesn't sound like you are rejecting her gluten free cooking....it sounds to me more like eating gluten free is the exception in your household rather than the rule - you are having to fend for yourself and it sounds like it is happening all too often. Sure it's overwhelming at first but cooking gluten free is very easy.

My Advice: I have some for both of you...in order to keep everyone happy, everyone (including yourself) should get involved in the learning process of cooking gluten free. Make it a family project; work with her to convert her gluten receipes into gluten-free receipes. It's a re-learning process.

If a certain meal can be made the same gluten free, then it always has to be made gluten free so that you can eat with the family. Re-train the children into accepting the gluten free versions: you never know, they may some day have the same condition as you as they are your children and have the same genes and the info they learn as youngsters will help them adapt better as older-diagnosed celiacs.

I taught my husband how to make his own gluten free cornbread..it took about a year but I combined the flours & made my own receipe; then he learned how to do it and now does it for himself. Everyone should be allowed to relax over this and feel that their contributions are appreciated as a team.

If I make something new, like the Chebe bread (but it was a flop) I show my husband how to make it. Now we always cook together. I do it to encourage him and show my support for him because he's the one going thru the problem: not me. I just hope that my next gluten-free food "experiment" is a success.

With all due respect, I think you are overconcerned about her "feelings" (relax/unappreciated) as you sound like you appreciate her gluten-free cooking....what do you say to her that's making her feel you're not appreciative? My husband sometimes tells me not to bother to make gluten-free brownies & stuff like that and I just ignore him and do it anyway - like water off a duck's back - sometimes he sounds unappreciative, but I don't let it get to me -- He just doesn't want to bother me (as I work a full time plus job).

Either you are saying stuff to her to make her unrelaxed and unappreciated - like the stuff my husband says to me that I ignore and I don't let it get to me....or she's focusing more on herself and how she feels rather than focusing on your needs.

We've been married for 28 years and have had loads of health and financial issues that would have broken up other couples - but we weathered through every storm. Marriage is like a house, if the house and its foundation are strong, the elements will not permeate it; if the "house" has a crack in the foundation any problem/element will make that crack larger and further problems will bring the house down. Sometimes when there's a crisis, you find out what your mate is "made of." In of itself, "gluten" shouldn't be affecting your marriage. If it's something more than "gluten" you need to have a serious conversation with her without the kids around and find out what's getting to her. I am concerned over the usage of the word "trapped" as you describe her feelings about the celiac diet. That's a strong word to be using for something that does have a resolution (i.e., simple change to a gluten free diet).

[lmvrbaby]

MrMark, I have only been diagnosed with Celiac for close to two years. I am in my second marriage and have four boys. I love to bake and still do. I bake gluten foods for the rest of the family and gluten free foods, desserts and such for me and when I make a lot so I can freeze some the rest of the family shares in that as well. I feel left out when I make them brownies, but I know they enjoy eating them, where mine are gluten free. A lot of people on this forum switched the whole house to gluten free. We are on a tight budget as is and when I do make meals gluten free, a lot of the time I make two seperate dishes so I can have te same as everyone else. I am a big fan of pasta, italian background and I am not going to make it just for them and go eat veggies or something. So yes here we have two dishes, gluten and non gluten. It takes a bit more time to prepare two dishes rather than one. She can still make all those baked goods, just change the flours. It takes a little getting use to of what to get but now it has become no big deal. I made the toll house cookie recipe with butterscitch chips and gluten free all purpose flour, and everyone loved them. I hope she will try to switch things so you can still enjoy those baked goods show her you still love her.

[Ursa Major]

Mark, Deb's advice is excellent. Also, I don't understand why your wife can't cook your dinners gluten-free? It is the easiest thing to do, and my gluten-free dinners are just like any other dinner, nobody would ever know the difference.

Meat, potatoes, rice and vegetables are gluten-free anyway. Gravy can be thickened with corn starch or light buckwheat flour, and I dare anybody to taste the difference. There is excellent rice pasta out there as well. When my kids come to visit (even the ones who aren't gluten-free) they always love my cooking, as they did before I cooked gluten-free.

I refuse to cook gluteny foods, because EVERYBODY who is here for supper, including me, should be able to eat everything on the table.

Have your children been tested for celiac disease? It is advisable to have all close relatives (kids, sibling, parents) of somebody with celiac disease tested as well, because it is genetic.

Why don't you buy your wife some gluten-free cookbooks? The ones by Bette Hagman are fabulous. My kids baked pies and carrot cake using those recipes for our Christmas dinner, and they were great.

