Gluten-free.. Dating?

[cdog7]

So I'm newly single, and now is when I find out I have celiac disease and must begin a gluten-free diet! Eep! I think even more frightening to me than all the new eating restrictions is the prospect of trying to meet someone new and date while I'm ensuring my gluten-free meals. How do I *not* scare them off? I'm so afraid of appearing 'high maintenance' or more trouble than I'm worth. First dates are scary enough as it is!

Has anyone else here been through the dating thing while gluten-free? How did it work for you? Any words of advice or wisdom are most appreciated.

[melrobsings]

Dude! After about 8 years I'm dating again and was FREAKED!

HOWEVER I got to thinking, if they can't put up with it (gluten-free) then I don't want to put up with them. I just went out on a date with a guy I worked with 2.5 years ago and we bumped into each other, both happen to be single and our eyes locked and i mean LOCKED!

So he invites me to a wine bar at 7, i think, no big deal eat before you go and it's a wine bar...so I did. I got there, bless his little heart he had FULL cheese and cracker spread waiting. I told him I was gluten-free and he then remembered and felt REALLY bad. I told him don't, I didn't remind him so eat your stuff. He asked a TON of questions about Celiac and for the first time in a long time I wasn't annoyed because he was thinking and thinking where I could eat.

He works in 2 wine bar type places and the following day found out what I could and couldn't eat, talked to the chefs and everything. I told him I don't like eating out much and if I do it's either A-B-or C so pick one. He said NO WAY, we live in NYC and there are TONS of places he can take me. Low and behold I can eat at both places and I have called around a bit and found some new places myself. He is more then willing to go gluten-free and great about it. We have been dating for 2 weeks and go out ALL THE TIME....not to mention, he's pays!

I found me a winner, I feel if a guy doesn't do that, HE'S NOT WORTH IT! This guy is bending over backwards and I'm SO GREATFUL!!!!!! AND he's actually been researching gluten foods on the web!

I hope you find someone as cool as my dude! And if you don't GET RID OF HIM!!!!

Keep me posted please!!!

[dksart]

So I'm newly single, and now is when I find out I have celiac disease and must begin a gluten-free diet! Eep! I think even more frightening to me than all the new eating restrictions is the prospect of trying to meet someone new and date while I'm ensuring my gluten-free meals. How do I *not* scare them off? I'm so afraid of appearing 'high maintenance' or more trouble than I'm worth. First dates are scary enough as it is!

Has anyone else here been through the dating thing while gluten-free? How did it work for you? Any words of advice or wisdom are most appreciated.

You recommend the restaurant, if that's not possible find out where he's planning to take you and call them ahead of time.

Speak with the chef and manager. Ask them to recommend the best dishes. Ask them to talk to the servers about the importance of taking this seriously. 99% of all places are happy to do anything they can to make your dining experience safe and happy so you will return.

I pre-plan even when going out with my husband of 22 years because it's a pain for everyone involved if you wait until you get there and then start asking questions, explaining about hidden ingredients, CC, why the grill needs to be cleaned, salads need to be mixed where no croutons have been etc, etc, etc.....

Just let him know, beer and bread are off limits if he wants that good-night kiss! Good Luck!

[cdog7]

I hope you find someone as cool as my dude! And if you don't GET RID OF HIM!!!!

Keep me posted please!!!

That is awesome! Thanks for sharing that

[njbeachbum]

i've just been on my first few dates with a special someone since going gluten free a few months ago. i recommended a local japanese place for the first date, since sushi can be pretty safe (and I know they carry gluten free soy sauce and i know the owner and he is conscious of gluten intolerance). second date was to a seafood place and i got grilled fish and fresh veggies. third date was to an italian place called Bistango in NYC which is VERY gluten free friendly. we've chatted about my gluten issues and it hasn't been an issue. i try not to make a big deal about it, i just make my choices carefully and try not to seem "psycho" about it. if it's the right person, they won't care, as long as he/she likes you!!!

p.s. i will agree that it's a little scary at first. but be confident, that's so much more attractive on a date anyway!!! good luck to ya!

