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Friends?

bakingbarb

By bakingbarb
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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bakingbarb Enthusiast
bakingbarb
Posted

This isn't the first time this has happened but it goes something like this; I get stuck out with friends, we go for a drive. I have snacks with me for just in case (lara bars) but they chose to eat somewhere I didn't think I could eat safely. Or just had no way of knowing. Its like going for a night out with friends but going places that they pick that you just don't feel safe eating at.

This has happened 3 times with these people. These people are supposed to be friends.

Today was the last straw for me. We were to go out on a drive and have a picnic lunch, and they were to bring something. I brought enough to share. They brought nothing and as soon as we left they started saying they were hungry and wanted to go to a drive through. They chose jack in the box. I know nothing about the menu and chose not to eat. They had a nutrition pamphlet with allergy info in such fine print it would have taken me all day to look over eat. I ate the lara bars. When they were eating at Jack's one of them said, oh you can't eat anything here. It wasn't a question it was a statement.

Hours later we have my picnic lunch.

I am so mad and hurt and frustrated. I cried a lot tonight.

I will never go out with these people again. They are not my best friends so that won't bother me but there were fun to go out with.

Another friend wants to open a restaurant and have me run it. I told her I can't eat wheat and her response was who gives an f as long as you can run the place.

Am I am idiot, why do I have such crappy friends?

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YoloGx Rookie
YoloGx
Posted
This isn't the first time this has happened but it goes something like this; I get stuck out with friends, we go for a drive. I have snacks with me for just in case (lara bars) but they chose to eat somewhere I didn't think I could eat safely. Or just had no way of knowing. Its like going for a night out with friends but going places that they pick that you just don't feel safe eating at.

This has happened 3 times with these people. These people are supposed to be friends.

Today was the last straw for me. We were to go out on a drive and have a picnic lunch, and they were to bring something. I brought enough to share. They brought nothing and as soon as we left they started saying they were hungry and wanted to go to a drive through. They chose jack in the box. I know nothing about the menu and chose not to eat. They had a nutrition pamphlet with allergy info in such fine print it would have taken me all day to look over eat. I ate the lara bars. When they were eating at Jack's one of them said, oh you can't eat anything here. It wasn't a question it was a statement.

Hours later we have my picnic lunch.

I am so mad and hurt and frustrated. I cried a lot tonight.

I will never go out with these people again. They are not my best friends so that won't bother me but there were fun to go out with.

Another friend wants to open a restaurant and have me run it. I told her I can't eat wheat and her response was who gives an f as long as you can run the place.

Am I am idiot, why do I have such crappy friends?

People can be such pigs I agree. However really its based on ignorance. Just don't put yourself in such a vulnerable position. Maybe you should bring your own car. When it starts going down hill say you know, I've got to run! If you had your own car you would have that choice. I agree though new friends are in order.

I think in time things will change. This awareness of celiac here in this country is brand new after all. People are just plain ignorant. They think you are being a neurotic and its just a fad. They don't seem to realize how sick it can make one. It took my boyfriend 2 1/2 months to figure out I really got ill from being with him when he drank whiskey and we kissed. Now finally he gets it. I had to play hardball meanwhile and just not see him. I told him its not negotiable and its not something I just imagined. In Europe its not a big deal; by now everyone knows about it -- but not here. Not even the medical establishment gets it for the most part.

As far as running a restaurant--maybe tell your friend you'll do it only if its a gluten-free restaurant--it could be a big selling point for customers after all!

gfpaperdoll Rookie
gfpaperdoll
Posted

Your "friends" are using you...

No one should ask you to "run" a restaurant. It is a 24/7 job & if it was a gluten-free restaurant you should be an equal partner, they putting up the money - you putting in the labor. With all the legal documents to set that up with a good review by YOUR attorney. But expect the friendship to end real quick... If it is not a gluten-free restaurant then you will soon be to ill to work anyway...

yep, totally ditch those dingy people that do not care about your feelings... Think more highly of yourself & do not let people do that to you. You can find new friends - volunteer somewhere, join an investing group, a geology group, cycling group, a bird watching group - you get the idea, there are a million groups out there with a lot of interesting fun people!!!

My rule of thumb is to join several groups. Here are some categories to consider.

exercise (if I could do one thing over I would learn the Lindy hop!!!)

whatever your favorite hobby is - or join a group & get a new hobby!!!

volunteer at something

educational/intellectual group (book club, investing, mensa, writing club, college class etc...)

professional group

your local celiac support group

travel group

There are a lot of nice interesting people in the world. Be one & find one!!!!

okay for all the people that think they cannot afford to travel, there are a lot of options there & you can join a hiking group that car pools & goes to interesting places in your area & hikes or bikes...

kbtoyssni Contributor
kbtoyssni
Posted

These don't seem like friends to me. I don't expect my friends to completely rework their life for me, but I do expect them to at least consider if I can eat somewhere and if I can't to warn me so I can bring food.

Have you told them how much this bothers you and that you don't feel they're being supportive? If you have, then I would phase them out of your life. You don't need this kind of stress.

bakingbarb Enthusiast
bakingbarb
Posted
  • Author

Thanks everyone. It was just such a rough weekend for me.

They know how hard this is for me, I have told them how hard it is for me to eat out and that I always plan ahead because of it. Hence the lara bars.

After reviewing how the whole day went we kind of feel like they are users. They ate my food when we finally stopped and never said thank you or anything. They drank our drinks and never said thank you. It was supposed to be a picnic and they brought nothing. I guess it just is how some people are?

The advice to get out and join a group or such is probably the best advice. I have meant to do that but just haven't. The last place I worked, there were lots of people and should have been able to make friends but it wasn't like that. It ended up being a strange place to work.

I tell my kids to get out and meet people. I need to follow my own advice.

Phyllis28 Apprentice
Phyllis28
Posted

One of the things I consider is how long I am going to be gone. If I know am going to be out all day or all evening I will pack a whole cold meal plus lots of snacks.

MDRB Explorer
MDRB
Posted

Oh dear,

Some people just suck don't they?!

I know how it feels to have unsupportive people in your life. Unfortunately this person for me is my mother, who is a little harder to cut out of my life. Whenever we meet up at her house or mine, she makes only one dish and it is always a giant gluten filled pasta dish :( and then behaves all ofended when I don't eat it. She knows what I can and can't eat but seems to enjoy taunting me with food she knows I can't have.

I think maybe she is in denial about me having celiac disease because she is scared that she might have it as well (i've been trying to get her to go get tested).

Sorry, I'm ranting...

Anyway seeing as these people are not family, it might be easier to cut them out, you could also try going out with them and doing something non food related such as coffee or drinks after work. Or you could meet up with them for a meal but YOU choose the place before hand and make sure it has gluten-free options.

Good luck

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