Your wife may have to adapt her recipes to be gluten-free, and re-memorize them. It isn't your fault that you can't eat her gluteny baking any more! She shouldn't make you feel guilty, and you can't feel guilty over this. If she really loves you and wants to bake for you, she can. She will just need to adapt and get over feeling betrayed by your diagnosis.

She is justified in feeling guilty for cooking supper for the family that you can't eat. I can't see any excuse for that. If you will be around for supper, she needs to cook food you can eat.

I think you need to ask her to please start cooking food that is gluten-free, so you won't be excluded from eating with the family, since you are part of that family. Stop saying it doesn't matter, because it does. It is hurtful.

I know, because when I am too ill to cook, my husband will often go out and buy food I can't eat, and will sit there and eat it. I don't get fed, unless I manage to get up and cook myself most of the time. It is very hurtful and makes me feel unloved and unappreciated. I can't imagine that it makes you feel loved when your wife cooks supper you can't eat.

[Mom23boys]

I must ask the question ..."Why is the rest of the family so drawn to gluteny foods??"

I see this more as a concern for their health rather than a "social" type of thing. Do they have gluten issues that have not been diagnosed yet? I have always been told to make a list of the top 5 foods you crave and find the common denominator then you will have a possible offending food. The body craves the "bad" food in the same way a drug addict craves their drug. If you start seeing a pattern like this, you may want to encourage testing for all even though they may not be outwardly showing symptoms yet.

[Ursa Major]

MrMark,I love to bake and still do. I bake gluten foods for the rest of the family and gluten free foods, desserts and such for me and when I make a lot so I can freeze some the rest of the family shares in that as well.

Lisa, you are putting yourself at risk when baking with gluten flours. Even if you wash your hands and scrub under your fingernails after baking, there WILL be flour in the air, which you will breathe in.

I baked with gluten flour just once after finding out that I can't have gluten. That was two years ago, when I baked a cake for my husband on Valentines's day. Even though I obviously didn't eat it, I was sick with obvious glutened symptoms for three days afterwards (and I was EXTREMELY careful, too, to not put gluten in the air). Since then gluten flours have been banned from my house.

Which is another concern for Mark. With all that gluten in the house, the risk of cross contamination for him is very high. I never felt safe (and I wasn't) when people still ate all that gluten food here. My house is supposed to be gluten-free now (even though I keep finding gluten foods my husband sneaks in, unfortunately, even though we had an agreement that he wouldn't do that).

Our youngest daughter has two of the same genes for gluten sensitivity. Meaning that she got one from each parent. I wished my husband would give gluten-free an honest try, who knows what it would do for him!

[jerseyangel]

Wow--while I feel for your situation, I can't add much to the heartfelt responses from Ursa and Deb.

I'm the only Celiac in the house, and I also just loved to bake. Luckily, my husband and son are very supportive of me and although they eat gluten containing foods for breakfast (at home) and lunch (at work), I only make gluten-free dinners.

Like Ursa said, there's virtually no difference in what I make now for dinner than before.

My husband bought me some great cookbooks, as he knew I was anxious to begin learning how to bake again gluten-free. I've added to them--'The Gluten Free Kitchen' by Roben Ryberg is a great book with quick, easy and tasty recipes for everyday foods. I also make use of Gluten Free Pantry mixes quite often. Their pancakes are actually better than the kind I used to make! Their brownies rival any wheat containing ones. I'm just finishing some toast made from their French Bread mix.

I also agree that continuing to use wheat flour in the kitchen is harmful to you and will impede your recovery. While we have some gluten foods here, they're limited to already prepared things like bagels and cereals. I don't have wheat flour or any dry "regular" baking mixes here. Flour gets in the air, and where ever it lands gets contaminated--no matter how careful you are. To me, it's too much of risk.

I feel bad that you are made to fend for yourself at certain mealtimes--that's totally unnecessry. There is no meal I can think of that can't be made safe for you with little to no tweaking at all.

I sincerely hope that your family can come together on this

[Darn210]

MrMark,

Well, I would have to say that some of the other posts seem a bit deep and maybe right on target depending on the rest of your story or they may be a miss. So here is my OPINION.

I went back and read your first post (I had a feeling I would get a little history there . . . ). So I'm going to include some of the information that I find pertinent so that the other readers might understand better. Also, if I get anything wrong, jump right in and correct me.