[loraleena]

There is something scarier. Dating when you have Intersticial Cysitis (an autoimmune painful bladder condition that can make sex painful!

[silk]

There is something scarier. Dating when you have Intersticial Cysitis (an autoimmune painful bladder condition that can make sex painful!

Exactly! Actually, my thought was that dating with an STD would be right up there at the top of the list. I guess if I had to choose, I would much rather tell someone I couldn't eat gluten. It's not like you can give them Celiac disease. Not contagious. STD's would be a bit more awkward.

I would have to agree that if you can manage not to make it the main focus of your dating experience and that if the other person handles it graciously, then you can consider (among many other important considerations of course) that you have a 'keeper.'

Good luck to you both. What an adventure.

[cdog7]

Exactly! Actually, my thought was that dating with an STD would be right up there at the top of the list. I guess if I had to choose, I would much rather tell someone I couldn't eat gluten. It's not like you can give them Celiac disease. Not contagious. STD's would be a bit more awkward.

Hmm, *very* good points.

[TestyTommy]

I found it's best not to mention the celiac right away. After a few dates, women start thinking, "Ohmigod! He's perfect! How can such an amazing guy still be single??" Then they'll start concocting weird scenarios in their head -- he must be a felon, he must be secretly married, maybe he's a psycho killer. Then, when they find out that my only flaw is celiac disease, they're very relieved. And happy!

[YoloGx]

I found it's best not to mention the celiac right away. After a few dates, women start thinking, "Ohmigod! He's perfect! How can such an amazing guy still be single??" Then they'll start concocting weird scenarios in their head -- he must be a felon, he must be secretly married, maybe he's a psycho killer. Then, when they find out that my only flaw is celiac disease, they're very relieved. And happy!

I was just reading advice to go out on other kinds of dates. Pack a picnic to eat with each other and get creative, do different things--go to the art museum or local gallery to see the new exhibit, go to a play or music performance, go to the zoo or local arboretum, go hiking etc. etc.

Just to protect myself from cross contamination I let the guy know before I start dating. Its usually eye opening for them since it is actually such a common condition. But then of course I usually won't date a complete stranger...so maybe that is a little different?? Nevertheless I would still have to bring my own food and drink and not kiss or touch the guy at first if he were to eat gluten unless he washed his hands and teeth. I just can't kiss someone with whiskey on his breath let alone bread crumbs still in his mouth or on his hands.

Its so great when someone finds a date that is understanding and helpful. Really it helps overall I think since it means he or she is probably considerate in general.

Its great to learn more restaurants are willing to accommodate celiac these days! I think I need to become more proactive in this regard. Of late I decided to just veer off eating out completely given how disastrous gluten exposure has been for me.

Yolo

[sickchick]

I am single too... I feel your pain

[rpf1007]

Me too! I used to think that the dating scene can be pretty brutal...and that was before this new diagnosis of mine. I'm just getting used to the new lifestyle I can't even think about dating. But I totally understand the thoughts of the original poster. I am a really low maintenance, go with the flow type of person...and now I really worry people will think I'm high maintenance. ugh. Anyway, just wanted to wish you good luck! If you find anything that works...let us know.

[sickchick]

The new lifestyle isn't as much of a nightmare as it is the explosive d factor! lol

[Glutenfreefamily]

The new lifestyle isn't as much of a nightmare as it is the explosive d factor! lol

amen to that Now if I had explosive diarrhea on a date especially a new relationship yeah that would have grossed out my husband but saying I couldnt eat gluten and being picky on foods and restaurants wouldnt have bothered him at all. He would have just seen me as a cheap date since we didnt go out to eat much

We discussed this a few years ago and he said honestly most men are shallow and arent bothered with women being high maintenance as in the beginning all they care about are looks I know it sounds shallow but with many men as friends and family and my husband its probably mostly true.

