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Csi Miami Celiac Style!

silk

By silk
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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silk Contributor
silk
Posted

I am putting this rather ridiculous post here but I think it qualifies under the 'coping' thread because one of the ways I have learned to cope with this disease is through humor.

On another thread there has been some discussion about people with celiac disease and the fact that many do not have terribly well defined fingerprints.

CSI Miami is one of my guilty pleasures on Monday night. Not especially well written. Never accused of being terribly intellectual or great cinema, but I enjoy the hour of escape that it provides. So I was thinking that this disease could make for a great episode. They could have a crime scene where whoever committed the crime did not wear latex (probably me, cuz yeah, I'm allergic to that too!) and still did not leave enough defined fingerprints to be able to make an immediate I.D. And after much sleuthing (at least 45 minutes worth plus commercials) they would figure it out by the trail of tapioca flour footprints and the fact that everything bit of food in the house had been taken or eaten except the bread! :lol:

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HAK1031 Enthusiast
HAK1031
Posted

hahaha that's hysterical; :D I'm allergic to latex too, my friends love to make fun of me for it lol

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted

Another clue might be that the guilty party had apparently used the bathroom more than once while committing the crime.

sickchick Community Regular
sickchick
Posted

BA HAHAHAHHAHA You guys are cracking me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
Another clue might be that the guilty party had apparently used the bathroom more than once while committing the crime.

Brilliant! And the way they actually get caught is that the CSI's stop at the corner kwik shop to see if there are any witnesses and find that someone???has purchased all of their immodium that was in stock and used a credit card. Dumb enough to use the credit card because they were suffering from extreme brain fog! :o

HAK1031 Enthusiast
HAK1031
Posted

But the credit card was maxed out from $500 trips to whole foods to buy gluten-free food!

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author

And his sentence....20 years to life in a prison bakery!

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debmidge Rising Star
debmidge
Posted
I am putting this rather ridiculous post here but I think it qualifies under the 'coping' thread because one of the ways I have learned to cope with this disease is through humor.

On another thread there has been some discussion about people with celiac disease and the fact that many do not have terribly well defined fingerprints.

CSI Miami is one of my guilty pleasures on Monday night. Not especially well written. Never accused of being terribly intellectual or great cinema, but I enjoy the hour of escape that it provides. So I was thinking that this disease could make for a great episode. They could have a crime scene where whoever committed the crime did not wear latex (probably me, cuz yeah, I'm allergic to that too!) and still did not leave enough defined fingerprints to be able to make an immediate I.D. And after much sleuthing (at least 45 minutes worth plus commercials) they would figure it out by the trail of tapioca flour footprints and the fact that everything bit of food in the house had been taken or eaten except the bread! :lol:

And the killer left the weapon: a loaf of Ener-G bread!

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
And his sentence....20 years to life in a prison bakery!

Wait!

That will result in public outcry, because it will be considered as cruel and unusual punishment.

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hmmm. electrocution, lethal injection, hanging, gluten poisoning...yep that would be right up there on the public outrage list! Personally I agree with debmidge. Ener-g brown rice bread would fall more in line with the cruel and unusual punishment and could be used as a murder weapon or when sliced properly, as a support for a sagging matress! It almost makes glutening look like fun. (Hope that doesn't offend any Ener-g bread lovers out there. JMO It's okay toasted or as stuffing.) :P :P :P
RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
:lol: :lol: :lol: Hmmm. electrocution, lethal injection, hanging, gluten poisoning...yep that would be right up there on the public outrage list! Personally I agree with debmidge. Ener-g brown rice bread would fall more in line with the cruel and unusual punishment and could be used as a murder weapon or when sliced properly, as a support for a sagging matress! It almost makes glutening look like fun. (Hope that doesn't offend any Ener-g bread lovers out there. JMO It's okay toasted or as stuffing.) :P :P :P

LOL. I picture a Ninja hurling slices of bread at his opponents.

I haven't tried that bread, but maybe they harvest the rice from the petrified forest.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
Another clue might be that the guilty party had apparently used the bathroom more than once while committing the crime.

Yeah, and the killer left behind a couple of toilet paper cardboards purchased at the same time as the imodium, that didn't match the house brand, because I don't know about you, but I carry. I am so bloody tired of industrial toilet paper! That's why I bought a bigger purse!