It looks like you self-diagnosed your gluten intolerance with family history and symptom improvement after going gluten-free. And you started your gluten-free diet about the first of December. I think these two facts are HUGE in how your wife is dealing with this.

She may be having trouble with the lack of a "doctor" telling you to go gluten free. I'm not sure how to help here. Can she tell that you feel immensely better? Does she buy into the fact that gluten was a problem for you? I actually think that this would be the harder issue to deal with if she doesn't believe gluten is a problem.

As far as cooking goes, you are both early in the adjustment phase. It is overwhelming at first. If she does all the shopping and cooking, she needs to be doing the research otherwise she will never learn what is OK for you. You are MORE than welcome to be involved, but she needs to be involved too. Many of the items that she currently buys are probably OK or she may just need to buy a different brand. I would suggest that she join this forum and learn about ingredients, shopping and recipes. Then she can pick one recipe at a time and "tinker" with it. It is NOT hard to convert your meals to gluten free.

For example, I always used crushed saltines to make my meatloaf. The first time I made meatloaf, I used Hol-Grain crackers . . . it was all right, not bad. The next time I used crushed puffed rice cereal . . . nope, absolutely not, tasted OK but made it really dry, needed extra ketchup to get it down . Next time I used crushed Health Valley rice crunchem's . . . perfect! Along the way, I figured out I needed to add the salt that I usually got by default with the saltines. The family voted each time . . . "last time was better" . . . "this is the best one yet". We always have au gratin potatoes with meatloaf. Betty Crocker's is NOT safe; Great Value brand is. . . no brainer. We went through the same process with fried chicken. That one took a little longer but there were no "flops" along the way, just some versions were better than others.

I think she is overwhelmed and not even sure of what she should do or where to start. Help her research one meal. Make it a family project. Start with something not too hard . . . Pamela's pancake mix is wonderful, that with some oscar mayer bacon and pure maple syrup for you (and the rest can eat whatever brand syrup they want) and then you have breakfast . . . together.

I think she's missing some outside support . . . send her HERE!!!

[dandelionmom]

Gluten-free can be a hard adjustment at first. I recommend buying some good gluten-free mixes, recipes or even cookbooks, and ingredients for meals and inviting your wife to learn to cook gluten-free with you (maybe even get a sitter for the kids and get some flowers and wine to make it almost like a date). I'm sure a lot of people on this board can help figure out what is delicious and easy to make!

I'm the kind of person who shows love through cooking/baking and it was a huge blow to learn that the foods I've lovingly prepared for my daughter were the reason she was so sick. Sometimes I still get angry or sad about it (and we've been gluten-free since July!). A mourning period is normal and necessary. I think you can help your family through it by approaching the diet as an exciting, family-bonding activity.

Great good luck to you!

[kbtoyssni]

Everyone else has touched upon trying to get to the root of why this is such as issue.

As for cooking gluten-free - it's not that hard once you get the diet down. If she makes tacos, is it such a big deal to have corn tortillas instead of wheat? Then the whole family can be gluten-free. If she's making pasta, she can use rice pasta. There are many very easy substitutions that can be made if you know the right brands. I've also adapted all my old gluten baked goods recipes. I replace the flour with a gluten-free flour mix and add a bit of xantham gum. Most of the time you can barely tell the difference.

[tarnalberry]

I'll join the "why is she cooking two meals" camp, but from the perspective that you guys need to sit down and talk about it. No, scratch that - sitting down and talking about it makes it sounds like it's a one off conversation; it should be a normal course of events topic of conversation. You talk about how the kids are doing in school, you talk about your friends, you talk about work, and now you talk about food and cooking because you two can't take for granted all the assumptions that most people work under not actually thinking about their food.

Ask her what she thnks, and don't read into the situation more than what she thinks. Ask her what you can do to help, and do that. Maybe your read on the situation is right, maybe it's not, maybe it's close but not quite.

And, as everyone has pointed out, you are *VERY* early in this process, in the learning curve, where it is hardest, and you've got bumps to get past. Does it help, right now, to know that? Probably not, but it means that it's not going to keep getting worse month after month, year after year. It means that you guys are going to learn to adapt, make those changes, and have a new family norm. Now's the time to work that out together.