[sickchick]

Well blessings to you!!!

be well and I hope you hook your perfect partner:):)

[pixiegirl]

I was single when I found out I had Celiac and I'm still single (by choice but I do have a long time boyfriend). I'm over (over 45) so what was more scary to me after my divorce was just being single again.

I've never had any guy care one single bit about my gluten-free status. I've told them early on since picking restaurants can be tricky and they all have been fine with it. They just ask for help with it until they "get it". Maybe it depends on how you explain it but again I've dated a lot and not once have any of the men ever had a problem with it.

In my view umm guys are really different then girls, ya know? (duh) And often the things we think about are SO different then the things guys care about.

(slightly graphic alert below....)

Its like my gluten-free who held off from having "relations" with her BF because her belly wasn't as flat as it use to be. I finally convinced her to give a try that I could almost guarantee he either wouldn't notice or care. Guess who was right about that one? When having "relations" most guys are not looking at a little tummy roll.

But again, I think how one presents it makes a difference. I take control of my own health and so I explain it to the guys I've dated as not a big deal for me as long as I have some input as to where we go.

My current BF is wonderful about it. He made it a point to "get it" and now goes out of his way to find new restaurants we can eat at and such. He calls ahead or visits to speak to the chef about what I can eat.

Susan

[cdog7]

Well blessings to you!!!

be well and I hope you hook your perfect partner:):)

Right back at you! You've all given me some good points to ponder, both in putting things in perspective and some actual strategy.

[YoloGx]

amen to that Now if I had explosive diarrhea on a date especially a new relationship yeah that would have grossed out my husband but saying I couldnt eat gluten and being picky on foods and restaurants wouldnt have bothered him at all. He would have just seen me as a cheap date since we didnt go out to eat much

We discussed this a few years ago and he said honestly most men are shallow and arent bothered with women being high maintenance as in the beginning all they care about are looks I know it sounds shallow but with many men as friends and family and my husband its probably mostly true.

Well mostly I don't get explosive D and when I do its a delayed effect. After kissing my ex boyfriend I would get a horrific headache and achy joints etc. for the next two days. Then this progressed from exposed to trace cc gluten at a birthday party. I got the flu which became bronchitis. Then ai wnet to a poetry reading and had tea afterwards at a cafe that serves sandwiches. Then the virus got worse briefly in my lungs again, then quickly moved into my old scarred kidney which was originally injured from eating gluten and oranges. Right now I feel a bit like a leaf. Finally am eating some boiled potatoes and broccoli with a small amount of sunflower seeds.

I refuse to not have a life however but I have to be adamant about taking care of myself. I just need to be creative about this dating thing and do it in alternative ways. I don't know if guys don't care much except looks; I have noticed personality counts a great deal too. Certainly it does for me with the guy.

As far as the looks thing though--well I just lot a great deal of weight! So probably have a "wan" attractiveness right now!

I don't see myself as a victim. I just have to approach this as pro-actively as I can.

Yolo

[Glutenfreefamily]

Yolo- I agree there is much more to men dating than our looks alone. In the beginning though before you know a person you only have that to go on as you dont know them yet. Personality means alot but its not the first thing you observe, its only after you get to know a person that you like them for their values, morals and personality. Looks dont last long to a relationship without those to back it up.

Values, moral, compassion and personality is what keeps it strong otherwise without those characters looks wouldnt mean much at all. I have met many beautiful people but they get very ugly sometimes on how selfish and uncaring they can be. People who are average on looks, nice looking but not wow looking from the start, are a few of the most beautiful people I know since their personality shines through.

I hope you feel better soon, I hate being glutened it seems to ruin my entire week.

[sickchick]

Yolo how frustrating!!!

I have yet to kiss someone and get cc'd

I guess the first part is chasing someone down to kiss

LOL!!!

happy weekend guys! And thanks, cdog