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
LOL. I picture a Ninja hurling slices of bread at his opponents.

:lol:

Teenage Mutant Gluten Hurdles! Oysters on a half-shell, hold the flour!:D

I haven't tried that bread, but maybe they harvest the rice from the petrified forest.

I don't know about that but I can assure you that one slice will make you swear that it has petrified in your stomach!

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
Yeah, and the killer left behind a couple of toilet paper cardboards purchased at the same time as the imodium, that didn't match the house brand, because I don't know about you, but I carry. I am so bloody tired of industrial toilet paper! That's why I bought a bigger purse!

I am choking on my lunch, laughing. That is sooo funny. I have this mental image of you in trench coat and hat with dark glasses as you lurk up to some guy on a street corner and ask "Spst! Hey buddy...you carry'n? I'm lookin' to score some 3-ply with lotion, hold the scent and color!" B)

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
And his sentence....20 years to life in a prison bakery!

Wait!

That will result in public outcry, because it will be considered as cruel and unusual punishment.

Actually the public would be miffed because the perp got off easy. After all who wouldn't want to be in a bakery and they should just stop all that silly fussing about eating bread anyway.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
I am choking on my lunch, laughing. That is sooo funny. I have this mental image of you in trench coat and hat with dark glasses as you lurk up to some guy on a street corner and ask "Spst! Hey buddy...you carry'n? I'm lookin' to score some 3-ply with lotion, hold the scent and color!" B)

Dude, you definitely just made me choke on my tortilla chips.

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
Yeah, and the killer left behind a couple of toilet paper cardboards purchased at the same time as the imodium, that didn't match the house brand, because I don't know about you, but I carry. I am so bloody tired of industrial toilet paper! That's why I bought a bigger purse!

Oh, now that's hilarious! I can't stop laughing! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I am choking on my lunch, laughing. That is sooo funny. I have this mental image of you in trench coat and hat with dark glasses as you lurk up to some guy on a street corner and ask "Spst! Hey buddy...you carry'n? I'm lookin' to score some 3-ply with lotion, hold the scent and color!" B)

OK, doubling over...I need air!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

So maybe that's how to find the perpetrator - an undercover cop poses as a TP dealer. And pushes only the "good stuff".

What would Mr. Whipple have to say?

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
Oh, now that's hilarious! I can't stop laughing! :lol: :lol: :lol:

OK, doubling over...I need air!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

So maybe that's how to find the perpetrator - an undercover cop poses as a TP dealer. And pushes only the "good stuff".

What would Mr. Whipple have to say?

Geez, this is so much fun I'm almost glad i gotsa diseeez!

Careful, RiceGuy, you're dating yourself. You know who Mr. Whipple is! He hasn't been around in years, has he?

So what we have here is a sting operation with the "Whipple" incognito, attempting to FLUSH out a hardened criminal? Hope it isn't by a smear campaign! :P

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
Geez, this is so much fun I'm almost glad i gotsa diseeez!

Glad you put the "almost" in that sentence! But I'm not even close to that. I could care less about the diet, I just hate the absence of wellness.

Careful, RiceGuy, you're dating yourself. You know who Mr. Whipple is! He hasn't been around in years, has he?

Eeewwww!! I'd NEVER take myself out on a date! LOL.

Actually, the only reason it came to mind is that I heard he recently died. I've no idea when he last did a commercial, but I'd bet it's mentioned in articles about his death.

Anyway, back to our crime scenario, what about DNA evidence? Can't leave that out, but ATM I'm not sure how best to include that in a humorous way.

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author
Glad you put the "almost" in that sentence! But I'm not even close to that. I could care less about the diet, I just hate the absence of wellness.

Eeewwww!! I'd NEVER take myself out on a date! LOL.

Why on earth not?! You know all of the right places to eat. You would never have to explain what you can't eat. And you would never have to excuse yourself to yourself to visit the men's room. ;)

Actually, the only reason it came to mind is that I heard he recently died. I've no idea when he last did a commercial, but I'd bet it's mentioned in articles about his death.

Wonder how many times that poor man had his yard TP'd?