[highrentsmile]

Well, it sounds like you have heard from everyone older than you, lets try someone younger too! My husband and I were married July 21st of 2007, one week after the wedding my husband lost his job, the following week I was diagnosed with Celiac. Oh boy! It was pretty tough that fall. Everyone I came across resisted the gluten free diet and couldn't believe it. At one point my husband even said, "nope, we aren't doing it, we can't afford it." Obviously he was in shock. But, after watching me slowly get better and improve on the diet he came around. Now, he was stuck in his ways, just coming out of bachelorhood, he was freaking out contemplating the cost of tossing out the majority of are groceries, and afraid of the fact that after all of that I still may not get better. However, after family and friends began pitching in, helping with groceries, etc. it didn't seem so bad. We definently bickered a great deal at first, it seemed he had to pick a battle over every new gluten product that had to go, stand his ground and then surrender. After almost six months now, our entire house is gluten free and dairy free. I now make dinners every night, instead of him, and I teach him to cook recipies he likes. Now, he is very protective of me when it comes to gluten and wouldn't dare bring something into the house that could make me sick. He is much happier with a healthier wife. He still becomes frustrated now and then and says things he doesn't mean and rants about stuff he can't change, but I think some of it is necesary. He mourns the loss of some of his favorite junk and accepts change gradually. There are set backs too, sometimes I will get sick for no apparent reason and it can be frustrating for us after all we have done. But, we work together now, he comes to the doctor's appointments and learns about Celiac and our diet. I think that it is very important for you to stand up for yourself and express yoour feelings. But, I can also see how this change is difficult on your wife. If it is anything like Chris and I, I had tons of support from friends, family, online, support groups, doctors, etc. I always had someone to talk to. But, he felt like he had no one, because he felt selfish expressing his frustrations to me and he wasn't receiving the support I was, because he wasn't the "sick one." I have since learned to let him vent, and I know that just because he is frustrated it doesn't mean he loves me any less. While, it is just food, it is a BIG thing! Americans whole lives revolve around it! It can be hard to change sometimes. Good Luck!

[AliB]

Hi Mr Mark

If your wife has a questioning mind, one thing you might try is to explain to her that EVERYONE is gluten intolerant whether they know it or not.

Whilst in ancient times Wheat consisted of a simple protein molecule of 14 chromosomes which was easily digested, over the last few centuries, due to hybridisation techniques science has meddled with it to the point that it now has AT LEAST 42 chromosomes. Yes GM was alive and well at least 200 years ago! This huge protein molecule has rendered Wheat gluten highly indigestible to humans and is damaging the gut even though we may not have any obvious symptoms. It is setting the body up for any amount of illnesses and diseases, Celiac being just one of them.

Even low level gluten intolerance can interfere with the way the body absorbs and processes nutrients and eventually the lack of nutrients will cause cells and organs within the body to start to break down.

If you can explain this to her from a medical and health point of view, that although she and the children may appear to be able to cope with gluten at the moment, it is the long-term damage that is of concern. You are fortunate in that the symptoms have shown up early enough for you to be able to halt any further damage by cutting the gluten.

Hopefully, explained with love, she will come to understand why you need to keep gluten-free and that adopting this kind of eating would be beneficial for her and the children too. None of us wants to see our children or loved ones suffer and the thought that we will be helping to keep them healthy is paramount. I watched my lovely Mum die over a period of 7 months and was unable to help her. Knowing what I know now, I have realised that she had suffered with gluten Intolerance and Celiac for years. I was too late to help her, but I at least am able to help myself and my family and I am telling as many friends as I can to get the word around as I can see so many who would benefit by losing Gluten from their diet!

Perhaps, as your wife likes to cook, you might be able to find a few really good gluten-free recipe books so she can get a taste for some of the yummy recipes and encourage her in ways she might also be able to convert the recipes she loves making. Perhaps even showing her the forum so that she can see how many people have benefited from dropping gluten might help too. Wheat products are extremely addictive and it is very difficult to break the cycle but it can be done with some planning and creative thinking. Hopefully she will come to see that creating gluten-free recipes for you will, in fact, actually be good for the whole family.

There are lists of many and varied symptoms that can be attributable to gluten intolerance. Does she have friends or family that may be ill with symptoms that could actually be attributable to gluten ingestion? Gluten intolerance can be behind just about any disease. It is endemic. Only communities that do not eat wheat have no problem with gluten! I know other grains are implicated, but wheat is the biggest culprit as it is in EVERYTHING! Thanks to science and its meddling, we are all being poisoned. Very slowly perhaps, but it is quietly doing its dirty work while we sit there enjoying it! The fact that it is so enjoyable makes it all the more insidious and evil.

I really hope you and your wife can come to an understanding. I am working on my husband - I think he is beginning to see how insidious it is and will eventually be happy to drop the gluten. I am sure it will help his Fibromyalgia. The proof is in the pudding after all (as long as its gluten-free!)

[dbmamaz]

Ok, lots of responses, but I just have to add mine! I was self-dx'd, and had the test 6 weeks after I went off of both dairy and gluten, and the test was negative. Still, i feel so much better, I'm not going back. I have a huband who is so attached to his bread he says he would NEVER agree to testing, a teen girl full of attitude, an 11 yo boy on heavy rx drugs and the most stubborn, picky 4-yo boy.

At first, I cooked somewhat seperately for me, and fed them what I'd always fed them. Slowly, I tried to focus on foods we could all eat - Roasted chicken w/ mashed potatoes, burgers (I ate mine on a rice cake for a while,), Jambalaya (with gluten-free sausage), chili. I developed a fried rice recipe the entire family adored. My middle son was very sad that we couldnt have his favorite homemade mac-n-cheese, but i just didnt want to spend so much time in the kitchen and not be able to eat what I cooked.

I do still do 2 pots of pasta when we have pasta for dinner, but 1 sauce we can all enjoy. When I make a soup for dinner, I might eat corn chips with it, or occasionally make gluten-free corn muffins, and buy them a nice loaf of bread instead of making home-made rolls.

I am also starting to learn what tastes just as good - like I made chicken soup tonight with Glutino 'egg' type noodles, because last time when I seperated the soup at the end to add 2 kinds of noodles, I discovered that they are GREAT in soup . . . . so we can all eat them, then.

I quit both in November, and now its February and i"m starting to really feel confident that I can feed my family mostly gluten-free and dairy-free and they still enjoy their meals. Now, I do still have a lot of gluten in the house - kraft mac-n-cheese, pretzels, ramen, plus bread and desserts in the kids lunches. However, we are seriously considering taking the middle one off of gluten, too - he's already mostly off of dairy.

So, its ok for you to fend for yourself sometimes, but I'm also confident that, over time, w a few cookbooks, your wife can also find ways to feed the whole family happily with mostly gluten-free foods.

[highrentsmile]

The proof is in the pudding after all (as long as its gluten-free!)

That is so cute! Lol I love it, made me smile!

[Adelle]

I'm in the "make your house gluten-free" camp.

I was SO sick. When I discovered the gluten-free diet, things got better so fast. I simply said, "hun this is changing my life. From now on I'm only buying, cooking, touching gluten-free meals. If you want gluten, you can go get it elsewhere.". He said, "alright". We have since discovered that he can't have gluten either!

It just drives me insane when people don't go gluten-free for their spouses. I mean it's just FOOD. It's not like we're saying, "from now on we're only eating pureed spinach, forever". We can eat nearly everything, just made a little differently!! Let gluten go!!

Does she not know she could be KILLING you with continual gluten exposure?

I'm extreme, I know. Best of luck!

[gfcookie]

My wife loves to bake for me. A lot of the foods she made for me were gluten containing and now I cannot eat them. She memorized tons of recipes, a lot of which are for gluteny items. She feels trapped and frustrated that my gluten-free diet has now changed all the rules. She has bent over backwards to accommodate my diet and she is doing a great job in my mind. gluten-free cooking isn't easy for her and often she cooks for our kids, so gluteny meals are ok for them. She works hard to cook, and I appreciate that. She feels bad that I often can't eat what they're having. I say don't worry about me, then I find something to eat and join them at the table. I don't mind missing out on meals, I'll do just about anything to avoid gluten. What can I tell her to relax her and make her still feel appreciated. Any advice is welcomed, as I don't want gluten meddling in my marriage. Maybe there is nothing else I can say or do. Thanks Mark

gluten shouldn't be meddling in your marriage, it's only food. pick a side, either tell her she's not responsible for your food, or ask her to learn more, your sort of in the middle. and, guess what, 99 percent of us spend most of life nto getting to eat what everyone else does, you should explain that to your wife.

[psipsina]

I'm in the "make your house gluten-free" camp.

I was SO sick. When I discovered the gluten-free diet, things got better so fast. I simply said, "hun this is changing my life. From now on I'm only buying, cooking, touching gluten-free meals. If you want gluten, you can go get it elsewhere.". He said, "alright". We have since discovered that he can't have gluten either!

It just drives me insane when people don't go gluten-free for their spouses. I mean it's just FOOD. It's not like we're saying, "from now on we're only eating pureed spinach, forever". We can eat nearly everything, just made a little differently!! Let gluten go!!