Anyway, back to our crime scenario, what about DNA evidence? Can't leave that out, but ATM I'm not sure how best to include that in a humorous way.

Not sure you can include DNA evidence here without getting disgusting. This illness lends itself to disgusting bathroom humor! Maybe you could find a copy of the perp's Enterolab results somewhere along the crime trail? Actually, we could take a page from Mr. Whipple's story. I think the way they catch him is that they find him attempting to collect TP for a house that has been TP'd and he's screaming maniacally about waste of perfectly good toilet paper <ahttps://www.celiac.com/uploads/emoticons/default_cool.png alt='B)'> Or they could catch him with a piece of TP stuck to the bottom of his shoe trailing for miles behind him. They could do with the TP what they do with things like duct tape and trash can liners. Match the very unique tear pattern from the ends of the TP on his shoe to the ends on the roll at the crime scene.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
Not sure you can include DNA evidence here without getting disgusting. This illness lends itself to disgusting bathroom humor! Maybe you could find a copy of the perp's Enterolab results somewhere along the crime trail? Actually, we could take a page from Mr. Whipple's story. I think the way they catch him is that they find him attempting to collect TP for a house that has been TP'd and he's screaming maniacally about waste of perfectly good toilet paper <ahttps://www.celiac.com/uploads/emoticons/default_cool.png alt='B)'> Or they could catch him with a piece of TP stuck to the bottom of his shoe trailing for miles behind him. They could do with the TP what they do with things like duct tape and trash can liners. Match the very unique tear pattern from the ends of the TP on his shoe to the ends on the roll at the crime scene.

Huh, you know, that's funny, because thi spast Halloween, somebody TP'd one of our trees(wierdos). And as I was pulling it down, I noticed it was Charmin Ultra with the diamondweave. And in my head I'm like, "Heretic! You wasted Charmin! To the gallows with thee!!!!" I seriously almost saved it.

RiceGuy Collaborator
RiceGuy
Posted
Wonder how many times that poor man had his yard TP'd?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Suppose there are some snacks, and the perpetrator ate some potato chips, tortilla chips, and gummy bears, but never touched the Triscuits and saltines? So even though too many hands have been in the snacks to know who's DNA they have, the difference in DNA between the gluten-filled and gluten-free snacks reveals the subtle clue.

Thing is, this would need one heck of an investigator to notice something like that. I mean, even doctors who look for Celiac don't see it, so who among the famous crime solvers would be believable?

I'm starting to think the guilty individual is going to have to give themselves away, like they get sick from those snacks, and end up in the hospital or something. They do the routine blood work, but don't find anything in particular. So they just figure it was CC, even though the symptoms were severe and uncharacteristic for the patient.

Eventually, one of the snacks turns out to be tainted with some toxic substance, and the manufacturer issues a recall for the snack. One of the investigators remembers seeing that snack at the crime scene, and knowing that the criminal must have gotten sick, starts looking at the local reported cases of poisoning.

However, he comes up empty because none of the people known to have gotten sick from the snacks have DNA matching what was retrieved from the crime scene.

So, for anyone wanting to continue this scenario, I'll leave it up to you how the symptoms of the perp are eventually tied to the tainted snacks. Or, maybe someone else has a much better idea how to write the story.

silk Contributor
silk
Posted
  • Author

RiceGuy said: "Thing is, this would need one heck of an investigator to notice something like that. I mean, even doctors who look for Celiac don't see it, so who among the famous crime solvers would be believable?"

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Need you seriously ask this question? Isn't it obvious which investigator would solve this crime? ST. HORATIO, HIMSELF! Able to leap tall building in a single Hummer. All he has to do is don the 'shades of justice' and everything will be revealed to him through his rose colored glasses! Yeesh.

So, for anyone wanting to continue this scenario, I'll leave it up to you how the symptoms of the perp are eventually tied to the tainted snacks. Or, maybe someone else has a much better idea how to write the story.

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

I think this would all be much more fun as a House episode.

HAK1031 Enthusiast
HAK1031
Posted
I think this would all be much more fun as a House episode.

I've been waiting for them to do a house episode where the patient has some of the more bizzarre celiac symptoms!! that would be amazing, and good public ed :)

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