Does she not know she could be KILLING you with continual gluten exposure?

I'm extreme, I know. Best of luck!

I agree totally. When I first found out that I needed to go gluten-free my husband and I were living with his parents temporarily (we lost our home in Katrina and were getting back on our feet). It was so hard to live in a house full of gluten . . . His mom made me separate things that were gluten-free and used my caesin free butter and stuff to cook but still gluten was everywhere. When we moved back to New Orleans we bought all new kitchen stuff that had never touched gluten and decided to keep the house gluten-free. His mom actually said that it was ridiculous for him to have to do that for me and she didn't believe that he would. Well two years later and he happily eats gluten-free meals with me . . . he has gluteny sandwiches and pizza when he's over his friends houses or at work but never even in front of me! He really never made a big deal about it. He was just so happy that I was feeling better!

[kabowman]

I too am going to voice my opinion. As the only gluten free in the house, second marriage of 7+ years, 2 teen boys/mine, 1 teen girl/his, almost all dinners are safe for me to eat unless we do a special treat like nachos (can't have corn chips) or pizza because mine is too expensive.

Breakfast everyone is on their own. Lunches at home are the same, everyone does their own thing, usually sandwhiches or my kids are hooked on ramon noodles right now (ick!).

The learning curve is pretty high but after a while, it gets much easier. It just takes time and lots of planning, no quick meals here (with all my food issues). If you throw in the kids and hubby's issues, it just adds to the mix. One is lactose intolerant and gluten sensitive but not enough to quit yet--tested negative so not celiac disease, one has onion, tomato, and bean issues, and the other has cinnamon, beans, and occasional nitrate problems.

We eat much healthier and better food due to my diet and everyone is quite happy with all the food we fix and can't tell that it is gluten free (soy, corn, dairy, etc., etc., etc. free). In fact, I love to put on a Thanksgiving spread that would be the envy of anyone. Even the in-laws were impressed!

[ryebaby0]

I'm re-reading your post and I don't see your wife complaining, but anyway..

Married 24 years, one celiac son and one celiac husband, dx several years ago. I have always loved to cook, and I just kept cooking, only now it's gluten-free stuff. We are not completely gluten-free; there's packaged mainstream food and bread in "safe boxes" away from the other food, but I do admit that we gave up having flour or mixes with flour in the house. It did seem to settle and make my guys sick, no matter what we tried.

It was just never a big deal. Cooking is cooking, and as long as we eat together nobody cares what is on the plates (we have a non-celiac son too). If it's her decision to cook two meals, and she's not griping about it, let it go. Personally, I find the "victory" of creating perfect gluten-free donuts, or cookies, or pound cake, a huge culinary rush!! And such grateful clients!

joanna

[shayesmom]

Okay, I feel like chiming in as well.

We started the gluten-free diet for my dd (15 months old, negative celiac tests but HUGE positive response to diet). Cooking separate meals was soooo overwhelming. I just didn't have the energy to do it. So dh and I agreed that I would fix only gluten-free foods at home that we all ate and if he or I wanted gluten, we'd go out for it. Well, several months went by and I noticed an incredible difference in how I was feeling. So I went strictly gluten-free. Dh is still gluten-lite, but he's fine with this. The home is now completely gluten-free (except his beer). We've adapted.

I do most of the cooking, but at times, I get in ruts and generally am uninspired in the kitchen. What's the solution? Dh takes on certain meals and does the cooking for the family! If he sees I am overwhelmed or exhausted from a particularly hectic week, he takes over.

It may not be that your wife feels unappreciated or overwhelmed by your dietary constraints. She's human and is prone to getting tired, irritable and overwhelmed just like the rest of us. So why don't you take a look at some new things you'd like to try doing gluten-free and ask her if she could help you make it...or perhaps let you fly solo in the kitchen once in a while?

I LOVE when my dh takes an interest in meal planning and often, just a little bit of input and an extra set of hands is enough to completely change the focus on the situation. Find ways to include each other. And if you're proactive, you may find that your wife's general view on this will change dramatically.

[JNBunnie1]

Hey, where'd the original poster go? I hope you're able to see all these wonderful responses! The cookbooks are a great idea, I actually don't like much of Bette Hagmans stuff, the newer ones like Annalise Roberts and Roben Ryberg are my faves. There's also a wonderful recipes section here on the forum, they are awesome people over there!